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CRATUS
Guest
I told my sister the honest truth about herself that she is the most annoying in the family. There are a lot of things she needs to work on personality. She storms off on me.
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underacloud
Guest
You told her this after all the responses you received in the other thread you posted about her?
You’ve messed up Cratus. You owe her an apology and a greater effort on your part to not find her annoying. The “honest truth” is that when people annoy us, the fault is often actually our’s, not their’s.
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Sunbreak
Guest
Of course she stormed off. How would you feel if someone said that to you?
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ChibiViolet
Guest
Honesty is good, but things like this are best kept to ourselves…
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Giggly_Giraffe
Guest
Opinions and honesty are not the same.
Breaking someone down without a plan to rebuild them up is only creating destruction. What is your plan for her to achieve a better status in the family?
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UpUpAndAway
Guest
Honesty needs to be weighed together with charity. What was your intention in telling your sister such things? Was it to get it off your chest? To antagonize her? To begin exploring the reasons for her behavior in order to figure out how she might improve her interactions with others, including you? How did you approach the topic with her?
If you’re trying to help her, there are ways of getting such thoughts across without causing someone to stomp off in a huff (which doesn’t accomplish anything other than upsetting one or both of you). If you’re not, however, then it’s probably best to refrain from saying anything at all.
If you’re trying to help her, there are ways of getting such thoughts across without causing someone to stomp off in a huff (which doesn’t accomplish anything other than upsetting one or both of you). If you’re not, however, then it’s probably best to refrain from saying anything at all.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
As a parent and having read your other thread, I must say that my heart goes out to your sister.
You should apologize to her.
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heidi_storage
Guest
OP, do you by chance have some sort of social disorder? I’m not trying to insult you; it’s just that your posts seem to show a certain cluelessness about how social interactions work.
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agnes_therese
Guest
Serious question – what did you expect her reaction to be?
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DakiniArtist
Guest
I’ve been following your posts. A few of my family members are on the autism spectrum. Perhaps you may have this going on?
I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m also trying to understand what you thought you would accomplish, other than to further hurt your sister and help her feel even more like she’s not as valuable as this perfect younger sister.
Please apologize to her. Sincerely. If you can, take her out for pizza or something she wants to do, if you can figure out some way of enjoying her company for any length of time, which clearly you may not.
I’m just gobsmacked and hurt on her behalf.
You both have my prayers.
I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m also trying to understand what you thought you would accomplish, other than to further hurt your sister and help her feel even more like she’s not as valuable as this perfect younger sister.
Please apologize to her. Sincerely. If you can, take her out for pizza or something she wants to do, if you can figure out some way of enjoying her company for any length of time, which clearly you may not.
I’m just gobsmacked and hurt on her behalf.
You both have my prayers.
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DakiniArtist
Guest
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Xantippe
Guest
I agree with everybody upthread.
Don’t be making blanket statements about unpleasant character features (“You always…”). If things come up, deal with them one at a time (“Chloe, could you put on headphones? I need to be able to concentrate on my project”) and without treating it as an irreparable character flaw. Because you want to make life better rather than just causing suffering to your sister, right?
What sort of response were you expecting to, “You are the most annoying person in the family”? Were you seriously expecting her to say, “Gee, I’m so sorry, brother dearest! I did not realize that! Let me make you some chocolate chip cookies to make up for it.” That’s not how people work.
Don’t be making blanket statements about unpleasant character features (“You always…”). If things come up, deal with them one at a time (“Chloe, could you put on headphones? I need to be able to concentrate on my project”) and without treating it as an irreparable character flaw. Because you want to make life better rather than just causing suffering to your sister, right?
What sort of response were you expecting to, “You are the most annoying person in the family”? Were you seriously expecting her to say, “Gee, I’m so sorry, brother dearest! I did not realize that! Let me make you some chocolate chip cookies to make up for it.” That’s not how people work.
