How important should a woman's career aspirations be when choosing a partner?

[sarahraegraham]

Hi, I think it depends on what you see as the kind of family/home life you hope to have. In today’s world, little value is placed on how our children are raised. I have been for the most part, a stay-at-home mom for 32 years. I have held many part time jobs, often daycare in our home. I feel that women have forgotton or been made to feel that being “just a mother and wife”, somehow diminishes them in our society. I believe that there is no greater calling for a woman than being a loving, mother and wife. God has given us the great gift of sharing in creation and then we take our most prized possesion to strangers in a daycare center. When you see all the broken families in our country alone, you have to wonder if no one at home is one of the major problems, I believe that it is. Yes, you have to be prepared to sacrifice getting that new car right away, and keeping up with the Joneses will not be easy but if your goal is to a have stable family life than you should try to find someone who feels the same way. Let me add that I understand that there are exceptions to this; I have the greatest respect for single parents going it alone. Parenting is a full time job and really needs both mom and dad. When circumstances leave one parent to do the job it is more than just challenging, it is exhausting, lonely and confusing. After all, how can one person be mother, father, breadwinner, housekeeper and have it be easy! Also, I believe that Dad’s can be great stay at home parents. If it is better suited for the wife to work and dad to stay home, so be it. The important thing is that children and working spouse know that someone is there for them at the beginning of their day, after school or work. When we devote ourselves to the love and care of our family we recieve a far greater reward than a paycheck. Good Luck with your future!

Well said. I think another issue is that our society now places more emphasis on what you do and have than who you are. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen (or perhaps are old enough to remember) those specials from the 50s. They were cheesy, but they covered topics like leisure time and how to make the most of it instead of loafing (geared toward teens), and about dinner time and how each person’s role (mother, daughter, father, son, children) play a part in making it an enjoyable time with emphasis on polite and respectful conversation and helpfulness. Sure, like I said, they were cheesy, but if we have no ideal at all to strive toward, no one will strive at all. Now it’s all about “me me me” and screw everyone else. I know, I grew up with it and I’m still suffering lingering effects. If our society still valued who you become over what you accumulate or contribute to society, I think that the role of “just a wife and mother” would still be has highly valued as it once was. I also think that more women would see that vocation as just as worthy (if not more so) than a “career”.

(Here’s a link in case anyone is interested: youtube.com/watch?v=h8kJzBJrOkU)

 

[sharmin]

Well said. I think another issue is that our society now places more emphasis on what you do and have than who you are. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen (or perhaps are old enough to remember) those specials from the 50s. They were cheesy, but they covered topics like leisure time and how to make the most of it instead of loafing (geared toward teens), and about dinner time and how each person’s role (mother, daughter, father, son, children) play a part in making it an enjoyable time with emphasis on polite and respectful conversation and helpfulness. Sure, like I said, they were cheesy, but if we have no ideal at all to strive toward, no one will strive at all. Now it’s all about “me me me” and screw everyone else. I know, I grew up with it and I’m still suffering lingering effects. If our society still valued who you become over what you accumulate or contribute to society, I think that the role of “just a wife and mother” would still be has highly valued as it once was. I also think that more women would see that vocation as just as worthy (if not more so) than a “career”.

(Here’s a link in case anyone is interested: youtube.com/watch?v=h8kJzBJrOkU)

But I think what you do is often who you are. I am a teacher. Currently, an unemployed teacher. I consider myself a teacher whether I am working or not, because it is a part of WHO I AM. A doctor is a doctor…it’s part of her identity. I am proud to be a teacher AND a mom.

 

[Jacafamala]

Just marry a nice girl with a good (Catholic) head on her shoulders. One who likes children and is open to life. Jobs can come and go.

 

[sarahraegraham]

But I think what you do is often who you are. I am a teacher. Currently, an unemployed teacher. I consider myself a teacher whether I am working or not, because it is a part of WHO I AM. A doctor is a doctor…it’s part of her identity. I am proud to be a teacher AND a mom.

