How does one 'Love thy enemy'?

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Hello everyone. For many moons I have been grappling with this. I think I understand why you should love your enemy, but I need perspective as to HOW. Can anyone give me real life examples of everyday people ‘Loving their enemy’? In what forms does loving your enemy take?

I have some ideas as to this question but I have a feeling I’m just scratching the surface:
  1. I believe forgiveness is a form of loving your enemy.
  2. Pray for (not against) your enemy.
  3. Tolerance?
  4. Not speaking ill or maliciously about your enemy.
  5. Not plotting or even hoping any harm on your enemy.
What else? Real life stories would also help for me understand (and hopefully many others). Thanks in advance.🙂

Oh, btw, my apologies if I posted this in the wrong forum. Please direct me to the correct forum if such is the case.😉
 
Welcome to the forum Kevin! Peace be with you always!

Someone asked me this question once and I Bible Study and I will give you the same answer as I gave that person.

Loving someone as a son/daughter, husband/wife, mother and father…etc is fairly easy. Hopefully they love us back and we share in that love with them. The tricky part is loving someone when they show no love in return. It can be extremely hard at times if not all the time.

Loving someone who does not want our love or even rejects it is true love. You see when Christ died, he did so out of love. Now many people reject Him but what is so wonderful is that he still loves them. Even asked for that the Father forgive them for they know not what they do. That is a wonderful example of loving you enemy. When you need examples, turn to Christ for he gave us the greatest example of all!
 
WEAKNESS IS PROVACATIVE

Don’t provoke them.

Never let anyone (as anyone could find themselves within the limiting sticks of your definition of enemy at any time) get the impression that you are going to give them time to beg for mercy. If the other party believes they will not be afforded a second chance they will be less likely to have the need to ask for one.
First by considering that 1) the best strategy is always to follow your first
instinct until you are certain that you are incorrect, and 2) that never can it be assumed that a
possible adversary is interested in anything other than your immediate and total destruction, and
that a hope for a negotiated peace is devoid of anything of any promise. To which the author
also humbly adds: to that which can be labeled “enemy” should always (regardless of any and all
other contrary experience) also be labeled focused, tireless, fearless, insidious, fathomless,
relentless and hungry.
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(TERMS, J.M. Thomas R., 2012)
 
I’ve had a hard time with this same concept…about 7 years ago, a friend of my husband’s wrote him a love letter (she was married, as well). She was pouring her heart out, confessing all these feelings she had for him. Telling him that soul mates don’t always end up together, but she would be more than happy to have him as her own someday. He and I were totally weirded out by this. He told her he had no feelings for her and they could no longer be friends. They haven’t spoken since. I have seen her here and there since then. She runs the other direction when she sees me. I had (and still have) a VERY hard time with this. Here she was, MARRIED WITH A CHILD, and tries to steal MY husband?? That was total disrespect to me, my marriage, and my unborn child I was pregnant with at the time. I was very, very angry with her at the time. I wanted to tell her how it made me feel. I wanted to tell her off. I have a hot Irish temper, and it’s difficult to control at times. I guess since I’ve never discussed any of it with her, I still harbor ill feelings towards her. But I realized in the last 6 months or so that being angry with her is useless. It makes me powerless. It weakens me. I’ve prayed that God would help me to love her. It’s been a vey slow process, but it is happening. I feel pity for her at this point. Poor girl, unhappy in her own marriage, turns to my wonderful, sweet, handsome husband? Who could blame her?!
Maybe I’m rambling (or maybe my personal example isn’t a very good one, but it’s really my only experience with having an “enemy”), but the point is that I made a conscious decision to try to love her. Did I want to love her at first? No! Not in the least! HOWEVER, I know that’s what our Lord WANTS me to do, and I’ll do anything for Him! So I think the first step is surrendering to God’s desire for us to love our enemy. Ask Him to help you soften your heart, and ask Him often. He will soften it, and at that point, you’ll find yourself seeing things with that person from a different perspective. I pray for this woman to find happiness and that she seeks forgiveness for her lack of respect for the sacrament of marriage. God loves her, so I must, also. It’s as simple as that.
 
aidanbradypop said:
Loving someone as a son/daughter, husband/wife, mother and father…etc is fairly easy. Hopefully they love us back and we share in that love with them. The tricky part is loving someone when they show no love in return. It can be extremely hard at times if not all the time.

