How does God match two persons together?

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CatholicGuy31 said:
This is true, in order for God to lead us to “the one” we must do those things that allow ourselves to be led.
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Exactly.

Waiting does not mean passive.

We have to be findable. God can have people cross paths in multiple ways.
 
i believe you pray for it.

after a few years of dating my then boyfriend (now husband), told me he was praying for a girlfriend/life partner the time he met me. one day he had dreamt of a certain building; he drew it on a piece of paper right after waking up (he was studying architecture). we met online, so at a certain point we decided to meet. he went to my school and realized it was my school that he saw in his dream. this may sound like some joke, but i kid you not.

5 years after dating, we got married. we have been 15 years together now. we have different personalities, but we barely ever have fights. in my opinion, we are very compatible.

i am glad he prayed for it because i didn’t. so again, pray to Papa God for it.
 
I believe that God has a plan for us however we have free will and that includes if and whom we choose as our covenant partner.
 
I do not believe in the concept of “one true love” or “soulmates”. At least, not in the sense most people see it. I personally have found that many people use “God brought us together” as an excuse to justify very questionable relationships, or even outright sexual sin.

Even on CAF, I recall recent topics where people used the “Perhaps God brought them together” argument to support a 45 year old dating an 18 year old, and even two married people committing adultery.

Such an attitude can also encourage just sitting around doing nothing just waiting for God to miraculously drop the perfect spouse on our doorsteps.

So I tend to really not take this idea seriously.
 
quinone said:
5 years after dating, we got married. we have been 15 years together now. we have different personalities, but we barely ever have fights. in my opinion, we are very compatible.
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Now that’s interesting, I always thought when it came to marriage that opposites did not attract. That we should always try to look for someone with similar interests, likes/dislikes, hobbies, etc… I wondered if you wouldn’t mind expanding a bit more about the differences in personality (only if you can).
 
CatholicGuy31 said:
Now that’s interesting, I always thought when it came to marriage that opposites did not attract. That we should always try to look for someone with similar interests, likes/dislikes, hobbies, etc… I wondered if you wouldn’t mind expanding a bit more about the differences in personality (only if you can).
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Although I don’t believe in the over-romanticized version of soul-mates, I HAVE noticed that most couples in happy marriages or long-term relationships actually have a good balance, that they are similar enough to be compatible, but different enough to keep things interesting. For example, often, one spouse is slightly more socially outgoing than the other, stereotypically the wife, but not always. Or, one spouse has more of a carefree outlook on life compared to the other.

And certainly, it is very rare (especially in people who believe in traditional gender roles) for spouses to share every single hobby. There is some truth to the stereotype of the “football widow”, or the husband who drops his wife off at the mall for a few hours to hang out and shop with her girlfriends.

I do think it is important for spouses to share core values and approaches to finances, child-rearing, etc. But this doesn’t mean they should be as similar as possible. Also, some personalities, such as the classic rigid "Type A"s, likely would become very exhausted in a relationship with someone with the exactly same personality!
 
This is such a perplexing topic. If God is not a matchmaker, how are we to understand Tobit 6:18? This is not a rhetorical question, honestly. I’m just confused, and I pity the seven husbands of Sarah who all died before consummating the marriage. If they only knew Tobit was the one, they could have lived to marry another girl, hehehe.
 
This is such a perplexing topic. If God is not a matchmaker, how are we to understand Tobit 6:18? This is not a rhetorical question, honestly. I’m just confused, and I pity the seven husbands of Sarah who all died before consummating the marriage. If they only knew Tobit was the one, they could have lived to marry another girl, hehehe.
 
shanishani7 said:
Has God planned for each one of us a Spouse when we were born?
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No there is no such things as a soul mate. God doesn’t plan for us our marriages. He does however know we will be married.
shanishani7 said:
Is this really a destiny, which means we both will be together even we don’t work so hard on this? God will use many ways to match both together?
Or, we should Pray more asking God to help us finding a real spouse?
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The reality is that you must work exceptional hard to find a spouse these days.
shanishani7 said:
In this secular world, many people use many ways to chase someone such as dating out, buying gifts, do everything to please each other, or even using tricks or lies… to get someone.

