How do you talk to girls without looking awkward?

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GutsfromBerserk

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BVM,

OK guys, this is a really emberassing topic for me to talk about but, well, exactly what it says on the tin. How do I talk to girls in order to make friends with them? Note I am not saying that I’m looking for a girlfriend or that I’m interested in dating them although for reasons that are obvious I’m not against dating. Because frankly, I haven’t had much experience talking to girls and I want to make some friends and I don’t want to do soemthing that would make me look awkward/stupid/a jerk.

Thing is, I want to learn some more manners. I do consider myself well mannered at the risk of sounding boastful but I am confused on certain things. For one thing, is it rude to look women in the eye while talking? How do women think if a guy is being polite to them? In fact, one thing that I’m always scared of in part because I am very socially awkward is the fact that I may offend somone. What should I avoid when talking to women? In fact, is my thrwad itself offensive to any ladies here? These may seem like banal questions but I’m so confused I don’t think they are.

Also, I’m a pretty boring guy. I don’t have much of a social life and the only topics that really pique my interest are ones pertaining to morality, works of fiction (specifically anime) Catholic theology. However, what realy bothers me is that in a lot of anime shows, you often see a girl get disinterested in a boy because he only talks about himself. And they’re right, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who only talks about his own interests because it’s so inconsiderate. Rather, I think it’s better to talk about your own interests for a little bit if asked to and then you should ask the girl you’re talking to about her own interests.

What do you guys think? It’d be more helpful if a girl would actually comment though:o.
 
Don’t take what I have to say at face value, but some of it is true:

You can’t, but you better make a good attempt to. And, if she isn’t laughing or looking like she is interested in what you have to say, probably best to dump her.

Also, you can’t “just be friends” with a girl, unless you have a very strong mission
that brings you together, i.e. feeding sick people. And even then, being young puts you at a disadvantage. You will end up having romantical feelings for her at some point, and that is where the trouble always starts.

And, if a girl isn’t seriously thinking about marriage, run away…fast.

Most women are flakes, remember that. They are always right, and they are never
at fault in a relationship. Don’t become emotionally invested in them if they start
leading you on without any commitment. If she refuses to let you call her, run away.

Women are indirect and dote on the attention men give them, much to the man’s peril.

Never commit to a friendship with any woman, or start offering to send emails or letters, or any of that unless you know for a FACT you are mature enough for marriage, have the money, and the lady isn’t flake. Heck, work up the courage to ask her upfront if she wants to court for the sake of marriage.

If you are very lonely, get a dog.

Remember: Men have to always pursue (even though I don’t think its fair), men can NEVER come across as needy, and you as the leader must be the God for the woman, like the Church is God on earth. The woman must not be your God. If you feel burned out serving the woman, dump her. Go live in a cabin, hunt, fish, and BE A MAN.

Finally, most women think men are weaklings, cowardly, and that woman now rule the world. We men are their servants.

All from experience of an angry male.
 
You are not a boring guy Bilbo Baggins. There is more to you than you guess. Your still young. Go to a shooting range. Have fun. Try something new. That is cool.
 
You hit the nail on the head. You are smart. NEVER start off a potential relationship by talking about yourself. The woman wants to be adored and doted on. Ask her questions about herself, but keep it to hobbies, topics, her family, her likes, her dislikes, but never go damn the torpedoes full speed ahead and ask her to marry you after a three hours of chatting, lol.
 
Being a little awkward can work to your advantage if it isn’t over the top. As a woman, if a guy seemed nervous I figured he might like me which tends to be flattering. As to the eye contact question, that is a matter of culture. I don’t know where you are, but in Western culture it is expected. My posts are sort of awkward thanks to this tablet, otherwise I would elaborate.
 
