How do you wives respect your husbands?

[GreyRabbit]

There was a book called Love and Respect or something like that, I forget who it’s by.
There’s also of course the bible quote that says, and I paraphrase, ‘husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands’.

So I was wondering, how does a wife respect her husband?

Thanks!

ps Sorry if I’m repeating a thread. ^^;;

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**This is going to (maybe) be a tough question because people define respect in so many ways. To one person respect as a husband may mean unquestioning obedience. To another it may mean never talking bad about them to another person…etc etc etc…

And then i believe that respect and admiration are often confused.

This thread will be interesting to watch…**

 

[CatholicSam]

Are you getting ready to be married, GreyRabbit?

I agree with Feanaro’s Wife, this is such a broad question. I’m afraid I don’t have the time to answer it right now. But I will say that how I respect my husband is how I respect people in general, plus ten! Often times people treat non-relatives and strangers better than they do their own family. They’ll worry about offending a stranger in the store but not think twice about saying something hurtful to their spouse or other close family members. This is so sad! It should be our spouses that we treat better than anyone else.

 

[GreyRabbit]

Heh heh, I’m not yet going to be gettin married, I mean, the guy I’m with is the one I’ll eventually be getting married to, but probably not until a year or two from now.

I guess I was just wondering what some wives do. I asked my mom too. But if this is too unanswerable, then that’s okay. Mayhap I’ve just gotta learn for myself. ^^

G.Rabbit

 

[_Jenn]

Guess it depends on the couple and how they feel about love, respect, how they interpret that specific verse, etc.

For my husband & I, love & respect are something that we both give/take. I respect my husband by loving him and making each day the best I can for our family.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Heh heh, I’m not yet going to be gettin married, I mean, the guy I’m with is the one I’ll eventually be getting married to, but probably not until a year or two from now.

I guess I was just wondering what some wives do. I asked my mom too. But if this is too unanswerable, then that’s okay. Mayhap I’ve just gotta learn for myself. ^^

G.Rabbit

**It’s not that it is unanswerable, it is that it is TOO answerable, lol. Every person could give you a different answer which wouldn’t really help you much… the best thing for you would be to ask your boyfriend what respect means to *him ***and how he thinks wives should show it to their husbands:thumbsup:

 

[GreyRabbit]

**It’s not that it is unanswerable, it is that it is TOO answerable, lol. Every person could give you a different answer which wouldn’t really help you much… the best thing for you would be to ask your boyfriend what respect means to *him ***and how he thinks wives should show it to their husbands:thumbsup:

Hahaha! That sounds good. ^^ Thanks!

 

[monicatholic]

Though Feanaro’s wife is right, i’ll answer anyway, because it’s a pleasure to consider this.

I have immense respect for my husband. He’s the most generous person I know. He works his behind off and every penny of his pay and every minute of his free time is giiven to us, his family. He’s also honest, moral, loving, and funny as all get. He loves God. He loves me. There are so many of his qualities I’ve yet to attain.

That’s why it’s easy for me to show respect.

How do I show respect?
**I never sell him out. Not to my friends, not to our kids, not to my mother or sisters. Especially to our kids. If I have to enforce something coming from their dad, I always make it clear that I agree with dad’s standards a hundred percent. if i disagree, we discuss it in private. my kids know we’re a united entity.

**I listen when he has stuff on his mind.

**I pay attention to the things he likes and the things that bug him. I try to provide the first and eliminate the second. Simple as: when he comes home from afternoon shift in the middle of the night, he likes to be able to find a clean towel, so I put one out. (If I forget, he never mentions it, but if I remember, he thanks me.) He dislikes when our kids talk with food in their mouths. So even when he’s away from family meals, I instruct them.

** I pray for him.

** I make sure to thank him at least once a day and i’m very specific about my gratitude. I thank him for working so hard. I thank him for playing with the baby during homeschool lessons. I thank him for fixing our cars. etc.

** I invite our kids to show little acts of gratitude, too.

** BIG one: I tell his parents what a wonderful husband and dad he is. They worry over evertything and forget to express their approval of him. I tell them, instead. (This is also respectful to my inlaws. They did a good job raising him.)

Feanaro’s Wife was more right than I knew. There’s too much to say about this. But it was a pleasure saying what I did. I could write tripple as much about the lovely things my husband does to show respect and appreciation for me. Some other time.

 

[BamaRider]

CatholicSam- congrats on your recent citizenship.

 

[GhostMan]

I love this topic, thanks for starting it. I am a husband, so I won’t comment about what specific things are to be done, but I just want some of you ladies to know how important this is to many husbands.

I asked my wife a few years ago what she needed most out of our marraige. She said security. At first I thought that was security in our relationship, but I later discovered that it meant far more. She wanted to feel physically safe, emotionally safe, mentally safe and spiritually safe. Each of these things takes different acts on my part. I finally got that.

If she had asked me the same question in return, I would have said respect. To me, a wife’s respect - and the specific things she does or does not do - are a baramoter of a marriage. If the wife is actively working on things to show respect, then the marriage has a great indicator. If the wife is doing the opposite - undermining the husband on purpose, then if is ill.