For most of the couples, I see many catholic couples are holy family and live in harmony and happily together and last forever, I believe these are really the Blessings from God.

As for me who were baptized when born, and I had a few unhappy and failed relationships before, how do I work on this now to find a spouse to build a harmony family? just waiting for the future spouse to appear, or pray more on this, or explore more to find one?
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You need to be active in finding a spouse. God doesn’t promise us anything without us having to work for it.

I know God’s work is amazing, but I still don’t understand it. Can anyone who are in holy family share about it? 🙂 Thanks.

Catholic teaching is that God doesn’t send us a spouse or really help us find “the one”. Instead we have been give lots of options and God lets us pick for ourselves for our own reasons who we want to marry. God then blesses our marriage and our choice.
 
Karl Keating addressed this topic in one of his e-letters almost 8 years ago:

archive.catholic.com/newsletters/kke_080108.asp
ToeInTheWater said:
I personally have found that many people use “God brought us together” as an excuse to justify very questionable relationships, or even outright sexual sin.

Even on CAF, I recall recent topics where people used the “Perhaps God brought them together” argument to support a 45 year old dating an 18 year old, and even two married people committing adultery.
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Additionally, when I hear statements like “God gives us a free will, but we can use it to ignore what He plans for us”, it makes me think it can be used as emotional / spiritual blackmail to manipulate someone into marrying someone who is incompatible, abusive, or otherwise harmful.

Ultimately, we need to take responsibility for our decisions.
 
God plays no role. This is free will. If he did we would all have the perfect mate
 
Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and St. Joseph led my husband and I together. We weren’t praying for relationships at the time either. We both had deep devotions to them and we instantly knew they were introducing us to one another for the purpose of marriage. It scared both of us honestly and neither of us told the other until the day before our wedding. I told him and he confirmed he also knew at that first handshake. We both knew the moment we met we were supposed to be married but we fought it and denied it at first. I’m glad we finally decided to get together. He’s definitely the man God intended for me to spend my life with. Been married 18 years and have never been happier. Each day we grow closer and our struggles have bonded us instead of pulling us apart. Many people credit St. Ann and St. Anthony for leading them to their spouses. Yes, God can hand pick spouses for one another but only if He has a reason. I think just about any relationship can work out if a couple works at it, but I know that some of us are led to a specific person by the Hand of God. Just as some people are led by Him into the religious life or the seminary, some of us are led into our vocations as a wife or husband. Pray to discern God’s will for your life and the Holy Spirit will take you where you need to be.

Many long time married couples say they also knew the moment they met their spouse it was obvious that he/she was the one for them. I don’t think it’s really all that uncommon.
 
I am perplexed by this as well. I am discerning whether I should marry my boyfriend.
There have been a number of issues that have come up and caused me a ton of worry… I know that the church prefers we marry other Catholics. He is baptized but not interested in belonging to the church. And certain conflicts have arisen that have made me acutely aware of our different world views.
It’s more complicated because I was away from the faith when we met and I’ve come back to it since. He is still uninterested, but definitely making various positive changes in his life.
Anyway, my priest says I will only be happy once I discern God’s will. If it’s God’s will that marry him, so be it. I must then stick to my decision and make the best of it.
But you guys say that God doesn’t really have an opinion about it? Choosing a partner is not about finding out God’s will?
Does anyone think it’s actually okay to marry someone less religious than you, if you are compatible in every other way and they are happy for children to be raised Catholic?
Does anyone think that God puts spiritually “poor” people in touch with potential partners who can assist in bringing them closer to Himself? I would just love to be an instrument in that way! Not so much due to my evangelical zeal, if I am honest, but because I love this guy so so much and I want to see him in better spiritual health (on the road to heaven, hopefully).
 
