How important is attraction?

[Sierrah]

I would just add that if kissing him or holding hands doesn’t give you certain feelings for him then that’s a bad sign and I’d let him go. For me I have to be very careful even with the seemingly harmless stuff because if can lead me places I don’t want to go but if you can cuddle with him and feel close to him maybe it is just the guilt factor from previous behavior that holding certain feeling back. Only you know what you feel.

 

[flyingfish]

To be honest, I can’t even accept the “exclusive/non-exclusive” division. Basically, it either is a romantic relationship or not. If it is one, it needs to be exclusive.

Why? Haven’t you ever been romantically attracted to several people at the same time? The most I’ve been attracted to at the same time is 3 guys, they all had their interesting points and spending time with all of them was exciting in its own way. If I was asked to choose I wouldn’t have been able to.

Or you have people like yours truly who consider full-blow snuggling and kissing non-exclusive dating to be immoral - and my rejection of it wouldn’t show me as needy or dependent, although you’re free to consider me possessive.

Doesn’t the Church teach that that kind of kissing before marriage is immoral?

I believe the limit is always crossed when one person has two lovers or more (I don’t necessarily mean lovers in the sexual sense, romantic is enough). I believe this follows from the natural law prohibition against polygamy. The absence of the pure act of intercoruse or other sexual stimulation or release does not make polygamy acceptable.

I don’t know. Polygamy means being married to more than one person, it’s quite different when you are looking for a spouse.

Subject X has 3 girlfriends. Given that girlfriends are not for sitting-in-the-tree-kissing but for marriage discernment (and with a concrete person at that, not just in general!), he shouldn’t be dating someone he can’t marry. He can marry only 1 girl (leaving the incidental chance of her dying and him remarrying). That means n-1, which is 3-1, which is 2 relationships that are known not to lead to marriage but to a break-up after a limited if not precisely determined period of time. Something’s wrong here.

I don’t know, I think you are treating dating relationships the same as “engaged to be married”. Marriage discernment is all about finding the person you can have a successful marriage with. If you only exclusively date one person at a time, it drastically reduces your chances of finding the right person. You can get lucky and find them in one of your few “serial polygamy” relationships, but your chances are much better if you date multiple people at the same time.

And naturally those dating relationships are going to be romantic, that’s why you’re dating them after all. You’re trying to find a lifelong romantic partner.

If we are to continue this, we’ll need a separate thread. Shall I?

Oh, I guess if you want to.

 

[OLHope]

Hi,

I have been with a wonderful guy for almost a year. My boyfriend is kind, patient, loving, hilarious, and I never get tired of hanging out with him. He’s the first guy I’ve dated who will gladly go to church with me (or without me). He accepts me for who I am, quirks and all. We have very similar ideas on raising a family.

So far, so good! Raising a family is a big and great reason to continue on if you feel he would be a good dad.

At the beginning of our relationship we went a little “further” than is okay. He knows I want to wait until marriage for intercourse, but things did go a little too far. I just didn’t feel right about it and we scaled it back.

We’ve gotten very serious and have been discussing marriage. But now my main worry is that I don’t feel temptation…at all. Like, it’s been very easy to avoid doing anything. So I’m afraid that once we’re married I won’t enjoy it!! It concerns me because my boyfriend is fairly overweight, and so I don’t know whether God is helping me avoid temptation, or if his weight is an issue for me…although it wasn’t before.

Does “size” matter? hahaha, just remember you said he accepts you as you are. That is a pretty bold statement for a man to make. Could you do the same? Would it be different if he was limbless or disabled in another way? Heaviness is a health issue, God does not make mistakes, maybe he will be like this temporarily. Would he accept it if you gained weight, or had sudden mood changes, can you figure that out now? He could lose the weight and that can affect his personality later. Good thing or bad, well you don’t know yet. Could you work through that together? Perhaps it is something that God is saving for later.

This has been eating away at me for quite a while, because it’s something I can’t bring up with him–he is very self-conscious about his weight, and I do know there is a high possibility that I won’t always be a size 4…so who am I to judge?