Ok, I have been out of the dating scene for quite a while (15+ years!), but some things with us ladies don’t change.
  1. Everyone likes talking about themselves. But it’s good to have a relaxed conversation about things she likes. Not by grilling her, but by being genuinely (or trying to be) interested in her interests.
  2. Are you still in high school or college? Are there anime clubs or groups near you? Prayer groups? Facebook pages? Twitter accounts? Getting to know a girl who is already interestied in many of the same things as you will make it easier to talk to her.
  3. Young ladies rarely go anywhere alone, so don’t bother waiting to catch her by herself. You’ll need to be ok with talking to her within or on the edge of her group of friends, or her co-pilot. Along the same lines, do you have a male friend who can act as your “wing man” to help keep her friend talking while you try to talk to her?
  4. Be yourself. You don’t have to change for any girl. If she doesn’t like you for you she isn’t worth your time. I’m sure you’re a great fella.
  5. Girls appreciate honesty delivered kindly. We don’t like guys who play games.
  6. When I first started dating my husband, he told me he didn’t want to kiss me until we had been seeing each other for a while. No other guy had EVER said that. I was blown away by his respect for me. A girl who doesn’t want to be respected isn’t ready for you.
I hope that helps! Take it easy. Be yourself.
 
Dang, you’re making ME feel bad now - I don’t get out much, am interested in morals and theology, *and *I pay perhaps too much attention to my manner of speech. 😛

Personally, I’ve learned to adapt, socially, just by hanging around the friends that I do have. I go to a Bible study every week and meet up with my friends there. We sit around for about 30 minutes and have dinner for another 30 minutes, and discuss random topics whenever we feel like it in that time. Once you’re around people you feel comfortable with, it becomes easier to express yourself more, and easier to recognize the fact that unwanted attention will only come your way if that’s what you’re focusing on.

Nowadays I don’t suffer from such things, though I’m still quiet by nature. I just don’t like to talk a whole lot.😃 But now, when I do, it’s not normally in an awkward/self-conscious manner. Again, that’s the big thing. Don’t focus on yourself while you speak - focus on the subject.

Otherwise, start some hobbies - I like to play airsoft with friends as well as go on the odd trip to the beach. I also do a lot of drawing, and even my interest in theology serves as a good discussion topic among friends & family. You may think that your interests are boring to others, but anything you can apply to the real world is a skill - if you enjoy it, keep it close.
 
Absolutely look her in the eye when you’re speaking with her!! Where else would you look? You don’t want to come off looking like you have something to hide, right? When people lie, they have a tendency to look away. Be up front and make eye contact.
As far as conversation, just start talking about whatever is going on around you, to sort of break the ice. Then just let the conversation have its head - follow the conversational path instead of trying to direct it.
In short, don’t try so hard. Just go with the flow. If the girl doesn’t seem interested, move on. Don’t change who you are to impress a girl because eventually you’ll have to be yourself. Then what? Just be you. There are plenty of girls out there that will like you - you just have to put yourself out there and take a little bit of a risk.
One bit of advice though - I wouldn’t start off right away with the anime stuff. Wait and see if it’s something she has an interest in. Same with the morality and theology. You could sound (to someone who has yet to get to know you) a little self righteous. Not a good start.
Bottom line, I guess, is just be you. Pretend you’re talking to one of your buddies, and absolutely look her in the eye.
Good luck!
Be brave! 👍
 
If I knew the answer to this question, I’d tell you. The thing is, you can’t put women (or men) into a bounded box where X will work or Y will work. Just be yourself, learn some stuff so you can converse about things, and don’t worry.
 
GutsfromBerserk said:
BVM,

OK guys, this is a really emberassing topic for me to talk about but, well, exactly what it says on the tin. How do I talk to girls in order to make friends with them? Note I am not saying that I’m looking for a girlfriend or that I’m interested in dating them although for reasons that are obvious I’m not against dating. Because frankly, I haven’t had much experience talking to girls and I want to make some friends and I don’t want to do soemthing that would make me look awkward/stupid/a jerk.

