How far away would you move......with kids.?

[rlg94086]

Well, we were supposed to move (all five of us, at the time) to England, but it fell through. We were excited at the prospect of it.

With one of my previous employers, I may have had the opportunity to move to Japan. My wife was more interested in it than I was.

KL…hmm…I have a friend who grew up in KL (ethnically Indian) and is now married to a Catholic and living in the US. Since he is familiar with the area and a family man, he may have some good insight on taking a family over there.

Let me know, and I will gladly give him a call. How old are your kids (sorry if you already posted it)?

 

[rlg94086]

A day later and I still am not sure what to do.

I have to admit this is a very enticing offer for ME, but I’m thinking not necessarily so for the kids. We as a family have had a lot of changes in the past several years; the sudden death of my husband, then moving out of state, only to move again a year later…and we JUST not a month ago, moved into this new house we have been waiting a year to be done renovating. Then just a couple of weeks ago, the announcement from my daughters parochial school that they can’t give me the financial aid they promised back in April, which means DD has to switch schools AGAIN. The poor girl has been through SO many changes, I don’t know if she can take any more though I’m sure she would say she could.

There is also the BIG issue of my special needs son whom I mentioned before, severe autism and MR along with ADHD, who has major issues with transitioning. The kids are ages 10, 9 and 4, and the four year old is the least of my worries when it comes to this move. She’s a fish in water anywhere we go seemingly.

I work for a provider of intensive autism therapy as the health coordinator. Some families from WI have moved to Malaysia and want to continue services there, and they have piqued the interest of people there and now there is a small waiting list for services, about 6 families. There are just 2 line therapists there now running the show, and they want to send me and 4 other women over to expand the program. I would fill the same position there, and add some duties as well. I’d work from home about half the time, and the Co. would provide a FT one on one therapist/caregiver for my son, and a tutor for the other two. The oldest would go to school there as well. They will pay for my moving expenses, and help rent my house and sell my car. They will pay my rent there in KL, and I will have a stipend for other expenses, which will not cover our needs by any means, but it will help. I’ll be getting a raise as well.

There is not a huge Catholic presence in Malaysia, which worries me…butt he parishes seem to pretty active, if small. I’ve emailed the archdiocese with some questions, and look forward to what they have to say.

I dunno, I just don’t know if this is something TOO big and too much of yet another change for us. I’m leaning toward staying here, but I’m not sure…

That’s what I get for scanning posts too quickly…!

I would be concerned as well.

 

[dorisbonkers]

Kuala Lumpur Malaysia

I’m not Catholic but I have moved from the UK to Singapore and know KL very well, so if you have any specific questions I may be able to answer them.

Main question, would you be happy in a predominantly Muslim country?

As it happens I’m also moving shortly (possibly Philippines, perhaps Shanghai) and I’m about to give birth. It’s not a problem shifting family at all.

I’ve also lived and worked in Russia and Egypt.

ETA, I just remembered when I was in Borneo (part of Malaysia) there were HUNDREDS of catholic churches all over the shop. I think there’s a big push out there right now.

 

[leonie]

It sounds like a great opportunity. How is the healthcare over there?

Do you have enough savings, so if something came up, you could return home without impediment?

For me, when I was a young mom, I wouldn’t have moved away from my extended family because they needed me. Now, that my parents are older and having health problems, I wouldn’t move because they need me.

 

[1ke]

I’d move anywhere that Christians were free to practice their religions without fear of reprisal and where there was a Catholic Church to attend (in any language).

I would not move to a place like Saudi Arabia where I could not practice my faith or have Catholic materials to teach my children their faith. I’ve encountered adult Catholics in RCIA b/c they lived in Saudi as children and their families could not practice their faith so they ended up growing up uncatechized and never receiving their sacraments.

 

[BeGods]

A day later and I still am not sure what to do.

I have to admit this is a very enticing offer for ME, but I’m thinking not necessarily so for the kids. We as a family have had a lot of changes in the past several years; the sudden death of my husband, then moving out of state, only to move again a year later…and we JUST not a month ago, moved into this new house we have been waiting a year to be done renovating. Then just a couple of weeks ago, the announcement from my daughters parochial school that they can’t give me the financial aid they promised back in April, which means DD has to switch schools AGAIN. The poor girl has been through SO many changes, I don’t know if she can take any more though I’m sure she would say she could.

There is also the BIG issue of my special needs son whom I mentioned before, severe autism and MR along with ADHD, who has major issues with transitioning. The kids are ages 10, 9 and 4, and the four year old is the least of my worries when it comes to this move. She’s a fish in water anywhere we go seemingly.

