How life changes you

[Just_wondering]

Isn’t falling in love supposed to make you feel invincible? I feel the most vulnerable I have in my life!

It’s one o’clock in the morning here, and I can’t sleep. I had the urge, as I often do, to take a walk in the park, where it’s cool and peaceful at night. Then I thought to myself that my boyfriend would be horrified to think that I was walking alone in a secluded area at night, and changed my mind. It just kind of struck me tonight that I never used to care about stuff like that. When I was younger, I used to just go ahead and do the dangerous thing on my mind (hitchhiking, playing with matches and aerosol spray cans) and figure that the people who’d worry about me wouldn’t have to hear about it, and what they don’t know can’t hurt them. This time, I don’t want to do it even though my boyfriend lives thousands of miles away and need never know. Am I maturing or just getting old?

I don’t know. Now I’m in a stable relationship leading to marriage, I feel very secure in the relationship, and yet different about myself. The thought that I could become a mother as early as next year has made me much more self-reflective. I question my decisions more - would this reflect well on me as a wife and mother if I were still doing this next year? I used to laugh about my messy apartment - now I’m embarrassed (but still messy ). I used to have four or five drinks when out with friends - now I limit myself to one or two, because I don’t want to feel out of control. I used to blow the last hundred dollars or so of the budget if I had leftovers at the end of the month - now I just leave it in the bank account for a rainy day.

I can’t help feeling like I’ve lost a bit of the fun part of myself. I mean, I still go out and have fun with friends. I went shopping with a friend last weekend, met some friends for lunch this weekend, and will spend the weekend catching up with old friends next week. It’s not that I’ve totally changed my personality. It’s just that I kind of liked that girl who made reckless decisions. The girl who did dangerous things without worrying, because everybody dies sometime. The girl who responded to a comment that “pretty girls shouldn’t go out alone at night” by shaving her head so the rule wouldn’t apply. I like the new me, too; don’t get me wrong. This nice, responsible, helpful girl I’ve become is really nice to be around - but I miss the shock value of being the girl with green hair who races the city bus down the street on her bicycle.

How do you feel about the changes to your personality over the course of your life? Do you miss aspects of your younger self? Do you like the person you’ve become?

 

[Liberanosamalo]

How old are you? Do you know your brain still continues to grow and your corpus calossum (sp?) and prefrontal cortex still grow till about age 24? Your brain is still making connections and the part that governs cause/effect and judgment and all that “mature stuff” keeps growing beyond the teen years.

Maybe it’s not just “life” that’s getting to you, it’s “time.” It’s called growing up.

It’s you moving beyond the kind of person who others worry about to the person who finally begins to worry about herself and the effect of her actions on others. Which is the steppingstone to worrying about and taking care of others completely. You are becoming a full-fledged adult. Congratulations.

Don’t regret the person who you grew out of or miss her any more than you would regret the baby clothes that no longer fit. Yeah, the fuzzy feet pajamas with the elephants were cute. When you were 4. But now they’d be ridiculous if you wore them in public.

Same with shocking behavior and the need to challenge and confront and do your own thing at the expense of others.

The Bible says when we grow up we put away our children’s toys. We don’t think as a child any more.

That’s the way you were designed. God made you to grow in His image and likeness. That included using free will and intellect responsibly.

I feel sorry for the people who fight the maturation process God implanted within them. They look ridiculous at 50 trying to be 23.

When you’re 45, you shouldn’t be behaving like a 17 year old. Your 17 year old will hate you for it.

You are growing in grace and wisdom, as it should be. Embrace it… with grace and wisdom.



By the way, your idea of fun will change also. I can’t think right now of anything I’d rather do than stand in a room with a bunch of drunk teenagers dancing to ear-splitting music. Except maybe sticking a fork in my eye would be more fun. Or using a vegetable peeler to take the skin off my arm. That would be as fun.

There was a time that a dance like that would have been “fun.” Then again, being pulled in a red wagon used to be fun too.

But thank you for sharing the very moving and insightful thought process of how it feels to recognize the changes in your head and heart. It gives me hope that my own children will not stay the way they are forever. Because right now they’re breaking my heart.

Shopping for clothes myself used to be fun. Then when I had children I didn’t even care to shop for my own clothes. It was MORE FUN to dress THEM! Yesterday I realized it wasn’t so fun to dress them anymore. Taking a teen clothes shopping is NOT fun. One of these days they’re going to find me curled up in a fetal position under a rack of white eyelet toddler dresses covered with pink bows sobbing and sucking my thumb, rocking back and forth.

