How does one heal his relationship with his brother?

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theCardinalbird

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My brother and i do not behave as brothers. we are distant when we should be best friends. Many things have happened that i will not speak of on this thread, because i would have to write so much. But all that is needed to know is that he and i are exact opposites and are so different. How can i undue years of brokenness and hatred on both sides?

We thought of bonding over something that we would both be interested in but we have no idea what that could be.

Did anyone have to deal with something like this? How did you solve it?
 
Joe1 said:
We thought of bonding over something that we would both be interested in but we have no idea what that could be.
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Something similar but try (or learn) something new to both of you together.
 
Joe, you and your brother are both 16. I’ve got 3 brothers…none of them are twins but all of them are close in age. They ALL hated each other through much of their teens. Including to the point of fistfights.

The past 6 months you’ve been on here has been a litany of the two of you duking it out. I’m glad to hear that you want to improve it but I don’t think you should be under any delusion that it will be quick or easy.

It takes time. My brothers and I still had rocky relationships through college, but we’re all amazing friends now.
 
If one writes off his brother as inferior at 16, then there’s not much hope of having a normal relationship with anyone else later.
This need to be resolved. Life’s too short to dismiss relatives over small things.
 
TheLittleLady said:
No one said that brothers have to be best friends.
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Amen to that. Perhaps if both of you learned to respect each other’s difference, a cordial relationship could develop. But trying to be best friends with someone you have nothing in common with is just a recipe for disaster
 
They are 16 yr old twins. They have plenty in common should not be considering or advocating a split between them.
 
pianistclare said:
They are 16 yr old twins. They have plenty in common should not be considering or advocating a split between them.
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I am NOT advocating a split between them. The OP said they have nothing in common to which I suggested respecting each others difference. Without the fundamental respect of each other, they will never have a healthy friendship
 
But you agreed with the person that said brothers don’t have t be best friends.
If you are not close with your brother, that is a huge problem.
Look in Scripture. Each time there was a problem unresolved between brothers, it turned out very badly. Especially for the shunning one.
This person is young. Things that those of us who much older have learned to temper situations with distance are in a totally different place. Now is not the time to throw up the hands and say, we’ll we’re so different I won’t have anything to do with you, and that’s where this conversation has been heading for a while now on this thread.
They need to grow up and realize that they have each other as a blessing. Ask anyone who doesn’t’ have siblings.
Context is everything. I’m quite surprised the parents of these young men have not nipped this whole argument in the bud already.
 
pianistclare said:
But you agreed with the person that said brothers don’t have t be best friends.
If you are not close with your brother, that is a huge problem.
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Yes, I did agree with them not needing to be best friends. I don’t see a problem with that at all. Best friends do social activities together. How can 2 people with nothing in common constantly do social things together if one is always doing sometihng they can’t stand
pianistclare said:
This person is young. Things that those of us who much older have learned to temper situations with distance are in a totally different place. Now is not the time to throw up the hands and say, we’ll we’re so different I won’t have anything to do with you, and that’s where this conversation has been heading for a while now on this thread.
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That’s one way to look at it. The other way is if they learn to respect each other, they are still living in the same house where they will be forced to have daily contact. If the fundamental respectis there,then they could build a friendship. But once they are no longer living together, there will be no frequent contact to build on
pianistclare said:
They need to grow up and realize that they have each other as a blessing. Ask anyone who doesn’t’ have siblings.
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Perhaps we could also ask people with abusive silibngs and see if they consider it a blessing. The bible says something to the effect that Jesus will turn mother against child and brother against sister. That seems a strong impliciatino you don’t have to have a relationship just because someone is family
 
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Why can’t we just encourage families to forgive one another? I believe even in the Gospels, that takes priority.
They are SIXTEEN.

No one has committed any crimes against humanity. :roll_eyes:
I’m out.
 
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people, thanks for your comments. I wish to be friends with my brother. There is no sense in hating him and having nothing to do with him. The question is how i heal this relationship…
 
cmscms said:
Perhaps we could also ask people with abusive silibngs and see if they consider it a blessing. The bible says something to the effect that Jesus will turn mother against child and brother against sister. That seems a strong impliciatino you don’t have to have a relationship just because someone is family
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I think you need to read as much about this poster as he has given us. We are not called to be in relationships with abusive people. Not at all. Most of us are approaching this thread with the amount of gravity it deserves. Joe has posted MANY things in regards to his family, some that indicate that he is no innocent when it comes to provoking his brother’s ire. In the same vein, his brother is more than happy to “shut down” Joe’s soapbox “suggestions” on morality.

The truth is that these aren’t adults who are having a difficult time.

They are both teenagers who need guidance on how to conduct themselves.

The most unfortunate part of all of this is, at 16, their parents should be involved in trying to help both young men not want to strangle each other. From Joe’s words it seems that they simply have left these young men to their own devices with no formation or guidance whatsoever.

I have brothers. Teen boys hating each other and getting into fights about who’s in the right is NORMAL part of teenage development. Siblings are the stones on which we sharpen the blades of our personalities.

Let’s not call it gospel-driven family estrangement just yet.
 
pianistclare said:
Why can’t we just encourage families to forgive one another? I believe even in the Gospels, that takes priority.
They are SIXTEEN.

No one has committed any crimes against humanity. :roll_eyes:
I’m out.
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Well, telling them to learn to resepct each other’s differences is part of the forgiveness process which I am encouraging.
 
Be kind.

Listen to him.

Treat him the way you want him to treat you.
 
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