I work for a provider of intensive autism therapy as the health coordinator. Some families from WI have moved to Malaysia and want to continue services there, and they have piqued the interest of people there and now there is a small waiting list for services, about 6 families. There are just 2 line therapists there now running the show, and they want to send me and 4 other women over to expand the program. I would fill the same position there, and add some duties as well. I’d work from home about half the time, and the Co. would provide a FT one on one therapist/caregiver for my son, and a tutor for the other two. The oldest would go to school there as well. They will pay for my moving expenses, and help rent my house and sell my car. They will pay my rent there in KL, and I will have a stipend for other expenses, which will not cover our needs by any means, but it will help. I’ll be getting a raise as well.

There is not a huge Catholic presence in Malaysia, which worries me…butt he parishes seem to pretty active, if small. I’ve emailed the archdiocese with some questions, and look forward to what they have to say.

I dunno, I just don’t know if this is something TOO big and too much of yet another change for us. I’m leaning toward staying here, but I’m not sure…

Been almost exactly there, done almost exactly that. Our family, which includes two kids with autism, moved from to Columbia MD after being in a house for three months. It was the right choice for us because this is a far better school system for the boys, but it was very traumatic even within the country. My personal oppinion is don’t go.

Your son with autism is my primary concern. You’re not likely to get anywhere close to the services that you do here in U.S. I’ll admit that a full-time therapist is VERY tempting, but will he get the peer interactions that he would in school? Would you be stuck training the caregiver while you try to work from home? What about an OT gym, will your company pay for that too? IAnd your son won’t make the language transition at all. He could easily regress if you move him again so soon.

Your older daughter is a very close second. We moved eight months ago, and my seven-year-old daughter is still broken hearted. She cries at church because she misses sitting with her friends, and has undergone some solid behavior changes. And she still has her dad alive and living with us.

We rented the house we just bought back in Virginia at a loss, not to mention the months we made two mortgage payments while we looked for a tenant. We will sell it as soon as we can bridge the loss.

I’m truly sorry about your husband. I can imagine that you’re trying to build yourself a new life from scratch, and this is a wonderful opportunity. My advice is to be patient. Other opportunities will come up at less challanging times of your life. In a few years your kids may look on something like this as a grand adventure. Right now you need to curl up together and heal for a while.

I’ll keep you in my prayers. Good luck!

 

[srubio]

Well it seems you have received a lot of good advice. I was a Catholic child that moved quite a bit in countries that christianity was the minority. It is good experience for everyone to travel because you can understand people more which creates compassion. If your company wants you to go they need to be aware of your special needs child so they may line up some help for you when you get there. There are probably maylaysian college students that would appreciate the chance to work with an american family. As far as attending mass, there were times we were not “allowed to go”. I was young so I don’t know what all that meant, but we did live our lives as best as we could as catholics by praying and honoring holidays. For two years, I think it is well worth it.***I do remember going to mass everyday the two weeks before we left to Saudi Arabia.

 

[guardian2samson]

I went to American schools overseas both in the early grade school years and JH/HS in 2 & 3 year blocks, and I have worked overseas as an adult. I also went to 14 schools from K through college (4 HS’s and 2 colleges). Pros and cons to everything. I cherish the frequent moves my family (six kids, mom & dad) made for work (military). We really developed a strong central family core through those experiences, and those of us kids who went through most of the moves, are much more adventurous than those who came up at the tail end of it all. Fantastic forum to develop ones skills in adapting to change, learning to “make friend” fast, and just adjust to life’s changes.

Overall, living abroad is a fantastic experience. I found that compared to my peers who didn’t have similar experiences, I’m much more comfortable with unknowns, change, moving, risk, etc. Sure, there are other factors too, such as individual personality, etc. Otherwise, there’s nothing left but affininty, and you won’t know that until you try it (for all involved).

You’ll have to do some homework though. I would judge your most important factor is the availability of special needs services, and the risk of worst case scenarios. If that element is acceptable, then you’ll be comforted to know that in most environments where Americans are overseas, the sense of community is very strong, because there’s an “island” affect - only a small number of you comparatively - and people of like cultural backgrounds tend to “stick together” and are less separated by our otherwise “academic” diffences that are more visible when we’re on our own turf. Some of your best friendships and support networks can be forged in the experience of living in another culture. Some find that their “overseas” community of Americans feels more real and more united than when they’re on home soil, and it often does wonders to one’s appreciation for what we have, as well as what we hope would change.