I will have to respectfully disagree. Jobs or careers are earthly occupations only, but we are eternal beings.

 

[cephas161619]

But I think what you do is often who you are. I am a teacher. Currently, an unemployed teacher. I consider myself a teacher whether I am working or not, because it is a part of WHO I AM. A doctor is a doctor…it’s part of her identity. I am proud to be a teacher AND a mom.

I will have to respectfully disagree. Jobs or careers are earthly occupations only, but we are eternal beings.

What we do makes us who we are, it shapes us. That’s why we can speak of a person as a lawyer or a doctor or a scientist, or a thief, a lier or an adulterer. Every action I choose (or avoid choosing) makes me who I am: a better person, a worse person, a more bland person, etc.

The difference is that being a mother springs not from what we do, but from a natural relationship. Some years ago (thankfully, it seems like in the distant past), there was a move to change the sign of the cross (and in general the names for the Persons of the Holy Trinity) to Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier. While these are their primary actions, it is less than their relationship: How they stand in relationship to each other is their primary identity, and can never change. Their actions flow from their being, but naming their actions does not grasp their essential being like naming their relationships does. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

 

[whatevergirl]

*The thing is though, God isn’t going to ask us someday…so how successful were you as a lawyer? Did you win most of your cases? Did you meet your sales quotas?

BUT…

We will be judged on who we loved, how much we loved…and if we served others where we work, or at home…as Christ serves us. If we were Christ for others to see, in our respective roles. So, while society cares about what we do for a living, God only cares if we stayed true to our faith during our time here on earth, regardless of where we spent our time. Just my thoughts.*

 

[cephas161619]

The thing is though, God isn’t going to ask us someday…so how successful were you as a lawyer? Did you win most of your cases? Did you meet your sales quotas?

BUT…

We will be judged on who we loved, how much we loved…and if we served others where we work, or at home…as Christ serves us. If we were Christ for others to see, in our respective roles. So, while society cares about what we do for a living, God only cares if we stayed true to our faith during our time here on earth, regardless of where we spent our time. Just my thoughts.

I will venture to guess that he may ask ‘have you been a good lawyer’, ‘were you honest?’ ‘were you dependable?’ That’s all part of love. But whether you agreed to take a certain legal case or not and incurred an obligation, there will always be an obligation to your children, to see that they’re provided for and that they’re educated in the faith and to make their way in the world. I’m not saying anything about being there 24/7 for them, but I am saying it’s a deeper obligation than those you can choose to take on, and even pass on to others.

 

[flyingfish]

Well said. I think another issue is that our society now places more emphasis on what you do and have than who you are. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen (or perhaps are old enough to remember) those specials from the 50s. They were cheesy, but they covered topics like leisure time and how to make the most of it instead of loafing (geared toward teens), and about dinner time and how each person’s role (mother, daughter, father, son, children) play a part in making it an enjoyable time with emphasis on polite and respectful conversation and helpfulness. Sure, like I said, they were cheesy, but if we have no ideal at all to strive toward, no one will strive at all. Now it’s all about “me me me” and screw everyone else. I know, I grew up with it and I’m still suffering lingering effects. If our society still valued who you become over what you accumulate or contribute to society, I think that the role of “just a wife and mother” would still be has highly valued as it once was. I also think that more women would see that vocation as just as worthy (if not more so) than a “career”.

(Here’s a link in case anyone is interested: youtube.com/watch?v=h8kJzBJrOkU)

You become who you are by doing, experiencing, learning.

The role of a wife and a mother is still respected, it’s just that people don’t think it requires 100% of the woman’s time. Even when a woman has a full time job throughout her life, she is still a wife and a mother.

The role of parents is to raise independent adults (and for Catholic parents it is to raise them Catholic). It’s not about spending all your time hanging out with the kids and doing domestic chores. In the past women were expected to do this, whereas men contributed virtually nothing. Now culture has changed.

What is so wrong with saying that you accomplish more when you are say a wife, mother, and doctor vs. a wife and mother?