Can attraction develop?? I feel so guilty that I see other guys and find them more attractive than my boyfriend…but I’ve dated/tried to date many of those guys and–more often than not–they **know how attractive they are…and end up dumping me when they don’t “get what they want.” :dts:

Most people I know would tell me just to have sex with him and see how it is…but that’s NOT an option for me!!! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to be the wife that always has a “headache.” What do you think?**

Well I am no one to give advice on something I know nothing about. It depends on how much importance you place on sex in general, because in marriage, its free reign. I just finished reading a thread on here where a poster mentioned that right after her first child was born right, she just flat out lost all her sex drive, but needed to just endure it for her husband, and it did not seem controlling in any way, just perfunctory. THAT exact thing happened to a relative of mine, she was a virgin at marriage, too. So was having several months of a fun sex life worth the marriage. According to this relative, it was for the kids. Because that is selfless.

I guess I would suggest talking to your pastor or getting a versatile view from different pastors, spiritual directors. If you get engaged, sign up for engagement encounters. If you marry, and THAT is in fact a problem, seek counseling from your pastor first.

Can attraction develop? Sure…, can physical attraction develop, who knows? I have always been attracted to a man’s wit, talent, and personality over all else, which means I have to engage in lengthy conversation. There could be an issue of performance as well. You can’t approach a guy(or girl) about this issue, that’s true. You can make subtle suggestions to try to eat a light dinner elsewhere and make him suggest places like Sweet tomatoes or subway or something…, you can really take in long bike rides or jogging, something cardio intensive, so that you can make most of your time about working out, and doing it alone, to see if he may want to accompany you and join in on the workout or care for your safety being alone. This way if you are not spending all or most of your time together, you can see if he is missing you or motivated, or if your feelings change.

What got you into him in the first place?

 

[MtnDwellar]

From my experience, I have been in situations where I had to spend a good deal of time with a beautiful woman who was not available. Initially, just being close to them made my blood pump a little faster. After a while a friendship develops and the blood pressure stays at normal levels. You have crossed that line where you have made a commitment that nothing is going to happen and your feelings have gotten in line with your conscious decision.

There is nothing wrong with that. It is natural. Your actions have allowed you to fall in love with a person and create a great bond without sex. Exactly what is supposed to happen! You have built an excellent base for a long and happy relationship. Once you allow sex, your feelings will change.

 

[Augusta_Sans]

From my experience, I have been in situations where I had to spend a good deal of time with a beautiful woman who was not available. Initially, just being close to them made my blood pump a little faster. After a while a friendship develops and the blood pressure stays at normal levels. You have crossed that line where you have made a commitment that nothing is going to happen and your feelings have gotten in line with your conscious decision.

There is nothing wrong with that. It is natural. Your actions have allowed you to fall in love with a person and create a great bond without sex. Exactly what is supposed to happen! You have built an excellent base for a long and happy relationship. Once you allow sex, your feelings will change.

Wish someone had said this to me two years ago. GREAT advice. If you do marry him, don’t give up on sex because it doesn’t feel sexy the first couple months (my biggest mistake). I should really change my username to “Cautionary Tale.”

 

[sharmin]

Not necessarily. Assuming that there is no sitting-in-the-tree-kissing, …

I notice you use the phrase “sitting in the tree kissing”, but I’m not sure what that is. What is this, and which trees do you mean?

 

[Augusta_Sans]

Wish someone had said this to me two years ago. GREAT advice. If you do marry him, don’t give up on sex because it doesn’t feel sexy the first couple months (my biggest mistake). I should really change my username to “Cautionary Tale.”

I realize I should follow-up on this. My husband and I believed that once we allowed sex (i.e. the wedding night), the feelings would follow. They did NOT. And we gave up. I think we were right–that the feelings would follow if we put 100% of ourselves into the effort, but we gave up too soon.

 

[MtnDwellar]

Wish someone had said this to me two years ago. GREAT advice. If you do marry him, don’t give up on sex because it doesn’t feel sexy the first couple months (my biggest mistake). I should really change my username to “Cautionary Tale.”

Augusta and I have posted similar thoughts more than once. I think I like Augusta!

And you are also right. When our conscious and subconscious (feelings) are in sink we call it serenity. However, that eighteen inches between our heads and our hearts can be a great distance and it takes some time to cross. Prayer is what helps me.

