How do you take up your cross as a single person?

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george92

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any ideas?

yeah im single. i’m okay with it and by the Grace of God I’m at peace with God for it knowing He knows whats best.
but yet i have these crazy hormones that lead to impurity and lust. There is just no way of getting rid of them despite how much i try to do other stuff (exercise, read, other hobbies)…it always just there…like i’m tormented day after day

i’m in grad school so my social time is pretty limited

i’m 22 so I know this is practically normal.

thoughts?
 
Hi George,

You’re not alone in this struggle. Most of us fuel the fire without realizing it. Some of the following have helped me:

First, things to avoid.

– Severely limit TV & movies. Not just explicit material, but anything which might be triggering (like 99% of what’s out there).

– Custody of the eyes. (This is usually easier in the winter, but still…)

– Don’t eat more than you need. Avoid junk food. If you eat a lot of meat, maybe cut back. And eat your vegetables. Seriously. This isn’t about becoming a vegetarian, it’s about balance.

Now, things to do.

– Go to Confession often, once a week if need be–unless your confessor advises against it.

– Go to Daily Mass if you can.

– Daily mental prayer. If you’re not already doing this, the recommended minimum is 15 minutes a day. If you don’t know what mental prayer is, maybe get a copy of Conversation with Christ by Rohrbach. Here are some key points:

Remote Preparation: Throughout the day, practice little acts of humility and mortification (e.g. forego that dessert, let your co-worker hog the conversation, etc), and periodically remind yourself of God’s presence (e.g. at breaks, or on the hourly chime, turn your thoughts to God for a moment, even a few seconds).

A Teresian Method of Mental Prayer: (1) Place yourself in God’s presence, (2) Choose a spiritual reading or holy picture, (3) Meditate on the reading or picture (who, what, how, etc), (4) Converse with Christ about it, or about anything. Make acts of adoration, contrition, etc. (5) Thank God for the time of prayer, reflect on faults in prayer, make resolutions.

Hope this helps,
AO
 
thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut! but i really can’t stop worrying about everything in my life…i just don’t feel like i trust God enough ( i know it sounds crazy) but it feels like i should be somewhere else…
 
It is a everyday struggle against impurity. Especiially in my mind. But, it is what it is. I am not the first to deal with it and will not be the last.

For one thing, I do not watch tv. I have a tv, but I only watch dvds because I can completely control what I see. Television is garbage these days. I don’t need to see a half naked woman every couple minuets. I don’t need to see tv shows filled with sexual innuendo and love making scenes. It is like poison to the mind. Get rid of it and it makes it easier to not have impure thoughts. Although, they never go away completely.

Exercise is big. Granted, the gym is filled with beautiful women in skin tight outfits, this is where it takes practice to control your eyes. Look, but do not stare. Appreciate beauty, but do not lust. Cant keep from looking at women all the time because if I do, the first sight of one would probably turn me on even if she was in layers of sweaters lol.

Pray a lot. Pray for a clean mind and heart and for the Holy spirit to guard you and help you quickly to resist temptation to sin, especially in your thoughts.

I work in construction. I like it because it is hard work. When you work hard physically, you tend to use so much energy on your task that you do not have time to think stupid things (impure thoughts) that is one of the reasons I like hard physical labor.

You are only 22. Don’t worry so much. Especially about being single. I know it can suck at times but you have so much time ahead of you. Try to meet women. Ask them out. But don’t worry about it so much. Women can smell fear 😛 Have fun with it (innocent fun) 🙂
 
You’re only 22 and single. I wouldn’t count you at all as a seasoned single person. I’m 27 going on 28 and single and I don’t even count myself as one. I havent dated seriously in 3 years because i can’t find the time or desire to pursue just any girl if she doesn’t seem like a half-way suitable spouse at the get-go. At 22 you have so many options in front of you. You havent even come close to the settling down age. When you get a place of your own or live on your own or start a business/run a home office at 26,27…then you may consider yourself one of the “living single” people. Sorry to rant, but its my common reaction when i hear young adults in your age range ask about how to handle being single. At 22…its hardly a cross. When nearly all your friends are getting married and you have buddies younger than you with a second child on the way…then the reality of that cross becomes perhaps a bit heavier.
My case in point…i broke a couple of my neck vertibrae and fractured my skull last week in a horible 15 foot fall. I spent a week in the hospital and now im living with my parents for a little while until i can move back to my house. If i was married, my wife and family would be suffering for it because i can’t work right now. So I thank God i’m single for the time being.

