How Far Is Too Far When It Comes To Dating?

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puzzleannie said:
any sexual contact or any behavior which naturally arouses sexual desires is forbidden outside lawful marriage. period end of sentence, no discussion.
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You could be right. But how boring. :yawn:
 
Charlie…

better bored than devastated because of regret.
I think men are often different from women… they may fall and be forgiven and move on with high heads and joy… a young woman… well… she can carry wounds on a deeper level for a long time… we are simply created like this… the woman sexuality is in a natural way more internal than the man’s… and therefore it has often got much different consequences to her feeling of self worth and her relationship to her self, God and other people… try also to consider the way a woman is brought up to be pure, loving and sacrificing and a mother…
So try not to see it as boring but as loving… or if you will Truly Romantic… that you love a person enough to care for that persons soul… she will love you much more if you are a protector and a real man… instead of somebody who could not control himself … and be sure that if your beloved suffers, then so will you.
waiting will make married life so much sweeter… because a man and woman who could not wait with each other will always be thinking in their innermost heart: why did you not cherish and protect me.

maybe that is just me… but I think being loved like that… with heroic love that is not just pleasure for a moment and bitterness afterwards… thats the love I really want and which exites me even on a much deeper level than sexual arousal does.
 
Holly3278 said:
Well, David and I have already said no to sex before marriage. We’re also in the process of setting boundaries as to just how far we can go. This way we both know our limits and both of us will respect those limits. 🙂
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My lady friend and I don’t have any problems either. We live 600 miles apart. 🙂
 
What if you are trying to stick to the oundaries but the other person makes a “forbidden” move? (Example in question: Guy - I think on purpose, but I may be wrong - touched my breast a little.
 
Holly3278 said:
Hi everyone. How far is too far when it comes to dating and sexual behavior? :confused:
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Basically, if you don’t want your future spouse doing it with someone else, you shouldn’t do it.

Another viewpoint also says that if you have to ask if what you are doing is wrong, it is. Our conscience is there to be listened to 👍
 
Before marriage, limit yourselves to what you would do in front of your parents, his parents, your Priest, your Grandmother and the Virgin Mary:)
 
Has anyone read the free book Pierced By A Sword from www.catholicity.com ? It covers the dating question in great detail.

My daughter was determined to stay a virgin until her wedding night and wanted to marry a virgin. She dated one guy who met her criteria, for 3 years. This year they went too far, she just loved cuddling with him.

The baby is due next month. They intend to marry sometime after that.

I recommend you read that book. It sets some very clear guidelines and is also a good read.
 
GraceDK said:
Hey pat… thanks for your reply.

I, in my “fresh-wounds situation” noticed of course these words of yours:
“These guys exist but they’re out there looking for woman with high standards who fly their flags high and won’t settle for second best”.

High standards? Second best? I am a bit puzzled. You see… someone might come and treat me as if I am only a “second best”… that is what I fear the most and why I am even afraid to get out there again after my serious fall… you see the worst case scenario is for someone to look at me with eyes that say: " Mary of Magdala… I’ll be your knight and have mercy even though I could rightly demand a more noble lady… I’ll love you even if you were a fornicator". For me… no… I’d rather stay single forever than have a man tell me that through his eyes… tell me that I AM a fornicator when in fact I WAS one but it is gone… as it is written: God forgave them their sin and He remembers the sins no more… and He cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. He cast them on the bottom of the ocean.
As Catholics we dont call ourselves justified sinners but we call ourselves renewed from the inside out. A new person through the sole deed of our Lord, without whom we were all going to hell for our sins.
You see… I am just a bit fragile… I mean… I wouln’t say no to a guy just because he was not a virgin. I mean if you really love someone then… would you love their status more or their person more? As for me, some of the best Christian men I have ever met who were both humble, powerful and loving were exactly those who had been into all kinds of sin before becoming ministers of Christ.
Also I think that most people are in some way not virgins… like men who watched pornography or masturbated or people who have been naked with other people and touching or having oral sex… I mean…lets keep the right proportions here… its not all about that little biological sign that a woman carries in her body… innocence goes deeper than that.

I will set my standards high… I wont consider a man who looks at me like a leper or a flawed second option. I will, if the Lord deigns to give me a husband, be into pure love and courtship and I’ll have my rules with me because I have as of yet to meet a man who is as strong as the one you describe. God bless
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How about being a *born-again *virgin. I also heard it referred to as secondary virginity but I preferred the former term. That’s what I used to suggest to young non-Catholic Christian girls who came to me at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre where I worked. Also the Catholic girls.
 
Dear Eileen.

