How does one break lust?

[CrimsonThorn]

It seemed that pornography and masturbation were my toughest sins to overcome, now they are easier to avoid, however…lustfull looking and thoughts seem to have now filled that spot, even if the thoughts don’t lead to masturbation.

The times where the temptation is strongest is when I’m in public, more specifically, in the presence of beautiful women, and even more specifically, in the presence of women who show too much skin. I try not to look or objectify them, yet, it seems like my reaction to keep looking in their direction is almost impulsive. Sometimes there are no thoughts, sometimes there are.

I was at lunch today and a woman with a short skirt was sitting across from me, facing my way. She was very beautiful, but her legs were kind of open and my eyes just honed in that area. I realized my reaction and tried to look elsewhere and think of somethig else. Yet the compulsion to look was so strong, and I kept battling with myself, looking, not looking, looking, etc… She eventually left since she was done eating. I wasn’t imagining any sexual activity with her, but I don’t know if I have sinned or not? My spirit deep down does not want this, but my flesh does very much so

PS- I hope I posted this in the right forum.

 

[fred_conty]

You said that you had made headway with other sins, then it is also possible with this as well.

A common practise to conteract a sin by doing just the opposite. If there is a unruly thought running thru you mind, trade it off for an opposite good thought. Such as “this could be my sister, mother, daughter.” Or replace the thought with the holy family or the image of Jesus.

Doing this often will eventually cool off these thoughts. But there has to be a possitive id and action. It won’t come with just wishing.

Just a thought.

 

[Dying_Breed]

I think it shows that your healthy. If you truly didnt consent to lustful thoughts about her I dont think you’ve sinned. Perhaps maybe venially because you kept looking which would be not fleeing an occasion of sin? Maybe you could have sat at a different point of the table and faced another direction? As men its just our nature and its a good thing to be like that. Women should not be dressing that way in public, I honestly consider it sexual harassment. Sex is important not only for reproducing but for bonding with the spouse, alot of women are supposed to feel irresistable (just not in public). With that said, the best you can do is spot them out of the corner of your eye and do your best to avoid looking in their general direction and of course resist lustful thoughts as you did. I also second the suggestion of the poster above me.

 

[michaelmas]

Yes, that is right. You are healthy and this should be welcomed as a gift. You are right to be concerned about not taking that gift to far.

This will be a struggle but as God says you have the grace already to overcome it.

When you are tempted with this try not to look and instead think of the Christ on the Cross.
Start a habit of doing something else with your mind when this happens like saying a purity prayer or making the sign of the cross or thanking God for such beauty please help me to keep my mind pure.

Be consistent.

This will not be easy but it is good that you are attacking it now.

 

[Neildown]

You’ll get over it with time and perseverance - basically like one would get over any other aspect of lust. I still have problems in that department, and its really hard to fight those kinds of temptations sometimes, but once you do get a good grip on your mind it’s easier than you think to turn away from it. A motivating concept I heard the other day at Bible study is to think about how God and you as a person are bigger than the sin, as opposed to worrying, praying, or complaining about how big the sin itself is. Just keep building your mental muscle and it should become easier over time.

 

[raikou]

Hi.

This website could help. chastity.com/chastity-qa/how-stay-pure/how-stay-pure

You are not alone in the struggle as all of us have a fallen nature. The battle is hard. We shouldn’t be discouraged if we fall a lot of times because the struggle may require a long training and really identifying the root cause of our sins, and God is always there to forgive us and support us as we struggle again.

The first step in the struggle is to pray a lot, since it is God who will win the battle for us. Spending time with the Blessed Sacrament regularly, praying the Rosary daily and fostering a deep devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and frequenting the sacraments (Holy Mass - daily if possible; Confession - can be weekly or whenever we fall). These means of obtaining grace should be accompanied by human means of avoiding occasions of sin, training oneself in mortification, getting busy at a more noble and fulfilling human activity etc. These human means will be discussed in the site.

One good point I got from that site was to make the struggle be more positive rather than a negative one. It shouldn’t be about losing something we enjoy, but growing in love for God and our neighbor and growing in virtues. This can be more fulfilling than giving in to illicit passions which are radically opposed to the love to which we are called as Christians.

As for your question, I can’t really judge because it’s you who know what really happened. As a general rule, if we are aware that something is a temptation/that it is a sin and we kept on looking and looking again at it (especially if there’s willful indulgence) then it’s probably a sin. If you are not sure, better to bring it up in confession/spiritual direction.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

You said that you had made headway with other sins, then it is also possible with this as well.

