How do you trust in the mercy of God?

[ResoluteSheep]

I’m sorry for posting about this so often,

But I always feel as if God is judging my every action and is making sure I do everything right otherwise one step and I’ll fall into hell

Like for instance, I committed a mortal sin, my conscience always tells me to do penance and to give something particularly up. But then I hesitate then I get intense fear like ‘‘you must do it otherwise ur gonna go to hell for it’’

Below are some more particular examples of my scrupulosity:

1. I struggle with intrusive thoughts, I always feel the need to justify myself to God to prove to Him I do not want these thoughts. I go to the extent of purposely thinking these thoughts and disproving them. Then sometimes, when these thoughts are not present in my head I just have the urge to suddenly think them again. Like, impure thoughts. Firstly, I DO NOT want to think lustful thoughts, but I always feel the need to think them to REPLACE them with something else.

Also my imagination is one thing I REALLY struggle with. I want to picture God in Heaven with all His saints praising Him and He is smiling and is happy but everytime that picture turns into Him changing His face into something scary and stuff and I can’t seem to override my imagination with something more positive. I keep fearing that the more I do it, the more I’m sinning against Him. And whenever I picture these, my chest feels all weird and stuff so I have a feeling that I really wanted that thought otherwise I’d feel all panicky and stuff.

1. I’m in high school at the moment, there’s a chapel at my school. I was having thoughts about going there to pray but suddenly I changed my mind. Again, the same voice rings out ‘‘You better otherwise God is gonna get really mad at you for not doing that. Can’t you spend a day with Him there? Ok, go ahead and enjoy now just remember the consequences.’’ then sometimes out of fear I go.
2. I always have the thoughts that doing fun things are wrong. Like even listening to secular music (nothing vulgar, immoral or anything just normal pop music that sounds good) would provoke God to anger
3. Hanging out with my atheist/pagan friends just doing things we enjoy (not clubbing, drinking or anything just like hanging out and having fun) always gives me thoughts like ‘‘Why aren’t you sharing the gospel to them do you really wanna see them perish, you just committed a mortal sin good job’’ well I mean I tried before but not wholeheartedly as I’m still rather timid and I highly doubt they’d listen as they didn’t really do so before…
4. And one more example which would sound completely absurd. Have you all heard of the Madonna rebel heart tour? (No offense to Madonna fans) I’m sure you’ve seen some of her concerts, of her mocking Christ and the nuns especially, her dancers dressed up as nuns in revealing outfits carrying cross shaped poles. And apparently, some countries experienced earthquakes and other disasters just a few days after she visited those countries. So whether or not it was God’s punishment or coincidence I don’t know.

I live in Singapore and the chances of getting an earthquake here are probably almost close to none. But I searched up and found this prophecy (idk if true or not) that this person since 2009 been seeing dreams of Singapore getting struck by an earthquake. And it was February 24 2016 and just 4 more days until Madonna comes to Singapore so I panicked and got all scared that maybe that was the moment. So I made a promise or vow to God that if He prevents the earthquake from happening (which possibly has no chance of happening at all) I’d give up the two things I most enjoyed.

Then just a week before I had temptations to go back to my old ways and almost broke my promise to God. At first I thought, ‘‘yeah why not, it probably wouldn’t have happened anyway’’ then I searched up and it said breaking a promise to God is a grievous and serious mortal sin. Then, from another article I read a mortal sin can be committed in thoughts when someone intends to fulfill the desired action (though I did not have full knowledge that breaking a promise to God was wrong that time, but still is it a mortal sin? I almost intended to carry it out but I repented 20 mins later)

 

[jaimeleglise]

You are probably suffering from scruples. Find yourself a holy priest to be your spiritual director. Confess your sins to him as often as he tells you to, not more often. Obey him.
Realize your mind is playing tricks on you. If intrusive thoughts come, do not fight them. They just become stronger. Gently ignore them.

Do what your spiritual director says. You may also have OCD and need to see a doctor for medication and or therapy. God bless you.

