How does premarital sex harm an engaged couple the night before their wedding?

[Dameedna]

There’s no one size fits all morality.

Oh really? Then you don’t believe in absolutes in all things moral.

So is morality an absolute?

I don’t think it is either.

 

[Dameedna]

Ok so you want to know how it can harm without the Bible.

I’ll give it a whirl for you.

First, if you truely love someone it’s called Respect. Love goes very deep and in order to truely love someone you must Respect them.

To have a good Relationship, (now mind you I’m leaving the Bible out of this at your request.) a person first must love themselves and respect themselves before they can love and respect others.

If you want to have a Special lasting memory with your wife or husband, there’s nothing more special than getting to know each other on your wedding night for the very first time.

What utter nonsense. Let’s break this down shall we as a reality rather than a fantasy.

You are nervous, and scared. You have been told magical things about this wonderous event. So you start to kiss, hormones kick in as does the pressure of what you are about to do(for the first time).

HE, gets more and more excited. SHE gets more and more nervous. Neither has any idea what they are doing, and as such he is clumsily trying his best to get her aroused and she is trying her best to become aroused.

Then there is the moment of penetration. It is like nothing else you’ve ever felt. You’re body has been invaded. You are supposed to like it(as a female) you are supposed to give your body mind heart and soul. What you FEEL, is invaded. It isn’t necessarily horrible, but incredibly weird and that is what it will feel like at first. A new sensation, that you experience will alway’s be strange.

With sex, it feels as though your body is no longer yours.

Then, he breaks your hymen, and it hurts. for some a lot more than others. So now, finally there is lubrication despite your nervousness added because of the bleeding. And you have an open sore inside of you that is being rubbed again and again by a man who say’s he loves you.

He feels no pain, and he gets more and more excited and you feel more and more pain, and feel weirder and weirder because your body no longer belongs to you, but you STILL say that this is what you are meant to do, this is what God wants.

Then, because he has no idea how to please you, he releases in an orgasm of gigantic proportions because his 8 or so years of hormal tension he’s never given into is released and he say’s he loves you and goes to sleep. No wait…he asks you if you liked it first.

No matter what it’s supposed to be like , that is not the reality that is promised. THIS, story is from a catholic(not me).

At this point, to her? Sex is still horrible, but it hurts less.

That is the reality, for many an unlucky virgin and her disapointment is palatable.

Not to mention if you have sex before your married you have just robbed yourselves of the special event of your marriage.
The bond of the wedding night, you will have lost.

You aren’t bringing a religious belief into this discussion re you?

That very first time when, just as your wedding vows say the two become “One” won’t happen, (because you would have already done that part) and so you’ll have no special magical moment when you fulfil the wedding vows that you had just taken a few hours sooner.

See story above.

Also, marriage is a commitment for life. Way too many people hold it to an esteem of great romantic love and a feiry sexual existance. It is neither, for many people regardless of wether they wait or not.

Who would be hurt by it? You Would and your new spouse…that’s who.

What would they gain? No big moment, no pressure, the ability to explore each other’s sexuality. They could figure out if they were compatible before making a life-long commitment, they could get to know each other by livng together and when they finally make a commitment they’ve used everything at their disposal, to figure out if it will work.

Or, they could believe in a fairytail that very rarely comes true.

And let’s be honest here…what’s the hurry with having sex?

That, has to be a female talking. lol!! I could be wrong, but it would be very weird if I was.

Enough said, you get the picture.

 

[Rico_S]

And if you are not close to Christ then how can you be even closer to another human being?

Are you suggesting that jews, muslims, hindus, athiests cannot have close unitive marriages? I think they may disagree.

–Rico

 

[twb1621]

I don’t want to know how the bible or the church says it is wrong. I want to know if and if so, how, it harms anyone. And I mean specifically between an engaged couple the night before their wedding when there is as much chance that they won’t tie the knot as there is that your putative marriage is unbeknownst to you actually invalid (like maybe you were both fertilized artificially and you were actually biologically half-siblings, making the marriage invalid, but due to privacy laws you haven’t found out).

Let’s say it also happens to be that the woman is infertile and they know this. So there’s not even a question of children being harmed or being born out of wedlock or even being conceived out of wedlock.

No one has ever given me a rational reason why this would harm anyone. So it can’t be wrong. Therefore if premarital sex is wrong, it’s only a good rule of thumb that it is wrong.

Remember this sex is unitive and they don’t use contraception. Everything about it is beautiful and no one is harmed; God is praised.

