How hard is it to be a parent?

[Hermione]

Hello everyone,

I’m currently engaged and my fiance and I want to have 5 children.

I wonder if I would be able to handle this because I am terrible at handling stress. (I’m 20 and I’ve already had a severe nervous breakdown because of it.)

Do any of you have large families? If so, how stressful is it?

Do any of you who are parents have mental illnesses? Which? How has this affected your ability to be a parent?

I’d really appreciate if someone replied!
Thanks!

 

[puzzleannie]

what is the cause of stress? one big cause especially in today’s society is getting fixated on unrealistic, non-negotiable expectations, then failing to achieve those expectations. For instance: I want to have a million dollars invested by age 35. I want to have 6 children. I want to become a rocket scientist.

better statement of expectations: I want to consecrate my life work, whatever it is to God and trust that he will provide the basic needs for me and my family, and I acknowledge all my gifts financial and otherwise come from God and I gladly return them to him anytime he asks it. My fiance and I are placing our marriage in God’s hands, we are open to all his gifts, especially the gift of life, so we welcome all the children he chooses to send us naturally, and to those not of our bodies whom we might be called to care for. My talents, skills, education, intelligence are free gifts from God, I offer them to his service, I am in a habit of praying and listening to God and discerning his will, so he will guide me in the career and vocation in which I can serve him best.

 

[springbreeze]

puzzleannie:

what is the cause of stress? one big cause especially in today’s society is getting fixated on unrealistic, non-negotiable expectations, then failing to achieve those expectations. For instance: I want to have a million dollars invested by age 35. I want to have 6 children. I want to become a rocket scientist.

better statement of expectations: I want to consecrate my life work, whatever it is to God and trust that he will provide the basic needs for me and my family, and I acknowledge all my gifts financial and otherwise come from God and I gladly return them to him anytime he asks it. My fiance and I are placing our marriage in God’s hands, we are open to all his gifts, especially the gift of life, so we welcome all the children he chooses to send us naturally, and to those not of our bodies whom we might be called to care for. My talents, skills, education, intelligence are free gifts from God, I offer them to his service, I am in a habit of praying and listening to God and discerning his will, so he will guide me in the career and vocation in which I can serve him best.

Dearest Annie

Absolutely brilliant and beautiful advice.

I can only add here that any disappointments and sufferings, losses and hardships we may face in life we should also give thanks to God for and expect that life will not always be kind to us. To lift up our daily Cross and realise that life in all it’s adversities is truly all gift and to the greater end and betterment of our souls.

God Bless you Annie and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Jenlyn]

I have four kids. Remember that they come one at a time! Establish a good routine, routines and schedules are a must for larger families, from the beginning. Decide how many things you want to involve your kids in, we limit it because we want our kids to be kids and play.

Large families in a way are easier. The kids will play and entertain each other and you will be able to get your stuff done. Not only that but you’ll also be able to give them the chores to do! I no longer clean the kitchen after dinner, very nice!

I like my large family, although 4 isn’t really large but in today’s standards it is. We have lots of fun. I love seeing them develop into good God-abiding citizens.

Remember God is in control not you. Hand him your stresses and anxieties. Annie’s idea of finding out why you’re stressed is great.

Peace,
Jen

 

[springbreeze]

Hermione:

Hello everyone,

I’m currently engaged and my fiance and I want to have 5 children.

I wonder if I would be able to handle this because I am terrible at handling stress. (I’m 20 and I’ve already had a severe nervous breakdown because of it.)

Do any of you have large families? If so, how stressful is it?

Do any of you who are parents have mental illnesses? Which? How has this affected your ability to be a parent?

I’d really appreciate if someone replied!
Thanks!

Dear friend

There is no doubt that parenting is the toughest but most rewarding job in the world and is truly a vocation.

Having a mental illness does not stop people from being good parents. I have seen people who otherwise were deep in depression and to all accounts lost to the world, but when they had children, through the love of and for those children have found purpose and direction, have stopped concentrating on the self and other problems and have lifted themselves out of mental illness or coped with it better because the children need them.

I have seen people given hope and purpose and healed by the gift of children.

Try not to look too far ahead dear friend and just live the day you are in the best you can and intend as Annie advised, that whatever happens in the single day you possess you consecrate it to God and live in God’s presence in that day.

You and your fiance are blessed with each others love and that is such a great gift in this world as well as the gift of faith. God will not desert you, He will bless your marriage and He will also allow difficulties to face you in the journey of marriage.

Concentrate first upon your husband-to-be and love him with all your being. Try not to worry, there really is no profit in worry.