A common practise to conteract a sin by doing just the opposite. If there is a unruly thought running thru you mind, trade it off for an opposite good thought. Such as “this could be my sister, mother, daughter.” Or replace the thought with the holy family or the image of Jesus.

Doing this often will eventually cool off these thoughts. But there has to be a possitive id and action. It won’t come with just wishing.

Just a thought.

I’ve tried this, although in that heated moment its like I push all logic all good thoughts aside and I’m so worked up that its hard to regain composure of my own thoughts. I’m not trying to make excuses, ultimately its my decision. And as another poster said, I did not move or change views. I guess this is the point in where I began to sin.

These lustful encounters make me feel like I’m being ambushed, since I can run across a woman any place during any part of my day. I run across gorgeous women everyday and its just hard not to “check them out.” They’re everywhere; work, the store, the gym, in the streets, at the park, at Church. At least with porn and masturbation it seems like I’m more well prepared for those scenarios and more in control of the environment I’m in, which helps me to have control in eliminating the occasion of sin.

I really feel like the only way I could go past two days without my mind going into these thoughts would be to just stay inside my house all day.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

Thank you all for your responses, by the way.

 

[WesleyF]

I had heard Archbishop Fulton Sheen say something like this -

“You can never drive out a vice. It has to be crowded out.”

Lust is a vice that cannot be driven out at once. You shall have to crowd it out. How? Paul explains -

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Phil 4:8)

You have to fill your mind with honorable, pure, beautiful and lovely things so that you crowd out the lust that is in you. “do not make room for the devil” (Eph 4:27); “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Rom 13:14).

I had been to a retreat recently and a brother was sharing his story about his experience in Calcutta in India, feeding those who were starving. A man who was starving to death was brought in and this brother (his name is Pat) wanted to feed him as much as he could. But someone told him that the starving man had lost all appetite for food and could take only as much as two teaspoons of food. So Br. Pat fed him two teaspoons. Within a few days, the starving man’s appetite began to increase and within a week he was eating a bowl of food.

Br Pat explained that the body has a fantastic mechanism. Because this man wasn’t getting food, the body shut itself down and reduced his appetite for food. But as soon as he began getting food, the appetite automatically increased. Then Br Pat said that the same applies to the spiritual life as well.

This is so true in the case of lust! Right now, you are feeding your lust with pornography and therefore, your appetite for lust is very huge! But starve your lust for 30 days and you will find that your tendency to lust has reduced. It’s how our body works! So stop feeding your lust. Take away the food for your lust and it will become weak. Fill your mind with good things and keep yourself occupied with them, so that you are never idle and don’t give the flesh or the devil an opportunity.

God be with you!

 

[Robert_Sock]

CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.

 

[Angelsflight]

I think it shows that your healthy. If you truly didnt consent to lustful thoughts about her I dont think you’ve sinned. Perhaps maybe venially because you kept looking which would be not fleeing an occasion of sin? Maybe you could have sat at a different point of the table and faced another direction? As men its just our nature and its a good thing to be like that. Women should not be dressing that way in public, I honestly consider it sexual harassment. Sex is important not only for reproducing but for bonding with the spouse, alot of women are supposed to feel irresistable (just not in public). With that said, the best you can do is spot them out of the corner of your eye and do your best to avoid looking in their general direction and of course resist lustful thoughts as you did. I also second the suggestion of the poster above me.

Dont blame the woman for what she is wearing because “as men, its just your nature” to look. Avert your eyes elsewhere if it bothers you so much.

 

[fred_conty]

Try fasting. It dosen’t have to be all day, maybe just a few hours of each day. It could also be fasting from all entertainment for several hours each day. Or it could be fasting from all drink and food for one hour each day.

There are any number of ways to do this. But it is very helpful in gaining the upper hand in one’s thoughts. And fasting is a prayer in itself if it is offered up to Jesus out of love for sinners.

It seems most effective done every day for a little while. It is hard to describe how it works, but it does work.

The disciples complained one time when they couldn’t throw out the devil from someone. Then they asked Jesus why they couldn’t. Jesus replied that some demons cannot be expelled by prayer alone but some need fasting as well.

I think this is true in our own lives as well, that some temptations are so strong that we need something more than prayer, that of fasting.

Just a thought.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Keep in mind that the biggest percentage of sexual arousal is biologically induced and you don’t have much control over it, other than to repress it, but even then, it tends to come back stronger than ever.

However, as we age this changes and begins to decrease and we get better control over it.

Lust, is a misunderstood vice and it is not sexual desire.

