How does the Church view a Catholic's marriage to an Atheist?

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A dear friend of mine recently approached me about her relationship with her boyfriend. They are discussing getting married and she actually asked me about annulments but in doing so referenced the fact that her intended doesn’t believe in God. Although I don’t feel qualified to give her much information other than to contact her priest, I wondered what people on CAF would tell to someone in that situation. How would the Church view this, and if you are someone who has chosen marriage to a non-believer, what struggles have you faced or overcome?
 
My husband is essentially an atheist. Ok more like an agnostic - so he believes there is a higher being but choses to ignore it and not pursue it and wants to believe that all religions are true.

I never gave it much thought before we got married. I was in love. Our priest said that everyone is spiritual and that he did not have to become a Catholic but basically was welcome into the faith whenever he was ready.

Being married a year and a half now, and me becoming stronger in my faith, it can be hard. NFP is hard with a non Catholic, let alone a non believer! Going to mass every sunday is more difficult when your partner isn’t accustomed to going.

In order to get married in the church, the atheist will have to agree to raise their children Catholic. There are a lot of things the couple needs to talk about before getting married.

The way I see it, everyone has a cross to bear right? And even if both partners were Catholic to start with, one might drift. Or the atheist might convert. You never know. So if all other things are right, then why not pursue a marriage, in my opinion.

I am surprised she asked about annulments… but I guess she is opening her mind to all possibilities and future events.

All th best to her and to you in being her friend! God Bless.
 
Chovy,

I do not have much to say about Church teaching other than the fact that the purpose of marriage is for the husband and wife to help each other reach heaven. Many people in our current society do not view marriage that way, even many Catholics. Having the Catholic outlook on marriage causes spouses to ask “What is the ultimate good for my spouse?” instead of “How will this person/relationship add to my happiness?”

That said, I think it would be unwise for a Catholic to marry an atheist. The atheist cannot possibly have the same understanding of marriage. As a non-believer, they cannot help guide their spouse to heaven. They will not even have an understading of what is the “ultimate good” for their spouse since the ultimate good is always God’s will.

God bless you and guide you in what you should say to your friend.
 
Sina said:
My husband is essentially an atheist. Ok more like an agnostic - so he believes there is a higher being but choses to ignore it and not pursue it and wants to believe that all religions are true.

I never gave it much thought before we got married. I was in love. Our priest said that everyone is spiritual and that he did not have to become a Catholic but basically was welcome into the faith whenever he was ready.

Being married a year and a half now, and me becoming stronger in my faith, it can be hard. NFP is hard with a non Catholic, let alone a non believer! Going to mass every sunday is more difficult when your partner isn’t accustomed to going.

In order to get married in the church, the atheist will have to agree to raise their children Catholic. There are a lot of things the couple needs to talk about before getting married.

The way I see it, everyone has a cross to bear right? And even if both partners were Catholic to start with, one might drift. Or the atheist might convert. You never know. So if all other things are right, then why not pursue a marriage, in my opinion.

I am surprised she asked about annulments… but I guess she is opening her mind to all possibilities and future events.

All th best to her and to you in being her friend! God Bless.
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I should clarify that she was asking about annulments because her boyfriend was married and divorced previously.
 
Chovy said:
A dear friend of mine recently approached me about her relationship with her boyfriend. They are discussing getting married and she actually asked me about annulments but in doing so referenced the fact that her intended doesn’t believe in God. Although I don’t feel qualified to give her much information other than to contact her priest, I wondered what people on CAF would tell to someone in that situation. How would the Church view this, and if you are someone who has chosen marriage to a non-believer, what struggles have you faced or overcome?
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Chovy,

The thing that struck me the most in what you have said is why is she asking about an annulment? Was she married before and needs to get one? If she is concerned about that as this is her first marriage, I do not feel that this is a good place to start out a future marriage. How serious is the relationship if an annulment is being considered?

Marriages to an atheist can work, but I would not personally recommend it to anyone. I see too many potential problems that can arise from this situation. Again, I know that there are those that are on this forum (even the poster earlier) that are married to atheists, agnostics, other religions and it works out fine and that is great. I just think that it is one thing that needs to be considered when deciding on a marriage. Why is it that we consider the house that we will move into, which side of the bed we will sleep on, one checking acccount or two, etc, etc, but we disregard the impact of religion in our marriages? (just in general, not specific to you or anyone else)
 
Chovy said:
I should clarify that she was asking about annulments because her boyfriend was married and divorced previously.
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Ok just answered my first question.

She would need to talk with a priest about that.
 
I would say the supernatural, like the natural, abhors a vacuum. One of two things would happen in the future in that atheist vaccuum. He would either be drawn to the faith, or he would become anti-Faith.

In which case, her household and raising her children would become very difficult, if not impossible. It may not happen in the first few years, but eventually it could happen.

Marriage is hard enough when BOTH people profess to believe the same thing. Why look for trouble?

He’s got two strikes against him. He’s had one failed marriage, and he has no faith or belief in God. Tell her to run in the other direction.

I’ve seen what happens with some atheists. They should really be called “Hate-theists.”
 
Sigh. This is quite depressing-- so many Catholics insisting on marrying non-Catholics and non-Christians.

At any rate, you are asking two questions.

(1) Catholic view of marriage to a non-Christian, an atheist. Well, mixed marriages are discouraged but tolerated if the Catholic unwisely insists on marrying the non-believer. However, a mixed marriage requires a dispensation from the Bishop. There must be reasonable assurance that the Catholic will be free to practice their faith and the Catholic must promise to raise their children Catholic. The non-Catholic must be informed of the promise. The Catholic is bound by the Catholic form of marriage- i.e., in a Catholic Church-- unless they receive a dispensation to marry elsewhere. If marrying a non-Catholic they would have the Marriage Rite outside of Mass. Both the Catholic and non-Catholic would have to attend all diocesan required marriage preparation programs/meetings. Of course, the Catholic would be obligated to adhere to ALL Church teachings.