Otherwise, most of the things we need here are available anywhere else we go for work: babysitters, help with the car, shopping tips, thrift stores, etc. There are always changes, but then it wouldn’t be a “foreign” country if it were just like home.

Good luck, and I hope the opportunity works out for you, and more importantly for your kids.

There are “expatriot” forums for many locales that can provide a great way to get some direct questions answered by people who would typically have a very positive attitude about that locale.

-Gary

 

[shannyk]

Thanks so much for all the advice, I TRULY appreciate it as I really have no IRL peeps to bounce this whole thing off of.

We’re not going.

I pretty much decided that after my last post. I guess just writing it all out and seeing it made me realize that I knew all along this isn’t for us.

Just tooooooooooo much for any of us to deal with right now, and the logistics make me dizzy. It’s not such an over the top great offer that i can’t refuse it. It will not make a difference in our long term futures, and having to come back and readjust, I don’t even want to go there.

Right now I have the luxury of working FT from home, which means I can be involved in my son’s intensive home therapy program, and the 4yr old doesn’t have to go to daycare all day, and I get that important time with her. It means I can go to the oldest’s school and volunteer sometimes too, so she feels like mom is ‘there’ with her school stuff. I’m just not willing to give up so much, and that’s what moving would entail.

So we stay, here in cheese head land.

Thanks everyone:grouphug:

 

[srubio]

I wanted to respond to you before you made your decision but waited because of other responses. I was a traveling child and love that part of my life, but it is not for everyone and I am glad you were able to decide what you feel is best for your family.

God bless you and your family.

 

[guardian2samson]

Sounds like a wise decision. I hope you have a better opportunity at a better time in the future.

“God Love You!”
-Gary

 

[shannyk]

I wanted to respond to you before you made your decision but waited because of other responses. I was a traveling child and love that part of my life, but it is not for everyone and I am glad you were able to decide what you feel is best for your family.

God bless you and your family.

Sounds like a wise decision. I hope you have a better opportunity at a better time in the future.

“God Love You!”
-Gary

Thank you both

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Right now I have the luxury of working FT from home, which means I can be involved in my son’s intensive home therapy program, and the 4yr old doesn’t have to go to daycare all day, and I get that important time with her. It means I can go to the oldest’s school and volunteer sometimes too, so she feels like mom is ‘there’ with her school stuff. I’m just not willing to give up so much, and that’s what moving would entail.

So we stay, here in cheese head land.

Thanks everyone:grouphug:

You’re right…sometimes just putting all of your thoughts in order and seeing them in front of you is enough to make things clear. Add the wonderful opinions/advice these caring people gave you and there was no doubt you’d come to the right decision for your family. I am glad you found some peace with this. God bless you, you are a wonderful mom and those kids are so lucky and are so loved. I am sure your husband is smiling down from heaven at what a wonderful job you are doing and must be so proud of your strength and courage. If you ever “feel” a pat on the back I bet it’s him just letting you know he knows…:hug3:

 

[monicatholic]

shann,

you sacrificed what might have been an intriguing adventure for the sake of your children’s specific needs at this specific time. God sees that you made this sacrifice out of love and He will bless you.

 

[ecp007]

Kuala Lumpur Malaysia

:dancing:Hey, hey…we’re gonna be neighbors! :tiphat:

I live in Penang, Malaysia just about a 4 hour drive from KL. We go there all the time. It’s a great place. Its a great country. People are SOOOOOOOO nice. And the experience is unbelievable.

We’ve been here for 2 years, and we don’t want to go back, honestly. As a working mom, it is much easier for me here because it is very easy to find an “ahma” – housekeeper nanny. She cooks, cleans, does grocery shopping, everything…leaves me with time to spend with my kids on homework, etc. The international schools here (and in KL) are great too. And, everyone speaks English. Honestly, you’ll love it. PM me if you want to ask questions.

 

[ecp007]

ooops, sorry, just read the end of your thread… Anyway, I wish you good luck, and you can still PM if you have any other questions.

 

[jerryb1020]

Would you move out of the country? To a country with a totally different culture, language, climate, et al?

I have been asked to move for work, and don’t know if it’s something that is just too monumental to consider. It would be for a period of 2 years, so it’s not ‘open ended’ I know we will come home at some point, and it does seem like an interesting opportunity for us, but…I just don’t KNOW!!!

Anyone ever done this? Advice welcome!

For what it’s worth, Abraham moved his family to a foreign land.