It is a deviant desire to possess the person of desire, for self alone. It’s the desire to take control of the will of the other person for the sake of one’s own sexual pleasure.

When Jesus said, he who looks at another women with lust in his heart, has already committed adultery. The lust Jesus is referring to is the desire to possess.

When you possess, you’ll begin to defend the possession to the point of committing other evils, and many have gone so far as to commit murder.

The Church has done a poor job in this modern age to teach the differences between lust and sexual desire, especially in light of the scientific knowledge we have on how hormones play a large role in our biological urges.

Prayer will always help keep you centered in reality on such issues, and prevent a worse sin of falling into despair.

Jim

 

[Dying_Breed]

These lustful encounters make me feel like I’m being ambushed…

This is why I consider it sexual harassment.

I just want to say I know women have alot of pressure on them to look beautiful and most of them probably dont know that there are guys that want them to respect themselves. Its not all womens fault, we should also be giving them support and encouragement in such things (modesty, self respect) when appropriate. Their beauty is appreciated, greatly.

Just wanted to acknowledge that.

 

[Dying_Breed]

Dont blame the woman for what she is wearing because “as men, its just your nature” to look. Avert your eyes elsewhere if it bothers you so much.

Thats not what I meant. You misread. I suggested that looking away was the right thing to do. What I meant was its mens nature to be visually stimulated. And its not about being bothered, its about combating lust and trying to remain pure as God wants us to.

I did not say it was all womens fault. I understand how much alot of men and society in general demand these things of women.

 

[Dubay]

Dont blame the woman for what she is wearing because “as men, its just your nature” to look. Avert your eyes elsewhere if it bothers you so much.

Agree. Respect at all times no excuses.

 

[Angelsflight]

Thats not what I meant. You misread. I suggested that looking away was the right thing to do. What I meant was its mens nature to be visually stimulated.

My apologies. It does seem that anything a female wears can be “visually stimulating” to some men. It seems they get picked on no matter what they wear sometimes. This lady at lunch, all we know is she was wearing a short skirt. She is sitting there having lunch, minding her own business, and probably has no idea that she has visually stimulated anyone.

I mean, if she were wearing a tube top, or some skin tight scary outfit and calling out “hey babe, you wanna date?” ok then. Those women should not be dressed like that in public. All we know about this lady is that she was wearing a skirt at lunch.

I just think men should seriously pay attention to their own thoughts and actions and take responsibility for them.

I am a jeans and t-shirt girl myself…nothing visually stimulating there at all. lol

 

[Dying_Breed]

My apologies. It does seem that anything a female wears can be “visually stimulating” to some men. It seems they get picked on no matter what they wear sometimes. This lady at lunch, all we know is she was wearing a short skirt. She is sitting there having lunch, minding her own business, and probably has no idea that she has visually stimulated anyone.

I mean, if she were wearing a tube top, or some skin tight scary outfit and calling out “hey babe, you wanna date?” ok then. Those women should not be dressed like that in public. All we know about this lady is that she was wearing a skirt at lunch.

I just think men should seriously pay attention to their own thoughts and actions and take responsibility for them.

I am a jeans and t-shirt girl myself…nothing visually stimulating there at all. lol

Well then I apologize as well. Perhaps I should have explained myself better. Yes, it takes both sides to be doing their part. I was not trying to victimize anyone.

 

[Angelsflight]

Well then I apologize as well. Perhaps I should have explained myself better. Yes, it takes both sides to be doing their part. I was not trying to victimize anyone.

No problem! All is well. Welcome to the forum, by the way. Glad you are here with us!

 

[CrimsonThorn]

My apologies. It does seem that anything a female wears can be “visually stimulating” to some men. It seems they get picked on no matter what they wear sometimes. This lady at lunch, all we know is she was wearing a short skirt. She is sitting there having lunch, minding her own business, and probably has no idea that she has visually stimulated anyone.

I mean, if she were wearing a tube top, or some skin tight scary outfit and calling out “hey babe, you wanna date?” ok then. Those women should not be dressed like that in public. All we know about this lady is that she was wearing a skirt at lunch.

I just think men should seriously pay attention to their own thoughts and actions and take responsibility for them.

I am a jeans and t-shirt girl myself…nothing visually stimulating there at all. lol

Short skirt, spaghetti top,skirt riding way up by her thighs, legs open aimed right at me…Maybe you missed the part where I admitted that it was my fault for not changing my seating place. But as I also admitted it was not that easy, part of me really wanted to stay and look. The part of me that knows better didn’t want to, but I did, thus in the moment I chose not to react by moving, I sinned and gave into the flesh that wanted to stay.