 

[PraiseChrist]

I’m sorry for posting about this so often,

But I always feel as if God is judging my every action and is making sure I do everything right otherwise one step and I’ll fall into hell

Like for instance, I committed a mortal sin, my conscience always tells me to do penance and to give something particularly up. But then I hesitate then I get intense fear like ‘‘you must do it otherwise ur gonna go to hell for it’’

Below are some more particular examples of my scrupulosity:

1. I struggle with intrusive thoughts, I always feel the need to justify myself to God to prove to Him I do not want these thoughts. I go to the extent of purposely thinking these thoughts and disproving them. Then sometimes, when these thoughts are not present in my head I just have the urge to suddenly think them again. Like, impure thoughts. Firstly, I DO NOT want to think lustful thoughts, but I always feel the need to think them to REPLACE them with something else.

Also my imagination is one thing I REALLY struggle with. I want to picture God in Heaven with all His saints praising Him and He is smiling and is happy but everytime that picture turns into Him changing His face into something scary and stuff and I can’t seem to override my imagination with something more positive. I keep fearing that the more I do it, the more I’m sinning against Him. And whenever I picture these, my chest feels all weird and stuff so I have a feeling that I really wanted that thought otherwise I’d feel all panicky and stuff.

1. I’m in high school at the moment, there’s a chapel at my school. I was having thoughts about going there to pray but suddenly I changed my mind. Again, the same voice rings out ‘‘You better otherwise God is gonna get really mad at you for not doing that. Can’t you spend a day with Him there? Ok, go ahead and enjoy now just remember the consequences.’’ then sometimes out of fear I go.
2. I always have the thoughts that doing fun things are wrong. Like even listening to secular music (nothing vulgar, immoral or anything just normal pop music that sounds good) would provoke God to anger
3. Hanging out with my atheist/pagan friends just doing things we enjoy (not clubbing, drinking or anything just like hanging out and having fun) always gives me thoughts like ‘‘Why aren’t you sharing the gospel to them do you really wanna see them perish, you just committed a mortal sin good job’’ well I mean I tried before but not wholeheartedly as I’m still rather timid and I highly doubt they’d listen as they didn’t really do so before…
4. And one more example which would sound completely absurd. Have you all heard of the Madonna rebel heart tour? (No offense to Madonna fans) I’m sure you’ve seen some of her concerts, of her mocking Christ and the nuns especially, her dancers dressed up as nuns in revealing outfits carrying cross shaped poles. And apparently, some countries experienced earthquakes and other disasters just a few days after she visited those countries. So whether or not it was God’s punishment or coincidence I don’t know.

I live in Singapore and the chances of getting an earthquake here are probably almost close to none. But I searched up and found this prophecy (idk if true or not) that this person since 2009 been seeing dreams of Singapore getting struck by an earthquake. And it was February 24 2016 and just 4 more days until Madonna comes to Singapore so I panicked and got all scared that maybe that was the moment. So I made a promise or vow to God that if He prevents the earthquake from happening (which possibly has no chance of happening at all) I’d give up the two things I most enjoyed.

Then just a week before I had temptations to go back to my old ways and almost broke my promise to God. At first I thought, ‘‘yeah why not, it probably wouldn’t have happened anyway’’ then I searched up and it said breaking a promise to God is a grievous and serious mortal sin. Then, from another article I read a mortal sin can be committed in thoughts when someone intends to fulfill the desired action (though I did not have full knowledge that breaking a promise to God was wrong that time, but still is it a mortal sin? I almost intended to carry it out but I repented 20 mins later)

Dear friend,

All of the things you mentioned are unnecessary to worry about and you have no obligation; bring these problems to your pastor, tell him you have “scrupulosity”/“OCD”. In the meantime, when you get a chance, see scrupulousanonymous.com and read their news-articles/archives to help with scrupulosity.
I’m guessing that these problems probably stop you from going to Communion and may make you stop hanging out with everyone for scrupulous reasons? I know because this also happened to me.

Our feelings of being guilty even when we’re pretty sure we aren’t are not of God; remember that the infinitely just God is your judge not your feelings of guilt. Scrupulosity makes us think that just because we have a feeling of guilt, that automatically means we’re guilty or if we don’t feel anything, we can’t be guilty. This may lead us to lose some faith because we base our spiritual life on our feelings. For example, if I feel that someone is slandering me, that doesn’t mean that this is happening

Since you are scrupulous, unless you are certain (not maybe certain) you sinned, assume that you are absolutely guiltless of that. If you are unsure if anything is a sin, it isn’t for the scrupulous person. And for the very scrupulous person, if you are unsure whether or not you are unsure of something being sinful, then you are still okay to do that action.