Thing is, I want to learn some more manners. I do consider myself well mannered at the risk of sounding boastful but I am confused on certain things. For one thing, is it rude to look women in the eye while talking? How do women think if a guy is being polite to them? In fact, one thing that I’m always scared of in part because I am very socially awkward is the fact that I may offend somone. What should I avoid when talking to women? In fact, is my thrwad itself offensive to any ladies here? These may seem like banal questions but I’m so confused I don’t think they are. And, if you are young, like in your teens or early twenties, in all probability your have a case of raging hormones. When hit with sexual attraction/desire get into a cold shower as fast as you can…and a few “Hail Mary’s” wouldn’t hurt…to calm you down. Remember, your brain is in your head, not in your lower extremities!

Also, I’m a pretty boring guy. I don’t have much of a social life and the only topics that really pique my interest are ones pertaining to morality, works of fiction (specifically anime) Catholic theology. However, what realy bothers me is that in a lot of anime shows, you often see a girl get disinterested in a boy because he only talks about himself. And they’re right, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who only talks about his own interests because it’s so inconsiderate. Rather, I think it’s better to talk about your own interests for a little bit if asked to and then you should ask the girl you’re talking to about her own interests.

What do you guys think? It’d be more helpful if a girl would actually comment though:o.
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That is something I have been trying to find out for almost 65 yeaars, and I was married twice and have 3 adult sons, two of which are still alive and very successful.
Just be yourself and accept the fact the women are a perpetual enigma, they choose you, not the other way around, and the are always right in an argument or discussion (if you know what is good for you).
And yes, I am cynical about romance and sexual attraction because these things are merely illusions and soon pass from your life. Your best bet is to just be friends with a girl or woman. Friendships that are honest last. Everything else fades rather fast.
 
George_Stegmeir said:
That is something I have been trying to find out for almost 65 yeaars, and I was married twice and have 3 adult sons, two of which are still alive and very successful.
Just be yourself and accept the fact the women are a perpetual enigma, they choose you, not the other way around, and the are always right in an argument or discussion (if you know what is good for you).
And yes, I am cynical about romance and sexual attraction because these things are merely illusions and soon pass from your life. Your best bet is to just be friends with a girl or woman. Friendships that are honest last. Everything else fades rather fast.
Click to expand...
Dude, I’m sorry for your experiences but romance, sexual attractions are illusions? I and probably around 90% of the people on this forum disagree. I’m not trying to make you look bad or anything but the fact that there are numerous people on this forum who are happily married is proof enough that romance and sex is no illusion (sex, as long as it’s in marriage). The key to a successful marriage is commitment. Just as the will to live is storner tha anything else, so should the bond between man and wife be. Love is something we bring ourselves and does not come to us; we must push it forward.
 
Guys, thanks for the comments and advice:). But please note I am not trying to date any girl, at least not right now. I just wnat to be friends OK?🙂

But on the talking about myself/her itnerests bit, yeah, I always knew that. When I did speak to the girls at yhe dojo I’m attending (I do kendo and proud of it!), I asked them their names and why they joined it. After they’d tell me, I’d truthfully tell them that I joined because I’m an anime fan. One of them turned out to be one and we had a short talk.

Of course I didn’t ask them how old they are so what did I do? I asked them what year they were born in. It actually worked!😉

Ok, I’m just kidding, I never did anything of that sort and I find that insensitive. Please keep on commenting though, I find such comments interesting and very helpful. Thanks!
 
On the looking her in the eye thing, I’m scared that maybe they would find it awkward or would think that I’m looking t her because like her appearance or something. I would never ever tell a woman something like ‘you’re beautiful’ or ‘you’re hot’ because as is obvious, it’d be an insult to her as she’d think you only like her for her appearance. I do think there are exceptions such as when she’d be dressed up for a special occassion and a guy were to say that she looks nice or lovely as that would be more of a compliment than superficial flirting. What do you guys think?

