How does my daughter deal with sharing a room with a lesbian on a school band trip?

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ELDEN_S_WIFE

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My daughter is going on a band trip with her high school and was recently given their room assignments. Because the rooms sleep 4 my daughter and her two other friends were assigned a 4th girl to share their room. Unfortunately, the 4th girl turned out to be one of two openly lesbian girls in the band. (Who were being seperated because they were caught in an inappropriate way during an overnight bandcamp event this past summer.)

My daughter is unsure what to do. She and the other girls have discussed it and none of them want to share a bed with this girl. They are trying to decide whether to sleep 3 to a bed and let her have a bed to herself, or to order a cot for the room and one of them sleep on it. Either way, it will be obvious to the 4th girl why they are doing this and they are afraid she will do something to get back at them.

I expressed to my daughter that she needs to be charitable to the girl and that this doesn’t mean she is approving of her homosexuality. I told her to assume the girl would act appropriately and that maybe their good behavior and charity might go a long way in helping this girl. I also told her to pray for her.

My dilema is, how far should I encourage my 14 year old to go in loving the sinner and hating the sin?

Being charitable at school is different than being required to sleep in the same bed with her. Did I put my daughter in danger, both physically and spiritually? Should I have objected to the band leader that this is equivalent to putting a boy in their room? I know they will be uneasy about dressing in front of her, and sleeping in the same room. What if the girl acts out and inappropriately touches the other girls? What will this do to these girls? Isn’t this short of being raped? I would hate for my daughter to suffer unwanted fondling from a boy let alone a girl.

I know adults that struggle with loving the sinner and hating the sin, how can I expect my daughter at 14 to be able to handle this?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
 
Dear E,

The girls are not being unfairly discriminating. The girl has given them reason to be wary. If your daughter doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with the girl, I wouldn’t pressure her to do so. If the girl is ostracized, it is not because she is a lesbian, but because she acted out in a public setting. She needs to learn a lesson from her own lack of discretion.

Charity begins with common sense.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.
 
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