How Judgmental

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On multiple occasions, I have seen people mention that they don’t want to sin by receiving communion when they shouldn’t, but don’t want to experience the embarrassment of not taking communion. It is assumed that “everyone” will be speculating about what terrible sin they committed during the past week. Really? Is being that judgmental really the norm? I started attending a Catholic Church last summer, and have been in RCIA since September. Week after week, I go forward and cross my arms rather than stay seated and make 15 people crawl over me. If people are judging me when they see me do this, how pathetic.
 
Ginger_Feline said:
On multiple occasions, I have seen people mention that they don’t want to sin by receiving communion when they shouldn’t, but don’t want to experience the embarrassment of not taking communion. It is assumed that “everyone” will be speculating about what terrible sin they committed during the past week. Really? Is being that judgmental really the norm? I started attending a Catholic Church last summer, and have been in RCIA since September. Week after week, I go forward and cross my arms rather than stay seated and make 15 people crawl over me. If people are judging me when they see me do this, how pathetic.
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I get what you are saying. But just because you have the old ladies in the last pew whispering about why so and so didn’t receive the Eucharist shouldn’t be something that you let affect you.

When I see someone whom I know that normally would receive but doesn’t I either think well maybe they already went earlier, or I say a short prayer for whatever it is that they may be going through. So instead of looking at it with a bad attitude, turn it around for the better and help pray for someones soul.

Hope this help.

P.S You can pray for the old ladies in the back also 😉
 
It used to be that Catholics were taught that it was the respectable thing not to watch others receive holy communion. It’s a shame people are not really taught this so much anymore. It’s the same sort of thing like standing enough of a distance from the confessional so that you don’t hear the confessor currently confessing.

I don’t really think at all about what others might think when I don’t receive. And if they do I consider it just so that I learn not do the sin again… Any humiliation I brought upon myself is then surely deserved, then I think of One Innocent man’s humiliation on a cross for my sake and realize its not so bad.
 
I personally do not pay attention to who receives and who doesn’t. Whenever I have to sit out, nobody asks me any questions. I don’t think that many people are paying attention. Plus, if someone doesn’t receive, it could always be because he or she forgot the one-hour fast.
 
I doubt the majority of people really care why someone else is not taking communion. There can be so many reasons other than being in a state of mortal sin. Just like someone receiving does not necessarily mean that the person is in a state of grace.

I went to Mass for about a year and a half before I could receive communion (I am a protestant convert) so I went a year and a half remaining in the pews while others went up to receive. This includes going to daily Mass once or twice a week along with Sunday Mass. Nobody ever looked at me dirty for not receiving and I never explained to anyone that I was not Catholic yet so could not receive. I doubt anyone else cared and I did not feel embarrassed. More like anxious for the day that I could receive.
 
I think the real issue when people post that is that they have a fear of how thinks look to other people. It doesn’t necessarily have a basis in reality.
 
I havnt been to Church for a long time but when I did…I didn’t know you could go forward and cross your arms.
I’ve always done the awkward have 15 people crawl over me thing while trying my best to push my legs to the side.That I find can be a bit embarrassing but I’ve never noticed anyone judging or looking at me because I’m staying seated and not getting Communion.
If I feel embarrassment etc I recognise it as coming from within,Ie:the story that your brain is telling yourself as opposed to actual external factors.
 
Ginger_Feline said:
On multiple occasions, I have seen people mention that they don’t want to sin by receiving communion when they shouldn’t, but don’t want to experience the embarrassment of not taking communion. It is assumed that “everyone” will be speculating about what terrible sin they committed during the past week. Really? Is being that judgmental really the norm? I started attending a Catholic Church last summer, and have been in RCIA since September. Week after week, I go forward and cross my arms rather than stay seated and make 15 people crawl over me. If people are judging me when they see me do this, how pathetic.
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That’s why at Protestant churches they pass the communion bread & drink around like they do the offering plate. That’s because they realize that ALL sins are against God & need to take to His throne with confidence (epistle to the Hebrews). Whatever sin you’ve committed is between you & God. If you don’t wish to accept communion because you don’t want to “take it in an unworthy manner,” then you simply pass the plate. Just remember to genuinely repent & have the genuine desire in your heart to not sin again, & God will forgive you. This coming from a former devout Catholic & altar boy. 👍
 
I was taught that these things are a part of penance.

