How important is a wedding reception?

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Hi all,

I am engaged, and have found a church for the wedding. But due to financial contraints, we are thinking of several ways to have a wedding reception and it’s proving difficult, with the cost.

So on Friday my fiance, suggested two ideas; that we should get married in the church, followed by a intimate dinner in a posh restaurant with our close friends and family. Or we get married in the church, followed by a cake and punch reception in the church hall, with the church family and our family, then get on a flight in the evening on our honeymoon and when we return have some drinks with our friends or a BBQ.

I wanted to know how important is it to have a celebration after the wedding ceremony? Any thoughts, or suggestions welcome. Thank you.
 
It’s nice to have a celebration but you don’t have to break the bank to do so.
I think it’s a nice “thank-you” for your guests and a way for the families to mingle and have dinner and talk and have fun.

My husband and I did a very inexpensive wedding and we did have a reception at one of our favorite restaurants for their function room. We booked it early for the very beginning of wedding season and got a discount.
We got a buffet style food spread and just coated the available tables with white table cloths. We spent nothing on decorations because there was a gorgeous outdoor deck with a view of the atlantic. No one cared about the decorations anyway.

We had a beautiful church wedding and our reception was a ton of fun and total (and I mean everything that had anything to do with our wedding) we spent about $4,000. Which isn’t too bad considering what I’ve heard people have spent on their weddings.

By no means should you feel pressured to have a reception. Honestly, a nice backyard BBQ would be perfect if it’s a beautiful day out. I’ve been to several wedding that had a backyard BBQ for it’s reception and it was probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a wedding.

I wanted ours to be like that but no one had a big backyard we could use…plus, we decided to do some digging and hunting around for ideas and ended up getting something that looked “high end” but was actually really inexpensive at the end of the day.

Good luck and congrats!
 
Some friends of mine had a hog roast for their reception. The food was really great. No band, just a DJ playing tunes. It was a fun reception and they didn’t spend a lot of money. Staying simple can be better!
 
I think its pretty important. Especially if there are people coming from out of the area. Do any of your friends and family have a nice large backyard? You could have a reception there (you would probably need a tent or something if there was any chance of rain) and save on the cost of renting a hall.
 
It’s not important in the grand scheme of things, but on your wedding day I would say that it’s very very important. It’s the chance for all of your relatives and friends, some who have traveled far to be there, to mingle and get to talk to the Bride and Groom. It’s also a great part of the day. I know on my wedding day, the last thing I wanted to do was mingle with people. I was already tired, and knew that my wife was even more so; but I would not trade my reception for anything. It was a load of fun, and it was nice to see everyone.

That, and I got to make my best man horribly uncomfortable by making him give a speech 😛

It’s been said already that you don’t have to break the bank for your reception. Go with what’s comfortable for you and your family. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, it’s the people that make the party.
 
An inexpensive reception can be done - and you already have great ideas and suggestions!

We were married at Noon on a Saturday. We had a beautiful luncheon reception, with a sit down meal, and guests got to chose their entree and salad at the time of the meal. There was quiet dinner music playing over the speakers, and then only my husband and I did a ‘first dance’ to a song I chose. Not a dry eye in the place - we just got up in front of our table, the music started, and we danced. 🙂

I went to a beautiful restaurant, right on a river front area, that did not have any business during the weekend because it was in an office area. During the week the place is packed, but they actually closed during the lunch time on the weekend. So when I approached them about doing a luncheon reception, they were more than happy to have business they otherwise would not have had!! They gave me a fantastic price - and I even had the head chef carving up our wedding cake for guests. 🙂 We had the entire restaurant to ourselves - it was wonderful!!

So think outside the box - I think you are already doing a great job!!

I am so very glad we had a reception - even though it was small (in comparison to some events) - but I still get compliments on the food and how elegant it was. No one had any idea it was done on a major budget. 🙂

Congratulations!!!

~Liza
 
Well, my wedding was super cheap (and everyone kept on saying how nice it was) including the reception. We rented out the hall at my FIL’s condominium complex. It was $100 to rent it. We had a family friend do the reception, so we spent $10 a head with about 50 people so it was $500. With some decorations it added another $100 and then about $100 for rentals so total was $800 for the reception. For music my sister, bro in law, my husband and I combined our musical collections and made several cds.

We didn’t decorate the Church (luckily most Catholic Churches are already beautiful) and my dress was free it was my friend’s Moms dress (but you can find some beautiful affordable dresses at places like David’s Bridal), my husband wore his uniform, and I only had two brides maids (my sister and my sister in law) and my husband only had two grooms men, so that was only four other people in the wedding party to pay for outfit wise. Another big mistake people make for price is having large wedding parties or inviting too many people. My Mom’s friend made my bouquet which we paid about $45 bucks for so the actual wedding wasn’t expensive.

