How important is sex to you?

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ben182

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I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes.

I realize that for one to marry, the desire to consummate the marriage is essential. But how important is sex to you…really? I’d like to address this particularly to the women in the forum.

Is the ability for a man to catch your sexual fancy really highly important during the dating/courtship process? What if the man you are dating does not feel very capable or feels inferior in some ways when it comes to sex? Perhaps he thinks he can’t or simply cannot perform it as well for whatever reasons.

For those who have actually been engaged or married, answer honestly, what was the more important factors in deciding on your husbands…and on what scale? Did you experience disappointment if your husband didn’t seem to meet your expectations?

Please feel free to add any other insights not mentioned.
 
Okay, I voted a 9 but the question was kind of vague, so I’m going to clarify.

First, I’m talking about attraction before marriage, not pre-marital sex. Finding someone who’s “sexually compatible” did not mean for me finding someone I found “good in bed.” However, I think it is pretty essential to not be repulsed by your future spouse. While you don’t have to feel this magnetic pull 24/7, you should be physically attracted to your spouse, because consumating your marriage is key to your marriage (both being valid and being healthy, I think).

Now, this is coming from a newlywed too. I know later in life it’s different, but I think it should start out this way. intercourse bonds the couple and brings them closer together, which is part of what God intended it to be for. Plus, without it, how can a couple be open to life? And as I was studying Christian marriage, my mom once told me, during a time when she was upset with my dad, that if they didn’t have sex, she would be miserable because it gives you those “happy feelings” and the bonding :).
 
erm… I may be the only person confused by the poll, but which end is up? Is 1 considered “most important” or is it considered “least important”?
 
Hi,

I didnt vote because the poll was unclear. I do not believe in pre-marital sex. Were you talking about good sex as a prerequiste as to whether or not you would marry the guy or if you are attracted to the guy sexually?

I have been married 16 and a half years and I will be honest ,sex is not that important to me anymore. My husband on the other hand well ya know he’s a guy:D

We have a good stable marriage and yes sex is a part of it. Right now we are in those child rearing years when things slow down with us and speed up with the kids.
Sex should be important in marriage but it should never be the most important thing.

Just my :twocents:
 
Dale_M said:
erm… I may be the only person confused by the poll, but which end is up? Is 1 considered “most important” or is it considered “least important”?
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1 is least and 10 is most. 🙂
 
ALLFORHIM said:
Hi,

I didnt vote because the poll was unclear. I do not believe in pre-marital sex. Were you talking about good sex as a prerequiste as to whether or not you would marry the guy or if you are attracted to the guy sexually?

I have been married 16 and a half years and I will be honest ,sex is not that important to me anymore. My husband on the other hand well ya know he’s a guy:D

We have a good stable marriage and yes sex is a part of it. Right now we are in those child rearing years when things slow down with us and speed up with the kids.
Sex should be important in marriage but it should never be the most important thing.

Just my :twocents:
Click to expand...
Hi,

No, the poll and question is NOT about premarital sex. The question is about whether one’s sexual attraction to a prospective husband (and his sexual attraction to you) is of actual (not theoretical) greater importance to you in choosing a husband than other things. I hope that came out right 🙂

What if you, for example, were relationally-compatible to someone who could not sexually “deliver” as well for whatever reason (impotence, psychological, physical, etc.). Honestly, would you still strongly consider him as as future husband ?

That’s what I meant. In reality, given that situation, would sex be high on the list. For the poll, 10 means extremely important and 1 means extremely not.
 
ben182 said:
Hi,

No, the poll and question is NOT about premarital sex. The question is about whether one’s sexual attraction to a prospective husband (and his sexual attraction to you) is of actual (not theoretical) greater importance to you in choosing a husband than other things. I hope that came out right 🙂

What if you, for example, were relationally-compatible to someone who could not sexually “deliver” as well for whatever reason (impotence, psychological, physical, etc.). Honestly, would you still strongly consider him as as future husband ?

That’s what I meant. In reality, given that situation, would sex be high on the list. For the poll, 10 means extremely important and 1 means extremely not.
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Well, for that, I vote a 10!

Yes, that’s right! I’m shallow and will only marry a hot sexy guy! With lots of money! 😉

And if you mean a physical impairment, I would probably be okay with that (impotence for example).

But if you are talking about something psychological, I would be very wary. Our sexuality is an inherent facet of ourselves and a pathway to closeness in marriage. Being unable to open up and become one due to serious issues is something that should delay a marriage commitment.
 
ben182 said:
Hi,

No, the poll and question is NOT about premarital sex. The question is about whether one’s sexual attraction to a prospective husband (and his sexual attraction to you) is of actual (not theoretical) greater importance to you in choosing a husband than other things. I hope that came out right 🙂

What if you, for example, were relationally-compatible to someone who could not sexually “deliver” as well for whatever reason (impotence, psychological, physical, etc.). Honestly, would you still strongly consider him as as future husband ?

That’s what I meant. In reality, given that situation, would sex be high on the list. For the poll, 10 means extremely important and 1 means extremely not.
Click to expand...
Hi,
Well I would have to say 10 also because I married a hot babe/man. He is still hot after almost 17 years. We will be married 17 years in May:D He still thinks Im hot after all these years and kids;)
 
I voted “9” only because it’s not the “top” priority…
But it’s pretty dang high! 😉

I got a HOTTIE too… quite fond of my hubby! 😃
 
What exactly do you mean? Do you mean how attractive your potential mate was? Or the sexual tension between you? or what?
 
I voted seven but let me explain.

