I agree with those who say living in your parents’ home is really a turnoff for women. Almost nothing is worse in their eyes.
Surely, something can be done about that. Even the worst kind of apartment can be “manned up” without spending a lot of money on it. Women expect mens’ apartments to be kind of spartan, and aren’t always too impressed with a man who lavishes money on decor for himself. They want to design and decorate their future homes, not have some man do it.
I’m with those that advocate “l’audace, l’audace, toujours l’audace!” It has been decades since I dated (happily married, lo, these many years) but I finally figured out that boldness can be met with rejection, but it is the surest key to success. I don’t mean being churlish or making a nuisance of oneself…just being bold while simultaneously being admiring and at ease. Some of the most outrageous starting lines will do. One doesn’t have to be Don Juan. “Do you mind if I sit here for a moment; that is, if you’re not engaged or in love, in which case I expect you would”. An intro like that, as bad as it sounds, will get a smile or chuckle, at least a tacit disclosure of status and almost always a non-objection. Generally speaking, unless women are engaged, in love, in a bad mood, or just hate men, they don’t mind a man’s company or conversation and are always at least tentatively interested. They’re almost always courteous even when they turn you down. If one does, well, over half the population is female, after all.
Early on, a man NEVER talks about himself, but always about the woman, and a man needs to pay attention to little things; possibly points of interest or pride the woman has. “Pardon my being intrusive, but are you an athlete of some sort? You do have that appearance, you know.” (even if she doesn’t) “Do you work here? Oh? What do you do here? Now that’s interesting, did you go through special training or education for that? Sounds like it would require it.”
Down the way in the conversation, one might say “It has really been interesting talking to you. I enjoyed it a great deal. Would you care to continue the conversation at lunch tomorrow…my treat?” If she protests that she ought to pay as well, one says: “oh, no, no, no. Since I’m the one who invited you, it would be unconscionable if I allowed you to pay. When we dine at the most expensive restaurant in town, I’ll let you pay. (laugh)”
As I said, it has been a long time since I dated, but I doubt women have really changed very much.
Financial matters are ALWAYS your own business, but one might give hints if the inquiry is obvious. “Oh no, I would hardly describe myself as wealthy. I do save my money and have not been ashamed of the result, but gee, what really qualifies for wealth nowadays with all the super-wealthy we hear about incessantly?”
“Am I a skinflint? (in response if she gets suspicious that you might be) Oh, I wouldn’t say that about myself, but someday if I marry and we start a family, it will take everything I can make or save to make a decent life for them. I don’t really need a lot of spending now, and there’s not so very much I need right now anyway.”
And as a bachelor, one ABSOLUTELY should save every nickel he can. Women on here might throw stones at me for this, but women are “nest builders”. So even a modest head start in family formation makes a difference to them. And if it takes getting a second job now, then do it. Better than an evening in front of the TV, and besides, lots of times one meets women in a job of nearly any sort. Lightning can come out of a clear sky.
This will really sound terrible, but I sometimes went to Mass in working-class parishes. Girls from working-class families have low financial expectations because they have lived the life. And yes, I didn’t hesitate to strike up conversations with women coming out of church. I used to go to get “cold call” dates at hospital nursing schools. Most of those women don’t have anything and expect to work hard to be able to live at all. Some of them were strikingly pretty. Never did I fail to get a date doing “cold calls”. If I was dating now, I would also go to the vocational schools, and for the very same reason. Do you really think all those women really want to be law enforcement officers or dental hygienists without families forever?
But that’s not to say one should disdain middle class or even wealthy women. Sometimes wealthy women are the loneliest of all because most men are afraid of them. They’re “stuck in their class”, so to speak, and it’s a rare atmosphere there. Sometimes, if they’re wealthy enough, they don’t know enough “real men” in their circles to fill a thimble.
And do NOT assume that even hostility means hopelessness…as long as you can break through it. My wife and I hated each other at first. She thought I was vain and a rounder, and she was right. I was then hustling other women at a party, and she blew me to pieces in front of the other women. She really let me have it. I took her aside and we entered an agreement that she would be the exception…that I would not be deceptive or vain with her alone. We made peace, and she became my “confidante”. In fact, I told her that’s what she was. Over time, we became friends, then admitted to each other that we loved each other.
Probably none of this seems helpful, but it might be someday. Good luck!
Yep!