How does one start the vocation of marriage

[daughterofmary]

There ya go! Get a nice girl from Church drunk and you can lose your virginity together.

lol. When I was writing that, I thought the same thing. It really was the first time I truly thought about the concept.

It is true though. The parish does put it together. At least they have something going on, I guess. I wasn’t really suggesting it though… more like trying to show that there are things out there… or must be something going on at a local parish

…Makes you wonder though how it got approved, eh?

DISCLAIMER: I don’t approve of the wine-tasting single nights.

 

[daughterofmary]

Take a number and get in line…

Serously, a few things.

I presume that you yourself are a virgin. If not, you don’t have any right or claim to a virgin.

However, if you are a virgin yourself, don’t let people fault you for wanting a wife who will give you the same 100% back that you are giving her. After all, “the laborer is worth his wages”.

I would look in more tradiitonal Catholic circles if there are any near you. I do not know in what part of the country you live, but if there are any Opus Dei parishes or parishes with traditional Latin Masses and they have young adult groups, check them out. Also, check out www.nationalcatholicsingles.com (especially if you are near San Diego or Chicago - there is a conference at the end of June in San Diego, and I can vouch that the people I’ve met at the ones in Chicago lean more toward the traditional side).

I think this is a really good idea.

 

[gregvalc]

daughterofmary: Is this what it is has come to? Paying for an online service to find to find someone appropriate according to the church (on of the largest religions in the world).

jrabs: If you read my previous posts you’d see I mentioned that there are not many single people my age attending church or church functions.

Norseman82: not everyone on the internet lives in America.

I take it, that given the responses, the church does not have any practical recommendations for young people looking forward to the vocation of marriage (at least as they define it).

Perhaps I’m too naive. Maybe I’m following the rules to closely.

 

[jmcrae]

daughterofmary: Is this what it is has come to? Paying for an online service to find to find someone appropriate according to the church (on of the largest religions in the world).

jrabs: If you read my previous posts you’d see I mentioned that there are not many single people my age attending church or church functions.

Norseman82: not everyone on the internet lives in America.

I take it, that given the responses, the church does not have any practical recommendations for young people looking forward to the vocation of marriage (at least as they define it).

Perhaps I’m too naive. Maybe I’m following the rules to closely.

Look, if you’re going to limit yourself from meeting girls where they are to be found, then you are going to reduce the likelihood of ever meeting a nice girl. I don’t know what “rules” you are referring to. Yes, she should be Catholic, and she should be somewhat the same age and share the same values - this, you will find in your neighborhood, near-by. Someone you went to Catechism and to regular school with, who learned all these values at the same time that you did.

 

[brother_in_chst]

You are right to look for pure woman. The vocation of marriage is one of the churches most important vocations. Both parties of a true Catholic marriage should be pure. I will pray for you.

Have you thought about the other vocations? Perhaps you could become a priest or a single lay person. God has a plan for us all.

You might want to look for women in the early twenties, as anyone older than that is likely not to be pure anymore (and any good Catholic lady ought to be married by then, as do the men and yourself).

I will not cast judgment on you, but if you are as pure as I think you are,I must commend you, for many Catholics do not survive to be your age while being so dedicated to our Lord Jesus Christ. The Churches teachings are very clear about sexual relations before marriage, and they must be followed, despite the evil that surrounds us.

Good luck to you.

Yours in Christ.

 

[daughterofmary]

daughterofmary: Is this what it is has come to? Paying for an online service to find to find someone appropriate according to the church (on of the largest religions in the world).

I don’t think so. A number of friends/couples met their spouse at a good, solid Catholic college, and then married them after graduation. More couples then I know/have heard of who met online and married. You could seek admissions to FUS, TAC, Christendom, or Ave Maria. Marriages happen all the time there.

Watch this: youtube.com/watch?v=EMFy3sJx8DQ&feature=related

Favorite verse: “Everyone knows if they catch you talking… your getting married.” and “1 dozen…2 dozen… just as long as they are coming out the door.”

