How Far Is Too Far When It Comes To Dating?

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Kathrin said:
What if you are trying to stick to the oundaries but the other person makes a “forbidden” move? (Example in question: Guy - I think on purpose, but I may be wrong - touched my breast a little.
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My suggestion – assume good faith, that it was a mistake or fumble – but say something light like “Oops” or “Watch out”, pull away a bit to give yourself some space, and say “Offsides, pardner” – you don’t want him to go on the defensive, you just want him to know that you noticed he (accidentally) went out of bounds . In other words, don’t make a big deal about it – yet – but let him know that:
  1. You noticed
  2. you assume it was an accident
  3. you also assume that since you brought it to his attention, it won’t happen again
He may be testing the boundary – pushing the envelope, as it were – so you want to make sure the boundary holds firm. If you allow the boundary to be pushed back, he’ll try to push further (assuming it wasn’t an accident).

If it does happen again…then you and he need to have a talk about boundaries. A person who repeatedly disrepects your boundaries is disrespecting you.
 
Ghoti said:
He may be testing the boundary – pushing the envelope, as it were – so you want to make sure the boundary holds firm. If you allow the boundary to be pushed back, he’ll try to push further (assuming it wasn’t an accident).

If it does happen again…then you and he need to have a talk about boundaries. A person who repeatedly disrepects your boundaries is disrespecting you.
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I like what Patricia Wrona says in The Exclamation: The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage.
Instead of telling a guy that he’s out of bounds, and sitting down to tell him what your boundaries are,
both of you should sit down and come up with your own “chastity plan.” She says to “talk about your current chastity convictions,” “create a chastity plan together,” and then “live out the virtue of chastity together in your relationship.”
amazon.com/Exclamation-Choice-Spouse-Catholic-Marriage/dp/1413469353/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203911656&sr=8-1
 
I’d say kissing is okay if

A. It doesn’t involve tongues
B. It’s not for a long time if on the lips

I’ve never done the former, though the latter I have not even when it was anyone I was going out with or I even wanted to (one time wasn’t entirely my fault, though the others I had no excuse). Also I cannot boast for not having done the former as I have done worse

Also things depends on who does them, and also I’d imagine it’s more difficult when dating someone than with other people, as I used to sometimes spend a couple of hours cuddled up with one of my friends on her bed in the evening and never was tempted to sex, though was accused of it.

I’d be inclined to say you shouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t do to a close friend of the opposite gender you are not attracted to, as there is no Christian basis for dating having different rules to being single, though marriage does. Need to think about that one more, and also can’t see it being as workable in American culture as in European culture, as people are less touchy feely there (plus I’m probably over touchy feely but with a lower sex drive anyway).
 
JM sez-
A. It doesn’t involve tongues
B. It’s not for a long time if on the lips
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:doh2:

Ain’t y’all makin this alot more complicated then it really is???

Y’all are tellin me a guy can get sent to hell for makin out with his girl?? And he can’t even make out (do they still call it that?) till he gets married?? :confused:

Look I’m 52 so none of this applies to me but c’mon. LOL.
 
BamaRider said:
JM sez-

:doh2:

Ain’t y’all makin this alot more complicated then it really is???

Y’all are tellin me a guy can get sent to hell for makin out with his girl?? And he can’t even make out (do they still call it that?) till he gets married?? :confused:

Look I’m 52 so none of this applies to me but c’mon. LOL.
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Aren’t you being a little too relativistic here?

The purpose of foreplay is to arouse the couple’s sex drive in preparation for intercourse. What is the point of “making out” if a couple isn’t going to “go all the way”?

A non-married couple that engages in stimulating contact is doing so merely out of a response to their desire for one another (or, in some worse cases, out of lust). How is this an act of love?

Anything that prepares the bodies of the couple for intercourse is off limits outside of marriage. There’s no hard-and-fast line, up to which anything goes and beyond which you’ve sinned.

Seriously, ask yourself: for what purpose does an unmarried couple make out?

Peace,
Dante
 
Seriously, ask yourself: for what purpose does an unmarried couple make out?
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Because they love each other?
There’s no hard-and-fast line, up to which anything goes and beyond which you’ve sinned.
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Look, I don’t know enough to debate this, and I’m afraid my words might be misunderstood that I condone premarital sex, so gonna jump OUT of this thread with *this *post.

I can only fall back to my expeience from walking the planet for 52 years. None of this applies to me, cos I’ve been makin out with the same girl for 32 years -legally. I know the difference in affection and foreplay, albiet alot better now then when I was 21.

Under the tent you have spread, most any kind of physical contact is off limits.
 
BamaRider said:
Because they love each other?

Look, I don’t know enough to debate this, and I’m afraid my words might be misunderstood that I condone premarital sex, so gonna jump OUT of this thread with *this *post.

