How does one combat the sin of pride?

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I have really been trying lately to become closer to God and He is making me see that my biggest hurdle is my pride. I am so full of pride that I cannot back down on arguments when I think I’m right, (usually on religious or moral matters).I can’t bear to think that people think badly of me, (there’s many more examples, I just can’t think of them all)
I realise that in my marriage, my pride has caused us many problems, like, not apologising when I know I should, not wanting to be the one who backs down, wanting to be in control and always wanting things my way. I could never see myself as a submissive woman and as a result, there was always a battle of wills going on.
I think I now realise that I am about as opposite to being humble as one can get.
I know the thelogical reasons of why pride is a terrible thing and at the root of many if not most other sins, but how does one change it? Has anyone fought this vice? Has anyone got any useful suggestions in combatting this?
Besides praying about it… as I do try to do… any thoughts?
 
Besides prayer (which is so important in this, really)… For me I would have to say it is recognizing the little tests that are put before me by God, in which I have an opportunity to chose to react with pride, or act with humility.

It is hard, and situations do arise in my daily life sometimes very innocuously, but that is where I have to pay close attention to every situation I am given, recognize that I do have a choice on how to conduct myself, and chose differently. And just because habit has made me react a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean I cannot choose right then and there to change how I want to be or respond to others. I find that if I center myself on giving, and practice being gracious to others, and remembering that we all have faults, it takes me out of the frame of mind where exercising pride even becomes possible.

Just as with any love relationship, when we concentrate on giving to the other, and not receiving, then you are truly learning what real love is and was meant to be. Doing this has an extraordinary ability to take a power struggle between two people and turn it completely around - I think we just need to practice it consciously more often for it to eventually become the automatic response.

I have found this has made such a difference in all my relationships and interactions, and made me happier for it. I do slip now and then - yes, no one is perfect, but pride isn’t the hurdle it once was for me, and I think just continuing to be aware of it and working on it, lessens it’s grip on you the more you do.

And prayer, you already know that’s important, for me it’s essential - without it I wouldn’t have the guidance or the tools to make any of the efforts bear fruit. There are some really good prayers for the intercession of Saints that help this very thing… they do work and in my life anyway I can see how I’m being helped and led all the time.

Hope this makes at least some sense… I know what I wanted to say, but I’m not sure I expressed it clearly…

Margaret 🙂
 
jules11 said:
I have really been trying lately to become closer to God and He is making me see that my biggest hurdle is my pride. I am so full of pride that I cannot back down on arguments when I think I’m right, (usually on religious or moral matters).I can’t bear to think that people think badly of me, (there’s many more examples, I just can’t think of them all)
I realise that in my marriage, my pride has caused us many problems, like, not apologising when I know I should, not wanting to be the one who backs down, wanting to be in control and always wanting things my way. I could never see myself as a submissive woman and as a result, there was always a battle of wills going on.
I think I now realise that I am about as opposite to being humble as one can get.
I know the thelogical reasons of why pride is a terrible thing and at the root of many if not most other sins, but how does one change it? Has anyone fought this vice? Has anyone got any useful suggestions in combatting this?
Besides praying about it… as I do try to do… any thoughts?
Click to expand...
I hear and can relate to your struggle…
this meditation has been helpful to me…🙂

780 of The Way:​

“Deo omnis gloria. All glory to God. It is an emphatic confession of our nothingness. He, Jesus, is everything. We, without him, are worth nothing: nothing. Our vainglory would be just that: vain glory; it would be sacrilegious robbery. There should be no room for that ‘I’ anywhere.”

%between%
 
Yes, I’ve tried to combat that vice. I try to examine my position even when I know I’m right and especially when I know not 100% but 99.99% (i.e. “I can’t be wrong”). I try to admit when I’m wrong, accept corrections, apologise when I do wrong, correct what I’ve said wrong when I discover the truth. I try to combat the temptation to have the last word and sometimes I try to follow Jesus’s example and stay silent to unjust judgement. Especially if it could actually perhaps be just… This means I’ll let people say what they are saying about me, will not interrupt them, will try not to take offence, to make peace with them instead of lashing back or even just refuting their criticism and try to find some way to avoid refuting the points even if I want to defend myself.

The first times you force yourself to say you’re sorry will be difficult, but the sixth or seventh time will be easier. You are not right if you know that you are right and you are right when you admit that you were wrong when you were.

There’s that parable in which Jesus said that it’s better to take the last place and be asked to the first one than to take the first one and be asked to take the last one instead. He also said that the last will be the first and the first will be the last. I couldn’t stand always taking the last place in everything on principle… I’m not humble like that and I’d probably fall into false modesty and self-pity if I tried, but maybe some of it (and more and more), point by point, could help change attitude. Acting that way could bring about a conversion of heart.
 