I have heard of people doing pot-luck receptions where people drop off their dishes at the church hall before the service. The big thing that keeps cost down is keeping your list down. I only invited family and a few really close friends and same with the hubby. You are never going to make everyone happy. Don’t try to. Do what you need to do to keep it affordable. I had a few people mad that I didn’t invite so and so, but that will happen no matter how many people you invite.
 
Don’t get caught up in the spectacle and instead focus on having fun! We had our reception in a church hall with food catered by friend’s mom. Cost about $4000 (actually, that may have been the entire wedding budget). Every one had a blast (except me - I had 103 degree fever which lasted the entire week before the wedding and through the day before the last day of the honeymoon). Anyway, still married 17 years later - know plenty of people with extravagant weddings that haven’t lasted.

Just remember, wedding lasts a day, marriage is a lifetime.
 
I think a meal somewhere really nice with close family sounds lovely! Yes, it’s nice for everyone to mingle and chat; but the important part is that they are there in the church, praying for you as you exchange vows.

Another option that is becoming more popular in the UK is having a vintage afternoon tea party instead of a big formal dinner. You hunt down old fashioned cups and saucers in charity shops and 3 tier cake stands etc., then lay out a lot of tables in a hired village hall, or a nice back yard and have cupcakes and sandwiches - very English 😃 If you have lots of relatives nearby, you could even suggest a Jacob’s Join, where everyone brings a dish of some sort.

The weddings everyone remembers are the ones that really did bring people together and have fun. The best one I went to was my cousin’s. We just went back to his mother’s house afterwards and had a home-prepared buffet on the lawn and somehow ended up having a men v women cricket match!

A lot of older people actually find an evening party with a DJ really tiring and complain that they can’t hear to chat anyway!
 
I think it is a nice gesture to show your appreciation for your guests. There are many options you can consider to save money for your reception too.

For instance, my sister in law and her husband had a potluck reception, where their family and friends were encouraged to bring a food dish in lieu of gifts.

A coworker of my DH just recently got married and they had a cereal pot lock where everybody brought a box of their favorite, we brought captian crunch, and the bride and groom provided the milk! Also the bowls and spoons, all paper and plastic from walmart. 😃

My own DH and I catered sandwich trays from Jimmy Johns and provided water, tea, and lemonade, along with some bags of chips, and had a picnic in the park. The reception cost under $500 for everything. 👍

Anyways the real point of the reception is to give all the well wishers a chance to wish the happy couple their blessings, and for the happy couple to thank all those who helped make their wedding and marriage possible through their support and love! And in this tuff economy I’m sure everyone will understand if you can’t afford to provide them with a 5-course fine dining experience! 😛

Good luck!
 
I’d say it depends the most on how many people are going to have to travel a long ways to come to your wedding. You may not be able to accomodate everyone to be there when you make your vows, but you want to give everyone a chance to congratulate you personally and wish you well on your marriage, even if everyone is local. IOW, if you want a very small reception, that kind of asks for a very small wedding. If the crowd will mostly be people you see on a regular basis, then I don’t see why a short reception and very simple wouldn’t be fine with them. It is you that they really want to see.

If you’re going to have a short reception (as in, the cake and coffee thing), but also quite a few out-of-town guests, it would be nice to have a gathering for those who travelled a long way, out of respect for the effort they made to come. That could even be before the wedding, maybe the evening before. In no event does any of this need to be elaborate, though. If you’re going to do something “posh” and yet exclusive, it is better that it be separated from the wedding or reception by several hours, so that those not invited aren’t so obviously left out. You don’t want to have to tear yourself away from well-wishers to go to an event they’re not invited to, at least not until you’ve given them a good chunk of your time.
 
You need to have a reception. I wouldn’t travel to a wedding with no reception. Maybe that makes me a jerk but part of the reason I go it to socialize with family and friends. It’s difficult to travel out of town for these things, and we hate to waste a trip. I even quit going to out of town weddings where they ask we don’t bring kids to the reception.

On a budget, do it in early June and rent a pavilion at a public park. Get a DJ and find family members to help. Grilling burgers and chicken is cheap and can be done by anybody with a grill. Ask a parent to see if close relatives will help bring food to the reception as part of the wedding gift. I saw close relatives because they will want to help you with your celebration. I bet you can do the whole thing for $1000 or so.
 