I really miss the days when I could make them look so cute. And they’d wear what looked sweet and appropriate. Yesterday I pulled a lovely dress off the rack for one child. She looked at it and said, “Did you throw up on that? Because that pattern looks like you just threw up on it.” Sigh.

You didn’t used to be like that did you? Does your post mean they’ll come around someday?

 

[Just_wondering]

But thank you for sharing the very moving and insightful thought process of how it feels to recognize the changes in your head and heart. It gives me hope that my own children will not stay the way they are forever. Because right now they’re breaking my heart.

Shopping for clothes myself used to be fun. Then when I had children I didn’t even care to shop for my own clothes. It was MORE FUN to dress THEM! Yesterday I realized it wasn’t so fun to dress them anymore. Taking a teen clothes shopping is NOT fun. One of these days they’re going to find me curled up in a fetal position under a rack of white eyelet toddler dresses covered with pink bows sobbing and sucking my thumb, rocking back and forth.

I really miss the days when I could make them look so cute. And they’d wear what looked sweet and appropriate. Yesterday I pulled a lovely dress off the rack for one child. She looked at it and said, “Did you throw up on that? Because that pattern looks like you just threw up on it.” Sigh.

You didn’t used to be like that did you? Does your post mean they’ll come around someday?

Thanks for your answer, Liberanosamalo. I’m 28 now, so I may be a late bloomer as far as brain development is concerned. Or maybe it’s just that this is the first time I’m considering marriage and parenthood as things that could happen to me in the near future.

About the shopping with your kids and will it ever get better: :hug1: !!! I can’t make any guarantees for you, but rest assured that most of the obnoxious whiny friends I had in high school are now fairly self-assured, polite, and appreciative of their parents. (There is one exception, but she is from a fairly dysfunctional family.) I may have been critical of my parents’ clothing choices a time or two when I was young myself. But then, of course, you have NO IDEA how humiliating it would be to be seen in public with your parents! And while my mom was wearing THAT DRESS?!?! and ***THAT MAKEUP!?! *** :bigyikes: - that would be too much for my teenaged self! I was responsible for buying my own clothes using money received as gifts from grandparents, so luckily I could wear clothes I liked.

So yes, there is hope for your teenagers! I think my relationship with my parents turned appreciative and less b****y when I was around 23 or 24 years old, although it was becoming that way throughout university. (Seeing some particularly nutty classmates and realizing that my parents hadn’t messed me up at all compared to them helped a lot!)

Good luck! You can hold out a few more years. Just think of the cute little dresses you can buy for your grandchildren - and when they’re old enough to complain about your choices, you can just give them back to their parents.

 

[newbetx]

Well, Just, it appears you may have gone off to bed finally. Yep, maturity does strange things. While I had a great time in my single days, there was a bunch of reckless behavior. But I always had a hole in my stomach, if you understand. Once I married my present wife and built it around her, kids and extended family, I don’t have that anymore. Yes, it’s kinda nice to have less responsibility, but it conflicts with the married duty. I think you are getting a sense of that in your trials and tribulations. And while less glamorous, it is very worthy, indeed!

Peace!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

This nice, responsible, helpful girl I’ve become is really nice to be around - but I miss the shock value of being the girl with green hair who races the city bus down the street on her bicycle.

How do you feel about the changes to your personality over the course of your life? Do you miss aspects of your younger self? Do you like the person you’ve become?

**I think you’re in a transitional time and any transition is rough! From what you have revealed about yourself in this one post it looks to me like you are still seeking balance.

It is great that you are maturing and becoming more responsible etc…but you probably have the type of personality that needs an element of risk (SO opposite of me, lol) so if you completely stifle that you may always feel like something is missing.

What you need to find now are “acceptable risks”… find substitutes for playing with matches and aerosol cans, lol. You need the rush but in a more grown up way.

Since, like I mentioned, I am not into risk, I don’t have any concrete suggestions for you, but just know that you can find a balance. You won’t feel lost forever.

As for myself. I really like who I have become. I can look back now and appreciate who I used to be but I sure don’t miss her, lol.**

 

[Cat]

Perhaps it will help to channel your wild child into something that will bring good to society.

You might not believe it, but a wild child can be a great mother because your creativity and zest for living will make life more fun and stimulating for your children. You sound like the kind of person who would happily sign your kids up for chair hockey at the age of two instead of worrying that they’ll lose teeth in the sport! And I’ll bet you throw the coolest birthday parties in the class!

