How heavy should I expect me penance to be?

[BornAgain2010]

I haven’t been to Confession since I was in CCD / Sunday School (so it’s been about 15 years). I didn’t know it was required. I thought it was only an “as needed” basis. I only several months ago learned that it is indeed required that one go regularly.

Im kinda scared though. Since I haven’t been in so long, how heavy should I be expecting my penance to be? I’ll do the penance either way obviously, but how heavy should I expect it?

Is he gonna say something like, 1000 Rosaries, 3 Ignatian Retreats, and 1 Mission Trip?
OR
Would it be more along the lines of 5 Rosaries, Liturgy of the Hours, Divine Office?

The latter I would be able to do, may take time to do all that, but the latter I could do. But the first I can’t imagine doing all that, it would take months to finish!
Im kinda hoping he assigns me the second choice. But what do y’all think?

Also are they allowed to dish out self-mortification as penance?
Im really scared about that. I understand that alot of the Saints did it and I understand the why and all…but I think that’s rather fanatical. So he’s not gonna say anything like, give yourself 25 lashings with a bull-whip! He’s not gonna give me anything like that is he?

 

[Spirithound]

OR
Would it be more along the lines of 5 Rosaries, Liturgy of the Hours, Divine Office?

Woah, dear friend! You can expect less than 1/5 of the sentence you’ve imagined up there! And there will be no whippings either. When the saints have done that, they do so only with the permission (see, permission, not requirement ) of their spiritual director.

Welcome back to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

 

[YoungTradCath]

I haven’t been to Confession since I was in CCD / Sunday School (so it’s been about 15 years). I didn’t know it was required. I thought it was only an “as needed” basis. I only several months ago learned that it is indeed required that one go regularly.

Im kinda scared though. Since I haven’t been in so long, how heavy should I be expecting my penance to be? I’ll do the penance either way obviously, but how heavy should I expect it?

Is he gonna say something like, 1000 Rosaries, 3 Ignatian Retreats, and 1 Mission Trip?
OR
Would it be more along the lines of 5 Rosaries, Liturgy of the Hours, Divine Office?

The latter I would be able to do, may take time to do all that, but the latter I could do. But the first I can’t imagine doing all that, it would take months to finish!
Im kinda hoping he assigns me the second choice. But what do y’all think?

Also are they allowed to dish out self-mortification as penance?
Im really scared about that. I understand that alot of the Saints did it and I understand the why and all…but I think that’s rather fanatical. So he’s not gonna say anything like, give yourself 25 lashings with a bull-whip! He’s not gonna give me anything like that is he?

You should go to confession as soon as possible after committing a mortal sin, like murder, rape, adultery, masturbation, committing acts of violence, breaking one of the Ten Commandments, there are lots of mortal sins. Even if you don’t commit a mortal sin, it is still extremely valuable to confess venial sins. It would be very good for your spiritual life if you started going to confession regularly, once every week or two weeks or so.

You should not be afraid to go to confession. Priests have heard everything. They are bound by the Seal of Confession, which is absolute. That is, they can tell no one, no matter what, what you confessed. They might condemn the things you’ve done, but they won’t berate you or anything. When you confess mortal sins, you must confess them in type and number, like, “Fornication, four times,” and so on. It is not necessary to confess venial sins in number, or even at all, but it is still good to do so anyways.

Your penance will vary from priest to priest. Most of them are simple, like a rosary or three Our Fathers or something like that. Nothing even close to what you’re expecting.

 

[Neildown]

I wouldn’t worry too much about a penance - I highly doubt you’d have to say 5 rosaries, nonetheless a single one if the priest you see is anything like any priest in my area. The largest penance I’ve ever had was 7 Hail Mary. You should be fine.

 

[Julian0404]

Can’t speak for a long term lapsed catholic, but from my experience the penance has become softer - perhaps to encourgage poor souls to confess. In fact if I get multiple “anything”, I must have seriously misjudged my behavior.

Do not sweat the penance, sweat the punishment without the true desire for forgiveness

 

[Catholic1954]

Don’t worry, you won’t get solitary confinment or 30 days of bread and water! The priest will ask you to say a few prayers or maybe perform some action or maybe read a particular chapter of the bible or something like that. If you don’t understand or if there is some (good) reason you cannot do your penance be sure to speak up and tell the priest; he will give you something else to do.

 

[Bezant]

You’re not the only or the first who’s waited years before making Penance. My priest says Penance is perhaps the most neglected Sacrament, and many people are afraid to do it. Don’t worry about it.

 

[ByzCathCantor]

You’re not the only or the first who’s waited years before making Penance. My priest says Penance is perhaps the most neglected Sacrament, and many people are afraid to do it. Don’t worry about it.

Agreed! I’d also recommend you speak to the priest in advance. There have been instances reported in other threads were priests have deferred hearing confessions when it is disclosed that much time has lapsed since your last confession. Without debating that point, I’m sure a good priest would appreciate the outreach for counseling in advance, and would be able to help you make a good examination of conscience.

Be not afraid! We’re all praying for you!

P.S. Recommend you read Psalm 51 as part of your preparation.

 

[blanc10]

A priest at my parish claimed that penance isn’t punishment for the sins, rather a way for showing that you still devote yourself to the church. He claimed that he makes sure that the assigned penance isn’t too much for the parishioner because assigning it is useless if the parishioner is unable to do it.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Your absolved on the spot, not after the penance. I’m not saying that you should not do the penance.