Loving someone who does not want our love or even rejects it is true love. You see when Christ died, he did so out of love. Now many people reject Him but what is so wonderful is that he still loves them. Even asked for that the Father forgive them for they know not what they do. That is a wonderful example of loving your enemy. When you need examples, turn to Christ for he gave us the greatest example of all!
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Thanks aidanbradypop!👍
I never looked at it from that perspective, loving someone who doesn’t love you back or even rejects your love. I never considered that to be an ‘enemy’ per se. I will need to ponder that one much more. Yes, I have meditated on Jesus asking Our Father to ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’. In the past, as now, His example has given me the strength and conviction to forgive my enemies. When I am angry at an enemy for a very serious wrong they committed against me I try to conjure that image of Jesus on the cross.

I honestly don’t even like calling someone an enemy. It bothers my conscience to no end.
 
105lynne said:
I’ve had a hard time with this same concept…about 7 years ago, a friend of my husband’s wrote him a love letter (she was married, as well). She was pouring her heart out, confessing all these feelings she had for him. Telling him that soul mates don’t always end up together, but she would be more than happy to have him as her own someday. He and I were totally weirded out by this. He told her he had no feelings for her and they could no longer be friends. They haven’t spoken since. I have seen her here and there since then. She runs the other direction when she sees me. I had (and still have) a VERY hard time with this. Here she was, MARRIED WITH A CHILD, and tries to steal MY husband?? That was total disrespect to me, my marriage, and my unborn child I was pregnant with at the time. I was very, very angry with her at the time. I wanted to tell her how it made me feel. I wanted to tell her off. I have a hot Irish temper, and it’s difficult to control at times. I guess since I’ve never discussed any of it with her, I still harbor ill feelings towards her. But I realized in the last 6 months or so that being angry with her is useless. It makes me powerless. It weakens me. I’ve prayed that God would help me to love her. It’s been a vey slow process, but it is happening. I feel pity for her at this point. Poor girl, unhappy in her own marriage, turns to my wonderful, sweet, handsome husband? Who could blame her?!
Maybe I’m rambling (or maybe my personal example isn’t a very good one, but it’s really my only experience with having an “enemy”), but the point is that I made a conscious decision to try to love her. Did I want to love her at first? No! Not in the least! HOWEVER, I know that’s what our Lord WANTS me to do, and I’ll do anything for Him! So I think the first step is surrendering to God’s desire for us to love our enemy. Ask Him to help you soften your heart, and ask Him often. He will soften it, and at that point, you’ll find yourself seeing things with that person from a different perspective. I pray for this woman to find happiness and that she seeks forgiveness for her lack of respect for the sacrament of marriage. God loves her, so I must, also. It’s as simple as that.
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Thanks for your story and well done! The ‘enemy’ for me is my exwife. She keeps my son away from me every opportunity she gets and does not honor the shared custody rules. It’s been going on for 4+ years and only now am I complaining to the courts because I kept forgiving her and she kept walking all over me.

The things I have done to ‘Love my enemy’, in this case, my exwife…
  1. I pray to the Lord that He give her His love and His light. Help her in her everyday struggles etc…
  2. I have fasted (daylight fasting only so far) in combination with prayers like the ones above…
  3. I have prayed to the Lord to help us reconcile and cooperate, especially when it comes to our son.
  4. I don’t give her a hard time and respect her judgment in her part of raising our son.
  5. I have forgiven her more times than I can possibly count, for both big and little trespasses.
  6. I ask the Lord to give me strength to persevere and to council me.
I have run out of ideas to love her. Romantic love is not and never will be an option, I just thought I should point that out.
 
