) since you might find someone who isn’t exactly what you expect but you still should marry them.
I think God does lead us but He uses our free will and choices to guide us. I met my DH on our company softball team. He worked in a different building, but I was a friend of his college classmate, who also was on the team. She knew him well and thought we had a lot in common. When we went our for food and drinks after the game, she sort of placed us by each other. God knew I wanted a devout, Catholic husband who would agree with my wanting to be a SAHM eventually. We had some family of origin differences to work out, but the rest is history.I often wonder how God leads a person to their spouse. I have never been in a relationship, but I have preferences when I think of who I would like to date. Does God use our preferences to lead us to the right person or do we limit God by having preferences? And, when I say preferences I’m talking about catholicity, age, ethnicity or education level for example.
It is not odd at all. Many people idealize someone with looks different than theirs–the brown-eyed person who wants to find someone with striking blue eyes, the blonde who wants to find red-head or a raven-haired brunette, the short one who wants someone tall, the curly-haired one who wants someone with straight hair, or vice versa on any of that. Maybe it is nature’s way of preparing us to leave our families or an expression of some inner longing to really be out on our own–who knows? Just be prepared to set that aside, if the reason arises. If you can say, “I was looking for a red-head, but that was before I met you. When I met you, I knew I’d want you if you were bald. It is you I love, and I do not care what you do with your hair.”
I know a person who, in his head, wanted to marry a Greek girl-- there was an actress in a movie that was his “ideal”. In life, he always carried a torch for Jewish woman who was married to, then divorced from, a mutual friend. He ended up marrying an overweight redhead.
Often times, I think we limit God with our preferences. Limiting ourselves based on Catholicity is a prudentially good decision to make and will spare yourself a considerable deal of suffering, and safeguard your children. Age also makes sense. If you’re a younger man that wants a family, marrying a woman in her 40s is going to be problematic, plus for either gender, you’re going to be a widow in your 50s or 60s if you marry somebody a lot older than you. Education can also make sense to some extent, in so far as it reflects the work ethic of the person, although I don’t think somebody with a doctorate and somebody with a bachelors that charged straight into a career would necessarily be much of an issue. Again, education is a question because of what it says about the person’s work ethic and character.I often wonder how God leads a person to their spouse. I have never been in a relationship, but I have preferences when I think of who I would like to date. Does God use our preferences to lead us to the right person or do we limit God by having preferences? And, when I say preferences I’m talking about catholicity, age, ethnicity or education level for example.
What makes a marriage a sacrament - as opposed to natural marriage - is that Christ is directly involved, not that two particular people were involved.As a white woman, I would be offended if your post wasn’t true for myself.
I don’t find myself attracted to white men. It could be because I ran into a few white guys who didn’t treat me right. I’m really not sure. One reason I was pondering was if God put the desire in my heart for a specific type of person to serve as a guide. But, it sounded a little weird so I wanted to see what y’all thought.Everybody looks “exotic” to somebody, I guess!As a white woman, I would be offended if your post wasn’t true for myself.
I am of the same opinion of on_the_hill. God doesn’t send us a spouse nor send us help. He doesn’t have someone in mind for us and we aren’t made for someone and someone isn’t made for us.I often wonder how God leads a person to their spouse. I have never been in a relationship, but I have preferences when I think of who I would like to date. Does God use our preferences to lead us to the right person or do we limit God by having preferences? And, when I say preferences I’m talking about catholicity, age, ethnicity or education level for example.
Well, that makes it sound bleak. I’m not one to be flirtatious with the opposite sex. And most of the time I do something really embarrassing even when I’m not in a romantic situation. I just get really nervous around men.
One suggestion is that you dress smartly at all public occasions. It seems so common to see girls in outfits that do nothing to attract attention…clothing that appears purposefully made to be tasteless…Well, that makes it sound bleak. I’m not one to be flirtatious with the opposite sex. And most of the time I do something really embarrassing even when I’m not in a romantic situation. I just get really nervous around men.
If I don’t have divine assistance I’ll probably be single for life. The reason being, once when I was young and dumb I learned the hard way that it is a bad idea to allow yourself to be infatuated with a crush; quite embarrassing actually. Now I just wait for guys to approach me. And, well, they don’t for the most part.
I do dress smartly. I don’t dress punk like one of my previous threads might lead you to believe. (It was a very short phase). I wear nice jeans or skirts and blouses and wear nice makeup. There is nothing wrong with my appearance ( I hope. What if I’m ugly?!). Yup, I’m pretty sure I need divine assistance.One suggestion is that you dress smartly at all public occasions. It seems so common to see girls in outfits that do nothing to attract attention…clothing that appears purposefully made to be tasteless…
Now this is not to be confused with dressing provocatively. The stress should be upon showing self-respect.
The second suggestion is that you do as little talking as is necessary, but that when you do speak you are gracious and friendly. Provide an opportunity for a potentially tongue-twisted guy to approach you. Do not look after the strong, confident, type who might stare you right in the eye and take you where they will…that type that exudes confidence knows all of the right words already…that type should be handled with caution…instead allow your gaze to linger occasionally upon the quieter fellows in the background. Chances are better that these do not yet have dates…but consider that these may be even more nervous in approaching you than you are at their approach…so timing is essential: lingering too long could be alarming…not long enough will not provide the opportunity for the right amount of courage to be fostered…
This is why group activities are so helpful in these areas because they allow everyone to behave more naturally until nervousness subsides in favor of more natural friendships…there is less pressure that way for all concerned…so seek out some groups you might join…and allow things to take their proper course…