I can only fall back to my expeience from walking the planet for 52 years. None of this applies to me, cos I’ve been makin out with the same girl for 32 years -legally. I know the difference in affection and foreplay, albiet alot better now then when I was 21.

Under the tent you have spread, most any kind of physical contact is off limits.
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You may be jumping out now, but I’m going to respond anyway.

If they “love each other”, they can get married. Problem solved.

Love is not merely a feeling – it’s an action. People must make a decision to love someone, even if it’s their spouse. The physical attraction and passion doesn’t last forever, as I’m sure you’re aware, so that’s not enough of a basis for a relationship.

The “tent” is not one that I’ve spread – it’s the sacrament of marriage. Why cheapen it by fooling around with a woman you may not end up marrying?

NB: I’m no saint myself; I’m speaking from experience, too. Would that I had known then what I know now…

Peace,
Dante
 
Holly3278 said:
Hi everyone. How far is too far when it comes to dating and sexual behavior? :confused:
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How close would you push someone to the edge of a cliff?

And does that show a sense of caring for that person?

Imagine your partner has HPV, which is transmissable through all parts of the genital area, with or without a condom. How far would you take it now?
 
BamaRider said:
JM sez-

:doh2:

Ain’t y’all makin this alot more complicated then it really is???

Y’all are tellin me a guy can get sent to hell for makin out with his girl?? And he can’t even make out (do they still call it that?) till he gets married?? :confused:

Look I’m 52 so none of this applies to me but c’mon. LOL.
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That was just a recommendation. It certainly wouldn’t be mortally sinful in and of itself to use tongues (arguably venial, though depends on the situation), I’d just personally find it hard to justify doing so
 
My mother told me way back in the 1960s that I shouldn’t do anything I would be embarassed for her to see. That worked for me.
 
Seriously, ask yourself: for what purpose does an unmarried couple make out?

Most of the time its out of feeling pleasure. You must wish for what the church teaches to become Love. Love :rolleyes: such a very abused word. Love to me lasts forever. Never stops. If ones says they used to love so and so they are wrong. Love is not out of one’s heart but the others as well.
 
puzzleannie said:
any sexual contact or any behavior which naturally arouses sexual desires is forbidden outside lawful marriage. period end of sentence, no discussion.
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I think you have a good point. It’s vague, but good.
 
I think you guys have an unbelievably harsh and unrealistic view of sex. Avoidance of any activity that prepares the body for intercourse? Please… That would mean anything that provokes an erection in the poor lad and avoidance of any situation that sparks feelings of arousal. When you are dealing with young kids pumped full of hormones, that could be damn near any activity.
 
BrownR said:
I think you guys have an unbelievably harsh and unrealistic view of sex. Avoidance of any activity that prepares the body for intercourse? Please… That would mean anything that provokes an erection in the poor lad and avoidance of any situation that sparks feelings of arousal. When you are dealing with young kids pumped full of hormones, that could be damn near any activity.
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It is true, I think it’s unrealistic, however it is a good plan.
 
BrownR said:
I think you guys have an unbelievably harsh and unrealistic view of sex. Avoidance of any activity that prepares the body for intercourse? Please… That would mean anything that provokes an erection in the poor lad and avoidance of any situation that sparks feelings of arousal. When you are dealing with young kids pumped full of hormones, that could be damn near any activity.
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Yeah, pretty much. But today, as a grandmother who was a teenager in the wild and wooly 1960s, I see things from a very different perspective.

Back then, we too thought, what the heck! Let do it! But today, I KNOW that my immortal soul was in danger. Kids think they’re invincible. They’re not going to get killed in an accident. But they do, lots of them do. What happens to all of them? We say that someone with a mortal sin on their soul at death will probably end up in Hell. (Probably because we don’t know what God does.) We need to let them know that “what the heck” doesn’t work.

Pragmatically, morals aside, sex for young unmarried people is just a lousy idea. Pregnancy, STDs, DYING, ruining the rest of your life, or even just getting your heart broken…NONE of that is worth what one gets from uncommitted sex.

I didn’t believe that when I was 20, but now I know it to be true. They may not listen, but we still have to say it.
 
daeve said:
Yeah, pretty much. But today, as a grandmother who was a teenager in the wild and wooly 1960s, I see things from a very different perspective.

Back then, we too thought, “What the heck! Let’s do it!” But today, I KNOW that my immortal soul was in danger. Kids think they’re invincible. They’re not going to get killed in an accident. But they do, lots of them do. What happens to all of them? We say that someone with a mortal sin on their soul at death will probably end up in Hell. (Probably because we don’t know what God knows.) We need to let them know that “what the heck” doesn’t work.

Pragmatically, putting aside right and wrong for a moment, sex for young unmarried people is just a lousy idea. Pregnancy, STDs, dying, ruining the rest of your life, or even just getting your heart broken…NONE of that is worth what one gets from uncommitted sex.

I didn’t believe that when I was 20, but now I know it to be true. They may not listen, but we still have to say it.
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