Other possibilities, if motherhood doesn’t happen right away, are to take up a sport or art that is just a little wild, but still grownup. For example, our city has a local roller derby team. All the women are just working girls, mainly in hospitals, offices, and factories. But on weekends, they put on their leather and skates and tear around throwing other women out of their way, and fans (like my husband) love it!

Or maybe you could take up pole dancing, or join the local avant garde theater group.

OR you could get really serious and become a Big Sister or mentor to a disadvantaged child or teenager. This is something a lot of adults, including myself, are terrified of doing, but you sound like someone who would really understand these true “wild” children.

Any volunteer work with teenagers will allow you to keep a little of your wilder side. Not everyone can communicate or get along with teens. Maybe you will have better luck than a lot of more conventional adults.

Or you could get involved in a community political issue, like defeating the building of the new pork pickling factory right in the middle of a neighborhood. You seem to be the type of person who could come up with unique approaches towards fighting City Hall.

Or just channel your wildness into creativity. All the arts are excellent for this, especially theater and visual arts. (It’s kind of hard to be “wild” while singing in an oratorio choir!).

Good luck. You sound like the kind of women playwrights write musicals about.

 

[Just_wondering]

I really appreciate the responses, everyone. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I think one of my greatest fears is losing the daring part of myself. I like being responsible, and I’m excited about becoming a wife and mother soon, and the rewards of being thoughtful and kind to people are well worth it - but I still want to be that fun-loving person, too. I want to stay true to the person I was before while growing into the woman I want to be.

I’m very afraid of changing so much that I won’t recognize myself anymore. When I first met my boyfriend, I had orange hair and was dancing with wild abandon to his friends’ band playing classic rock songs. On our first date, we sang karaoke. When he met my brother for the first time, we set up a bb gun shooting range in my apartment (complete with pie tin targets duct taped to the fridge). If I become all serious and responsible, what if I stop being the girl he fell in love with? I want to be a good wife, but I also have to be the right wife for him.

This would all be easier if we weren’t in a long-distance relationship. Then he could see the changes as they happened, and I wouldn’t be as worried about it. I’m kind of afraid that when we see each other after a year apart, I won’t seem like the same girl anymore.

Cat, thanks so much for your suggestions. I like the ideas you offered for how to incorporate that wild child into my adult persona. I’m definitely going to save your post and re-read it when I’m worrying about stuff like this. I’m not so sure that pole dancing would be for me, but I can definitely see practicing martial arts again, or being a Big Sister. That would be right up my alley.

 

[chevalier]

Been having less fun playing computer games for a while. Does this count?

 

[whatevergirl]

Isn’t falling in love supposed to make you feel invincible? I feel the most vulnerable I have in my life!

It’s one o’clock in the morning here, and I can’t sleep. I had the urge, as I often do, to take a walk in the park, where it’s cool and peaceful at night. Then I thought to myself that my boyfriend would be horrified to think that I was walking alone in a secluded area at night, and changed my mind. It just kind of struck me tonight that I never used to care about stuff like that. When I was younger, I used to just go ahead and do the dangerous thing on my mind (hitchhiking, playing with matches and aerosol spray cans) and figure that the people who’d worry about me wouldn’t have to hear about it, and what they don’t know can’t hurt them. This time, I don’t want to do it even though my boyfriend lives thousands of miles away and need never know. Am I maturing or just getting old?

I don’t know. Now I’m in a stable relationship leading to marriage, I feel very secure in the relationship, and yet different about myself. The thought that I could become a mother as early as next year has made me much more self-reflective. I question my decisions more - would this reflect well on me as a wife and mother if I were still doing this next year? I used to laugh about my messy apartment - now I’m embarrassed (but still messy ). I used to have four or five drinks when out with friends - now I limit myself to one or two, because I don’t want to feel out of control. I used to blow the last hundred dollars or so of the budget if I had leftovers at the end of the month - now I just leave it in the bank account for a rainy day.

I can’t help feeling like I’ve lost a bit of the fun part of myself. I mean, I still go out and have fun with friends. I went shopping with a friend last weekend, met some friends for lunch this weekend, and will spend the weekend catching up with old friends next week. It’s not that I’ve totally changed my personality. It’s just that I kind of liked that girl who made reckless decisions. The girl who did dangerous things without worrying, because everybody dies sometime. The girl who responded to a comment that “pretty girls shouldn’t go out alone at night” by shaving her head so the rule wouldn’t apply. I like the new me, too; don’t get me wrong. This nice, responsible, helpful girl I’ve become is really nice to be around - but I miss the shock value of being the girl with green hair who races the city bus down the street on her bicycle.