For the first twenty-three years of our marriage, my wife was so supportive of me in this way. The children never questioned my authority, my wife backed it up 100%. She never spoke down to or about me. She respected my opinions and ideas even if she disagreed. I felt very blessed and our marriage was strong.

When my wife began her spiritual journey that led to her falling away from the True Faith and converting to another demomination, she changed in many ways. Her conversion path was filled with lies, anger, secrets and hurt and in the process she seems to have lost much of her respect for me. Not respect in the bigs ways, just the small ones. For instance, I am no longer allowed to have an opinion that’s different from hers. Even if I speak a verifiable fact that she disagrees with, she will correct me - even in front of the children.

She makes decisions about important things to do with our children without consulting me, in fact she uses a “spiritual leader” as the main (name removed by moderator)ut for one of our children, in spite of the fact she knows that I really dislike the man.

She seaks out the ideas and approvals of her friends and even our grown children and never asks for my (name removed by moderator)ut. This is the polar opposite of our first twenty plus years of marriage.

A lack of respect is withering to a man; on the other hand, a man who enjoy’s the respect of his wife is a blessed man and he knows it.

 

[monicatholic]

GhostMan,

I’d read previous posts from you and remember this sad deterioration of your relationship with your wife.

Your post supports what I’d written about respecting my husband-- what you call undermining, I called selling out. It is the single most consistent thing I do to show respect for my husband-- to not sell him out.

Especially to our kids. I uphold his views with complete confidence and reserve any disagreement until we are alone. Admittedly, this is easy to do because I know my husband’s perspective is one informed in Truth, love and gentleness.

Here’s a mysterious thing: the more I exhibit respect for my husband, the more he shows love for me.

 

[KCT]

One way is that I never saying anything unflattering about him to my family or mutual friends.

If I need to talk to someone, I take it either to my spiritual director or to a friend of mine whom dh is not close to.

 

[savienu]

Great topic, as it’s one I’ve been wrestling with. I don’t think I show my husband as much respect as I could or should. Often I am frustrated and just want things to go my way, and arrogantly believe that I know better than he. I DO respect him, but not in all things. The times when I am more respectful and submissive, he’s more loving and responsible. I hear all the time that marriages improve so much when the woman respects and submits to her husband, but yet I can’t seem to get there. Well, with God’s grace I will get there more and more each day.

I need to stop correcting him in front of the kids, I think that’s the first thing I’ll work on.

 

[Morwenna]

One way is that I never saying anything unflattering about him to my family or mutual friends.

If I need to talk to someone, I take it either to my spiritual director or to a friend of mine whom dh is not close to.

I’m not married (yet … God willing, someday), but what you’ve written is just HUGE.

I know quite a few women who regularly belittle their husbands in front of friends & family … how humiliating! Things like, “of course you think so, that’s because you men don’t think with your brains,” “men are so stupid,” and the like. Now, of course every couple is going to have disagreements from time to time, but I firmly believe they should not “air their dirty laundry” in front of others, so to speak (this goes for both husbands and wives, by the way!). Not that the above things are charitable things to say, even in private … but how much worse to have them said to you in front of others!

Another thing I find extremely disrespectful: many women will discuss with co-workers really personal details (such as hubby’s bathroom habits, laugh about his embarrassing health issues, etc)

I have made a vow to my future husband (wherever he is ) that I won’t do either of the above … both of those behaviors are emotionally painful to me when I witness them. And in all honesty, I see women engaging in those behaviors MUCH more than men … not sure why, but that’s my experience. Sad, very sad.

As for how I will respect him, oh, I’ve been thinking about this for about the past 20 years or so. I’ve got so many ideas for happy surprises, loving things I can do, little everyday ways of letting him know he is loved and respected … of course, they’ll be tailored to suit his personality when the time comes, but I still enjoy thinking about things that I could do. I have no illusions of perfection, but I intend to put forth great effort into being a good and loving wife, God willing.

 

[Just_wondering]

I’m not married (yet … God willing, someday), but what you’ve written is just HUGE.

I know quite a few women who regularly belittle their husbands in front of friends & family … how humiliating! Things like, “of course you think so, that’s because you men don’t think with your brains,” “men are so stupid,” and the like. Now, of course every couple is going to have disagreements from time to time, but I firmly believe they should not “air their dirty laundry” in front of others, so to speak (this goes for both husbands and wives, by the way!). Not that the above things are charitable things to say, even in private … but how much worse to have them said to you in front of others!

Another thing I find extremely disrespectful: many women will discuss with co-workers really personal details (such as hubby’s bathroom habits, laugh about his embarrassing health issues, etc)

I have made a vow to my future husband (wherever he is ) that I won’t do either of the above … both of those behaviors are emotionally painful to me when I witness them. And in all honesty, I see women engaging in those behaviors MUCH more than men … not sure why, but that’s my experience. Sad, very sad.

I really agree with you! I had a friend who was always insulting her husband in front of friends and coworkers. It really bothered me to think that she had such a lack of respect for him and yet married him anyway. I don’t envy him at all. I know I couldn’t handle being in a relationship with someone who always brought me down.