But - I would just stay with Augusta

 

[ac_claire]

Can attraction develop?? I feel so guilty that I see other guys and find them more attractive than my boyfriend…but I’ve dated/tried to date many of those guys and–more often than not–they know** how attractive they are…and end up dumping me when they don’t “get what they want.” :dts:

Most people I know would tell me just to have sex with him and see how it is…but that’s NOT an option for me!!! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to be the wife that always has a “headache.” What do you think?

Your post reminded me of this old thread, you might find something useful there:

Can attraction really develop later?

 

[PeterMuz]

Hi,

I have been with a wonderful guy for almost a year. My boyfriend is kind, patient, loving, hilarious, and I never get tired of hanging out with him. He’s the first guy I’ve dated who will gladly go to church with me (or without me). He accepts me for who I am, quirks and all. We have very similar ideas on raising a family.

At the beginning of our relationship we went a little “further” than is okay. He knows I want to wait until marriage for intercourse, but things did go a little too far. I just didn’t feel right about it and we scaled it back.

We’ve gotten very serious and have been discussing marriage. But now my main worry is that I don’t feel temptation…at all. Like, it’s been very easy to avoid doing anything. So I’m afraid that once we’re married I won’t enjoy it!! It concerns me because my boyfriend is fairly overweight, and so I don’t know whether God is helping me avoid temptation, or if his weight is an issue for me…although it wasn’t before.

This has been eating away at me for quite a while, because it’s something I can’t bring up with him–he is very self-conscious about his weight, and I do know there is a high possibility that I won’t always be a size 4…so who am I to judge?

Can attraction develop?? I feel so guilty that I see other guys and find them more attractive than my boyfriend…but I’ve dated/tried to date many of those guys and–more often than not–they **know how attractive they are…and end up dumping me when they don’t “get what they want.” :dts:

Most people I know would tell me just to have sex with him and see how it is…but that’s NOT an option for me!!! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to be the wife that always has a “headache.” What do you think?**

Well, I would say this… Attraction is important, but chemistry is more important. Not sexual chemistry, but more along the lines of what people would call soul mates. I would recommend placing more importance on the things about him that are much less likely to change. If he is a loving man who respects you as a child of God and truly wants to spend the rest of his life with you, that says more about him than his weight.

I’m not going to turn all commercial on you and give you a long explanation of Weight Watchers, but I will say that it works. If he is overweight, you might ask start a discussion about health issues and wanting to take these things seriously when you have kids. Ask him if that is important to him and see if he will work out with you and start eating better with you. If you ask him to do these things but you do not do it with him, he will feel insulted. But if there is a family history of things like high blood pressure or heart problems, you should tell him that that concerns you and you want to be healthy.

I did read some of the other posts and think that the guilt thing could be playing a part in how you feel, especially if you feel the purity thing is more important to you than it is to him.

With all these things being said, it would be sad if you walked away from the person that you are meant to be with because of weight. Maybe in time you decide he is not the person for you for another reason, or maybe there is a reason for concern on this issue. If he is overweight, has a family history of heart problems and says he has no intention or desire to take better care of his health, I think that would be a good reason to walk away from the relationship. When a person has a health issue, it affects their spouse and family.

My real advice is to pray. Pray that you will now Gods will and pray that your boyfriend will place more important on his physical health. Lastly, be a good influence on him, its hard to be the only one working out or eating well.

 

[ac_claire]

Can attraction develop?? I feel so guilty that I see other guys and find them more attractive than my boyfriend…but I’ve dated/tried to date many of those guys and–more often than not–they know** how attractive they are…and end up dumping me when they don’t “get what they want.” :dts:

Most people I know would tell me just to have sex with him and see how it is…but that’s NOT an option for me!!! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to be the wife that always has a “headache.” What do you think?

The first link I posted was wrong. Your post reminded me of this old thread, you might find something useful there:

Can attraction really develop later?

 

[MtnDwellar]

I was just looking over this thread. Those who are advising the OP to encourage weight management to her boyfriend are probably on the wrong track. Don’t try to change the guy. He already knows that he is over weight. Believe me. He owns a mirror. He buckles his belt every morning. He buys his own jeans. He knows that he has a weight problem and also knows many ways to improve.

The best way to encourage someone you love to take better care of themselves is to tell them how attractive that they are. Weight problems are often wrapped up in self esteem issues. Advising them to lose weight is not the answer. In many cases it has the opposite effect. A different approach is to tell them that they are attractive and help them with their self esteem. Watch. As one’s self esteem improves the pounds drop.