I thank you for your concern but I think I will choose the term “renewed purity” that Crystalina Evert talks about, if any.
Whereas not remaining pure is a sad thing I think we need to be able to wholeheartedly confess this sin and truly admit it and then we need to move forward. We cannot undo what we once did and in a truly healthy Christian mind it should not be necessary… I dont know if you understand what I am saying, but I think we need to think in an unpatological way about this both as individuals and communities.
Why would I go out and claim that I was a virgin. There are people who are virgins… I mean … I am being given a second chance through Chirst… and one thing I have discovered though this deep depression that came from crossing my own limits was that I was in an identity crisis… I thought: “my life is just over and I am in hell”. I thought I would never be happy again. But then God started sending me Christian people who loved me regardless and who really had the view that the one who has been forgiven much loves much.
Christ in His Gospels say: “Deny yourselves”. Crossing the line in sexual behaviour and consequently being on the verge of insanity made me realise just how big and fat my Christian selfrighteousness had become… How huge my Identity/Ego and how much I was nurturing my own righteousness when in fact I should seek the glory of God alone and abstain from sin out of love for Him…

Do you understand Eileen? I dont think I have ever met someone more pitifull and sad after sinning than myself… I believe it is because I am a passionate romantic at heart. I may still be surprized at my strong evil inclination… but I bet Jesus was not surprised when I fell.
I dont want to give myself new labels… I dont want to explain it away or belittle it. I have done terrible harm to my self most of all.
I will point to Christ alone and say that He makes all things new. He alone is my justification. I pray to God that He sends me a husband cause I long so much to be a wife… but I will not marry someone who thinks in anyway that he is righteous in and of himself. nor will I accept this reasoning: “I did everything up until the point of losing my virginity… and I am still a virgin”… I believe we as Christians have to set a much higher standard than that and this standard has to really come out of love for Jesus. When we truly love Him we can approach the sinner, ourselves and others, and embrace them.
I dont believe in putting people in boxes… but if it comes to that I will be on the side of the sinners who was saved by th Blood… and thats all there is to that.
I am not a virgin. I am a person.

Ps. I hope the best for your girl… It seems like you’d be a good mom to have around. My dear mom never told me anything about avoiding sexual temptation or any other sexual issue.
 
Too far is when you’re emotionally linked with someone you really don’t know and/or like and are a slave to your own lust.

To this day I feel like I’m morally dead because I let my passions rule me for so long.

I say run, don’t walk, away from anything - magazines, bad-meaning “friends,” sexually suggestive tv shows and movies, people who wear seductive clothing and act seductively - anything or anyone who upsets your relationship with God.

What helped me was a 12 step program called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, which has a very helpful book. It can be found on the internet. Later I returned to my faith but I’m not the same-I need God to restore me.

Don’t go down that route and if you’ve started, now is the time to turn back.

Many blessings.
 
crenfro said:
To this day I feel like I’m morally dead because I let my passions rule me for so long.
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Not too late to come back alive.
🙂

Which I think you already did by taking the steps you needed to take.

Kathrin
 
crenfro said:
To this day I feel like I’m morally dead because I let my passions rule me for so long.
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I agree with Kathrin. The fact that you’ve confessed these sins is evidence of your spiritual life.

In the past, I’ve often thought it necessary to have spiritual highs in order to confirm that I was still spiritually alive. Then I heard my priest say that this is often a sign of spiritual immaturity. How humbling it was to hear that. Our faith ought not rest on our own internal feelings of spirituality, but on the grace of our precious Redeemer.

I’m not saying that spiritual highs are a bad thing. You should definately embrace them. But don’t let that be your spiritual test. Rest assured that you are in God’s favor by the grace He has bestowed on you through your faith in Jesus Christ.
 
crenfro.

Often times we lay down flat in the dust in advance because we cant bear the thought of the pain of being put there by others.

You are exactly what God created you to be: A precious Child of His… once you were ill, but now you are healed. You still feel tired and insecure and weak after an illness. Give your self time… and a good advice: find some really good Christian friends… people who are on fire with the Holy Spirit and who have had their share of reality-shocks in their life…
You are not alone… most people have a bad awakening when it comes to themselves at some point in life…
Dont let the devil think you are done… let him regret that he ever tempted you…
 
The way I see it, why take chances? When you play with matches you risk a fire. I’m not going to even kiss until I’m married (and I haven’t yet and I’m 19; proud to say it too). I don’t want to risk my virginity on such a thing, it just isn’t worth it.
 
gtdannemiller.
I’m proud of you too. I hope you succeed in your resolution.
I met a man who told me he would not want to kiss me on the mouth until I had said yes at the alter and become his wife. within a few hours from that he fell weak and attempted to. and within a few months we ended up having a sexual relationship which caused me a huge depression… why, because I never wanted it to happen and thought I was not at all likely to be so weak and out-of control.
So I warn you… dont think you have any strength in your self… especially if you have not been actually put into a situation of temptation where the person you love is righ there close to you and you’re alone… Avoid occasion of sin and most importantly… stick close to Jesus by praying a lot …
 
I definitely don’t plan to be alone. I am actually looking into courting instead of dating. I know that it would be easy to fall, near occasions of sin are not something to fool around with, and I don’t plan to. I know that if I set myself firm to this, with the strength and love of God, I can and will succeed. Thanks for the advice.
 
If you would be embarrassed to do it in front of your parents, don’t do it.
 
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