 

[mom2em]

I think I was away … 20 something years? Or more. Long time! I made an appointment to speak with our priest. I spoke with him face to face and have continued to do so as needed. of course you don’t have to go face to face, it just kind of happened that way for me. But, you needn’t worry about the penance. I can’t imagine it being anything at all like you’re thinking. But I also know how you get to where you are in that line of thinking. Been there!

You’ll be good! :hug1:

 

[BornAgain2010]

Allow me to re-explain myself (I know, I didnt really explain that well in my first post).

When I made my first Confession (back in CCD), the Pastor was a Monsignor at the time. So of course to an 8 year old that can be somewhat intimidating. I remember when I got done saying the Penance (it was like 10 minutes to finish). I asked my Mom if I had to go again next time. She said it was required, but that I didnt have to if I didnt want to. So to an 8 year old its like “not if I dont want to?” cool. Im off the hook. Its only now that I see what a disservice she did me.

So no, Im not (nor have I ever been) a lapsed Catholic. Ive been going to Church every Sunday, and days of obligation, etc. since as far back as I can remember. So no, Im not a lapsed Catholic. In fact last year I really started being active in my Parish. My Pastor knows me real well and he knows the type of person I am so I dont think I need to worry.

 

[Spirithound]

Allow me to re-explain myself (I know, I didnt really explain that well in my first post).

Welllll…this really doesn’t explain anything further, y’know…
Still, your penance will seriously be absolutely nothing as heavy as you’ve apparently thought it might.

 

[maryjk]

I haven’t been to Confession since I was in CCD / Sunday School (so it’s been about 15 years). I didn’t know it was required. I thought it was only an “as needed” basis. I only several months ago learned that it is indeed required that one go regularly.

I once went 18 years.

If I remember, it was something like, pray 2 Our Fathers and ponder the love Jesus has for you.

It was all very positive. The priest acted as though I was the prodigal son returning.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Allow me to re-explain myself (I know, I didnt really explain that well in my first post).

When I made my first Confession (back in CCD), the Pastor was a Monsignor at the time. So of course to an 8 year old that can be somewhat intimidating. I remember when I got done saying the Penance (it was like 10 minutes to finish). I asked my Mom if I had to go again next time. She said it was required, but that I didnt have to if I didnt want to. So to an 8 year old its like “not if I dont want to?” cool. Im off the hook. Its only now that I see what a disservice she did me.

So no, Im not (nor have I ever been) a lapsed Catholic. Ive been going to Church every Sunday, and days of obligation, etc. since as far back as I can remember. So no, Im not a lapsed Catholic. In fact last year I really started being active in my Parish. My Pastor knows me real well and he knows the type of person I am so I dont think I need to worry.

Your mom was right. See 1458. Hopefully, you have not been commiting serious (grave, mortal) sin in the time since your first confession.

Since you know your priest, and you have been going to Mass and participating in your faith, you don’t have anything to worry about.

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly."54

When Christ’s faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, "for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know."55

1457 According to the Church’s command, "after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year."56 Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession.57 Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.58

1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.59 Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:60

 

[acadian]

My friend recently went after 37 years away. She said her penance was to spend some quiet time reflecting on the gift of God’s mercy…or something along those lines.

I’d be hugely surprised if you got anything heavier than a decade of the Rosary.

 

[daeve]

I graduated from high school in 1969 and got married in 1976. I MAY have gone during those years, but I don’t think so. I returned to church a couple times, the last one in 2001, and I finally went to confession the day my mother died in 2006. That’s a long time and there was some big stuff in there. I don’t remember my penance, but it was along the lines of one Our Father. Just go because it won’t be anything like you’re expecting.

 

[Castello]

I wouldn’t worry too much about a penance - I highly doubt you’d have to say 5 rosaries, nonetheless a single one if the priest you see is anything like any priest in my area. The largest penance I’ve ever had was 7 Hail Mary. You should be fine.

Even 5 rosaries - let me see, that is less than 2 hours of your time - spread out to one rosary a day for 5 days, you are talking about a mere 20 minutes of prayer each day - we should all be doing that much and more time in prayer every day!

Be not afraid. Penance is usually far lighter than you expect.

 

[Barbkw]

I haven’t been to Confession since I was in CCD / Sunday School (so it’s been about 15 years). I didn’t know it was required. I thought it was only an “as needed” basis. I only several months ago learned that it is indeed required that one go regularly.

I’ve heard that some parishes have children receive First Communion and then a year later have them go to their First Reconciliation.

Rediculous if you ask me.

This is how people get confused. Particularly if their parents didn’t regularly attend Mass or get their children to CCD.

Don’t worry about penance. I’m a revert. After 15 years, I brought in a list to read of my sins (which I bawled through). My priest gave me an “Our Father” as penance.

 

[rhiannonh]

Am Anglican Catholic but do use confession

I am saying this to reassure you and help you lay your fears at rest and that penance is so individual and unique to the situation and how well the priest knows you or how able you are at talking indepth about a situation My last penance was a suprise and fun. Yep definately fun. He did check with me first to make sure it was something I wanted-I realise. But my penance was to rejoin the choir. Making the phone call wasn’t so easy because i hate phones but rejoining the choir and the first choir prac, well my Christmas came early this year without going into all the detail.

Plus, penance is a wrong term in my book because it really is about helping to grow closer to God.

 

[Snugglebugmom]

For me (revert): 27 years of sins resulted in a penance of three Hail Mary’s and a rather general “pray for the sick”. You will be fine!