All the best

 

[Monica4316]

Resolute Sheep, I notice a lot of myself in you… I have gone through similar things. To me it really sounds like scrupulosity.

One aspect of scrupulosity is wanting everything to be clear and to be sure, and for this reason, the scrupulous person feels a need to often ask questions about various situations. It is very important to get a spiritual director, - it’s almost miraculous to be healed of scrupulosity without a regular confessor and director to help you. When you have one, you must obey him no matter how you feel, and make him your conscience, so to speak. This is because a scrupulous conscience is not reliable for us.

I know this is a heavy trial to go through. Everything seems like a sin and I know about having intrusive thoughts too, and how they can affect the imagination. Maybe you also have a general lack of clarity about everything, a generalized worry, and you’re constantly seeking answers to your questions. The way scrupulosity works is that after a person is given answers, they eventually feel almost like they’ve forgotten them, and they have to return and ask again. I’ve done this many times and I would ask my confessor the same things over and over again. Now I’m trying to fight this by just holding on to what I’ve been told already and remembering it when I am uncertain.

A confessor would also tell you what is and what isn’t mortal sin, and you’d need to follow that too. This is crucial to fighting scruples. A lot of what you are describing is what my priest calls “mind games”. It’s like there’s a trivial matter, or one that is serious but distorted and taken out of context, and that is put together with a thought of you needing to do something because of fear of God’s justice. These mind games can even become superstitious in a way. It’s very important to resist them and in a way, just despise them. You are believing them and taking them seriously and that’s half the battle lost. Trusting in God’s mercy and the virtue of hope can help you to believe them less.

Maybe it would be a good idea to read books about God’s mercy. One that I really like is called “He and I” by Gabrielle Bossis, from Pauline Press. Jesus talks to her (and to us) in a very gentle way that is great for scrupulosity. Another great book is called “Words of Love” from TAN, they also have “Words of Faith”, and “Words of Hope”.

 

[Monica4316]

Some thoughts about the particular cases you talk about…

Penances: maybe you should mention this to your confessor, and ask him for advice. Maybe it would be best for you right now to ONLY do penances that your priest gives you after Confession, and just stop there, and make this a rule for yourself. Penances are very important but you need to be healed of scrupulosity because this is what is most taking you away from God, from growing in holiness… Jesus told St Faustina that discouragement and exaggerated anxiety prevent us from practicing virtue. I believe that Jesus would rather you come to Him with trust, than do penances in this particular fearful, self-reliant way. After you come to Him with trust, the way you do penances would be more meritorious. You said that after you do a mortal sin, you feel you need to do a penance, and when you hesitate you get fear that you’ll go to hell if you don’t do the penance. That is not theologically accurate because when we do penance, we do this to remit Purgatory for the mortal sin. It is not a mortal sin to miss a penance you just felt you should do. The only penances we MUST do are those given to us in Confession, and if you made a vow to make a penance, and I think you shouldn’t make these vows especially at this time. In any case, they should be made with permission from a spiritual director.

1. One thing that I noticed here is how you sometimes purposefully think the thoughts and then disprove them. That is not a good idea because it actually makes the temptation more. The only way to fight temptations against faith and against purity is to run away from the thoughts, and turn instantly to prayer. Don’t dwell on them. With the ways your imagination is affected, this is something I have too at times, and sometimes it gets really bad. This is a very difficult thing to go through and this trial often accompanies scruples. Here are some things I was told about this:

Right when you get the thought/image in an intrusive way, that is NOT a sin. It would only be a sin if you willfully thought of it, but intrusive thoughts are not like this. You need to remember that sin is in the will. Try to repeat this whenever you’re anxious on this point. No matter how it makes you feel, you are not sinning until you actually do something. There are several levels of “doing something” with the idea:

•      You reject it. In that case, you didn’t sin at all, not even venially.