This sounds like a good application of the “particular examination of conscience” (also called a “particular examen”) recommended by St. Ignatius in his Spiritual Exercises.

As compared to a general examination of conscience (where you call to mind all your sins, e.g., when you are about to go to Confession), in a particular examination you concentrate on one predominant fault you are trying to overcome.

In short, this is how it works:
  • When you first get up in the morning, make a specific resolution to guard against whatever you are trying to overcome. (I have heard that it is better to be specific, e.g., “I will not get defensive when my husband corrects me today,” rather than general, “I will not be prideful.” Take small bites!)
  • At midday, check yourself on how many times you have “fallen.” (Someone I know kept a little journal, and would make a little tally mark each time he failed in his resolution.)
  • At bedtime, check yourself again for the second half of the day. Hopefully, the number is getting smaller.
  • Each time you catch yourself in the act, make a silent internal act of sorrow (no one needs to know you are doing this).
  • You may need to keep the same resolution for several days, weeks, or months until you get it under control.
This is spiritual combat! Keep up the good fight.
 
jules11 said:
I have really been trying lately to become closer to God and He is making me see that my biggest hurdle is my pride. I am so full of pride that I cannot back down on arguments when I think I’m right, (usually on religious or moral matters).I can’t bear to think that people think badly of me, (there’s many more examples, I just can’t think of them all)
I realise that in my marriage, my pride has caused us many problems, like, not apologising when I know I should, not wanting to be the one who backs down, wanting to be in control and always wanting things my way. I could never see myself as a submissive woman and as a result, there was always a battle of wills going on.
I think I now realise that I am about as opposite to being humble as one can get.
I know the thelogical reasons of why pride is a terrible thing and at the root of many if not most other sins, but how does one change it? Has anyone fought this vice? Has anyone got any useful suggestions in combatting this?
Besides praying about it… as I do try to do… any thoughts?
Click to expand...
Do you go to confession often? This lent, I have decided to start going to confession weekly, and I have found that confession is a very good way to combat pride. If you are already going to confession regularly, I might suggest praying the divine mercy chaplet.

Peace be with you.
 
There are a couple of scriptures that came to mind, both of which have been helpful to me.

Phil 4.5, “Let your moderation be known to all men.”
The footnote said the Greek signifies forbearance, a willingness to waive one’s rights.

In practical terms, I have tried to prefer those things that are moderate, rather than grandiose, in order not to excel above others. This would include clothing and adornment, vehicles, housing, food, and striving for finery — all of which raise us in our own estimation above others and trigger pride. Its opposite, meagerliness, could also spawn pride in a spiritual sense, if we deem ourselves better than others for being more “religiously poor.” If you can spot a certain area that makes you esteem yourself, that would be a good area to begin abstinence.

Heb. 13:5, Let your manner of life be without avarice, contented with such things as you have; for he hath said: I will not leave thee, neither will I forsake thee.
I think you can see the worth of this advice, for it is the basis of humility and simplicity.

From the womb, we are naturally inclined to indulge selfish desires, for honors, our own opinions, titles, esteem, notoriety, etc. Jesus teaches us that he came to serve, not to be served. I read a chapter in a book about “ego-slaying” where a small group of people, anxious to conquer their pride, asked God earnestly in prayer to set up circumstances where their egos and selfishness would be brought to light and conquered. The results were astonishing as each participant noted how quickly and thoroughly the Lord helped them know themselves and overcome their pride. Kinda scary, don’t you agree? These folks were dead serious in their pursuit of holiness.

St. Francis de Sales gives some good advice, too, in this chapter and the couple that follow, if you are interested in further reading:
catholictreasury.info/DevoutLife/dev48.htm

Just a few ideas that may help. 🙂
 
Jules, the absolute best way is to imitate Mary.

Keep it as your Mantra: What would Mary do?

Also, I would target some particular situations that your pride shows itself and cultivate the humility and meekness in those situations.

For me, I tend to interrupt people and to dominate conversations. I can be very witty and funny and I like to show off. For me, a good practice would to refrain from speaking in conversation, ask only questions–in short, to be a good listener.
 
Jules,

You have already answered your own question, not that the advice given by others is not relevant and helpful. I would certainly follow their tips and suggestions.

That having been said, it should be pointed out that you acknowledge your pride. This is huge. You also mentioned that you are trying to get closer to God and that because of this the Lord is showing you the error of your pride. This is huge.