 

[flyingfish]

I was just looking over this thread. Those who are advising the OP to encourage weight management to her boyfriend are probably on the wrong track. Don’t try to change the guy. He already knows that he is over weight. Believe me. He owns a mirror. He buckles his belt every morning. He buys his own jeans. He knows that he has a weight problem and also knows many ways to improve.

The best way to encourage someone you love to take better care of themselves is to tell them how attractive that they are. Weight problems are often wrapped up in self esteem issues. Advising them to lose weight is not the answer. In many cases it has the opposite effect. A different approach is to tell them that they are attractive and help them with their self esteem. Watch. As one’s self esteem improves the pounds drop.

I also don’t think it’s possible to make a difference by advising someone to lose weight.

It depends on how fat they are. If it’s 20 pounds of fat on a guy who’s been athletic all his life, then sure it’s possible to get him to drop it by simply going for a daily run with him.

If it’s a serious weight problem, it goes so much deeper than diet and exercise. That person could well be overeating for genetic reasons, psychiatric reasons, could be taking medication that’s making him fat. Most people who lose weight gain it back, the statistics is something like 95% gain it back.

 

[ambrosegirl84]

What got you into him in the first place?

Haha, it’s kind of a funny story. We’re in a small town and long story short, we found out we had some friends in common and our friends encouraged us to date. I had just gotten off a streak of meeting guys who weren’t suitable for me AT ALL (i.e., jail time, alcoholism, lack of basic cleanliness, etc…seemingly common around where I live). This guy seemed different, and although we come from very different backgrounds I came to REALLY respect him for what he’s made of himself, being a hard worker, etc. (and crying at “Marley and Me” didn’t hurt, either!!).

I’m also trying to find the post about if you put all your “requirements” and “dreams” in, percentages get smaller and smaller of people that actually fit those “requirements.” I, for one, have always envisioned myself continuing to farm or ranch. At least where I live, once you weed out the ones who are alcoholics or “players,” the list is almost nonexistent. Then once you add church-going to the list, it’s like “poof.” Not to mention other things that are important to me like common sense, a love for animals, etc. I see many women who have married the “stereotype” that I have always wanted, and seem very happy. But they may not have the same “other” requirements as I have (i.e., no living together, etc.).

It depends on how fat they are. If it’s 20 pounds of fat on a guy who’s been athletic all his life, then sure it’s possible to get him to drop it by simply going for a daily run with him.

If it’s a serious weight problem, it goes so much deeper than diet and exercise. That person could well be overeating for genetic reasons, psychiatric reasons, could be taking medication that’s making him fat. Most people who lose weight gain it back, the statistics is something like 95% gain it back.

Ironically, we both agree that he is healthier than I am…no family history of heart disease, etc., although I do have a strong family history of cancer, obesity and heart disease (probably why I’m so insistent on NOT gaining weight). Technically he needs to lose about 70 pounds. But I really do agree with him that he is naturally “husky” and there’s no way he could ever get to his “ideal” weight (and I would never expect/hope for that). I think he’d feel a lot better and be at less risk for obesity-related diseases if he lost even 40 pounds. If I can get to town in time this week we’re planning to get a membership at the gym and start going 5 days a week. Both of us hate working out at a gym (I prefer riding) so I think it will help if we go together to motivate each other.

 

[Augusta_Sans]

being a hard worker, etc. (and crying at “Marley and Me” didn’t hurt, either!!)

Ambrose, he sounds JUST like my husband on the inside, and your streak of dating the wrong guys sounds a lot like me too (dated an alcoholic guy with abusive tendencies and a married man who STILL hasn’t left his wife or tried to reconcile). Do you compliment your boyfriend? Surprisingly, the more I compliment my husband, the more his attractive features shine through for me. When we first met and were just coworkers/friends, I thought he had a giant forehead, and when we first hugged I thought he was way too skinny…but now when I look at him all I see are his beautiful brown eyes and when he hugs me I feel so safe I don’t notice that he’s still a string bean (I have to admit that he’s bulked up a bit now that he plays hockey twice a week.)

I, for one, have always envisioned myself continuing to farm or ranch.