As long as she follows the church and you two get along… then who cares how God brings you two together?

I don’t understand where your wanting to look though. You say there are no young people at church for you to meet. Then you say that most people outside the church atmosphere are not virgins, and so we should toss them too. Where else should one look? Online, but yet you don’t want to go there.

The conference suggested or the cruise I guess are other good places to look. Still praying it works out for ya … and the Latin Mass idea was cool… although I can see “awkward moments” with that idea.

 

[chicago]

As ideal as it might be to marry another virgin, I think that focusing too much on that could run you down.

How would you even know going into things whether a woman has had sex or not? You could ask her eventually, I suppose, but that isn’t going to be the first thing out of your mouth.

Instead, if I were you, what I would do is concentrate on being a good guy and meeting solid Catholic women around you, wherever they may be. Some of them are probably virgins (even if they aren’t shouting it from the rooftops.) Others may have past sexual experience but are now repentant and trying to live better lives. For more than a few women, even whatever relations they have had might be quite limited.

The key is to find a good, compatible woman who is trying to live a virtuous life now. If you get that far, you’ll be doing well. If she so happens to be a virgin, then all the better. But I’d suggest worrying about your own chastity more than who your future spouse has or hasn’t slept with.

 

[Norseman82]

The key is to find a good, compatible woman who is trying to live a virtuous life now.

But being on the same level virginity-wise is one of the measures of compatibility…

 

[Ravyn_Guiliani]

But being on the same level virginity-wise is one of the measures of compatibility…

to whom?

and I might ask you why you think there are more virgins at the TLM than the NO?
Perhaps the OP is single at 27 because of his judgemental attitude that comes off as arrogance and pride? If God can forgive someone even sexual sins then why can’t you? Very presumptuous and unloving. As for the priest telling you that God intends for you to have a virgin…sounds like fortune-telling to me. But I do not think the priest meant it the way the OP took it. I can’t imagine an intelligent man of God saying something so stupid. And IF the priest DID say it like that–ask him where to find this virgin?

I have nothing against virgins–especially those who are virgins because of a choice they made to be so not because they have some hang up or problem that makes them unattractive to the opposite gender. But I am offended when virginity is an issue that serves as an excuse to judge others who might have made a mistake that they were already forgiven for. Did Jesus reject even the prostitute? He said ‘you are made clean’.

 

[Norseman82]

to whom?

and I might ask you why you think there are more virgins at the TLM than the NO?
Perhaps the OP is single at 27 because of his judgemental attitude that comes off as arrogance and pride? If God can forgive someone even sexual sins then why can’t you? Very presumptuous and unloving. As for the priest telling you that God intends for you to have a virgin…sounds like fortune-telling to me. But I do not think the priest meant it the way the OP took it. I can’t imagine an intelligent man of God saying something so stupid. And IF the priest DID say it like that–ask him where to find this virgin?

I have nothing against virgins–especially those who are virgins because of a choice they made to be so not because they have some hang up or problem that makes them unattractive to the opposite gender. But I am offended when virginity is an issue that serves as an excuse to judge others who might have made a mistake that they were already forgiven for. Did Jesus reject even the prostitute? He said ‘you are made clean’.

I was trying to tell him to look in places where more conservative Catholics gather.

“To whom”? To everyone who takes virginity seriously!

And I’m equaly offended when virgins are faulted for seeking to not be “cheated” of the same 100% that they are themselves giving; they’ve clearly earned it. I’ve read other threads here in which spouses felt pain because they were virgins but their spouses are not, so if the OP wants to avoid that pain, I’m not going to stop him, and it is improper for any of us to force pain on him.

And I certainly hope you have nothing against virgins - after all, this is a Catholic board and I would certainly hope that one would not be against Catholic morals on a Catholic board.

But I do agree that asking the priest where to find the virgin is something to consider - the priest may know of a female virgin asking the same thing!