Sure there is a chance that your kids and husband will complain that they had to do laundry, cook, clean up, and take the bus to soccer practice. But so what, that is just selfishness on their part because they wanted to have a maid and a driver instead of pulling their own weight.

I mean, who wouldn’t want a maid and driver? But who in good conscience could demand that your wife your mother should give up her dreams so that you could be lazy and have everything done for you?

 

[dakotagirl]

I will venture to guess that he may ask ‘have you been a good lawyer’, ‘were you honest?’ ‘were you dependable?’ That’s all part of love. But whether you agreed to take a certain legal case or not and incurred an obligation, there will always be an obligation to your children, to see that they’re provided for and that they’re educated in the faith and to make their way in the world. I’m not saying anything about being there 24/7 for them, but I am saying it’s a deeper obligation than those you can choose to take on, and even pass on to others.

Yes

 

[dakotagirl]

You become who you are by doing, experiencing, learning.

The role of a wife and a mother is still respected, it’s just that people don’t think it requires 100% of the woman’s time. Even when a woman has a full time job throughout her life, she is still a wife and a mother.

The role of parents is to raise independent adults (and for Catholic parents it is to raise them Catholic). It’s not about spending all your time hanging out with the kids and doing domestic chores. In the past women were expected to do this, whereas men contributed virtually nothing. Now culture has changed.

What is so wrong with saying that you accomplish more when you are say a wife, mother, and doctor vs. a wife and mother?

Sure there is a chance that your kids and husband will complain that they had to do laundry, cook, clean up, and take the bus to soccer practice. But so what, that is just selfishness on their part because they wanted to have a maid and a driver instead of pulling their own weight.

I mean, who wouldn’t want a maid and driver? But who in good conscience could demand that your wife your mother should give up her dreams so that you could be lazy and have everything done for you?

 

[dakotagirl]

I will have to respectfully disagree. Jobs or careers are earthly occupations only, but we are eternal beings.

I agree. Our identity is that we are daughters and sons of God, therefore being a mom has nothing to do with it. What about women who are unable to have children? Poor things, to be told that they are less of a being must come as a blow.

 

[sarahraegraham]

I am done with this thread. I have stated my opinions and I stand by them.

 

[ac_claire]

The role of a wife and a mother is still respected, it’s just that people don’t think it requires 100% of the woman’s time.

LOL who is this “people”…? By that you mean…yourself!

The role of parents is to raise independent adults (and for Catholic parents it is to raise them Catholic). It’s not about spending all your time hanging out with the kids and doing domestic chores. In the past women were expected to do this, whereas men contributed virtually nothing. Now culture has changed.

What is so wrong with saying that you accomplish more when you are say a wife, mother, and doctor vs. a wife and mother?

What’s wrong with it is it’s a blanket statement. Maybe it’s true for you, I don’t know. I believe that if my vocation is to be a wife, mother and homemaker, then I know that I’m going to do a better job, and accomplish more, if I devote myself to doing it as well as I know I can. That to me means giving it 100% of my time and attention and NOT speading myself too thin with other pursuits that I don’t even like…all so I can say that according to some people I have somehow “accomplished more” this way? Why on earth would I do that?

Sure there is a chance that your kids and husband will complain that they had to do laundry, cook, clean up, and take the bus to soccer practice. But so what, that is just selfishness on their part because they wanted to have a maid and a driver instead of pulling their own weight.

I mean, who wouldn’t want a maid and driver? But who in good conscience could demand that your wife your mother should give up her dreams so that you could be lazy and have everything done for you?

You’re speaking so subjectively here. It seems like you have an ax of some kind to grind. (feminist ideals? personal experience? I don’t know…) If I put myself in your example I would only be giving up my dreams if my husband insisted that I work outside the home.

Now, if circumstances were such that I had *no choice *but to work outside the home (if I was widowed or my husband could no longer work, etc.), then I would do it and like my grandma and mom before me, I’d make the best of it for me and my family.