•      You dwell on it while also fighting it at the same time, for example you are trying to figure it out or fight it by thinking about it: that would be a venial sin, according to my priest

•      Imperfect consent: this is a type of consent that is like you’re saying “yes and no” at the SAME time. It feels like a part of you is going towards these thoughts, but your actual will is still saying no. This is not a mortal sin, though it is a venial sin.

•      Full consent: that is mortal sin, but you would KNOW if you did this. Scrupulous people are often told that they must not think they did a mortal sin unless they 100% KNOW they did. If you sort of just feel like you maybe did, but it’s uncertain and your mind is confused about it, it’s not likely to have been a mortal sin for a scrupulous person.

2, 3, 4 – a lot of this seems to be distrust in God’s love for you. Maybe something is more perfect to do but God’s not going to be “mad” at you if you don’t, because it’s not a sin. Even when we sin, He wants to show us mercy! We should always seek to please God of course, but you’re doing this with a servile fear instead of love, because you fear punishment. I think that the issue that needs to be dealt with, the service fear… that way, you’ll go to spend time in prayer out of just wanting to be with God. This fear is just paralyzing you. Sure it’s good if you don’t FEEL like going to pray, and yet you go anyway – that is admirable to do and can be very pleasing to God, but it would be more pleasing to Him if you did it out of love, not so much fear of punishment

Regarding the earthquake and the vow you made – such vows should only be made with the permission of a priest. You’d need to tell the priest about this when you go to Confession and ask him to dispense you. Then you’d not be bound by the vow anymore. Any vow to God should be carefully discerned with a director… in this particular situation, I don’t think it was a prudent thing to do. You might feel scrupulous about asking for it to be dispensed, kind of like “does this mean I want to do those things, and not give them up, etc?” but that’s not the reality because you have NO obligation to make any such vow. Further, it’s really something you should have spoken to a priest about, and of course he would have told you not to worry in this case.

I think that God would be more pleased by you overcoming scrupulosity and understanding His mercy, than by you doing all these penances out of fear and anxiety. It is also based on an exaggeration because doing a less perfect thing is not grave matter… it is good to do what is most perfect, but out of love rather than servile fear, and this is something we just come to over time. God is very patient with us.

I hope this helps at least a little bit… but I really recommend getting a regular confessor and being very open with him about this, and being obedient to what he tells you. God bless you!

 

[ResoluteSheep]

Dear friend,

All of the things you mentioned are unnecessary to worry about and you have no obligation; bring these problems to your pastor, tell him you have “scrupulosity”/“OCD”. In the meantime, when you get a chance, see scrupulousanonymous.com and read their news-articles/archives to help with scrupulosity.
I’m guessing that these problems probably stop you from going to Communion and may make you stop hanging out with everyone for scrupulous reasons? I know because this also happened to me.

Our feelings of being guilty even when we’re pretty sure we aren’t are not of God; remember that the infinitely just God is your judge not your feelings of guilt. Scrupulosity makes us think that just because we have a feeling of guilt, that automatically means we’re guilty or if we don’t feel anything, we can’t be guilty. This may lead us to lose some faith because we base our spiritual life on our feelings. For example, if I feel that someone is slandering me, that doesn’t mean that this is happening

Since you are scrupulous, unless you are certain (not maybe certain) you sinned, assume that you are absolutely guiltless of that. If you are unsure if anything is a sin, it isn’t for the scrupulous person. And for the very scrupulous person, if you are unsure whether or not you are unsure of something being sinful, then you are still okay to do that action.

All the best

The thing is, I’m not really a dedicated believer, I could consider myself lukewarm too and acting like a pharisee. But I still have scrupulosity like this. So for me, at times I cannot tell whether I choose to do something because I am compelled to be lukewarm or wanting to avoid my sin.

To be honest, if it wasn’t for the fear of hell I might’ve left the faith already so basically my scrupulosity is mainly based round the fear of hell. All my main sins stem from thoughts, and the main ones like pride sometimes sprout out toward others.

