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Fusiontron
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Prodigal son . . .
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SuperLuigi
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Sounds like you are more mature than many of your peers!
Oh, I’m sure they are out there.I am terribly afraid that no man will wait until marriage!
Sounds like sexual harassment. Do NOT tolerate this. This is NOT okay.Non-religious acquaintances have often made comments such as “Why would you do that?” or “You’re brainwashed!” and I frequently get teased at work, where people have been able to assume I’m a virgin after a few conversations. I’m frequently the recipient of sexual questions and the guys will say crude things about me that honestly make me blush/very uncomfortable. …
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SuperLuigi
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Would it be too dull if I said “it depends?”
It certainly is possible to meet decent Catholics who are in college, but when I was dating in graduate school, I wrote meeting women there off because I doubted any woman in graduate school would spend all that team getting a degree and consider being a state-at-home Mom for 20 years.
Besides, I figured a lot of the women were liberal in terms of US politics and Catholic Orthodoxy, and I just didn’t want to marry someone who’d I have to drag out of bed to go to Mass or argue over why X teaching was fine but Y and Z were not.
So, I just stuck with a Catholic dating site.
I will say though if you go a school that has a strong Catholic presence (not necessarily a private Catholic college) and you get involved with the Newman Center and take the time to get know people, things can happen.
The other X factor here though are the generic dating skills of American men, which I have to say are more often than naught quite lacking.
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Xantippe
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SuperLuigi said:
“The other X factor here though are the generic dating skills of American men, which I have to say are more often than naught quite lacking.”
Yeah–based on my reading here and elsewhere, it sounds like a lot of guys believe that if they just stare soulfully and pine long and hard enough from a distance, the girl of their dreams will intuit their interest and jump straight into their arms, without any preliminaries of actual invitations, dates, or other folderol.
“The other X factor here though are the generic dating skills of American men, which I have to say are more often than naught quite lacking.”
Yeah–based on my reading here and elsewhere, it sounds like a lot of guys believe that if they just stare soulfully and pine long and hard enough from a distance, the girl of their dreams will intuit their interest and jump straight into their arms, without any preliminaries of actual invitations, dates, or other folderol.
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holy_face
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topix.com/forum/city/fort-myers-fl/TN4JM9BRK3J7ALRIN
Here is a survey of the amount of men women have slept with, it is a very informative sampling, the vast majority of these surveyed women had over 20 partners. You should read the comments and many back up my previous statements many having as much as 50 previous partners.
20-50 partners, not much different than a prostitute. Unless you are a desperate needy beta type male the reaction this causes in high value males is disgust beyond all comprehension, how could anyone consider marrying someone like that? It makes me want to literally vomit.
I personally could not really accept more than 3-4 partners for anyone I would consider marrying, that it more than enough to allow for any youthful mistakes. But if I could do it all over, now that I fully realize my value, I would not settle for anything but a virgin or at the most 1-2 previous partners from long term relationships.
I am a good looking athletic guy in my early 40s with a good job, I get attraction from females as young as 18 on a regular basis. Not that I would seek an 18 year old at the age of 43, but in my early 30s I would if I was not already married. The longer a woman remains single the more partners she will have, if she is in her 30s then you have to assume the worst unless you can verify otherwise.
You also have to add on the fact that she is much less fertile and you have difficulty having the family you want. She will come with lots of baggage from her extensive sexual history and she probably agreed to marry you because her biological clock told her it was time, rather than you being the man of her dreams.
There is no reason for men to settle for women who are practically prostitutes, get in great shape, wear good cloths and get a good job and aim higher, once you reach your late twenties and thirties your options will greatly increase while women of the same age have decreased options. That should allow you to pick better value women.
Here is a survey of the amount of men women have slept with, it is a very informative sampling, the vast majority of these surveyed women had over 20 partners. You should read the comments and many back up my previous statements many having as much as 50 previous partners.
20-50 partners, not much different than a prostitute. Unless you are a desperate needy beta type male the reaction this causes in high value males is disgust beyond all comprehension, how could anyone consider marrying someone like that? It makes me want to literally vomit.
I personally could not really accept more than 3-4 partners for anyone I would consider marrying, that it more than enough to allow for any youthful mistakes. But if I could do it all over, now that I fully realize my value, I would not settle for anything but a virgin or at the most 1-2 previous partners from long term relationships.
I am a good looking athletic guy in my early 40s with a good job, I get attraction from females as young as 18 on a regular basis. Not that I would seek an 18 year old at the age of 43, but in my early 30s I would if I was not already married. The longer a woman remains single the more partners she will have, if she is in her 30s then you have to assume the worst unless you can verify otherwise.
You also have to add on the fact that she is much less fertile and you have difficulty having the family you want. She will come with lots of baggage from her extensive sexual history and she probably agreed to marry you because her biological clock told her it was time, rather than you being the man of her dreams.
There is no reason for men to settle for women who are practically prostitutes, get in great shape, wear good cloths and get a good job and aim higher, once you reach your late twenties and thirties your options will greatly increase while women of the same age have decreased options. That should allow you to pick better value women.