 

[Norseman82]

Norseman82: not everyone on the internet lives in America.

My apologies, I did not know where you live; you never indicated. Please don’t bite my head off; I’m on your side in this matter, after all!

But that does raise a point. Where do you live? It is possible that you live somewhere that is hostle to Christian values.

 

[brother_in_chst]

to whom?

and I might ask you why you think there are more virgins at the TLM than the NO?
Perhaps the OP is single at 27 because of his judgemental attitude that comes off as arrogance and pride? If God can forgive someone even sexual sins then why can’t you? Very presumptuous and unloving. As for the priest telling you that God intends for you to have a virgin…sounds like fortune-telling to me. But I do not think the priest meant it the way the OP took it. I can’t imagine an intelligent man of God saying something so stupid. And IF the priest DID say it like that–ask him where to find this virgin?

I have nothing against virgins–especially those who are virgins because of a choice they made to be so not because they have some hang up or problem that makes them unattractive to the opposite gender. But I am offended when virginity is an issue that serves as an excuse to judge others who might have made a mistake that they were already forgiven for. Did Jesus reject even the prostitute? He said ‘you are made clean’.

Pardon Ravyn? Finding what is required for a Catholic marriage should not come off to anyone as arrogance and pride. Finding a virgin to marry is the correct approach.

Do you have something more against virgins who are so because they are unattractive to the opposite gender?

No ones is asking anyone to reject unmarried virgins, but remember, Jesus did not MARRY a prostitute.

 

[gregvalc]

My apologies, I did not know where you live; you never indicated. Please don’t bite my head off; I’m on your side in this matter, after all!

But that does raise a point. Where do you live? It is possible that you live somewhere that is hostle to Christian values.

Sorry Norseman82, I didn’t mean to come off that way. I’m in western Canada.

 

[chicago]

But I do agree that asking the priest where to find the virgin is something to consider - the priest may know of a female virgin asking the same thing!

While I don’t disagree with this insight, I must say I find it a bit humorous, as it almost sounds creepy - or just plain odd.

“Father, where do I find the virgin?” Then wise sage priest points this way. As if he has a stash of them packed away in the rectory basement, prepared for ritual sacrifice or something.

I almost imagine the priest just plain replying, “WHAT???”

 

[chicago]

But being on the same level virginity-wise is one of the measures of compatibility…

Ideally.

But, again, in practicality how is one going to determine this going into the game? Walk down the street and ask pretty ladies, “Pardon me, madam, are you a virgin?” Or asking it of a woman on the first date? You’re not likely to get very far in any relationship with that kind of technique.

So the fact is that you just AREN’T going to know until an appropriate time somewhat further into a relationship. In reality, then, all one can do is build a good relationship with a good woman who one admires. Should it come out eventually that she isn’t a virgin, after all, that may be a stumbling block. Or it might just not matter as much at that point if she is someone who you truly respect, admire, and love.

But worrying about it too much before that time when it rightly comes to conversation only cripples oneself early on from finding anyone worthwhile.

 

[bilop]

No offense, but if you are saying you were not a virgin on your wedding night, and the OP is, are you really in a position to lecture him?

I’m not lecturing anybody. I am married, and both my wife and I are very happy. I wasn’t even a regular Church goer when we met, but she saw something in me, and Praise God, I am now an observant Catholic.

What I am saying, is you have to look at the whole character of a person, and not some check list you have established.

As other have said, how would you even know if a woman was a virgin? That conversation wouldn’t even be remotely appropriate until it was a serious relationship.

What are you going to do then? Dump someone you love b/c of some past mistakes?

Remember, when we come out of that confession booth, we are all back on equal ground with the man upstairs. Any other belief is downright un-Christian.

St. Luke, Ch 15

7 I say to you, that even so there shall be joy in heaven upon one sinner that doth penance, more than upon ninety-nine just who need not penance

God Bless