I am done with this thread. I have stated my opinions and I stand by them.

Ditto for me. I think I will join you, Sarah Rae. Thanks to all for an interesting and lively discussion. :tiphat:

 

[sharmin]

The thing is though, God isn’t going to ask us someday…so how successful were you as a lawyer? Did you win most of your cases? Did you meet your sales quotas?

I respectfully disagree. I believe that God will most assuridly hold me accountable for how I was in my profession. He will ask me how did I treat the children in my classroom? Did I intervene if there was a child in need? He will ask a doctor how she cared for her patients. Was she greedy or compassionate? Patient or hurried? We are going to be held accountable for all aspects of our lives.

We will be judged on who we loved, how much we loved…and if we served others where we work, or at home…as Christ serves us. If we were Christ for others to see, in our respective roles. So, while society cares about what we do for a living, God only cares if we stayed true to our faith during our time here on earth, regardless of where we spent our time. Just my thoughts.

 

[whatevergirl]

I respectfully disagree. I believe that God will most assuridly hold me accountable for how I was in my profession. He will ask me how did I treat the children in my classroom? Did I intervene if there was a child in need? He will ask a doctor how she cared for her patients. Was she greedy or compassionate? Patient or hurried? We are going to be held accountable for all aspects of our lives.

]

And I serve in my profession.

I meant that, you are just expounding on it. Truthfully, we have no clue what God will ask us, but I have a hunch that He will ask how we served/loved Him and others where we are, whether at home or at work …I thought I said that.

 

[flyingfish]

You’re speaking so subjectively here. It seems like you have an ax of some kind to grind. (feminist ideals? personal experience? I don’t know…) If I put myself in your example I would only be giving up my dreams if my husband insisted that I work outside the home.

Now, if circumstances were such that I had *no choice *but to work outside the home (if I was widowed or my husband could no longer work, etc.), then I would do it and like my grandma and mom before me, I’d make the best of it for me and my family.

I did not intend to say that you should become a working mother, if you feel that that is what you’re being called to do then that is certainly what you should do.

I was responding to the line of thought that all mothers should be stay at home mothers. And there are plenty of women (not necessarily you) who think that just because its right for them, it is the only right and godly way to live.

(And I don’t see why you, as a woman, are using feminism as a dirty word. Feminism is just the position that women are just as human as men and should have the same rights and opportunities in society. If you want an example of a society without “feminist ideals”, look at Saudi Arabia.)

 

[sharmin]

I meant that, you are just expounding on it. Truthfully, we have no clue what God will ask us, but I have a hunch that He will ask how we served/loved Him and others where we are, whether at home or at work …I thought I said that.

Yes, you did say that. I just wanted to clarify that I serve others in my career, so that will matter in the end too. And I think that means we agree?

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, you did say that. I just wanted to clarify that I serve others in my career, so that will matter in the end too. And I think that means we agree?

Yes–we do! It’s a beautiful thing when that happens. haha

 

[sharmin]

Yes–we do! It’s a beautiful thing when that happens. haha

Yes, indeed!

 

[cephas161619]

And I don’t see why you, as a woman, are using feminism as a dirty word. Feminism is just the position that women are just as human as men and should have the same rights and opportunities in society. If you want an example of a society without “feminist ideals”, look at Saudi Arabia.

Feminism has fought for many things that do not belong in a healthy society. I think immediately of abortion and contraception. Women rose to a healthy, complementary equality with the advent of Christianity. There are many valid reasons why it could be good for a society that only landholders vote: they have the most interest in the good of the community because they can’t up and leave as easily. As long as families were more united, it gave the family one voice (and just as the opposite was also true, it seems most frequently women are a large influence in their husbands). I mention women’s suffrage, (to be clear, that is their right to vote) only to say that women weren’t as bad off as often assumed. Whether that was good or bad, the feminism of the sexual revolution is definitely NOT a good or healthy ideal, as we see now with the breakdown of the family. Saudi Arabia does not need ‘feminist ideals’ nearly so much as it needs Christianity.