How do you feel about the changes to your personality over the course of your life? Do you miss aspects of your younger self? Do you like the person you’ve become?

Hi JW;

I really like the person I’ve become, through marriage. But, really the person that God transformed me to be, in order to be a faithful, loving, and supportive wife. If I had my druthers (better said, if I didn’t let God reshape my heart and mind long ago), I’d probably still be the selfish brat I was when my dh married me.

You JW, are experiencing love in its purest and best form–agape love. The love that Christ has for us, you are starting to feel that in your relationship with your bf, and because of it, too. You are now seeing your walks through the park in the middle of the night as dangerous, not because you’re losing your sense of adventure, or you’re getting old …you are concerned what someone other than you might think of it. Doesn’t mean we need to lose our identities when we are involved with someone…or married. But thinking twice about how our words or actions might affect another–is a beautiful thing. You are growing.

I think that you will make a remarkable, loving Catholic wife. I hope your bf knows how blessed he really is to have found you, JW. And you him.

God bless…hope that helped.

 

[Just_wondering]

Hi JW

I really like the person I’ve become, through marriage. But, really the person that God transformed me to be, in order to be a faithful, loving, and supportive wife. If I had my druthers (better said, if I didn’t let God reshape my heart and mind long ago), I’d probably still be the selfish brat I was when my dh married me.

You JW, are experiencing love in its purest and best form–agape love. The love that Christ has for us, you are starting to feel that in your relationship with your bf, and because of it, too. You are now seeing your walks through the park in the middle of the night as dangerous, not because you’re losing your sense of adventure, or you’re getting old …you are concerned what someone other than you might think of it. Doesn’t mean we need to lose our identities when we are involved with someone…or married. But thinking twice about how our words or actions might affect another–is a beautiful thing. You are growing.

I think that you will make a remarkable, loving Catholic wife. I hope your bf knows how blessed he really is to have found you, JW. And you him.

God bless…hope that helped.

Thanks, WG. I needed to hear that today. I’m so glad you posted this - it was exactly what I needed to hear. This afternoon I met up with someone I used to work with, and my self esteem took a bit of a beating. My boyfriend is right that I need to cut contact with that man.

He’s Catholic, and means well I suppose, but his attitude was so negative, I finally had to tell him that my life choices were my own business. I know what he thinks; there’s no need to belabour the point.

I just feel attacked. I know I’m not married to my boyfriend yet, so I can’t act like a wife to him in every way. However, I try to behave like I figure a good girlfriend / fiancee / wife should. For example, I try not to do things that I know my boyfriend wouldn’t like me doing. I got accused of being a doormat and trying too hard to please him when it’s my boyfriend who should be wooing me. It’s not like my boyfriend asked me to give up my dreams, abandon my education, or ignore my friends. He asked me to take care of myself and not do anything that would give him reason to worry about me. That’s the same as I asked him to do while we’re separated.

Then the guy was telling me that I should go on dates with other guys while my boyfriend’s out of the country, to keep my options open. Because, you know, that’s probably what your boyfriend’s doing right now. He is Asian, after all. Not that I’m saying he’s that kind of guy - you know, I met him once or twice and he seems like a good guy. But you know, you can’t keep an eye on him while he’s away, so it’s better to have other options. He probably just sees you as a pair of breasts with a big bank account anyway. He’ll probably get himself a nice little Asian girl on the side.



So yeah. That’s a guy I’m not going to meet up with again. And can you believe, after that he asked me to be his newborn daughter’s godmother? (This was after I told him to change the subject and never speak of his opinions on this again. Maybe I was too nice.) I declined. Then he asked me whether my boyfriend might like to be the godfather, instead.

So yeah. That was a rude and horrible person that I don’t want to see again. And I’m here reassuring myself that this guy is the exception, and most guys don’t think like that. Sick sick sick. I really need more reassurance that what I’m doing is right. Sigh.

 

[Just_wondering]

After a little more thinking (it is 2:30 am here, after all) I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of the issue is about my old values conflicting with my new ones.

I’ve always been told, and believed, that I should “never change who I am for a man.” That’s sound advice - if a man wants someone different than me, then I should just let him go find her. I still don’t think I should change who I am for a man.

But the truth is that I have changed a lot since I started dating my boyfriend. I am very different than I was two years ago. My friends from back then are noticing and commenting on it. “JW, you’ve changed. You’re not the same girl we knew before.” Sometimes they say it accusingly, and sometimes matter-of-factly. I haven’t changed FOR him, but I’ve changed because of him. So is this a good thing?