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Graceful_Lamb
Guest
I agree with everyone else that you should apologize to your sister. I think it is unreasonable to expect someone to stand there after they have been told that they are annoying.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Well, from reading people’s reactions to your post, you can see that they also have been honest with you.
The ball is in your court.
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His_helpmeet
Guest
The problem with approaching it the way you did is that it automatically puts people on the defensive. There’s a way to approach situations like this without being disagreeable. A classic example is the “I” message. For example: “I feel hurt and upset when you do x. Could you please not do that?” This allows you to take ownership of your feelings so the other person doesn’t feel attacked.
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mafh
Guest
Wow. Why on earth did you do this and what did you expect would happen?
There is honesty – as in not lying about your actions and giving truthful testimony about events, and then there is “honesty” – as in telling everyone whatever unflattering, unkind thought comes into your head.
I don’t think any of the 10 commandments promotes “honesty”.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Wow. No wonder she stormed off! You just stole your family’s Championship Cup for Most Offensive Personality from her in one fell swoop!
Seriously, though…a kind and prudent person does not just walk up to someone else and tell them not only that they are annoying, but that they are the MOST annoying person in their family. Who on earth is going to take that well? A very humble person will be crushed, a proud person will be enraged, and most people will be both at the same time…and we are all saying VERY hurt and VERY enraged.
I do not know how you get your foot, ankle, and knee out of your mouth on this one, other than that you are her brother and she is just as used to your faults and you are used to hers. Something tells me that this isn’t the first time she’s found your offerings of “helpful wisdom” totally insufferable, is it? Somehow the rest of the family has failed to appreciate how valuable and selfless your contributions of “honesty” are meant to be to all of them?
This is the kind of incident that would convince normal acquaintances to never speak to each other again. Somehow, though, a substantial fraction of brothers and sisters toss these grenades back and forth at each other all during a childhood (which lasts at least until about 25 years of age among siblings) and yet somehow come to like each other later in life in spite of it. If she is not throwing this one back at you in either smoldering resentment or affectionate mirth twenty years from now, though, I’ll be surprised. Boy, will you owe her one!!
So what do you do, now? You go to her and say, “I’m sorry. It is impossible that you are the most annoying person in the family, because I just won the prize by saying that. Of course you are angry at me: I totally deserve it. There is no excuse for it. I hope some day you’ll forgive me.” WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO, take the attitude that you have just let go of all room you ever hoped to have had to correct her behavior. You were that out of line. For your penance, bite your tongue about the way she acts for at least a year. Look in the mirror and say, “I’m not exactly a prize, either, and I have no room to talk,” repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, and then keep your mouth shut about her faults, no matter who tries to pry a bad word about her out of you.
Maybe it will get to be a habit, she’ll believe you really are sorry and really do get how hurtful it was to confront her in that way, and you two can start getting along more like adults. That is by no means guaranteed, particularly not among siblings. If you don’t believe me, ask any estate attorney. They all have horror stories about siblings who never grew out of their petty childhood resentments, trust me on that one.
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Irishmom2
Guest
No, you told her your honest opinion that she is the most annoying family member to you. The thing about opinions? They aren’t necessarily based on facts, but sometimes on emotions and feelings. And your opinion is just your opinion. You don’t speak for everyone else.
So as it stands, your honest opinion served no purpose other than to hurt your sister. But you may have already known that would be the outcome when you spouted off.
Who wouldn’t storm off?
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Yes, and actually storming off was the mature and least annoying way to handle it. In most families this sibling conversation would have ended in the OP laying on the ground. The OP is lucky to have a sister who knows to remover herself from the situation.No, you told her your honest opinion that she is the most annoying family member to you. The thing about opinions? They aren’t necessarily based on facts, but sometimes on emotions and feelings. And your opinion is just your opinion. You don’t speak for everyone else.
So as it stands, your honest opinion served no purpose other than to hurt your sister. But you may have already known that would be the outcome when you spouted off.
Who wouldn’t storm off?
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