What you shared sounds very good!

Please remember that love and forgiveness is not a feeling. We can forgive and love with an act of the will, for the glory of God.

In the circumstances you shared it is right and just that you should seek the court’s aid in being able to see your son.

May the Lord be with you with all His gifts!
 
Least said:
WEAKNESS IS PROVOCATIVE

Don’t provoke them.

Never let anyone (as anyone could find themselves within the limiting sticks of your definition of enemy at any time) get the impression that you are going to give them time to beg for mercy. If the other party believes they will not be afforded a second chance they will be less likely to have the need to ask for one.

(TERMS, J.M. Thomas R., 2012)
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Thanks for your thoughts. Indeed weakness can be viewed as provocative, but from the Beatitudes does not the ‘meek’ inherit the earth? Is it weak to forgive? Am I reading that Beatitude correctly? (for the record I am no biblical expert)

I understand that the chances are higher for someone to take advantage of a forgiving heart and to continue to take advantage of him/her, but that is not the fault of the one with the forgiving heart imho.

Therein lies another question. When is it time to stop forgiving the enemy if the enemy is persistent in harming you? Should one even stop forgiving them? Jesus forgave till His last breath.

Is bringing an enemy to account a way of forgiving?

@Dorothy: Thanks a bunch! I have given this much thought and it has helped me so much in understanding myself and the dilemma with my ex. But it also raises more questions too:confused:

I am convinced that this is a test that God is challenging me with so it’s important I learn this. You can say I have received what I think was a sign because the words ‘Love Thy Enemy’ kept showing up all of a sudden around me in print/radio/tv in one form or another in a very short period of time a couple of years ago. I’ve had other unexpected but wonderful experiences with saints too.
 
Thanks for your thoughts. Indeed weakness can be viewed as provocative, but from the Beatitudes does not the ‘meek’ inherit the earth? Is it weak to forgive? Am I reading that Beatitude correctly? (for the record I am no biblical expert)
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I understand that the chances are higher for someone to take advantage of a forgiving heart and to continue to take advantage of him/her, but that is not the fault of the one with the forgiving heart imho.
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Therein lies another question. When is it time to stop forgiving the enemy if the enemy is persistent in harming you? Should one even stop forgiving them? Jesus forgave till His last breath.
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Is bringing an enemy to account a way of forgiving?
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A locked door never created a burgler.

Bless “the enemy” (your enemies) with your strength, make them fear crossing-you and they will never need for your forgiveness.

The ENEMY OF MY ENEMY, IF NOT MY OUTSPOKEN FRIEND, IS MY ENEMY

If my “friends”, by their friendship with me, find it difficult to deal with *their *friends (if my friendship makes them unpopular with others), they need to tie a pork chop around their neck, because THAT IS THEIR DOG.
 
Thanks for your thoughts. Indeed weakness can be viewed as provocative, but from the Beatitudes does not the ‘meek’ inherit the earth? Is it weak to forgive? Am I reading that Beatitude correctly? (for the record I am no biblical expert)
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No biblical expert either, but “the earth” was a “surface” for thousands of years before it was the ‘surface of a sphere.’ You walk ‘upon’ the earth, and when you die, you go back into it. You inherit-it because it is given to you by someone else who is done-with-it.

GOD’s justice is not man’s.

Part of the basic bedrock of my faith (belief) is bolstered by the fact that I cannot fathom, even as a former ‘drinker,’ how the former could have sprung from the latter, when man’s existence is thus pressurized by his environment and time, much less the existence of other individuals who may or may not be ‘enemies’. So thereby, I am even more assured of the existence of the ALMIGHTY.

But again, GOD’s justice is not man’s. Man’s justice will not allow the meek to obtain anything except through inheritence.

