How does one know if they're scrupulous or properly concerned?

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I must confess I don’t like Confession. Some days ago I made up an examination of conscience, but had questions on whether something was really mortal or just the beginnings of what could lead to grave matter. I wasn’t sure some things was even qualified as sins. Was that trying to justify myself?

For instance, I ate a bowl of cereal because I wanted to, even though I wasn’t hungry. Is this gluttony or are such thoughts madness? My relationship to God is based more on fear than love and trust in His mercy. I fear I will overlook or justify something that’s serious matter, and take Communion when I shouldn’t. THat’s a sin in itself. Is this just pride and perfectionism? None of us are worthy. Confession’s at 5:30 tonight, but I really don’t want to go and be vulnerable to the priest. No way. It’s been a month since my last Confession. At the same time, I know one has to be in a state of grace to recieve Communion, and I worry about slipping up. For instance, what if I started something that is grave matter, but didn’t continue? Is that a sin?

I guess I’m really just trying to avoid Confession. I don’t want to have to confess if I don’t have too(i.e only venial), and that’s the whole wrong attitude. Like I said, I just don’t want to be vulnerable.

I also have issues with God and trust, but that’s another thread.
 
I think you answered your own question.

Reconciliation is a great tool to self-knowledge and self-acceptance. Jesus already knows EVERYTHING about you but do you? The barriers to relationship are not on Jesus’ end they are on yours and confession makes YOU aware of what those barriers are. Scrupulosity is can be a HUGE barrier to relationship with Jesus because you are projecting onto Jesus that He is critical. Jesus is NOT critical, WE are. Jesus is NOT abusive.

Read Song of Solomon. “There is no flaw in you.” The lover says to his beloved. Is it really that she has no flaw or is it that he loves her so much that all he sees is her beauty?

The easiest way to avoid scrupulosity is to look at Jesus, at all HE has done for you, how generous, forgiving, thoughtful he is.
 
Lady_Love said:
I think you answered your own question.

Reconciliation is a great tool to self-knowledge and self-acceptance. Jesus already knows EVERYTHING about you but do you? The barriers to relationship are not on Jesus’ end they are on yours and confession makes YOU aware of what those barriers are. Scrupulosity is can be a HUGE barrier to relationship with Jesus because you are projecting onto Jesus that He is critical. Jesus is NOT critical, WE are. Jesus is NOT abusive.

Read Song of Solomon. “There is no flaw in you.” The lover says to his beloved. Is it really that she has no flaw or is it that he loves her so much that all he sees is her beauty?

The easiest way to avoid scrupulosity is to look at Jesus, at all HE has done for you, how generous, forgiving, thoughtful he is.
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I think God used that post to speak to me. Thanks.:):):):):):):).
 
(re-posting a general post I have posted in the past)

Having had the occasion at times to respond to questions from those who struggle with with scruples I will note here a few things in general one can find in theological works on such:

One must distinguish between a scrupulous conscience and a delicate conscience.

A ‘tender conscience or delicate conscience’ sees the finer distinctions and seeks very much to avoid even very small sins …and …who can judge normally between mortal and venial sin…when in doubt is able to make judgments overcoming his doubt by prudence or abide by good advice etc

as for scruples…or scrupulosity

Scruples or those who are even of a higher degree of scrupulosity take venial sin to be mortal…or non sins to be sins…or are plagued by doubts…unreasonable fears/anxieties about sins…seeing them or fearing them where they need not…etc etc

The french call it the doubting disease (though it is not a disease) for one has lot of problems knowing one knows…thus with “doubt” (or more often rather “apparent doubt”)

Of course there are degrees and it is possible for a person to have generally a delicate conscience or a normal conscience and still have a struggle with scruples in certain areas…or to have very* transient scruples* at the time of their conversion …

and a person may go from one to the other…

one combats scruples with a good regular confessor…

by forming ones conscience…(with such as the Catechism etc)

and with the confessors guidance acting against ones scruples…

possibly by general principles given often historically by confessors to deal with scruples

by prayer…

by trust and joy in living the Christian life…(not necessarily “emotional” by the way)

With the help of your confessor:

Contra scruplos agendum est, et fixo operis pede certandum

(Act contrary to scruples and with a firm foot overcome them)

Overcoming ones scruples…ones fears with a “firm foot”. Learning to act against them under the guidance of your confessor. Dismiss them. Not argue with them. (for example the regular confessor says…“unless you are certain you have committed a mortal sin…go to communion”…and you feel the fear and the doubts and the worries at the time of communion “but perhaps I committed one…?” you tell yourself “I am not certain of any mortal sins and my confessor told me to go” and you act against your fears and go to Communion! or ones confessor says regarding old past sins “only confess old sins if you are certain it was a mortal sin and certain you have not confessed it…(such is often the advice for those who are scrupulous)” one does just that -and if one is mistaken here one it not on you for a it can be the case that those who are scrupulous are in a “different boat” that others.) etc

(in a way one needs be “scrupulous” about attending to ones scruples…)

When scruples arise --turn to God and let them pass by.