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holy_face
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I wouldn’t ask a woman directly before trying other methods of getting the truth. You have to be a bit more Machiavellian than that. You have to try opening up in conversations about your own sexual history and then ask her to reveal some of hers while giving her confidence that it does not matter to you and that you will understand regardless of what she says.Hi HolyFace
I cannot believe anyone over the age of 25 would actually ask for their partner’s number.I don’t even really know if my dh was a virgin before he met me. He is unfortunately agnostic, and I can never get a straight answer from him. He jokes that he was, but then when I ask him does he mean it he tells me that he is only kidding around. I know he never had a proper relationship before me, but that he did have some complicated ones. So I don’t know.
You also have to analyze many factors such as her age, was she in a sorority, was she a party girl, what her friends are like, etc. etc. You also have to not be needy and lovesick over her so you will be able to see the truth when it is revealed rather than being blinded by your emotions and drives.
Men need to have options and not fall into the trap that he found the one girl that is right for him, there is no one person soul mate out there for everyone, there are people that are more compatible and people who are less compatible.
The fact remains that the more sexual partners the more risk for infidelity and divorce.
socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html
It simply is not worth it to marry a promiscuous woman no matter how much she pleads that she has changed. This is why Jesus tells us it is better not to marry and live a life devoted to God, and he said that back when adultery and promiscuity were not common, now it is not only common it is almost universal.
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Xantippe
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holy face said,
“20-50 partners, not much different than a prostitute.”
For a prostitute, that would be one slow month (do the math). There’s no comparison, really, even if the numbers were accurate, which I doubt very much.
Here’s a different survey:
kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html
Look at the line where it says “not in past year” for intercourse. For 18-24 year old unpartnered women, it’s nearly 51%. For unpartnered women 25-29, it’s 43%. For unpartnered women 30-39, it’s 72%.
What this means is that the average single unpartnered woman under 40 is not, in fact, having a lot of wild, crazy sex.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promiscuity
From that article, “A 2007 nationwide survey in the United States found that the median number of female sexual partners reported by men was seven and the median number of male partners reported by women was four.” Even an unscientific condom company survey was only able to find a global male high of 29 in Austria and a global female high of 20 in New Zealand. (And there’s really no point in even mentioning an unscientific survey.)
Things may have changed and people may be fudging a bit in both directions, but we’re not going to get to an average 50 partners for young women very easily at all with these kind of numbers. My personal feeling is that friends-with-benefits relationships are probably suppressing the numbers for women, as those arrangements often drag on a while and the women involved often seem to treat them as functionally equivalent to having a real boyfriend (even if they’re not).
“20-50 partners, not much different than a prostitute.”
For a prostitute, that would be one slow month (do the math). There’s no comparison, really, even if the numbers were accurate, which I doubt very much.
Here’s a different survey:
kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html
Look at the line where it says “not in past year” for intercourse. For 18-24 year old unpartnered women, it’s nearly 51%. For unpartnered women 25-29, it’s 43%. For unpartnered women 30-39, it’s 72%.
What this means is that the average single unpartnered woman under 40 is not, in fact, having a lot of wild, crazy sex.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promiscuity
From that article, “A 2007 nationwide survey in the United States found that the median number of female sexual partners reported by men was seven and the median number of male partners reported by women was four.” Even an unscientific condom company survey was only able to find a global male high of 29 in Austria and a global female high of 20 in New Zealand. (And there’s really no point in even mentioning an unscientific survey.)
Things may have changed and people may be fudging a bit in both directions, but we’re not going to get to an average 50 partners for young women very easily at all with these kind of numbers. My personal feeling is that friends-with-benefits relationships are probably suppressing the numbers for women, as those arrangements often drag on a while and the women involved often seem to treat them as functionally equivalent to having a real boyfriend (even if they’re not).
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The_Bucket
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Oh yes, by all means let’s cite Internet polls, especially those around since 2009 that could easily be manipulated. And let’s ignore that Internet polls are non-scientific, self-selecting and have no value whatsoever.
How many sexual partners do you think St. Augustine had? Does asking for his intercession make you want to vomit? Or is it different for women because whatever?
That BJJ is definitely getting to your head. Starting to understand why my (smoking hot) wife didn’t want me to restart my training… I do believe there was something about our local dojo being filled with “weirdo middle-aged guys.”
I’m sure you do. In your mind. True fact: College-aged girls look at me all the time. Also, I live/walk/run right next to a college campus and sometimes go to Mass AT a college campus.
Oh no, the “red pill philosophy” isn’t damaging your ability to perceive value in people the way Christ does at ALL.
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holy_face
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Sure a real prostitute will have larger number but at that high of a count I consider it not much different, it is a number that places her in the same category.
A friends with benefits relationship is not usually exclusive, they are are still very often hooking up with other people during this.
It is hard to find what the real truth is but in my life experience the survey I posted is more in line with what is happening. I don’t believe at all that the numbers are actually that low based on everything that I have seen. It is possible that I was witnessing the behavior of people who are higher on the attractiveness scale on average and therefore had more partners while the rest of the population had so much less that it brought the numbers way down. I would not be surprised if that is where the truth lies.