So, indeed, the Meek shall inherit the earth. As beautiful as this rock is, it must be somehow/somewhat less then Eden, and unfathomably less then HEAVEN WITH THE ALMIGHTY. I hope to inherit the latter. I PRAY from the grit of my dust, that you inherit it too, even if the seats are numbered and spoken for. ; - )

I PROMISE ALL - to help [you] find the answer to that question before I ever do should you not prevent yourself from becoming my enemy (and assume no less from you), and I will explain myself later to St. Peter.

PEACE OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TO/WITH ALL OF YOU (as there is no other kind).

Or. . .not.
 
i liked joan of arcs method. before she marched with her army to take a fortified city she shot an arrow over the walls with a letter explaining that she was going to take the city and if they wanted to surrender they could do so without fear. perhaps you should explain peacefully to her that you have given her four years to be fair to you and that you now wish her to work something out which would be mutually acceptable before you go to the courts.
 
Paddy_Walker said:
i liked joan of arcs method. before she marched with her army to take a fortified city she shot an arrow over the walls with a letter explaining that she was going to take the city and if they wanted to surrender they could do so without fear. perhaps you should explain peacefully to her that you have given her four years to be fair to you and that you now wish her to work something out which would be mutually acceptable before you go to the courts.
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Good point! It is an act of mercy to attempt to correct someone in that way. It is a fair warning.
 
Paddy_Walker said:
i liked joan of arcs method. before she marched with her army to take a fortified city she shot an arrow over the walls with a letter explaining that she was going to take the city and if they wanted to surrender they could do so without fear. perhaps you should explain peacefully to her that you have given her four years to be fair to you and that you now wish her to work something out which would be mutually acceptable before you go to the courts.
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I tried that for 4 years as well. I tried reaching her conscience. I tried appealing to her christian heart. I have employed reasoning and logic. I have sacrificed myself over and over again to make a good example. I have pleaded and begged her.

None of it has worked. All my efforts were in vain. I simply don’t know how to reach her soul and have run out of ideas and strength to keep trying.
 
KevinDiaz said:
Hello everyone. For many moons I have been grappling with this. I think I understand why you should love your enemy, but I need perspective as to HOW. Can anyone give me real life examples of everyday people ‘Loving their enemy’? In what forms does loving your enemy take?

I have some ideas as to this question but I have a feeling I’m just scratching the surface:
  1. I believe forgiveness is a form of loving your enemy.
  2. Pray for (not against) your enemy.
  3. Tolerance?
  4. Not speaking ill or maliciously about your enemy.
  5. Not plotting or even hoping any harm on your enemy.
What else? Real life stories would also help for me understand (and hopefully many others). Thanks in advance.🙂

Oh, btw, my apologies if I posted this in the wrong forum. Please direct me to the correct forum if such is the case.😉
Click to expand...
Even punishments and sending someone to hell is consistent with loving one’s enemy (as if God contradicts his own mercy whenever he so acts!) so much more is being intolerant or speaking ill of them.

Concretely: To be merciful is directed towards the glory of God so that mercy can only have its justification in advancing the Cause of Christianity and/or morality.

Now, this means that one should take time off to help people in either spiritual or physical need, even sometimes if that person is your opponent on some level. You can pray for them too. But I believe you can even pray against them in so far as there is a great deal of mercy in stopping a man from sinning more than he would have.

Finally, I conclude that it is likely that under most circumstances it is not necessary to help people who would harm you as a return; for it is simply unreasonable to advance a doctrine by allowing that doctrine to be harmed through weakness. Most people will likely never see the nobility in such weakness and as such, it is impractical and dangerous to approach them that way.Jesus only did the opposite because of choice and not out of an obligation.
 
fakename said:
Even punishments and sending someone to hell is consistent with loving one’s enemy (as if God contradicts his own mercy whenever he so acts!) so much more is being intolerant or speaking ill of them.