Scruples are to be treated like a barking dog or a hissing goose…one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? (image borrowed from a 15th cent. Carthusian).

They are to be “despised”…“dismissed”…

And again a* regular confessor *is very important here…in even coming to know what ones scruples are…and then what to dismiss… It is he who can particularly guide a person with these difficulties.
 
Consider this answer from one who is neither a theologian or psychiatrist… This is just one grateful sinners thoughts on your plight from my experience… There was a time when I wouldn’t have thought, known or cared about EITHER concept…much less been on this website posting about it. I died a slow spiritual death. In the beginning, it started out by me not wanting to go to confession any longer. Other Christian churches told me Jesus was all I needed. Next, I went to “their” church because our mass was too boring,… our church was too stuffy,… our church said it was a sin if I _____ (fill in the blank). Yet all this time, I would return just often enough…like every other Sunday to “stay in touch”. What once was a conscience, or that little voice inside me, which is evidence of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us…started to dim…and dim to the point that I had lost the capacity to differentiate between venial and mortal. Those words even became meaningless to me. I’ll spare all the whole story, but the pain I eventually experienced drove me to my knees, to my home (the church) and to the confessional. Id love to tell you that I walked out of that 1st confession in years FEELING white as snow, but I didn’t. I DID however immediately KNOW it was the right thing to do. WOW! I hadn’t had the thought of right or wrong present in me for soo long! I was next FIILED with gratitude for being given a new heart and a renewed spirit.I hadn’t experienced real gratitude in years…and I was grateful for feeling convicted? I also began to have an overwhelming realization of so many things I didn’t actually confess verbally, that were sins and sinful. As each day passed, I realized that my thoughts had been completely transformed! I gave and give thanks and praise for the conviction that followed…for the complete realization that He died for us and that it was simply not possible to earn the salvation He earned for us. I began to notice after a short time (about a week for me) that I NEEDED confession to keep my thoughts on track. Since actions follow thoughts, I can ill afford anything that sends my thoughts off track. Mass and confession keep my days prayerful which keeps my thoughts on a far better path than when I leave myself and my own thoughts to fend for themselves alone. I laugh now as I catch myself entertaining some satan provoked thought about feeling mired in guilt over whether or not I confessed a particular sin or not, or how satan tries to tie up my thinking with doubt. Jesus died to cover them all and when I stay active…I still have problems…but they pale in comparison to the life I lived ignoring God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice as brought to life in the sacraments! May you experience the true joy and peace at the times when you are presented with being both “scrupulous” AND/OR “properly concerned”…even in times of sufferring. Peace be with you!
 
Scottishtee, your experience was very similar to mine! I hadn’t gone to confession in maybe 8 years, and after I went suddenly the “light” went on and I could see all these other things in my life that I had done (or not done) and I started making big changes (or rather GOD started making big changes in me!) That’s the GOOD part. The bad part is that I became scrupulous and started to see sin where there wasn’t any or mortal sin when there was only venial sin. Being scrupulous has made me extra-diligent about avoiding sin, but I have gone from having a lax conscience to having a scrupulous one! I find that going to Confession about once a month is right for me. If I go sooner than 3 weeks, my scrupulosity will flare up. But I will never neglect the Sacrament of Reconciliation again b/c I know how blind to sin you can become when you don’t go.

Josephback, worrying about eating a bowl of cereal when you are not hungry is NOT a serious sin. Now if you eat a whole box of cereal and you feel ill…then that is gluttony and perhaps that should be confessed. I know it can be confusing about when to go to Confession, but here is an examination of conscience that helps me to differentiate between mortal and venial sin. catholicparents.org/oxcart/Examination%20of%20Conscience.pdf
 
Scottishtee said:
Consider this answer from one who is neither a theologian or psychiatrist… This is just one grateful sinners thoughts on your plight from my experience… There was a time when I wouldn’t have thought, known or cared about EITHER concept…much less been on this website posting about it. I died a slow spiritual death. In the beginning, it started out by me not wanting to go to confession any longer. Other Christian churches told me Jesus was all I needed. Next, I went to “their” church because our mass was too boring…
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I’m not a fan of Confession, so maybe I was starting on the road you mention. I was staying at my Dad’s last month and I think if I stayed longer I might have drifted from the Church - not because of my Dad, just being isolated in a new area and not knowing anyone. I like the Catholic Church. Thanks for sharing:)
 
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