Those of us that suffer from pride generally do not recognize it. Like you, I set off on a journey to get closer to the Lord, and like you the Lord showed me the error of my pride. Like you, I am struggling with it and desire to empty myself of all prideful inclinations. I can certainly identify with your predicament.

I am convinced that pride will be overcome in the same way that we have been made aware of that pride. The Lord gave us the insight to see our pride and God’s grace will enable us to overcome it through prayer and sacrifice.

I have also found myself humbled by what God has put forth in my life. It is these humbling experiences that help jump start the process of overcoming pride. These experiences expose our weakness and error and thereby teach us the futility of our pride.

Prayers for humility are powerful. Sorrow for our pride is huge. Thankfulness for God’s work in us is beautiful in His sight. Love and prayer are our weapons, but our struggle will be long and hard in this battle.

Please pray for me as I pray for you.
 
Margaret33 said:
Besides prayer (which is so important in this, really)… For me I would have to say it is recognizing the little tests that are put before me by God, in which I have an opportunity to chose to react with pride, or act with humility.

It is hard, and situations do arise in my daily life sometimes very innocuously, but that is where I have to pay close attention to every situation I am given, recognize that I do have a choice on how to conduct myself, and chose differently. And just because habit has made me react a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean I cannot choose right then and there to change how I want to be or respond to others. I find that if I center myself on giving, and practice being gracious to others, and remembering that we all have faults, it takes me out of the frame of mind where exercising pride even becomes possible.

Just as with any love relationship, when we concentrate on giving to the other, and not receiving, then you are truly learning what real love is and was meant to be. Doing this has an extraordinary ability to take a power struggle between two people and turn it completely around - I think we just need to practice it consciously more often for it to eventually become the automatic response.

I have found this has made such a difference in all my relationships and interactions, and made me happier for it. I do slip now and then - yes, no one is perfect, but pride isn’t the hurdle it once was for me, and I think just continuing to be aware of it and working on it, lessens it’s grip on you the more you do.

And prayer, you already know that’s important, for me it’s essential - without it I wouldn’t have the guidance or the tools to make any of the efforts bear fruit. There are some really good prayers for the intercession of Saints that help this very thing… they do work and in my life anyway I can see how I’m being helped and led all the time.

Hope this makes at least some sense… I know what I wanted to say, but I’m not sure I expressed it clearly…

Margaret 🙂
Click to expand...
Makes perfect sense! Thank you so much Margaret!
 
Self-knowledge is the key. This comes through much prayer and examination of conscience. It often only comes through trials and tribulations. Once you realize how imperfect you are, and how dependent you are on the grace, mercy, and love of God, you will never be able to feel better than anyone ever again. You will only seek to love them as God does. Now, if you can figure out how to actually do that all the time, let us know how you did it!!! 😊
 
Annunciata said:
I hear and can relate to your struggle…
this meditation has been helpful to me…🙂

780 of The Way:​

“Deo omnis gloria. All glory to God. It is an emphatic confession of our nothingness. He, Jesus, is everything. We, without him, are worth nothing: nothing. Our vainglory would be just that: vain glory; it would be sacrilegious robbery. There should be no room for that ‘I’ anywhere.”

%between%
Click to expand...
Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you
 
chevalier said:
Yes, I’ve tried to combat that vice. I try to examine my position even when I know I’m right and especially when I know not 100% but 99.99% (i.e. “I can’t be wrong”). I try to admit when I’m wrong, accept corrections, apologise when I do wrong, correct what I’ve said wrong when I discover the truth. I try to combat the temptation to have the last word and sometimes I try to follow Jesus’s example and stay silent to unjust judgement. Especially if it could actually perhaps be just… This means I’ll let people say what they are saying about me, will not interrupt them, will try not to take offence, to make peace with them instead of lashing back or even just refuting their criticism and try to find some way to avoid refuting the points even if I want to defend myself.

The first times you force yourself to say you’re sorry will be difficult, but the sixth or seventh time will be easier. You are not right if you know that you are right and you are right when you admit that you were wrong when you were.

There’s that parable in which Jesus said that it’s better to take the last place and be asked to the first one than to take the first one and be asked to take the last one instead. He also said that the last will be the first and the first will be the last. I couldn’t stand always taking the last place in everything on principle… I’m not humble like that and I’d probably fall into false modesty and self-pity if I tried, but maybe some of it (and more and more), point by point, could help change attitude. Acting that way could bring about a conversion of heart.
Click to expand...
Thankyou Chevalier, as usual, words of wisdom
 
Kevin42 said:
Do you go to confession often? This lent, I have decided to start going to confession weekly, and I have found that confession is a very good way to combat pride. If you are already going to confession regularly, I might suggest praying the divine mercy chaplet.