(2) His prior marriage. He will have to obtain a decree of nullity-- and this is NOT guaranteed. The Church recognizes marriages between non-Catholics and non-Christians as valid. If he is not baptized, his prior marriage is a natural marriage, not a Sacramental marriage. But, it is a VALID marriage. He is not currently free to date, be engaged, etc, to your friend.

His prior bond will have to be examined by the tribunal and a determination of validity made.

I suggest the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster for a basic catechesis on marriage and decrees of nullity.

However, your friend has much bigger issues and I hope you can talk some sense into her.
 
Sina said:
My husband is essentially an atheist. Ok more like an agnostic - so he believes there is a higher being but choses to ignore it and not pursue it and wants to believe that all religions are true.

I never gave it much thought before we got married. I was in love. Our priest said that everyone is spiritual and that he did not have to become a Catholic but basically was welcome into the faith whenever he was ready.

Being married a year and a half now, and me becoming stronger in my faith, it can be hard. NFP is hard with a non Catholic, let alone a non believer! Going to mass every sunday is more difficult when your partner isn’t accustomed to going.

In order to get married in the church, the atheist will have to agree to raise their children Catholic. There are a lot of things the couple needs to talk about before getting married.

The way I see it, everyone has a cross to bear right? And even if both partners were Catholic to start with, one might drift. Or the atheist might convert. You never know. So if all other things are right, then why not pursue a marriage, in my opinion.

I am surprised she asked about annulments… but I guess she is opening her mind to all possibilities and future events.

All th best to her and to you in being her friend! God Bless.
Click to expand...
That sounds very much like my husband and I. I was not a practicing Catholic when we met and married. We were both raised Catholic, but neither practicing. After being married, I came back to the church, he did not. Luckily, he is essentially an agnostic, so we do not fight about what religion to raise the kids - my husband has NO religion, so the kids are Catholic.

I agree that being married to a Catholic would probably be easier. But my husband is a good, hard working man, who loves me and the kids. We got pregnant after 6 months of dating and he married me and supports our family while I stay at home. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. ❤️
 
That’s precisely why my relationship ended. He is not sure about his beliefs (they keep changing all the time) and never understood why I was Catholic. So we decided to be good friends and end our romance.

I would not date someone who is atheist or w/e because it’s just too hard. I probably won’t date someone who isn’t Catholic, or at least Christian (who isn’t opposed to Church teachings). It caused a lot of strain and stress on my former relationship and I wouldn’t want that again. Romance in general is tough enough without the difference in faith to add to it.
 
Hi,

At what point in his life did this guy become an atheist? Was he raised with religion, and rejected it, or was he never raised with anything?

My hubby was never raised with any religion and always felt its absence. He is thrilled that our kids are being given the faith that he wasn’t. He is very supportive of my raising the kids Catholic.

On the other hand, my fallen-away Catholic father always gave my mother a hard time about practicing her faith, and interfered in it whenever he felt inconvenienced by it. I am very grateful that I do not have to deal with that kind of opposition.

His attitude towards religion is more important than what he actually practices. I hope this helps.

Freda
 
I was an atheist from age 18 to 42. I have been married twice. Divorced twice. (I know, shameful. :()

I would strongly discourage people to marry outside of their religion.

My first wife was Lutheran. Me second wife was an atheist. She divorced me when I became Catholic.

Atheists may desire it, but they do not believe in the permanence of marriage. To an atheist, a marriage is a contract. To a Catholic, it is one of the seven sacraments. That would be like receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation, but not believing that Jesus is was born of a virgin. Thus an atheist cannot properly consent to marriage.

There will be little things at first, but eventually, the Church and faith, which should be unifying forces in a marriage, become sources of seperation and division.

No, I would discourage your friend from marrying an atheist.

Should my diocesan tribunal find that my second marriage was also invalid, like my first one, and grant an annulment, I would not date a woman who was not a faithful Catholic.
 
Never say never.
I have some very dear friends, she is an atheist, he a Catholic. Before they married they spoke to the priest, and she undertook to raise their children in the Faith, and has taken this promise very seriously. She often goes to Mass with them and joins in the prayers. They have now been married for almost 20 years and their children are growing up, still practicing their faith. I was very priviledged to attend the middle child’s confirmation last year, and look forward to going to the youngest child’s in a couple of years.
I think the key is that they both knew at the outset what would be required of them, and she appreciates that although she doesn’t have a faith it’s very important to her husband and their children that they have firm grounding. I look forward to the day when she also becomes a Catholic
 
**Funny how it is so important in today’s culture to “test drive” all potential spouses, but if they have a different religion, that’s ok:rolleyes:.

You would think that compatibility in faith and morals/values would rank a little higher than how great the sex is.

I’m not speaking of your friend, just in general…

Malia**
 
There is a great new website that is interactive. Refer your friend to it…it is foryourmarriage.org. Ask her to plug in mixed marriages and she will get more information.
 
Somehow I don’t think those two people will ever have a happy, lasting marriage. They will disagree on just too much.
 
My first wife attempted to tolerate a Church she couldn’t understand, because she was too lazy to learn. She ended up believing all the garbage her mother told her, who is a fallen away Catholic and practices New Age hocus pocus stuff like Sylvia Browne.
She’s now remarried a guy raised Catholic, without regard to an annulment, they married in a Methodist Church.

Good riddens!!

Find someone with similiar values!
 
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