verily88 said:
I am perplexed by this as well. I am discerning whether I should marry my boyfriend.
There have been a number of issues that have come up and caused me a ton of worry… I know that the church prefers we marry other Catholics. He is baptized but not interested in belonging to the church. And certain conflicts have arisen that have made me acutely aware of our different world views.
It’s more complicated because I was away from the faith when we met and I’ve come back to it since. He is still uninterested, but definitely making various positive changes in his life.
Anyway, my priest says I will only be happy once I discern God’s will. If it’s God’s will that marry him, so be it. I must then stick to my decision and make the best of it.
But you guys say that God doesn’t really have an opinion about it? Choosing a partner is not about finding out God’s will?
Does anyone think it’s actually okay to marry someone less religious than you, if you are compatible in every other way and they are happy for children to be raised Catholic?
Does anyone think that God puts spiritually “poor” people in touch with potential partners who can assist in bringing them closer to Himself? I would just love to be an instrument in that way! Not so much due to my evangelical zeal, if I am honest, but because I love this guy so so much and I want to see him in better spiritual health (on the road to heaven, hopefully).
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Pray and ask God to show you His will. Yes, I think God does sometimes lead us to people that are in need of our faith in order to gently lead them to Him. I know my husband and I have each supported the other spiritually and helped each of us grow at various times. If he is willing for the kids to be raised Catholic you are already getting a better deal than many people who marry practicing Catholic spouses that end up leaving the faith. At least you have the advantage of knowing that the faith formation of the children is yours to handle from day one, and you don’t all of a sudden have that sprung on you. Make sure he is going to support their faith, and make sure you are on the same page when it comes to family planning, traditions at home, that sort of thing. I know many couples that are either mixed religion or only one practicing that are very strong marriages. Pray for God to guide you and to guide your words when trying to discuss future plans. I’ll pray for you as well.

My priest is from a mixed marriage. His father was Catholic and his mom was never baptized. She raised six children in the church including three priests and a nun. She was in agreement that the children be raised Catholic and she made sure they knew their prayers, made it to Mass, learned the catechism, etc. As an unbaptized lady she did more than many devout Catholic parents do. It really depends on the person and what they are willing to do for the family. She did eventually convert to the church once her children were older, but even as a non catholic she fulfilled the vows she took to raise the children Catholic. Many of my siblings have also married non Catholics or even non Christians. Most have been strong and healthy marriages. One brother married a strong catholic woman and they have divorced because he left the church for a while and it made lots of problems for them. No path is guaranteed easier than the other so yes, once you decide to marry you must find the way to make it work. By praying to know God’s will from the get go, you will be strengthened in the rough spots and will receive added graces to overcome them together.
 
bitterhope said:
Pray and ask God to show you His will. Yes, I think God does sometimes lead us to people that are in need of our faith in order to gently lead them to Him. I know my husband and I have each supported the other spiritually and helped each of us grow at various times. If he is willing for the kids to be raised Catholic you are already getting a better deal than many people who marry practicing Catholic spouses that end up leaving the faith. At least you have the advantage of knowing that the faith formation of the children is yours to handle from day one, and you don’t all of a sudden have that sprung on you. Make sure he is going to support their faith, and make sure you are on the same page when it comes to family planning, traditions at home, that sort of thing. I know many couples that are either mixed religion or only one practicing that are very strong marriages. Pray for God to guide you and to guide your words when trying to discuss future plans. I’ll pray for you as well.

My priest is from a mixed marriage. His father was Catholic and his mom was never baptized. She raised six children in the church including three priests and a nun. She was in agreement that the children be raised Catholic and she made sure they knew their prayers, made it to Mass, learned the catechism, etc. As an unbaptized lady she did more than many devout Catholic parents do. It really depends on the person and what they are willing to do for the family. She did eventually convert to the church once her children were older, but even as a non catholic she fulfilled the vows she took to raise the children Catholic. Many of my siblings have also married non Catholics or even non Christians. Most have been strong and healthy marriages. One brother married a strong catholic woman and they have divorced because he left the church for a while and it made lots of problems for them. No path is guaranteed easier than the other so yes, once you decide to marry you must find the way to make it work. By praying to know God’s will from the get go, you will be strengthened in the rough spots and will receive added graces to overcome them together.
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It is so encouraging to read this, bitterhope!
First, thanks for the prayers. I really appreciate that. This is obviously one of the biggest decisions I’ll ever have to make.
It’s also so interesting to read about your priest’s parents and your siblings’ marriages. I personally am not aware of many mixed marriages among my friends and family. Good to know they can be solid and happy.
As you say, no path is guaranteed easier than any other. All the trials I have experienced so far in this relationship have actually brought me closer to God, even if it has been in a roundabout way. That gives me hope at least. :gopray:
 