What other “wish list” items is he missing? I agree we all need to prioritize our “wish list” items in a mate and give up some dreams, but we don’t always have to give up all the “dreams.” Just accept that some dreams won’t come prepackaged and might take some patience and work. Perhaps someday you can retire to a hobby ranch. Or you could do as one of my friends does–live in the city but board two horses just outside the city.

I really hope that the gym thing works out for you. Some other ideas: (1) go for walks together (burn weight slowly, but you’ll enjoy the time a lot more), (2) join a league sport together, like softball, (3) hold each other accountable for eating healthy, and find fun ways to do it. I got my husband started on a breakfast smoothie kick (just friend, yogurt, and orange juice) and that healthy eating has spilled over into the rest of his day.

 

[MtnDwellar]

I am totally getting the sense that Ambrose has found a good man who is not perfect. Good men are hard to find.

That being said, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. I live outside of a small town on the side of a mountain. I moved here with my wife, now deceased. I really didn’t plan on living so far from civilization alone. I am like a hermit up here! Choices for dating are limited. I am not settling. Alone is far better than with the wrong person.

My wife and I dated for over 5 years before I proposed. She often asked me when or if I was going to ask her to marry me. I told her that I was not at all opposed to marriage, but that I was strongly opposed to divorce. Then I added jokingly, I would probably shoot you first, so we should both be very sure. (I don’t know if that is going to sound funny in writing??)

 

[Augusta_Sans]

Then I added jokingly, I would probably shoot you first, so we should both be very sure. (I don’t know if that is going to sound funny in writing??)

It made me laugh, anyway.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Hi,

I have been with a wonderful guy for almost a year. My boyfriend is kind, patient, loving, hilarious, and I never get tired of hanging out with him. He’s the first guy I’ve dated who will gladly go to church with me (or without me). He accepts me for who I am, quirks and all. We have very similar ideas on raising a family.

At the beginning of our relationship we went a little “further” than is okay. He knows I want to wait until marriage for intercourse, but things did go a little too far. I just didn’t feel right about it and we scaled it back.

We’ve gotten very serious and have been discussing marriage. But now my main worry is that I don’t feel temptation…at all. Like, it’s been very easy to avoid doing anything. So I’m afraid that once we’re married I won’t enjoy it!! It concerns me because my boyfriend is fairly overweight, and so I don’t know whether God is helping me avoid temptation, or if his weight is an issue for me…although it wasn’t before.

This has been eating away at me for quite a while, because it’s something I can’t bring up with him–he is very self-conscious about his weight, and I do know there is a high possibility that I won’t always be a size 4…so who am I to judge?

Can attraction develop?? I feel so guilty that I see other guys and find them more attractive than my boyfriend…but I’ve dated/tried to date many of those guys and–more often than not–they know** how attractive they are…and end up dumping me when they don’t “get what they want.” :dts:

Most people I know would tell me just to have sex with him and see how it is…but that’s NOT an option for me!!! I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to be the wife that always has a “headache.” What do you think?

Turn it around the other way…Let’s pretend you’re a size 18w plus… I am that size…Extremely over weight! And your boyfriend or then husband is this hot gorgeous fit man…Yet he loves you but you always catch his eye wondering around… You say to yourself “what do they have that I don’t have?” “We are all women, have the same bodyparts…what’s the difference? Is it the hair, maybe he wants a blonde now?! What bigger boobs? What is it he sees in them? I have a nice behind? He doesn’t like it any more?!” You wouldn’t feel comfortable and you wouldn’t feel loved…

Attraction isn’t that important…seems you are not mature enough to see past the physical perspective of a relationship…

When I met fiance, he was a scrawny little man, lol, I dated nothing but jocks during my hs years…lol…and married a man barely 1 inch taller than me! Got divorced with that man, long story! But now I am engaged to this almost 6" tall man whom is so skinny if I were in hs again I would have never looked at him… But I was an idiotic immature little girl then, I am a woman and I love this man…And I am not attracted to him because he’s hot I am attracted to him because of the love he gives me…and how much he loves my kids…

It’s not about “oh I can’t have sex with him he’s too scrawny! EW! I want oooh that one with the big biceps oh man yeah he’s hot!” First of all they all have the same thing!! It’s about the emotional, religious and loving connection with that person…I am pregnant with fiance’s baby, out of one night of crazy passion, we were engaged before it happened, and yes we are both happy and thrilled about it but yes we wished it would have happened after we were married. We don’t regret it, I know it was a great night, but honestly it would have been a lot better on our honey moon!!! BUT thank GOD we are having this baby…and it didn’t take much for me to love this man nor for him to love his plus sized woman…like I said any man around me now won’t even stare at me and I don’t care the only eyes I want on me are my fiance’s eyes!!! So it doesn’t matter that no one else finds me repulsive! As long as he only has eyes for me and I for him…I am super happy about the love we have! And GOD willing will be married soon!