 

[GraceDK]

There was a book called Love and Respect or something like that, I forget who it’s by.
There’s also of course the bible quote that says, and I paraphrase, ‘husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands’.

So I was wondering, how does a wife respect her husband?

Thanks!

ps Sorry if I’m repeating a thread. ^^;;

Hey GreyRabbit.

I am not married either but I take “respect” to mean to treat your husband like you want to be treated your self: that means, loving him, doing your best as part of the team of two to built the home, hearing him out when he speaks, being understanding, taking him seriously, never be petty, never allow for “silent treatment” in the home…
Respect for me is about really hearing each other… communication, respecting each other’s needs… Its also about respecting family privacy and for spouses to keep on working on their love and romance and letting each other know how much they are appreciated.
That how I see “respect”

 

[GraceDK]

There was a book called Love and Respect or something like that, I forget who it’s by.
There’s also of course the bible quote that says, and I paraphrase, ‘husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands’.

So I was wondering, how does a wife respect her husband?

Thanks!

ps Sorry if I’m repeating a thread. ^^;;

Hey GreyRabbit.

I am not married either but I take “respect” to mean to treat your husband like you want to be treated your self: that means, loving him, doing your best as part of the team of two to built the home, hearing him out when he speaks, being understanding, taking him seriously, never be petty, never allow for “silent treatment” in the home…
Respect for me is about really hearing each other… communication, respecting each other’s needs… Its also about respecting family privacy and for spouses to keep on working on their love and romance and letting each other know how much they are appreciated.
That how I see “respect”

 

[GraceDK]

There was a book called Love and Respect or something like that, I forget who it’s by.
There’s also of course the bible quote that says, and I paraphrase, ‘husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands’.

So I was wondering, how does a wife respect her husband?

Thanks!

ps Sorry if I’m repeating a thread. ^^;;

Hey GreyRabbit.

I am not married either but I take “respect” to mean to treat your husband like you want to be treated your self: that means, loving him, doing your best as part of the team of two to built the home, hearing him out when he speaks, being understanding, taking him seriously, never be petty, never allow for “silent treatment” in the home…
Respect for me is about really hearing each other… communication, respecting each other’s needs… Its also about respecting family privacy and for spouses to keep on working on their love and romance and letting each other know how much they are appreciated.
That how I see “respect”

 

[GraceDK]

I’m not married (yet … God willing, someday), but what you’ve written is just HUGE.

I know quite a few women who regularly belittle their husbands in front of friends & family … how humiliating! Things like, “of course you think so, that’s because you men don’t think with your brains,” “men are so stupid,” and the like. Now, of course every couple is going to have disagreements from time to time, but I firmly believe they should not “air their dirty laundry” in front of others, so to speak (this goes for both husbands and wives, by the way!). Not that the above things are charitable things to say, even in private … but how much worse to have them said to you in front of others!

Another thing I find extremely disrespectful: many women will discuss with co-workers really personal details (such as hubby’s bathroom habits, laugh about his embarrassing health issues, etc)

I have made a vow to my future husband (wherever he is ) that I won’t do either of the above … both of those behaviors are emotionally painful to me when I witness them. And in all honesty, I see women engaging in those behaviors MUCH more than men … not sure why, but that’s my experience. Sad, very sad.

As for how I will respect him, oh, I’ve been thinking about this for about the past 20 years or so. I’ve got so many ideas for happy surprises, loving things I can do, little everyday ways of letting him know he is loved and respected … of course, they’ll be tailored to suit his personality when the time comes, but I still enjoy thinking about things that I could do. I have no illusions of perfection, but I intend to put forth great effort into being a good and loving wife, God willing.

The things you have observed are really sad. I am glad I havent really experienced anything like that ever in my adult life probably because the women I hang out with are mostly Christians and they just dont speak like that.

Then at my work place I am surrounded by secular men and women and these sometimes speak in terrible ways… I heard one man bragging about how he had found his teenage daughter puking in the night because she had been so drunk. I heard on severel occasions young men talking about sex and women in most disrespectful terms, using words as though we were animals, right infront of colleages… and then I have heard my female coworkers swear a lot and also make a few dirty jokes… but nope, never heard what you describe, people slandering their husbands. Maybe it has something to do with the particular work environment… And I am definately sure that the narcissism of secularism makes criticism of husbands and wives and children more socially acceptble than ever.
Whenever people are being slandered I always try to say nice and understanding things about the person or simply change the topic.

Now I have two sisters who have at difficult times in their marriage confided something to me about what was going on. I dont regard that as selling out on their husbands, but sometimes a woman needs a sisters shoulder to cry on.

Peace.

 

[whiteyacht]

I agree with all the PPs who said to never speak poorly of your husband with others. I will not complain to anyone about my hubby, not even an anonymous forum like this one. God is the only one who gets to hear me whine! And you know what? Whatever my husband was doing that brought on a whiny reaction in me has always resolved itself very quickly. I think if I had complained to others, it would just have made the problem fester.