Peace
 
To the OP, I get what your saying but there are a few possible solutions: 1) sit near the aisle, when or row gets up (if they do the terrible American method of row-by-row), stand up and step back to the side of the pew behind you, let everyone pass then go back to kneeling. 2) Sit up front, where there’s less people - typically non-convert Catholics are allergic to the front pews, no need to move. 3) simply go up and do the cross arms thing (another terrible American practice, because cross arms everywhere in Eastern Europe and some other place is the form TO receive).

Truth is, no one cares why your not receiving. This is especially true in the large metropolitan churches, probably true in smaller suburban parishes, and very likely true in little rural missions.
 
I think the fear is probably bigger than the judgment. After all, anyone sitting in those pews has very likely been in the same position, and unless they are receiving communion improperly or have been very fortunate in timing their confessions, they’ve had to abstain at least once or twice. When placed in an embarrassing situation, we all feel like we are the only ones to have ever been in that position, regardless of the reality.

I spent almost ten years, on and off, attending Mass as a non-Catholic, which meant I could not receive communion. I sat in the back and tried to stay out of the way, and while I disliked having any attention drawn to myself as people moved around me, I never felt judged. As a catechumen, I now go forward for a blessing, and still don’t feel those around me judge me (though I’m sure they appreciate not having to climb over me anymore - it’s pretty close quarters in our church!)
 
Ginger_Feline said:
On multiple occasions, I have seen people mention that they don’t want to sin by receiving communion when they shouldn’t, but don’t want to experience the embarrassment of not taking communion. It is assumed that “everyone” will be speculating about what terrible sin they committed during the past week. Really? Is being that judgmental really the norm? I started attending a Catholic Church last summer, and have been in RCIA since September. Week after week, I go forward and cross my arms rather than stay seated and make 15 people crawl over me. If people are judging me when they see me do this, how pathetic.
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Catholics in a state of mortal sin and NON-Catholics are not to receive Communion and should not be in the Communion line for a blessing. It is a Communion line and not a Communion and Blessing line.
Everyone receives a blessing at the end of the Mass.

Nobody speculates about those who remain in the pews at Communion time.
 
thistle said:
Catholics in a state of mortal sin and NON-Catholics are not to receive Communion and should not be in the Communion line for a blessing. It is a Communion line and not a Communion and Blessing line.
Everyone receives a blessing at the end of the Mass.
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I think you’ve made this opinion well-known in every thread in which the blessing gets even circumstantially mentioned. It is not doctrine, and as hasbeen pointed out several times going forward for a blessing is accepted by many in the Church (including Pope Emeritus Benedict). If the OP’s church allows or encourages parishioners to come forward for a blessing, then s/he should feel free to do so.
 
AnneElizabeth said:
It used to be that Catholics were taught that it was the respectable thing not to watch others receive holy communion. It’s a shame people are not really taught this so much anymore. It’s the same sort of thing like standing enough of a distance from the confessional so that you don’t hear the confessor currently confessing.

I don’t really think at all about what others might think when I don’t receive. And if they do I consider it just so that I learn not do the sin again… Any humiliation I brought upon myself is then surely deserved, then I think of One Innocent man’s humiliation on a cross for my sake and realize its not so bad.
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This^^
I used to think I’d rather miss Mass than be embarrassed walking in late. It finally dawned on me my pride was a bigger sin than being late for Mass.
 
casslean said:
I think you’ve made this opinion well-known in every thread in which the blessing gets even circumstantially mentioned. It is not doctrine, and as hasbeen pointed out several times going forward for a blessing is accepted by many in the Church (including Pope Emeritus Benedict). If the OP’s church allows or encourages parishioners to come forward for a blessing, then s/he should feel free to do so.
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I have never said it was doctrine. The form of the Mass is disciplinery, not doctrinal, and the now well known and quoted letter from the CDW, while being a response to a question, specifically states existing Church discipline dictates nobody should go up for a blessing. Unlike with doctrines we can disagree with disciplines but we must accept them. Therefore nobody should go forward for blessings.