Say, if anyone is offended by my comments or if I am coming off as condescending or anything, please tell me. One of my biggest difficulties in having relationships with anyone is that I’m always afraid that I may do something that offends or worse, hurts them and I need all the advice I can get in order to understand people more.
 
GutsfromBerserk said:
On the looking her in the eye thing, I’m scared that maybe they would find it awkward or would think that I’m looking t her because like her appearance or something. I
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Blunt - looking at a women in the eye means you’re not looking at her chest. I’m sure it’s appreciated.
 
PaulinVA said:
Blunt - looking at a women in the eye means you’re not looking at her chest. I’m sure it’s appreciated.
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I think looking her in the eye is MUCH better. Thanks. From now on, I will do just that instead of what I was going to do and pretend that I’m looking at the wall behind them. In fact, that’d be so rude, as if I wasn’t interested in what they had to say.
 
How do you talk to girls without looking awkward?
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Embrace your looking awkward. Girls dig confidence.

(And the wiser ones appreciate normalcy and honesty in a guy.)
 
chevalier said:
Embrace your looking awkward. Girls dig confidence.

(And the wiser ones appreciate normalcy and honesty in a guy.)
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Say chevalier, not meaning to sound rude or anything but are you a guy or a girl? Just asking:).
 
GutsfromBerserk said:
BVM,

OK guys, this is a really emberassing topic for me to talk about but, well, exactly what it says on the tin. How do I talk to girls in order to make friends with them? Note I am not saying that I’m looking for a girlfriend or that I’m interested in dating them although for reasons that are obvious I’m not against dating. Because frankly, I haven’t had much experience talking to girls and I want to make some friends and I don’t want to do soemthing that would make me look awkward/stupid/a jerk.

Thing is, I want to learn some more manners. I do consider myself well mannered at the risk of sounding boastful but I am confused on certain things. For one thing, is it rude to look women in the eye while talking? How do women think if a guy is being polite to them? In fact, one thing that I’m always scared of in part because I am very socially awkward is the fact that I may offend somone. What should I avoid when talking to women? In fact, is my thrwad itself offensive to any ladies here? These may seem like banal questions but I’m so confused I don’t think they are.

Also, I’m a pretty boring guy. I don’t have much of a social life and the only topics that really pique my interest are ones pertaining to morality, works of fiction (specifically anime) Catholic theology. However, what realy bothers me is that in a lot of anime shows, you often see a girl get disinterested in a boy because he only talks about himself. And they’re right, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who only talks about his own interests because it’s so inconsiderate. Rather, I think it’s better to talk about your own interests for a little bit if asked to and then you should ask the girl you’re talking to about her own interests.

What do you guys think? It’d be more helpful if a girl would actually comment though:o.
Click to expand...
First, think of her as a “person” rather than as a “woman.” There is nothing scary about “people” right?

Second, show good manners - look her in the eye when speaking, listen for what she has to say rather than for the chance to reply, and make sure she’s comfortable.

Talk about things you’re both interested in.

Start a conversation with a question that can’t be answered in one word. One that I use with people I’ve just met is “What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you recently?” (With teenagers, I ask them what’s the most boring thing they’ve had to do recently.)
 
jmcrae said:
First, think of her as a “person” rather than as a “woman.” There is nothing scary about “people” right?

Second, show good manners - look her in the eye when speaking, listen for what she has to say rather than for the chance to reply, and make sure she’s comfortable.

Talk about things you’re both interested in.

Start a conversation with a question that can’t be answered in one word. One that I use with people I’ve just met is “What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you recently?” (With teenagers, I ask them what’s the most boring thing they’ve had to do recently.)
Click to expand...
I think people are scary. Look at this!



Just kidding but all jokes aside. I agree. I alreay said I hate it when people treat women as a foreign object and are seemingly afraid of them but at the same time I hate it when people be they men or women themselves don’t treat themselves with the dignity they should hold themselves to. The same for men. Just saying.
 
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