Wow, these suggestions are amazing; and very creative thank you… we have a lot to think about. 🙂
 
You’ve received good and sound advice already; I cannot improve on what’s been given, but I can add something important.
Should you choose to have a reception –
The guests will stack their gifts, in all likelihood, somewhere other than the wedding chapel.
Delegate a trusted deputy to watch over the gifts.
Preferably armed and with a police commission to back it.
Too many times I’ve either investigated, taken a report on, or read about, a wedding going on in one room, and the gifts are rifled in the adjacent room: cards opened, cash and gift cards taken; much can be purloined in a short time, with little risk, and high profit.
Society’s goblins read the papers.
The papers give date and time of the wedding.
'Nuff said.
 
We had a pig roast for our reception! But instead of buying a hole pig (that’s a little pricy!) we bought 3 pork butts (keep in mind it’s actually a shoulder… just the cut is called a butt. Trust me.) because they are MUCH less expensive. We slow smoked them with a different rub on each, and had pulled pork. My friend dj’d for us, and EVERYBODY was dancing. My husband and I set the mood with our first dance as a couple: playing air guitar on our knees to Van Halen. 👍
 
Sky_Pilot said:
Society’s goblins read the papers.
The papers give date and time of the wedding.
'Nuff said.
Click to expand...
I’ve never seen a date and time of a wedding broadcast in the paper. That’s what an invitation is for. Is it different in other parts? Just don’t publish the details, only “a September wedding is planned”.
However, it is prudent to be sure the gifts are somewhere safe.

A church basement with a light lunch after the service is very doable. Tents, and depending on the weather, isn’t my favorite thing for such a special occasion. Wind, rain, and muddy, uneven ground are not invited! lol

God bless as you enter married life!
 
The focus is the sacrament, of course, and one need not host a lavish reception.

That being said, when our daughters were growing up we told them often that if they got married we would not be shelling out tons of money on a dress, flowers, decorations etc. We told them the bulk of the money (which was not much!) would go towards the reception because it’s like a family reunion and we want people to have fun celebrating with us.

Our dd’s reception was at a local K of C Hall; we used their cook and brought in a DJ. Both did a great job, the food was delicious, and the reception was lots of fun.
 
It’s lovely to hear your stories, sounds like we should consider turning to our friends and family for support on helping us celebrate with a reception; something that we have not considered because my family is not in the position and it would be my fiance’s family who would bare that burden, maybe a bit unfair. What I do like though, is the idea of asking everyone to bring some food along, or assist somehow; then it becomes an equal effort between everyone. I understand now, that it’s a day to be celebrated and shared with loved ones. Thanking you all.
 
dont_lose_heart said:
Hi all,

I am engaged, and have found a church for the wedding. But due to financial contraints, we are thinking of several ways to have a wedding reception and it’s proving difficult, with the cost.

So on Friday my fiance, suggested two ideas; that we should get married in the church, followed by a intimate dinner in a posh restaurant with our close friends and family. Or we get married in the church, followed by a cake and punch reception in the church hall, with the church family and our family, then get on a flight in the evening on our honeymoon and when we return have some drinks with our friends or a BBQ.

I wanted to know how important is it to have a celebration after the wedding ceremony? Any thoughts, or suggestions welcome. Thank you.
Click to expand...
My uncle got married in the park and had a big BBQ afterwards. It’s still one of the best weddings I’ve ever been too. They didn’t have the funds for a big reception but what was nice about it was that just about everyone they knew could come, everyone could sit back in relax and not feel pressured to dress up to the 9s and wear uncomfortable clothing. Folks also seemed to stick around and socialize more for a longer period. All and all I would like to do something like that if I ever married. Wedding on the beach and party on the beach after would sound like heaven to me but then I’ve never liked doing the same thing everyone else does. It’s your wedding do it the way you want. 👍
 
Luvz2travel said:
My uncle got married in the park and had a big BBQ afterwards. It’s still one of the best weddings I’ve ever been too. They didn’t have the funds for a big reception but what was nice about it was that just about everyone they knew could come, everyone could sit back in relax and not feel pressured to dress up to the 9s and wear uncomfortable clothing. Folks also seemed to stick around and socialize more for a longer period. All and all I would like to do something like that if I ever married. Wedding on the beach and party on the beach after would sound like heaven to me but then I’ve never liked doing the same thing everyone else does. It’s your wedding do it the way you want. 👍
Click to expand...
Um — Catholics get married in Churches. Not on beaches or parks. But the rest of it sounds ok.

~Liza
 
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