Concretely: To be merciful is directed towards the glory of God so that mercy can only have its justification in advancing the Cause of Christianity and/or morality.

Finally, I conclude that it is likely that under most circumstances it is not necessary to help people who would harm you as a return; for it is simply unreasonable to advance a doctrine by allowing that doctrine to be harmed through weakness. Most people will likely never see the nobility in such weakness and as such, it is impractical and dangerous to approach them that way.Jesus only did the opposite because of choice and not out of an obligation.
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This is what I didn’t get. This is the element I was missing.

Awesome!!! I need to reread this many times no doubt for it to further sink in but you are correct. I get it now! Thank you fakename!! :thankyou:

That doesn’t mean this string has lost it’s steam. I have learned so much from those who posted and I’d love to see this topic continue. If I can learn from it so can others! 🙂
 
I think that since Jesus is using the word “love” as an action verb, He’s telling us that we are to “love our enemies” not in an emotionally subjective sense of the word but in the objective sense. Consequently, loving our enemies (showing kindness to them) does not mean that we have to have a physical feeling for them; rather, loving our enemies (showing kindness) is something we choose to do - simply from our bringing up to mind the great kindness that God has demonstrated toward us.
 
For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.
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On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion.  Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else.  Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience.  Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul.  Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us;  for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us -- for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you!"  Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness.  Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our hatred, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!
 
How does one ‘Love thy enemy’?

With great difficulty I would imagine and that is my honest opinion.

Let’s look at the question objectively.
An enemy is someone who has done something bad to you, or if given half a chance would do something bad to you.

Knowing that your enemy has these intentions, it is very difficult to set aside feelings of anger, vengefulness and fear toward ones enemy.
 
Limerickman said:
How does one ‘Love thy enemy’?

With great difficulty I would imagine and that is my honest opinion.

Let’s look at the question objectively.
An enemy is someone who has done something bad to you, or if given half a chance would do something bad to you.

Knowing that your enemy has these intentions, it is very difficult to set aside feelings of anger, vengefulness and fear toward ones enemy.
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The cross adds indignity to death. Humiliation, debasement, ignominy. That is really the intention of a true enemy.
Such an enemy ignorant of Christ and the greatest commandment will presumably die outside the law and not be subject to judgment, so i suppose should be regarded like a wild animal. How can you really call a wild animal an enemy?
Other possibility is that it is a Christian. In which case Jesus said to remember that they hated him first. I think i read once in a catholic pamphlet, maybe the interpretation of Saint Francis himself, that the cross itself was not heavy, but that Jesus fell because of the weight of the world’s sin (anyone who knows this is true please let me know). If the person who is supposed to carry our cross himself falls, where does that leave us? Simon the Cyrenia might come along. Point is, if we focus our efforts on elimination of the stigma of the cross (by holding it up), then we have to die to this world anyway. So where then is the enemy’s power? We need the perspective of the cross to really love the enemy. Jesus gave the practical advice and example of doing good to those who harm, and praying for those who hate and persecute you.
 
Limerickman said:
How does one ‘Love thy enemy’?

With great difficulty I would imagine and that is my honest opinion.

Let’s look at the question objectively.
An enemy is someone who has done something bad to you, or if given half a chance would do something bad to you.

Knowing that your enemy has these intentions, it is very difficult to set aside feelings of anger, vengefulness and fear toward ones enemy.
Click to expand...
We need to remember that with God all things are possible! We have all the means to obtain the grace of forgiveness to our enemies.

It helps me to look at the Lord when I find it hard to forgive someone. When I commit myself to forgiveness, God accepts that…even if I do not have the feeling of forgiveness. It is the commitment to do His will that counts.
It also helps to say a prayer for the enlightenment of the person we find it hard to forgive.

The battle to forgive is accepted by the Lord. It may take time, but it helps us to grow in spiritual maturity, and to focus on Him for our strength.
 
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