verily88 said:
It is so encouraging to read this, bitterhope!
First, thanks for the prayers. I really appreciate that. This is obviously one of the biggest decisions I’ll ever have to make.
It’s also so interesting to read about your priest’s parents and your siblings’ marriages. I personally am not aware of many mixed marriages among my friends and family. Good to know they can be solid and happy.
As you say, no path is guaranteed easier than any other. All the trials I have experienced so far in this relationship have actually brought me closer to God, even if it has been in a roundabout way. That gives me hope at least. :gopray:
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Well, my grandparents were a mixed marriage as well at first and my parents were both Catholics but settled in a very Protestant area (Southern Appalachia) so it’s almost guaranteed for a catholic to marry a non catholic or not marry. My parents were “immigrants” to Appalachia (dad from Oklahoma and mom from Vermont) and were married several years before settling down there. Most of my siblings (there’s 16 of us) didn’t have many options to find devout Catholic spouses locally. The ones that married their before college sweethearts all are in mixed marriages and the ones that met their spouses at or after college are a pretty even split. My husband is Catholic and most of our struggles have been very similar to all my siblings’ struggles. My mom assures me they are the same she had with dad too. The best advice I have to offer you is pray to St. Joseph for your future spouse. St. Joseph is not only the head of the Holy Family but also protector of the Church.
 
bitterhope said:
The best advice I have to offer you is pray to St. Joseph for your future spouse. St. Joseph is not only the head of the Holy Family but also protector of the Church.
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Will do!

Hope the OP didn’t mind my butting in with my own story!
I honestly grew up with the message that God had already Picked Out a spouse for those of us with a calling to marriage. For example, during talks about chastity given by priests and religious (I remember one or two specific instances at retreats I attended as a teenager) I got the impression that one should save sex until one had found and married that preordained partner.
 
bitterhope said:
The best advice I have to offer you is pray to St. Joseph for your future spouse. St. Joseph is not only the head of the Holy Family but also protector of the Church.
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Code: 
 I realize that this is an older topic, but wanted to put in a Thank You to St. Joseph.   I made a novena to St. Joseph for a spouse and a career the summer before I graduated with my undergraduate.  With St. Joseph doors opened and opportunities presented themselves in the career area, just as I met my then future husband.  This was after  turning away from the 'world', even imperfectly, and toward the Lord.  I made this novena with a tiny bit of faith.  A mustard seed.   I can say that I agree with Karl Keating's article posted earlier, that there are many potential 'good' spouses.  But, I noticed that when I turned my heart towards Christ and the Church, things fell into place.    St. Joseph gets a huge credit for this. His intercessory prayers moved mountains for me. 
  My husband 'knew' when he met me that I was 'the one'.  And, having said that, it hasn't been 'perfect' or 'easy'.  Not my career or my marriage.  I had a job that I found I needed to  visit the Blessed Sacrament  before and often after work just to get through the day.  But that job paid our bills, and when it was time to move on I had multiple job offers.  Having a sacramental marriage  probably helped saved our marriage from the start.  I'm far from perfect as is the man I love.  
If I had turned towards God more fervently earlier in my life that I would have avoided a lot of heartbreak and struggle I came across in college. Yes, most definitely. I think it is also more than possible that my husband would have been a great husband to any one of girls he had dated. That is how highly I think of him.  He encourages me in this life. As Blessed Charles said to his bride Zita after their wedding, "Now let us help each other get to Heaven."
 
Well, I met my future wife from just browsing the forums on CAF. I was studying for priesthood and she posted a question and I answered. In the end I left and we gradually got to know each other better and eventually I proposed. I guess I actually wanted this more than to be a priest. I often prayed about it. I think if you trust God and pray for God to reveal His will in your life…that’s half the battle. Be open to God’s plan but also put yourself out there and try to find someone. I’m sure God will surprise you.
 
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