How far is too far before marriage?

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Katya11

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Hello friends!
I have tried to find answers to this everywhere, but nothing was specific enough. What sensual acts, like kissing, French kissing, touching, etc. are still acceptable before matrimony? Which are sinful and which steal away your purity? Please be specific!
Thank you and God bless!
Katya
 
The general rule of thumb is that if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your parents, it’s acceptable.
 
Rolltide said:
The general rule of thumb is that if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your parents, it’s acceptable.
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Oh man. So even kissing is out.

Unfortunately I have nothing to back this up, but I’d say anything that doesn’t involve dude parts or lady parts.
 
Really, “How far is too far” is the wrong question. If you are preparing for marriage, and you have your first kiss AFTER you are married, (extremely rare and unusual these days) then even that will be super special! The more you save for after marriage the more joy you will have out of it.

Aside from that, I’d say that any sexual touches, looks, or conversations (conversations meaning fantasizing together) would be ruled out of the book. I’m not absolutely sure, but I think French kissing is also sinful because it objectifies the person for pleasure.

Talk to your parish priest on this topic as well.
 
danzibr said:
Oh man. So even kissing is out.

Unfortunately I have nothing to back this up, but I’d say anything that doesn’t involve dude parts or lady parts.
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Depending on the relationship and the parents, yeah. My parents are more okay with it than her (my fiancee) parents. So we haven’t kissed in front of her parents, but do in front of mine. Now while this isn’t absolute teaching, it as a general rule of thumb is pretty good to follow. The more abstract answer is that it depends on what causes you to lust. You shouldn’t be seeking “how far can I go before I sin” and push the boundaries.

In general, I say an affectionate kiss on the lips is the farthest you should go because french kissing can really put you into a near occasion of sin. I’d say fondling, “touching”, masturbation, mutual masturbation, and sex are no-nos before marriage. My better rule of thumb is, if you’re not okay doing it in public, then you shouldn’t be doing it. There are some things people don’t feel comfortable doing in front of their parents, but are more open to doing in public. Now when I say public, I mean like at a nice restaurant and not a place like a wild club.
 
The general rule of thumb is that if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your parents, it’s acceptable.
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Forget parents! 😦
If you’d feel comfortable doing it on a busy street corner on Main Street of your hometown on a busy day,

it’s ok.
 
Katya11 said:
Hello friends!
I have tried to find answers to this everywhere, but nothing was specific enough. What sensual acts, like kissing, French kissing, touching, etc. are still acceptable before matrimony? Which are sinful and which steal away your purity? Please be specific!
Thank you and God bless!
Katya
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Sin and Morality are not based on popular vote.

Therefore, when you are called to Judgment, saying. “A majority of replies by anonymous internet posters said it was okay” will not be a defense.

When in doubt, don’t.
 
Richard320 said:
Sin and Morality are not based on popular vote.

Therefore, when you are called to Judgment, saying. “A majority of replies by anonymous internet posters said it was okay” will not be a defense.

When in doubt, don’t.
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Fair enough, however as I understand it the only clear teaching from the church on pre-marital contact forbids intercourse and situations likely to lead to intercourse. Naturally the second one can change from context to context.
 
Bezant said:
Fair enough, however as I understand it the only clear teaching from the church on pre-marital contact forbids intercourse and situations likely to lead to intercourse. Naturally the second one can change from context to context.
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Impurity of any kind is sinful. Mortally sinful, if done with full knowledge and consent of the will. That is not only restricted to intercourse.
 
dshix said:
Impurity of any kind is sinful. Mortally sinful, if done with full knowledge and consent of the will. That is not only restricted to intercourse.
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But it is very much a relative matter, and hence questions like the OP’s.
 
Bezant said:
But it is very much a relative matter, and hence questions like the OP’s.
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Yes, I agree. I gave my direct answer to the OP in this thread already (post 4) but I was just responding directly to you in this one.
 
My husband and I met with a Priest, and asked for advice for a Holy Courtship. He encouraged us to:

Go to daily mass together
Pray together, and give a chaste kiss, and a blessing to each other when parting.
Don’t spend time together late at night or when very tired.
Don’t recline together, couch, bed, or chair
Do activities in groups when possible.
Work on our individual faith, and becoming a mature Catholic, free from sin, so we are ABLE to devote ourselves to another for life!
Continually be open to discernment, asking first am I called to Holy Orders, Marriage, Single life?
If I am called to marriage, am I called to marry this person? If not get out, or continued familiarity will lead to sex.
 
Regina_Love said:
My husband and I met with a Priest, and asked for advice for a Holy Courtship. He encouraged us to:

Go to daily mass together
Pray together, and give a chaste kiss, and a blessing to each other when parting.
Don’t spend time together late at night or when very tired.
Don’t recline together, couch, bed, or chair
Do activities in groups when possible.
Work on our individual faith, and becoming a mature Catholic, free from sin, so we are ABLE to devote ourselves to another for life!
Continually be open to discernment, asking first am I called to Holy Orders, Marriage, Single life?
If I am called to marriage, am I called to marry this person? If not get out, or continued familiarity will lead to sex.
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Yes, this is VERY good advice.
 
ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at the EWTN Theology dept…it will be of great help!

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…)
 
empther said:
Forget parents! 😦
If you’d feel comfortable doing it on a busy street corner on Main Street of your hometown on a busy day,

it’s ok.
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No no! There are a lot of people who will do anything on a busy street corner–or a crowded bus, or even on an airplane.
 
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