Anyway thank you for your response, God bless

 

[ResoluteSheep]

Some thoughts about the particular cases you talk about…

Penances: maybe you should mention this to your confessor, and ask him for advice. Maybe it would be best for you right now to ONLY do penances that your priest gives you after Confession, and just stop there, and make this a rule for yourself. Penances are very important but you need to be healed of scrupulosity because this is what is most taking you away from God, from growing in holiness… Jesus told St Faustina that discouragement and exaggerated anxiety prevent us from practicing virtue. I believe that Jesus would rather you come to Him with trust, than do penances in this particular fearful, self-reliant way. After you come to Him with trust, the way you do penances would be more meritorious. You said that after you do a mortal sin, you feel you need to do a penance, and when you hesitate you get fear that you’ll go to hell if you don’t do the penance. That is not theologically accurate because when we do penance, we do this to remit Purgatory for the mortal sin. It is not a mortal sin to miss a penance you just felt you should do. The only penances we MUST do are those given to us in Confession, and if you made a vow to make a penance, and I think you shouldn’t make these vows especially at this time. In any case, they should be made with permission from a spiritual director.

1. One thing that I noticed here is how you sometimes purposefully think the thoughts and then disprove them. That is not a good idea because it actually makes the temptation more. The only way to fight temptations against faith and against purity is to run away from the thoughts, and turn instantly to prayer. Don’t dwell on them. With the ways your imagination is affected, this is something I have too at times, and sometimes it gets really bad. This is a very difficult thing to go through and this trial often accompanies scruples. Here are some things I was told about this:

Right when you get the thought/image in an intrusive way, that is NOT a sin. It would only be a sin if you willfully thought of it, but intrusive thoughts are not like this. You need to remember that sin is in the will. Try to repeat this whenever you’re anxious on this point. No matter how it makes you feel, you are not sinning until you actually do something. There are several levels of “doing something” with the idea:

•      You reject it. In that case, you didn’t sin at all, not even venially.

•      You dwell on it while also fighting it at the same time, for example you are trying to figure it out or fight it by thinking about it: that would be a venial sin, according to my priest

•      Imperfect consent: this is a type of consent that is like you’re saying “yes and no” at the SAME time. It feels like a part of you is going towards these thoughts, but your actual will is still saying no. This is not a mortal sin, though it is a venial sin.

•      Full consent: that is mortal sin, but you would KNOW if you did this. Scrupulous people are often told that they must not think they did a mortal sin unless they 100% KNOW they did. If you sort of just feel like you maybe did, but it’s uncertain and your mind is confused about it, it’s not likely to have been a mortal sin for a scrupulous person.

2, 3, 4 – a lot of this seems to be distrust in God’s love for you. Maybe something is more perfect to do but God’s not going to be “mad” at you if you don’t, because it’s not a sin. Even when we sin, He wants to show us mercy! We should always seek to please God of course, but you’re doing this with a servile fear instead of love, because you fear punishment. I think that the issue that needs to be dealt with, the service fear… that way, you’ll go to spend time in prayer out of just wanting to be with God. This fear is just paralyzing you. Sure it’s good if you don’t FEEL like going to pray, and yet you go anyway – that is admirable to do and can be very pleasing to God, but it would be more pleasing to Him if you did it out of love, not so much fear of punishment

Regarding the earthquake and the vow you made – such vows should only be made with the permission of a priest. You’d need to tell the priest about this when you go to Confession and ask him to dispense you. Then you’d not be bound by the vow anymore. Any vow to God should be carefully discerned with a director… in this particular situation, I don’t think it was a prudent thing to do. You might feel scrupulous about asking for it to be dispensed, kind of like “does this mean I want to do those things, and not give them up, etc?” but that’s not the reality because you have NO obligation to make any such vow. Further, it’s really something you should have spoken to a priest about, and of course he would have told you not to worry in this case.

I think that God would be more pleased by you overcoming scrupulosity and understanding His mercy, than by you doing all these penances out of fear and anxiety. It is also based on an exaggeration because doing a less perfect thing is not grave matter… it is good to do what is most perfect, but out of love rather than servile fear, and this is something we just come to over time. God is very patient with us.

I hope this helps at least a little bit… but I really recommend getting a regular confessor and being very open with him about this, and being obedient to what he tells you. God bless you!

Thank you for the really detailed information Monica and for helping me loads since my first few posts but do you think that a lukewarm believer is capable of being afflicted by scrupulosity? I’m mainly afraid to sin because of the fear of hell and not out of love for God. Also in addition to my scrupulosity, I have terrible thoughts that attacks God’s character such as His Goodness and Love. Actually, it was from these thoughts that my scrupulosity grew and grew.