In my prayers for a happy and blessed marriage

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Hermione]

puzzleannie:

what is the cause of stress? one big cause especially in today’s society is getting fixated on unrealistic, non-negotiable expectations, then failing to achieve those expectations. For instance: I want to have a million dollars invested by age 35. I want to have 6 children. I want to become a rocket scientist.

better statement of expectations: I want to consecrate my life work, whatever it is to God and trust that he will provide the basic needs for me and my family, and I acknowledge all my gifts financial and otherwise come from God and I gladly return them to him anytime he asks it. My fiance and I are placing our marriage in God’s hands, we are open to all his gifts, especially the gift of life, so we welcome all the children he chooses to send us naturally, and to those not of our bodies whom we might be called to care for. My talents, skills, education, intelligence are free gifts from God, I offer them to his service, I am in a habit of praying and listening to God and discerning his will, so he will guide me in the career and vocation in which I can serve him best.

To be honest pretty much everything is a cause of stress. Very little things that most people don’t notice can make me naseous, dizzy, very overwhelmed etc. Maybe “stress” isn’t the right term to use here!

You gave me really good advice about the expectations I should have. I want to be able to do all of those things.

I guess since I haven’t been a believer for very long I’m not used to placing complete trust in God. How would I behave in marriage? Would my husband and I have marital relations whenever it felt right and trust in God to take care of us?

You mentioned praying to discern God’s will, how do I listen to God? So far all I’ve been able to come up with is discerning what FEELS right. Is this a good way to do it?

Also, I was under the impression that God wants people to have big families. Am I wrong? Is it different for different people?

 

[springbreeze]

Jenlyn:

I have four kids. Remember that they come one at a time! Establish a good routine, routines and schedules are a must for larger families, from the beginning. Decide how many things you want to involve your kids in, we limit it because we want our kids to be kids and play.

Large families in a way are easier. The kids will play and entertain each other and you will be able to get your stuff done. Not only that but you’ll also be able to give them the chores to do! I no longer clean the kitchen after dinner, very nice!

I like my large family, although 4 isn’t really large but in today’s standards it is. We have lots of fun. I love seeing them develop into good God-abiding citizens.

Remember God is in control not you. Hand him your stresses and anxieties. Annie’s idea of finding out why you’re stressed is great.

Peace,
Jen

Dear Jen

You are right by today’s standards 4 is a large family. My late-gran was one of 11 brothers and sisters, she was the middle of those and all of them helped in the house when they got a little older. by the time her last sibling was born, she was working and helped to raise the last sibling.

My gran was a lovely woman, irish-Catholic and taught me so much about life and Jesus.

The family is the complete reflection of the Holy Trinity and in the family one truly does realise God in all His glory.

God Bless you family Jenlyn

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[Hermione]

Everyone else thanks for replying and for your words of encouragement!

It’s really true that being a parent is a vocation! I feel very excited about becoming a parent in the future and it’s the only thing that fills me with a real sense of purpose.

I was raised in a God-less household and grew up with all the anti-family/anti-parenthood beliefs. Thank God I repented otherwise my life would have been really horrible.

It feels really good to think of raising and teaching little children (who’ll look like my fiance!

Is this what a vocation to marry/have children feels like?

 

[Island_Oak]

puzzleannie:

what is the cause of stress? one big cause especially in today’s society is getting fixated on unrealistic, non-negotiable expectations, then failing to achieve those expectations. For instance: I want to have a million dollars invested by age 35. I want to have 6 children. I want to become a rocket scientist.

better statement of expectations: I want to consecrate my life work, whatever it is to God and trust that he will provide the basic needs for me and my family, and I acknowledge all my gifts financial and otherwise come from God and I gladly return them to him anytime he asks it. My fiance and I are placing our marriage in God’s hands, we are open to all his gifts, especially the gift of life, so we welcome all the children he chooses to send us naturally, and to those not of our bodies whom we might be called to care for. My talents, skills, education, intelligence are free gifts from God, I offer them to his service, I am in a habit of praying and listening to God and discerning his will, so he will guide me in the career and vocation in which I can serve him best.

Wow are you good, Annie!!! Great advice.
Hermione: Sometimes you will be amazed at what you can manage with God’s help…and other times God will help you see that you’re up to your ears in challenges and then help you gracefully adjust your expectations and plans to meet His. The greatest comfort is knowing that in all things, He will be with you.

 

[space_ghost]

Hermione:

Hello everyone,

I’m currently engaged and my fiance and I want to have 5 children.

I wonder if I would be able to handle this because I am terrible at handling stress. (I’m 20 and I’ve already had a severe nervous breakdown because of it.)

Do any of you have large families? If so, how stressful is it?

Do any of you who are parents have mental illnesses? Which? How has this affected your ability to be a parent?

I’d really appreciate if someone replied!
Thanks!