When my friends say to me, “You’ve changed. You’re not the same person anymore,” I want to reply, “Yes, I have. Isn’t it wonderful?” Some of my old friends would disagree. It seems cold to cut them out of my life, but it feels like that’s the only way to go right now - and then they say that I’m letting my boyfriend alienate me from my friends, too. These are all warning signs, you know - changing behaviours, changing values, losing touch with old friends - wake up, JW, don’t you see the red flags? And when I meet those friends, I start to worry and wonder.

And then I remember that my boyfriend reminds me to stay positive, while these friends like to gather around and complain about life. I remember that my boyfriend loves children and his family, while many of my friends barely keep in touch with their families. I remember that my boyfriend encouraged me to go for my master’s degree, while some of my friends asked me why I would bother.

And my boyfriend is Catholic. My old friends are mostly atheist. Two years ago if you told me I’d be going to church I’d have called you insane. Hmm… I have changed.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks, WG. I needed to hear that today. I’m so glad you posted this - it was exactly what I needed to hear. This afternoon I met up with someone I used to work with, and my self esteem took a bit of a beating. My boyfriend is right that I need to cut contact with that man.

He’s Catholic, and means well I suppose, but his attitude was so negative, I finally had to tell him that my life choices were my own business. I know what he thinks; there’s no need to belabour the point.

I just feel attacked. I know I’m not married to my boyfriend yet, so I can’t act like a wife to him in every way. However, I try to behave like I figure a good girlfriend / fiancee / wife should. For example, I try not to do things that I know my boyfriend wouldn’t like me doing. I got accused of being a doormat and trying too hard to please him when it’s my boyfriend who should be wooing me. It’s not like my boyfriend asked me to give up my dreams, abandon my education, or ignore my friends. He asked me to take care of myself and not do anything that would give him reason to worry about me. That’s the same as I asked him to do while we’re separated.

Then the guy was telling me that I should go on dates with other guys while my boyfriend’s out of the country, to keep my options open. Because, you know, that’s probably what your boyfriend’s doing right now. He is Asian, after all. Not that I’m saying he’s that kind of guy - you know, I met him once or twice and he seems like a good guy. But you know, you can’t keep an eye on him while he’s away, so it’s better to have other options. He probably just sees you as a pair of breasts with a big bank account anyway. He’ll probably get himself a nice little Asian girl on the side.



So yeah. That’s a guy I’m not going to meet up with again. And can you believe, after that he asked me to be his newborn daughter’s godmother? (This was after I told him to change the subject and never speak of his opinions on this again. Maybe I was too nice.) I declined. Then he asked me whether my boyfriend might like to be the godfather, instead.

So yeah. That was a rude and horrible person that I don’t want to see again. And I’m here reassuring myself that this guy is the exception, and most guys don’t think like that. Sick sick sick. I really need more reassurance that what I’m doing is right. Sigh.

He probably meant well as you say, but yeah, rather blunt ‘advice’ he gave to you!

I definitely think that as long as you don’t give up your education, dreams, things that define you (and not your bf or the relationship itself defining you) …you are living your life authentically. I think that for any long term relationship, there could be drawbacks, and naysayers…it has nothing to do really with ethnicity. Long term relationships can be hard, but as long as you and your bf have trust…that’s the important thing. And as long as you truly are not being treated as a doormat. I have some concerns that I’ve shared with your privately about your relationship, but again–as long as he is treating you with respect, dignity, and you are not giving up who you are, what you like to do (hobbies, etc) for him…there is nothing wrong here. When you marry, it is still entirely possible to remain wholly yourself, and wholly sacrificial. In marriage, our best selves, I believe, emerge, when we unite how wills, with the Father’s…and for the good of the marriage. That doesn’t mean if you love to ice skate, you give it up…if a husband/wife makes unruly expectations for their spouses, the marriage will not flourish as it should. Both parties need to be thinking of the marriage first…

Keep the faith…and as always, I wish you and your bf a lifetime of blessings from God–together as a couple. I hope things work out for you, too.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

If you come from a good family and they have their values in line, usually if your mom and dad like the changes in you, you’re doing well and the boyfriend is good for you.

But someone who manages to alienate you from your family or around whom you behave badly or develope chemical dependencies or other vices… not so good.

What does your family say about these changes?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I’ve always been told, and believed, that I should “never change who I am for a man.” That’s sound advice - if a man wants someone different than me, then I should just let him go find her. I still don’t think I should change who I am for a man.