 

[ResoluteSheep]

It was about 6 months ago on March 25th that I started to doubt God’s truthfulness, the first topic was His Eternal Existence. The thought came in after watching a video: ‘‘What if God has been lying to us this whole time, and maybe He was created by someone?!’’ then I started to panic and kept researching facts to disprove that thought but I just strengthened it even further. So yeah, it mainly started from this - before this I had a childlike faith as one would call it - bring brought up as a cradle Catholic.

Also regarding #5, I was mainly panicked as well because I suddenly thought ‘‘Hmm what if God actually did not prevent the earthquake in Singapore but prevented another disaster in another country because of it?’’ but then again, I could be wrong as you stated that normal people, like me do not have the right to make such vows; which is also a relief actually

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you for the really detailed information Monica and for helping me loads since my first few posts but do you think that a lukewarm believer is capable of being afflicted by scrupulosity? I’m mainly afraid to sin because of the fear of hell and not out of love for God. Also in addition to my scrupulosity, I have terrible thoughts that attacks God’s character such as His Goodness and Love. Actually, it was from these thoughts that my scrupulosity grew and grew.

I have read somewhere that a scrupulous person can commit serious sins too. However the times they do not commit the sins and are just tempted, they feel like they still sin. A thought is not a sin if you don’t consent to it.

I think I see what you mean about your scrupulosity growing out of those thoughts though. Maybe you dwelt on them or took them seriously? The doubts about God’s goodness is probably what is preventing you from getting over the servile fear and not letting you love God more.

I think it could really help to try and trust in God’s love and get to just know Jesus more. I recommend reading about it and spending time in Adoration, not from a fear but to help you discover Him more. If there would be more trust in God’s love, that can really help to make love for Him your main motive.in your actions. Fear is often where we start but God wants us to grow in this way. Scrupulosity and distrust in God’s love can prevent this from happening so its very important to fight it. A priest told me that scrupulosity is actually pride based and distrust is a form of pride.
God bless!

 

[Monica4316]

Jesus told St Faustina that distrust wounds His Heart much more than any of our sins.

Here is a blog that I found that has a lot about God’s love. I think a while ago they wrote on scruples too: littlestsouls.wordpress.com

Jesus’ words to Sr Josefa Menendez:

"I am Love! My Heart can no longer contain its devouring flames. I love souls so dearly that I have sacrificed My life for them. “It is this love that keeps Me a prisoner in the tabernacle. For nearly twenty centuries I have dwelt there, night and day, veiled under the species of Bread and concealed in the small white Host, bearing through love, neglect, solitude, contempt, blasphemies, outrages, sacrileges . . .
“For love of souls, I instituted the Sacrament of Penance, that I might forgive them, not once or twice, but as often as they need it to recover grace. There I wait for them, longing to wash away their sins, not in water, but in My Blood. How often in the course of the ages have I, in one way or another, made known My love for men: I have shown them how ardently I desire their salvation. I have revealed My Heart to them. This devotion has been as light cast over the whole earth, and today by its means those who labor to gain souls to My service have been enabled to do so.
“Now, I want something more, for if I long for love in response to My own, this is not the only return I desire from souls: I want them all to have confidence in My mercy, to expect all from My clemency, and never to doubt My readiness to forgive. I am God, but a God of love! I am a Father, but a Father full of compassion and never harsh. My Heart is infinitely holy but also infinitely wise, and knowing human frailty and infirmity, stoops to poor sinners with infinite mercy. I love those who after a first fall come to Me for pardon . . . I love them still more when they beg pardon for their second sin, and should this happen again, I do not say a million times but a million million times, I still love them and pardon them, and I will wash in My Blood their last as fully as their first sin. Never shall I weary of repentant sinners, nor cease from hoping for their return, and the greater their distress, the greater My welcome. Does not a father love a sick child with special affection? Are not his care and solicitude greater? So is the tenderness and compassion of My Heart more abundant for sinners than for the just. This is what I wish all to know. I will teach sinners that the mercy of My Heart is inexhaustible. Let the callous and indifferent know that My Heart is a fire which will enkindle them, because I love them. To devout and saintly souls
I would be “The Way,” that making great strides in perfection, they may safely reach the harbor of eternal beatitude. Lastly, of consecrated souls, priests and religious, My elect and chosen ones, I ask, once more, all their love and that they should not doubt Mine, but above all that they should trust Me and never doubt My mercy. It is so easy to trust completely in My Heart.” (June 11, 1923).