I didn’t think my hubby was really that attractive when I first met him, but the more we talked the more I liked him.(I actually thought he was sort of ugly when we first met) When we kissed, it was the type of kiss that makes the entire world go away. So, yes, I was very, very attracted at that point.

I would not knowingly marry a man who couldn’t have sex.If a person’s libido is so low that he/she doesn’t want to have sex, why get married in the first place?

As far as being good in bed…if a man and woman love and respect each other then they will learn what is neccesary to please one another. It doesn’t matter if they both are very inexperienced, their desire to give each other pleasure will eventually assist them in learning to make love.

If, though. my hubby lost the physical ability to have sex, I would not leave him. I love him dearly for more qualities then his ability to have sex.
 
It’s the one aspect of our marriage that brings us closer together that I can’t possibly share with another person. 😃
Plus, he’s so attractive that it’s hard NOT to want to.
 
Just curious. How many of you find your hubby’s more attractive now then when you married him?

I do. He has a pot belly and gray hair but for some reason he is darn cute to me now.😛 😃
 
deb1 said:
Just curious. How many of you find your hubby’s more attractive now then when you married him?

I do. He has a pot belly and gray hair but for some reason he is darn cute to me now.😛 😃
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Me Me Me 👋
He was a cutie before but we were just teenagers. Now that he’s in 30’s well he went from cute boy to very handsome man. I tell him it’s not fair all the time. I went from a hot 80’s chick to well…looking like a mom:o. And he’s just getting hotter everyday.

I’ve seen pics on myspace of the some of the cute guys we went to school with and what they look like now -ee gad. All I can say is hubby has aged really well.👍
 
It’s really strange how random the quiz results look, so far! I expected to see at least some kind of trend.
 
I remember back when we were dating in highschool hubby asked me what attracted me to him and being the inexperienced goof that I was I said his personality. He really was kind of insulted and assumed I didn’t find him attractive which was totally not the case. But really it was his personality.

There were plenty of cute guys (some defintely higher on rating of cuteness then my hubby) at our highschool but not one that I would date. There was something from the day I met my hubby -something there. Connection,chemistry - I don’t know but it was way different from any other time I talked with a guy. And it wasn’t sexual/romantic attraction-dating him never even crossed my mind. In fact the day I met him I told my friend if I ever brought a guy home like that my parents would kill me. Picture bad boy 80’s burnout. That same kind of connectedness happened the day I met my bestfriend when we were 12. We’re still bestfriends over 20 years later.

That doesn’t mean I’m not sexually attracted to my hubby because I most definately am but back when were dating that really wasn’t high on the list as far as why I was attracted to my husband. Underneath the hardened bad boy image my husband was(and still is) a sweety. Loves kids, loves animals -never would intentionally hurt anyone. He’s very giving. He has such a big heart.There were no bs pickup lines or smooth talking when I first met him. He was just himself. I felt safe with him. I didn’t feel like here’s another guy just trying to get into my pants. He treated me with respect and never pressured me.

Disappointment - nope. I’m not going to lie and say my hubby was pure and chaste until he met me. Unfortunately far from it (and he was only 17-yikes). But that was not an upside sexually- it was something I had to work past. Because my husband is who he is he’s always been sensitive to my needs. I think if he had been chaste we still wouldn’t have had any problems as far as disappointment because we would have figured it out together - it still took time perfecting our craft 😉 . And really women aren’t exactly cookie cutter molds when it comes to things like that anyway. Plus we change our minds on a regular basis 😃 .

By the way I picked 5.
 
deb1 said:
I voted seven but let me explain.

I didn’t think my hubby was really that attractive when I first met him, but the more we talked the more I liked him.(I actually thought he was sort of ugly when we first met) When we kissed, it was the type of kiss that makes the entire world go away. So, yes, I was very, very attracted at that point.

I would not knowingly marry a man who couldn’t have sex.If a person’s libido is so low that he/she doesn’t want to have sex, why get married in the first place?

As far as being good in bed…if a man and woman love and respect each other then they will learn what is neccesary to please one another. It doesn’t matter if they both are very inexperienced, their desire to give each other pleasure will eventually assist them in learning to make love.

If, though. my hubby lost the physical ability to have sex, I would not leave him. I love him dearly for more qualities then his ability to have sex.
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Deb and I are on the same page yet again. Although I thought my husband was ‘goofy’ rather than ugly. We had that same kind of kiss that the whole world was just swept away. Mine is also balding instead of greying.

Other than that Deb’s posts can be duplicated for me. I am starting to wonder if we aren’t the same person too, Deb!

BUT, I did vote a five instead. I think I may have married older than Deb1. It becomes less important as we age. 😃
 
For me, the only important thing was finding a virgin.

I was waiting for marriage, and I couldn’t stomach the idea of marrying someone who had already had sex (even if they regret it).
 
LittleDeb said:
BUT, I did vote a five instead. I think I may have married older than Deb1. It becomes less important as we age. 😃
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I was twenty when I met him but 22 when we married.🙂

By the way, LIttle Deb, you have a very beautiful name.😛
 
Early in our marriage it was 5. Now that we are close to “empty nesters” and I had a hysterectomy in '91, things have progressed to a “10”! The 1980’s & 90’s were a blur, girl scouts, ballet, soccer, t ball, baseball, dance recital, computer club…geez louise, my DH and I were ships passing in the night.

I was attracted to him slowly when I met him. I had sworn off men at the time, due to a high school romance gone bad.

I agree with poster about the pot belly and the graying hair. So sexy…loving it. Since we are clearly beyond pregnancy, WOW!..

Empty nest years…here we come…running at full gallop!👍
 
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