First lets realize whether a person is considered infertile or not this is by the standards man recognizes and many “infertile” people have succeeded in procreating so it is God’s will whether or not someone will have a child. It comes down to the fact that Love is unitive which leads to the commitment of marriage which allows for the procreation of life. We are to remain in practice of morality and self respect as children of God and to offer that respect to others, especially those whom we love. God has given us the ability to take part in the creation of life through the act of “love” which is the intention of the ability but in scripture we are clearly taught we are not to lust even after our partner as it is not only lowly, but diminishes the sacred act itself that is to take place in the commitment marriage establishes. Simplistically speaking of course.

 

[Debra_C]

First lets realize whether a person is considered infertile or not this is by the standards man recognizes and many “infertile” people have succeeded in procreating so it is God’s will whether or not someone will have a child.

Too true-- I am about to have the fourth child my husband and I supposedly can’t have.

 

[twb1621]

Too true-- I am about to have the fourth child my husband and I supposedly can’t have.

God Bless and keep you and your family within His embrace. That is awesome…

 

[ProVobis]

IMO, having sex for the first time when you get engaged, on the night of accepting a proposal, is very romantic and beautiful.

You can enjoy that moment without sex and save it for a more beautiful moment of the wedding night. That’s when your wedded life starts, not before.

 

[adelore]

What utter nonsense. Let’s break this down shall we as a reality rather than a fantasy.

HE, gets more and more excited. SHE gets more and more nervous. Neither has any idea what they are doing, and as such he is clumsily trying his best to get her aroused and she is trying her best to become aroused.

Then there is the moment of penetration. It is like nothing else you’ve ever felt. You’re body has been invaded. You are supposed to like it(as a female) you are supposed to give your body mind heart and soul. What you FEEL, is invaded. It isn’t necessarily horrible, but incredibly weird and that is what it will feel like at first. A new sensation, that you experience will alway’s be strange.

With sex, it feels as though your body is no longer yours.

Then, he breaks your hymen, and it hurts. for some a lot more than others. So now, finally there is lubrication despite your nervousness added because of the bleeding. And you have an open sore inside of you that is being rubbed again and again by a man who say’s he loves you.

He feels no pain, and he gets more and more excited and you feel more and more pain, and feel weirder and weirder because your body no longer belongs to you, but you STILL say that this is what you are meant to do, this is what God wants.

Then, because he has no idea how to please you, he releases in an orgasm of gigantic proportions because his 8 or so years of hormal tension he’s never given into is released and he say’s he loves you and goes to sleep. No wait…he asks you if you liked it first.

No matter what it’s supposed to be like , that is not the reality that is promised. THIS, story is from a catholic(not me).

At this point, to her? Sex is still horrible, but it hurts less.

That is the reality, for many an unlucky virgin and her disapointment is palatable.

**I can’t disagree here with what you’ve said, it most likely can and does happen like you’ve said for some couples.

Except,** that if it happens this way for a couple then I guess no close friends or anyone gave them Advice. Or they didn’t read up on how to go about it, causing less or almost no pain and making it more enjoyable.

You aren’t bringing a religious belief into this discussion re you?

No you asked us to try to leave that out of it and I’ve done as you requested. I’ve stuck to the “basic relationship between the couple”.

Also, marriage is a commitment for life. Way too many people hold it to an esteem of great romantic love and a feiry sexual existance. It is neither, for many people regardless of wether they wait or not.

I agee marriage is a commitment for life. It’s not "let’s try the shoe on and see if it fits first…and then if we like the sex, we’ll get married. Sex should be the last thing couples think about when being engaged. They should learn about each other, dislikes, what they have in common, can they trust each other, do they enjoy each other’s company ect. Sex is not the main reason people get married

What would they gain? No big moment, no pressure, the ability to explore each other’s sexuality. They could figure out if they were compatible before making a life-long commitment, they could get to know each other by livng together and when they finally make a commitment they’ve used everything at their disposal, to figure out if it will work.

**What a crock…lol. Many couples use this excuse, because they are afraid of the life long comitment, so this is their “cop-out” It’s a proven fact that more couples who lived together before marriage end up in divorce. Compared to couples who never lived together first.

If a coujple wants to live together “before” getting married “to see if it will work out” most couples have failed before they got started. People who live together aren’t fully commited. You can fool yourselfs all day long, but living together isn’t the same as being married and becomming one and being Fully Commited to each other through Thick and Thin. Part of being married is learning to Comunicate with each other and sometimes giving in. Marriage isn’t 50/50 sometimes it’s 20/80. It’s learning to work things out together.

A true comiment for marriage doesn’t say, “Till death do us part, or Divorce, if it doesn’t work out.”**

That, has to be a female talking. lol!! I could be wrong, but it would be very weird if I was.

You are correct, I am a female. But my Father, Grandfather, and Brothers, (All Men) taught me the value of a Commitment in Marriage.

Enough said, you get the picture.

I agree you get the picture of what I’m saying.