"I will make it known that My work rests on nothingness and misery—such is the first link in the chain of love that I have prepared for souls from eternity. I will use you to show that I love misery, littleness and absolute nothingness. I will reveal to souls the excess of My love and how far I will go in forgiveness, and how even their faults will be used by Me with blind indulgence . . . yes, write . . . with blind indulgence. I see depths, the very depths of souls, I see how they fain would please, console and glorify Me, and the act of humility they are obliged to make when they see themselves so feeble, is solace and glory to My Heart. What does their helplessness matter? Cannot I supply all their deficiencies? I will show how My Heart uses their very weakness to give life to many souls that have lost it. I will make known that the measure of My love and mercy for fallen souls is limitless. I want to forgive them. It rests Me to forgive. I am ever there, waiting, with boundless love till souls come to Me. Let them come, nor be discouraged. Let them fearlessly throw themselves into My arms! I am their Father.

"I do not look at the act itself, I look at the intention. The smallest act, if done out of love, acquires such merit that it gives Me immense consolation . . . I want only love, I ask for nothing else.” (September 8, 1922)

*when Jesus speaks about using faults, He is speaking of our weaknesses not voluntary sins.

 

[Monica4316]

Jesus to Gabrielle Bossis, Catholic mystic (the book has an Imprimatur and is called “He and I”)

“So, be calm in your soul, and happily docile to My will. As you look back over your life, don’t you see that My will was always for your good? This is because I love you, and it’s the same for everyone, since I love each of you individually. I see you all differently; I see every detail about you, do you understand? My love is not of global love.
I need each one of you as though you were the only person in the world, as though the cosmos had been created for you alone, and My love is greater than the cosmos. So let this thought be a strength to you and your smiling calm.”

Try to trust Jesus

 

[PraiseChrist]

The thing is, I’m not really a dedicated believer, I could consider myself lukewarm too and acting like a pharisee. But I still have scrupulosity like this. So for me, at times I cannot tell whether I choose to do something because I am compelled to be lukewarm or wanting to avoid my sin.

To be honest, if it wasn’t for the fear of hell I might’ve left the faith already so basically my scrupulosity is mainly based round the fear of hell. All my main sins stem from thoughts, and the main ones like pride sometimes sprout out toward others.

Anyway thank you for your response, God bless

I think we’re in the same situation. We can pray for one another. You can research your doubts and objections on catholic.com for help. They cover Protestantism, atheism, agnosticism, you name it. They will dispose you to having increased Faith.
BTW you aren’t lukewarm in the sense that you don’t care about religion. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so scrupulous! When a troubling thought comes to mind, say a short prayer like “Sorrowful mother, pray for me”. I advise you to research the lives of Servant of God Marcel Van (a Vietnamese Redemptorist brother) and St. Therese of Lisieux (a Carmelite Saint). They had such great trust in the grace of God.
Though scrupulous people try to do God’s will with sincerity, they rely on their own strength other than the grace of God. So pray for strength against this.

Responding to that video about God’s existence, the thing is, God’s essence is to exist, he is defined as the Ultimate Act of Being. Thus, it would be irrational to “ask who created him?” since he is ultimate Being itself. Atheists will throw many things in your way, the best is to avoid those videos when they show up and to make good company, and to study apologetics to answer these questions when they arise.

Beyond all, get a spiritual director. If there’s one at your school, and you think that this priest/laybrother is holy and knows the Faith well, then obey him 101%, completely without reserve doubt of his authority, since this will undoubtedly free you from your doubts and scrupulosity.

I promise you, you if you overcome these scruples through obeying (which demonstrates humility) your Spiritual Director, you will be like a young living saint, on the road to sanctification; just like St Dominic Savio who died at 14. Just like Blessed Pier as well.

I go to public high school, and I understand your POV

All the best for you