 

[RichT]

How hard? The hardest thing I’ve ever done. That’s the honest truth. Stress? Nothing like helping the nurse hold down your eleven month old so the doctor can put 6 stitches in her finger after she got it stuck in the floor vent. Nothing like watching your firstborn suffer from febrile seizures and feeling helpless. Nothing like being told your daughter has Down Syndrome, and has several holes in her heart. Nothing like having to hold your two year old and comfort her after undergoing eye surgery. I guess the open heart surgery coming up will top the stress list.

Now, would I ever go back and not have children? NEVER!!! You see the best stress relief also comes from them. There’s nothing like having a hard day at work, commuting an hour to get home, and opening the door to hear all three of them yell “Daddy!” The hugs that immediately follow seal the deal for me.

Now, the head lice issue my wife just phoned me about is a whole different issue! And just think, the oldest is only 5.

:crying:

 

[jrabs]

RichT:

How hard? The hardest thing I’ve ever done. That’s the honest truth.

I’ll second that. But would never change any of it. There is nothing better than to hear your child laugh and to have them tell you how much they love you. “Mommy I love you this much” as they stretch their tiny arms as wide as possible.

For me, there has been no bigger blessing in my life.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I think the hardest part about parenting is my own selfishness. In order to parent well, I must overcome my own desires and put others first.

I found the first the hardest because that required the biggest change in our lifestyle. That was so overwhelming to us that we almost stopped at one! We have six now, and I’m thrilled that we kept going. It’s tough, but it gets easier as I get less selfish and figure out some of the parenting tricks of the trade.

The general lifestyle of today doesn’t accomodate big families. The average car won’t even hold us all! But once I got used to the fact that I couldn’t have (and didn’t want) “everything” in the eyes of the world, it got easier.

I don’t feel guilty if the kids don’t participate in every activity possible. I’ve lowered my home decorating standards and don’t worry so much that a toddler will damage something. I don’t arrange playdates often–but our neighbor’s over-indulged child thinks we have slumber parties everynight. In this world today many hope to give their children the best of everything except sibblings. I think I’m doing pretty well giving them sibblings they will have for eternity, a clean home, warm meals, and lots of love.

Okay, you got me on a good day. I might give you a different answer tomorrow.

 

[springbreeze]

gardenswithkids:

I think the hardest part about parenting is my own selfishness. In order to parent well, I must overcome my own desires and put others first.

I found the first the hardest because that required the biggest change in our lifestyle. That was so overwhelming to us that we almost stopped at one! We have six now, and I’m thrilled that we kept going. It’s tough, but it gets easier as I get less selfish and figure out some of the parenting tricks of the trade.

The general lifestyle of today doesn’t accomodate big families. The average car won’t even hold us all! But once I got used to the fact that I couldn’t have (and didn’t want) “everything” in the eyes of the world, it got easier.

I don’t feel guilty if the kids don’t participate in every activity possible. I’ve lowered my home decorating standards and don’t worry so much that a toddler will damage something. I don’t arrange playdates often–but our neighbor’s over-indulged child thinks we have slumber parties everynight. In this world today many hope to give their children the best of everything except sibblings. I think I’m doing pretty well giving them sibblings they will have for eternity, a clean home, warm meals, and lots of love.

Okay, you got me on a good day. I might give you a different answer tomorrow.

Dear friend

I really really liked your post.

You have given the best gift to your children anyone can give and that is love. Your love, your husbands love, their siblings love and by God’s gift, His love and also in the faith.

How very very beautiful, even if tomorrow they are all driving you crazy, they are only driving you crazy because you love them and they love you.

God bless you and much love and peace to you (a smile for each one of your little ones) and one for you and your husband

Teresa

 

[bonnierose333]

My biological mother birthed 17 children; 5 of them died of SIDS in their cribs; 1 was born dead; and, 10 of 11 surviving off-springs, ma abandoned at various stages of life. I was her sixth birth: born in 1944. Families were large back then. World War II placed mom and dad an ocean apart. They’d married young; and, as a victim of childhood sexual abuse, mother was emotionally unstable to begin with. So, most of Ada’s kids, did NOT blame her for the way things were!
But PARENTS need to be watchful! I was sexually abused; and, I believe if TRUE statistics were
known, the percentage of abused kids, globe-wide, would be impossible to comprehend.
If you’re going to be a mom, I’d advise NOT trusting other people with your children and encourage you to be sure to keep a close eye of them!
P.S. Check out Bonnie and Bill Homepage, Arlyne Lucille.

 

[Annunciata]

Island Oak:

Hermione: Sometimes you will be amazed at what you can manage with God’s help…and other times God will help you see that you’re up to your ears in challenges and then help you gracefully adjust your expectations and plans to meet His. The greatest comfort is knowing that in all things, He will be with you.

I like this… I have experienced it first hand (didn’t really know it at the time) …Praise His Holy Name…

 

[Fitz]

Very hard, and that’s what makes the rewards of doing it so great! Thank God for my children.