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holy_face
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No asking for his intercession would not make me vomit but I would still not consider marrying someone like that, there is a difference. I can still have respect for and interact with a woman who has had numerous partners, it does not matter as much to me in those circumstances. It is just when considering such a person for marriage and commitment. Having sex with, marrying and having children with a woman who has had 50 partners, yes that makes me want to vomit. I wouldn’t do it plain and simple.
huh? You are mistaking me, I am not hitting on young girls I am just pointing out that an attractive athletic man has more options than settling for a 30 something year old woman with a long list of partners, infertility, and a desperate need to settle down as fast as she can due to the biological clock. He has options which include younger girls that have not had as many partners, is fertile, and is looking for a relationship without a sense of desperation.
Even at 43 I get plenty of attention from women of all ages, and more than just a look when jogging. I mean sustained flirtation with intent to seduce, even from girls as young as 18. I smile and politely decline. My point has nothing to do with me actually seeking these women but that I realize the value I have in the dating market and wish i had realized earlier in my life, people can learn from others experiences. I am saying to younger guys is to not be desperate or needy and don’t settle for something that is very less than ideal for you if you have better options.
There are virgins out there and girls with few previous partners, and they most likely will be on the younger side. They should not allow themselves to be shamed for dating or marrying a younger women.
The same can said for females, they should exercise their options realizing their value as well.
The value has nothing to do with someone’s overall value to God, that is a different value.
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holy_face
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A woman with a promiscuous past could be the nicest person I have ever met, and may become a great friend and someone I admire and respect as a person, but that is different than having value as a wife.
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The_Bucket
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Why?
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holy_face
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Because I value chastity in a potential wife, the closer she comes to this the more attractive she is to me, the further away from this the less attractive. This is what the bible teaches us, our Catholic faith, as well as our basic biological instincts.
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The_Bucket
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Right so… someone who was away from the faith for a few years but has since repented and embraced chastity… her past mistakes make her “damaged goods,” right?
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TheWarriorMonk
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You have two contradictory statements here. Jesus forgives, and would never imply that one that has righted one’s wrongs would not make a good spouse.
IMHO, it is not the promiscuity that matters. It’s where the person is in their current (moral) state of life. For example, I would not consider dating someone that is currently promiscuous. However, if the person slept with a few people in college, repented, and straightened her ways, I most certainly would. That’s because the woman righted her wrongs, and has an established pattern of moral behavior over many years.
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holy_face
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Depends on the extent of it, she might very well be damaged goods as far as consideration marriage goes, yes definitely. Just because someone may abandon their sins does not mean their effects have gone away.,
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Galbin
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My word, that is a shocking survey to me! I still think these people must be outside the norm. My American friends do not have anywhere near that number.
I would strongly disagree that 50 partners is like a prostitute. Most prostitutes are well above that number by hundreds if not thousands. 50 partners would be a very financially useless endeavour for a poor women trapped in the sex industry.
Why on earth would you want to vomit if your spouse had multiple partners? I can understand feeling jealous or sad that they hadn’t waited, but why on earth would that repulse you so much? Would you be repulsed if you met a man who’d had 50 partners?
As for fertility, that apparently depends. Age is no guarantee of that. I totally disagree that “the longer a woman remains single the more partners she will have”. Many unmarried women nowadays go from long term relationship to LTR so may have only slept with a handful of people.
Why do you have to assume the worst about anyone, ever?
I only know of one woman who agreed to marry a man because of her biological clock, and everyone was/is horrified by it. She is very pretty and could get a man easily. In fact, my BIL was very interested in her indeed. However, she is now trapped with a man she isn’t in love with because she got tired of the dating game. And nope, she did not sleep with 50 people. She actually would meet your target of the ‘pure’ woman.
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The_Bucket
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What if she slept around a bunch, but has straightened her ways? I think the point about establishing a pattern of moral behavior is the right one. I’m not going to deny the temporal damage caused by past evil. Lord knows I have it in my own life and I’m the one who did the evil!
At the same time, if we really believe in the power of grace then we should recognize that repentance and reformation of life is a real thing. If not, we’d all be in terrible trouble. After all, our Church’s second leader flat-out denied knowing its founder… God Incarnate… on several occasions. That’s pretty bad stuff.
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holy_face
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Ok that is what you have decided for yourself and I am not going to argue with you about what you think is right for you.
As I said I would consider the extent of the previous behavior, 1-2 mistakes may not be too bad for me, for other men they would only accept virginity, while others may have no problems with 50.
Previous promiscuity is good indicator for future behavior, she is much more likely to have an affair if she has an extensive past. She also will have more trouble bonding with you as well as other baggage that may come along. Lots of ex boyfriends/husbands to come back into your lives in the future. The behavior also places one in a great risk for STDs, a potential for children that aren’t yours, and divorce which ends up wiping out your life and assets.
And the plain old fact that a woman has had sex with many men is simply gross to me from a instinctual biological perspective, it literally grosses me out. I can’t change the way i feel about and don’t think I should have to.
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