Take care and GOD bless…

 

[iluvmybabies]

Haha, it’s kind of a funny story. We’re in a small town and long story short, we found out we had some friends in common and our friends encouraged us to date. I had just gotten off a streak of meeting guys who weren’t suitable for me AT ALL (i.e., jail time, alcoholism, lack of basic cleanliness, etc…seemingly common around where I live). This guy seemed different, and although we come from very different backgrounds I came to REALLY respect him for what he’s made of himself, being a hard worker, etc. (and crying at “Marley and Me” didn’t hurt, either!!).

I’m also trying to find the post about if you put all your “requirements” and “dreams” in, percentages get smaller and smaller of people that actually fit those “requirements.” I, for one, have always envisioned myself continuing to farm or ranch. At least where I live, once you weed out the ones who are alcoholics or “players,” the list is almost nonexistent. Then once you add church-going to the list, it’s like “poof.” Not to mention other things that are important to me like common sense, a love for animals, etc. I see many women who have married the “stereotype” that I have always wanted, and seem very happy. But they may not have the same “other” requirements as I have (i.e., no living together, etc.).

Ironically, we both agree that he is healthier than I am…no family history of heart disease, etc., although I do have a strong family history of cancer, obesity and heart disease (probably why I’m so insistent on NOT gaining weight). Technically he needs to lose about 70 pounds. But I really do agree with him that he is naturally “husky” and there’s no way he could ever get to his “ideal” weight (and I would never expect/hope for that). I think he’d feel a lot better and be at less risk for obesity-related diseases if he lost even 40 pounds. If I can get to town in time this week we’re planning to get a membership at the gym and start going 5 days a week. Both of us hate working out at a gym (I prefer riding) so I think it will help if we go together to motivate each other.

that’s great! I am so glad you guys have such a great relationship! Where’s the problem here again? some people are just naturally big, like my nephew! He’s only 9 and he’s 2xt the size of my 11year old daughter!! He’s just built that way! They put him to lose 20 lbs he lost them in about 4 months…for a child to lose that much weight? But he built muscle he’s still big just more muscular! I thought he looked great before, he was healthy but I guess his mother thought he needed to drop the weight…

One of my brother’s is an XXXL he lost a few lbs dropped enough to be XXL, still a big man but he is super healthy healthier than I am and I don’t weigh as much as he does and I am over weight! LOL My sister in law thinks he’s hot…she said he’s not attracted to his entire body but there are parts, i didnt ask and I dont care lol but that’s what keeps them going even with an overweight man! I think the best thing is to find what drives you towards your honey and build on it! When you love someone the attraction is there in a different way…

Good luck GOD Bless.

 

[Baron_Korf]

Well I’ll tell you that my fiancee is not my physical type by any metric. I like lithe women of either an medditeranean or arabian stock. She is average build, blonde hair, blue eyed cajun girl. She prefers real tall, skinny, clean shaven guys, and I’m a 5’ 10" 210lb, grizzly bear. (I even growl like one when when someone tries to wake me from my hibernation before 10am).

And after 8 years of dating (since HS waiting for her to finish her masters) we are getting married (in 17 days 0.o; and we couldn’t be happier together. Knowing this stuff makes both of us a little self concious on occasion, but no body type, complexion, or outfit compares to the cumulative memories. Attraction is useful, but it is very subjective. If I didn’t know her and I was single, I probably wouldn’t make any strong effort to go up to her if I saw her. That’s why I’m grateful that God dropped her into my life when and how He did.

Be patient and honest with yourself in your relationship. Remember that the vast majority of married life will be day-to-day, hum-drum stuff. If he can make that enjoyalbe (relatively) then that is a big plus. Remember that marriage is primarily about populating heaven with you, your spouse, your children, grandchildren and so on. All sacraments lead to heaven.