But the truth is that I have changed a lot since I started dating my boyfriend.

**Of course you should never change who you are FOR a man… but a good man can inspire changes in a woman, and likewise a woman for a man. The changes are yours.

If you like who you are becoming, don’t have any warning bells going off about your boyfriend, know that your family will approve of your choice in a husband (assuming you have a mentally healthy family), and feel closer to God and holiness, you’re doing great:thumbsup:**

 

[Just_wondering]

I definitely think that as long as you don’t give up your education, dreams, things that define you (and not your bf or the relationship itself defining you) …you are living your life authentically. I think that for any long term relationship, there could be drawbacks, and naysayers…it has nothing to do really with ethnicity. Long term relationships can be hard, but as long as you and your bf have trust…that’s the important thing. And as long as you truly are not being treated as a doormat. I have some concerns that I’ve shared with your privately about your relationship, but again–as long as he is treating you with respect, dignity, and you are not giving up who you are, what you like to do (hobbies, etc) for him…there is nothing wrong here.

Keep the faith…and as always, I wish you and your bf a lifetime of blessings from God–together as a couple. I hope things work out for you, too.

Thanks, WG. I know there will always be people who question whether this is right, especially when times are hard, like when we’re apart. I appreciate your prayers and how you’re always here for me.

If you come from a good family and they have their values in line, usually if your mom and dad like the changes in you, you’re doing well and the boyfriend is good for you.

But someone who manages to alienate you from your family or around whom you behave badly or develope chemical dependencies or other vices… not so good.

What does your family say about these changes?

I really haven’t seen my family since we’ve started dating. I haven’t had a vacation, except a three day weekend when I flew into town for my brother’s wedding last year. I call my parents every week and we have a nice conversation, but they’re reserving judgment on my boyfriend until they’ve met him for themselves. I’m not so sure they will have noticed the changes in my personality yet. The only reports they have on my life are the ones I tell them, you know? We haven’t had a heart-to-heart about this stuff. I can hardly say, “Hey, you know, I’m a really nice person these days. Would you believe I gave money to a friend, baked bread for my coworkers, and comforted a colleague on her impending divorce this week?” They don’t see what I do differently.

**Of course you should never change who you are FOR a man… but a good man can inspire changes in a woman, and likewise a woman for a man. The changes are yours.

If you like who you are becoming, don’t have any warning bells going off about your boyfriend, know that your family will approve of your choice in a husband (assuming you have a mentally healthy family), and feel closer to God and holiness, you’re doing great:thumbsup:**

Thanks, Malia. I feel good about all those things. I would say my family is mentally healthy and I believe they’ll probably approve. My younger brother met my boyfriend when he visited Korea last year. He was there for one of our first arguments - I was so embarrassed and worried that it would give him the wrong impression. Actually, he told me that he was really impressed at my boyfriend’s morality, and that my bf was right and I should apologize.

Anyway, I guess I’m doing okay (now that the sun is shining again). I think I really will stay away from these negative people who keep trying to bring me down and make me question the relationship. I’m not floating on cloud nine imagining we’re going to be happy-happy all our perfect lives - I’m thoughtfully and prayerfully deciding that we should be together. I don’t mind listening to a friend ask, “have you considered this issue?” but I don’t need to have a constant barrage of negative comments.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Satan probably doesn’t like the changes in you. He can use people (though they may be unwitting) to try to dissuade you from doing good and being good.

Life is too short to fill it with persons, places, or things that lack Truth, Goodness and Beauty.

If the person you are becoming now is striving for those things, then you are striving for God.

Ignore the naysayers.

 

[Ruthie]

Since I don’t really know you, I can’t say for sure, but…

It seems to me that your love for him is overflowing into your life.

You seem to be scaling back on things that would worry him, even though he’s not there. That would indicate that you don’t want to worry him (duh), but also that you don’t want to lie to him, and do those worrisome thing behind his back.

Something tells me that you’ll be happy to do risky things when he is there, and approves. Not that you’re submissively waiting for his approval, but that it indicates that he’s OK with the risk. My DH wants to volunteer for a tour in Iraq; I’ve said yes, even though the idea scares me. He wants to take the risk, and I back him up.

It’s also overflowing into you doing nice things for friends and co-workers. IOW, love has conquered selfishness - a necessity for marriage!

I wouldn’t worry about it. It sounds to me like you’re growing up, and in a good way.

God bless you both,

Ruthie