As for advice though: I’d definitely say stay away from TV. Filter what what you watch for movies as well. Focus the mind intentionally on other good things rather than just avoiding bad things. Take up a hobby…excersize is good too. Make more friends, but not mostly guy friends because you dont want a total dude fest all the time. Having female friends is great. Even if they aren’t potential spouses. It teaches you how to properly treat the opposite sex whom you want to respect.

My eyes are electromagnetically attracted to females. I’m the first to admit it. But also teaching your eyes not to even look at a girl now and then is good cross training for when you do look at a pretty girl. Training your eyes when to look and not will build up your self control. Say…when you’re driving down the road and there’s a girl jogging up ahead, make the decision as you’re coming upon passing by her not to look at her. you’re eyes should be on the road anyway, right? 😉

If you find yourself at 26 or 27 and still single…then maybe check back on here for some more advice. Right now it sounds like you have your goal of finishing school and that’s good. So focus on that. Take one task at a time and break your problems into small managable parts. I found when i was struggling for YEARS with overcoming a habit, it was impossible for me to just stop doing it if i didnt replace it with something else GOOD.
 
i swear i want to give up sometimes…its like im in the Walking Dead and everything around me (media,people, etc.) are just flesh-hungry zombies trying to rip me and my soul and spirit apart…its so tiring…people are just terrible these days.it really is a cold and hard world.

i honestly think god doesn’t care about me.there i said it… honestly i think i was just sent to this earth to work at some god-awful minimum wage job for the rest of my life and rot in the ground.

sorry for the rant.
i’m done.
 
george92 said:
i swear i want to give up sometimes…its like im in the Walking Dead and everything around me (media,people, etc.) are just flesh-hungry zombies trying to rip me and my soul and spirit apart…its so tiring…people are just terrible these days.it really is a cold and hard world.

i honestly think god doesn’t care about me.there i said it… honestly i think i was just sent to this earth to work at some god-awful minimum wage job for the rest of my life and rot in the ground.

sorry for the rant.
i’m done.
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When I first read your post, it struck me that you were just trying to say the right thing, i.e. “I trust God knows what He’s doing.” When you posted this just now, it really confirmed it. You are are definitely not at peace with where you are right now. And it might have absolutely nothing to do with being single; it might have everything to do with your self-image and the way you feel about God.

He loves you, and He works everything out for good. You have to believe that, and don’t let the devil tell you God has abandoned you. Whether you are working a mundane minimum wage job or up to your ears in dirty diapers every day (like me), God’s light can still shine through you. His will is for you to do everything thing (big and small) for Him, and to cast your cares upon Him one hundred percent.

The world can be a terrible place, it’s true. But never forget that Jesus entered into our misery and took it upon Himself. There’s nothing you’re feeling that He didn’t feel, too.

Oh and by the way, the married are not exempt from temptations of lust and impurity.
 
I’m so very sorry! This is a heavy cross and I can imagine your pain. :console: there is still much hope that this won’t be forever, you are still quite young, but I know that doesn’t make it any easier at the time :console:
 
I’ve just accepted that cross and realize it’s not going anywhere. It makes it easier to not notice it. Some consider it giving up, but oh well, they can think what they want.
 
Make sure you stay mentally fit for work, and work should provide you with enough focus and distraction to survive. As for ‘that loving feeling’, you will need family and friends.
 
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