QUOTE
  1. In a similar way, for others who are not to be admitted to Holy Communion in accord with the norm of law,** the Church’s discipline has already made clear that they should not approach Holy Communion nor receive a blessing.** This would include non-Catholics and those envisaged in can. 915 (i.e., those under the penalty of excommunication or interdict, and others who obstinately persist in manifest grave sin).
UNQUOTE

How much clearer can that be??
 
I’m not doing three rounds with you on this again. I’m sure everyone is aware, at this point, that you disapprove of this practice and that you have many sources that you feel support your disapproval.

Your disapproval, however, is not the official Church position and I think it is inappropriate for you to consistently contradict local priests because you’ve dislike the practice. If the OP’s priest did not want her coming forward for a blessing, I’m sure he would mention it. Until then, she should not be made to feel as if she is doing anything wrong by following the instruction or guidance of her local priest.
 
casslean said:
I think you’ve made this opinion well-known in every thread in which the blessing gets even circumstantially mentioned. It is not doctrine, and as hasbeen pointed out several times going forward for a blessing is accepted by many in the Church (including Pope Emeritus Benedict). If the OP’s church allows or encourages parishioners to come forward for a blessing, then s/he should feel free to do so.
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The problem isn’t so much people going forward for a blessing but that the EMHC is often incorrectly instructed to bless people.

I have seen Churches where the EMHC put their hands over or on people’s head and give a blessing. This is inappropriate for the laity except when delegated by legitimate authority for very a specific purpose.

I have even seen people hold up the Eucharist and give a blessing. This is the same as holding up Jesus in the monstrance at benediction and should never be done by the laity.

-Tim-
 
It looks like I accidentally stirred a pot that has boiled over in the past. Sorry.

During the first couple months, I was too unsure of myself to go forward with arms crossed. I tried to strategically plan where I would sit to be least in the the way. Sometimes I would sit on an end and then people sliding in at the last minute would want me to scoot inward. I always obliged because I don’t want to be the woman who wont budge, who cares more about HER spot than being nice. Thinking about how to be the least in the way of other people was taking away from the experience of mass. I know of at least a few converts who didn’t even go to mass weekly until after their first communion because of the issue. They felt like they didn’t belong in mass until after they were finished converting.

Being told to go forward with arms crossed simplifies it and gives a welcoming message to people considering converting. It communicates that their coming to mass is in no way a problem for those already in the catholic church. Newcomers have actually been planned for and expected.

If it is wrong to allow the practice of going forward with arms crossed, what should be done instead that won’t make the catholic church appear to be an upstanding members only club?
 
When I was in RCIA, I was urged to go forward during Communion for a blessing. The priest at my church occasionally invites people to come up for a blessing.

When I see someone with their arms folded, receiving the blessing, I tend to assume they’re in RCIA. I sometimes notice people staying in their seats rather than going forward for Communion but don’t think anything about it. I suspect that no one does, if they notice at all. I don’t think anyone would pass judgment, whatever you choose to do.
 
Ginger_Feline said:
If it is wrong to allow the practice of going forward with arms crossed, what should be done instead that won’t make the catholic church appear to be an upstanding members only club?
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There’s really nothing to do, just participate without walking up to the front. A lot of people do, you don’t notice because you’re not judgmental, I suspect the vast majority of people don’t notice you either. If you know for certain that some little old ladies are whispering, it’s more likely that they are wondering about your marital status so that they can hook up their wayward grandsons with the new churchgoing young lady.
 
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