Peace be with you.
Click to expand...
Yes, I do go to confession often, usually fortnightly but I may start going weekly again.
Thankyou
 
PhilotheaZ said:
This sounds like a good application of the “particular examination of conscience” (also called a “particular examen”) recommended by St. Ignatius in his Spiritual Exercises.

As compared to a general examination of conscience (where you call to mind all your sins, e.g., when you are about to go to Confession), in a particular examination you concentrate on one predominant fault you are trying to overcome.

In short, this is how it works:
  • When you first get up in the morning, make a specific resolution to guard against whatever you are trying to overcome. (I have heard that it is better to be specific, e.g., “I will not get defensive when my husband corrects me today,” rather than general, “I will not be prideful.” Take small bites!)
  • At midday, check yourself on how many times you have “fallen.” (Someone I know kept a little journal, and would make a little tally mark each time he failed in his resolution.)
  • At bedtime, check yourself again for the second half of the day. Hopefully, the number is getting smaller.
  • Each time you catch yourself in the act, make a silent internal act of sorrow (no one needs to know you are doing this).
  • You may need to keep the same resolution for several days, weeks, or months until you get it under control.
This is spiritual combat! Keep up the good fight.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I will print this and read it throughtout the day
 
Thank you Joysong, Leonie and Pax. I appreciate your advice and will use it. Sometimes things are so overwhelming and you just don’t know where to start. I think I need to be more conscious of being prideful in the firstplace.
It helps when those who have been there can offer sound advice. Thanks and God bless.
 
I started going to a monthly evening of recollection for Regnum Christi women. They pray the Litany of Humility Benediction each month. The first time I read it I couldn’t help myself from feeling terribly ashamed because I found it difficult to “honestly” say the words. I took the prayer home and tried to read it again. This time in private I was able to let myself sob through the prayer. It is the most difficult prayer to pray “honestly”. I have worked on it now for a few months and it has helped me with my prideful ways.
Code: 
 Litany of Humility
Jesus, meek and humble of heart …Hear me!
From the desire of being esteemed…Lord Jesus, free me!
From the desire of being loved…" "
From the desire of being acclaimed…" "
From the desire of being honored…" "
From the desire of being praised…" "
From the desire of being preferred…" "
From the desire of being consulted…" "
From the desire of being approved…" "
From the desire of being valued…" "
From the desire of being humbled…" "
From the fear of being despised… " "
From the fear of being dismissed…" "
From the fear of being rejected…" "
From the fear of being defamed…" "
From the fear of being forgotten…" "
From the fear of being ridiculed…" "
From the fear of being wronged…" "
From the fear of being suspected…" "
From the fear that my opinion
is not followed…" "

That others:

Will be loved more than I…Lord Jesus, make this
my prayer!
Will be esteemed more than I…" "
Will increase in the opinion of the world while I diminish…" "
Will be chosen while I am set aside…" "
Will be praised while I am overlooked…" "
Will be preferred to me in everything…" "

Let us pray: Lord, Jesus though you were God, you humbled yourself to the extreme of dying on a cross, to set an enduring example to the shame of my arrogance and vanity. Help me to learn your example and put it into practice so that, by humbling myself in accordance with my lowliness here on earth, you can lift me up to rejoice in you forever in heaven. Amen
 
Pray for humility. Becarefull though you’ll probably get it.

When I started praying for humility I severely strained my back picking up a potato chip. I was in very good shape at the time and never had back problems before this and only one time after. Maybe it’s my ego working again but I can only attest this to God.

It turned out being a humbling but rewarding experience.
 
The way to combat pride is primarily prayer and soul searching to know yourself as God knows you, but beyond this the way to combat pride is to recognise in yourself that you are of and in Christ even though you are a sinner and then recognise that others are of and in Christ even though they too are sinners. This sets the bar where it should be thinking no more or less of yourself than is truthful. Thinking too well of yourself gives no thanks to God and thinking too poorly of yourself gives no thanks to God either.

Always the middle road giving all thanks to God for everything.🙂

In my prayers
 
May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you all!

I would just like to add that when you go to weekly confession which by the way is an awesome thing to do to keep our souls very clean and pure when we receive Our Good Lord Jesus in holy communion, try going face to face and when you are tempted to defend yourself or your actions just humbly keep silent and truly reflect on what the confessor has said.

So, when we are tempted to talk back at people, let us contemplate on the humility of Jesus by keeping silent and not defending Himself in front of His persecutors even though He is GOD and TRUTH Himself. Let us also imitate the humility of our Blessed Mother who never argued with anybody even though she is the Mother of God. God bless!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!
 
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