How long did it take for God to bring you a spouse?

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I met him at 18 years old. I had never been “dating” or being involved in a way or another with any other man. We were part of the same students group and volunteering. We are both shy persons, but not associals. Burt basically in a group you will never heard me except for smalls phrases. Chating online help us to know each other and develop an emotional connection. Sharing time with him, even if it could be seen as a vast of time, too.

I don’t pretend to be a refence.

For you OP.

Just before seriousely dating and thinking of marriage, I just hope that you have a material condition good enough to support yourself, and more ideally to support a wife and children. (bonus to find a woman with traditional values).

You said you are shy and also want a woman with some stricts citerias, according to what I read here and there.

It is unlikely you will met in your everyday secular life (such as working, making groceries etc) because you will only met the average woman, and in anyway, you will not speak to her because it is not your personality. Don’t loose time with hinking of trying this.

You cannot met a woman through your friends as you said you don’t have any. It is sad for you.

I will suggest you:
  • try online Catholic dating websites. Internet wipe shyness and allowed deep conversations. You don’t seem virtually socially “akward” on this forum, so I am sure it can work.

    I can’t help but there is certainely some virtuals community where you can “met” some people.
  • you really need to find some goods friends. For your well-behing first. Maybe for finding a woman.
    You may ask for help. For eg, you can ask your pastor to make you in contact with the (single) people of your age of your parish or those he knew.
    You can see what is proposed by your diocese or others catholics associations for youngs people. Such as group with regular meetings or extraordinary retreats.
In ideal you should have some people who invite you to your home or to public places to gather as a friend group.
  • When you have more connections with some valuable and like minded people you can make them aware you want to find a wife with these and these criterias and ask them if they can match you with some of their female family members or friends. There are even some priests who like this role.
  • another possibility. You can volunteer in one area that is deep to your heart. Charity, catholic association, politic etc. You may feel better… and increase your chances of meeting someone.
God bless you and keep faith.
 
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MarkoB0726 said:
Don’t give up so easily. You’re only 41. You could meet the woman you’re going to marry tomorrow for all you know…
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There’s more to it than that. Financially, I’m not in a position to support a family and I don’t have any expectations that that will change either.
 
@BigBoom, I am so sorry for people who cannot get married because of the work market and finances.

It is so unfair.

Unless you find someone in whom you can both be stable enough to make it possible to live as a family.
I don’t know the situation, but it may be possible. And at your age, you will probably not going to have a large family anyway. We often except too much of married people, my opinion. We don’t even have to start our marriage as living in an independant home, if we can resonably do otherwise.

I know that many will disagree, but it is my experience, and if we don’t do something that is outside the political correctness norms, sometimes we are just left hopeless.

I hope my comment will not hurt you.
 
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Probably you need not to be lazy but to act😁
That is, be prepared that 19 girls will refuse and one will surely pay attention to you😊
But for this one to smile to you, you need to possibly get 19 rejections😊
Maybe I’m kidding, but we can wait and not get , we need to act.
There are, of course, views on this issue that are more conservative and chaste, but you probably need , listen and look closely to those girls/sisters who have smiled to you more than once and are looking for communication with you
 
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Yeah, I know what you mean. I don’t think I could support a family on the salary I currently earn now especially considering I live in a very expensive city, Toronto, Canada. It’s practically impossible to buy a home here now.

That being said, you never know when your situation could radically change, and for the better too.
 
I’m not sure there’s any “formula” to this. I was 24 when my wife and I married. I had dated quite a lot and three girls actually proposed to me. I was kind of girl-shy for a time before that until it suddenly struck me one time that women are generally even more nervous about relationships than are men, and most are more “needy” too in a way because of the biological clock and, frankly, the untrustworthiness of so many men.

But while the three who proposed to me (and a number of other possibles who didn’t) it just wasn’t right. I could have loved them. They were good women. But something held me back from committing to any of them.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. My future wife and I hated each other at first meeting, and didn’t hesitate to let each other know it. Finally, as she was beating up on me verbally for being the vain person I truly was, we suddenly entered into a pact whereby we would be totally truthful and open to each other just as a way of making peace in a roomful of people. After that, we each dated others, but that “confidant” relationship was what we both needed. Ultimately we fell in love and married and have remained so.

My son is an attractive young lawyer. He met lots and lots of women. At least one proposed to him, but he didn’t want ot marry her. He went on all the Catholic dating sites and dated women otherwise. But then one day he was invited to a St. Patrick’s Day party put on by some of his eastern friends in NYC. There he met a young lady who had also been invited by her friends. They immediately fell in love and married.

I don’t have any advice other than just one thing. Women are just people too. They have their worries and their fears and dreams and desires just like men do. And they like to talk about those things and they want someone to care. Somewhere there is a woman who would love to marry someone like the poster, and he probably knows at least two of them but doesn’t know them as they want to be known because he doesn’t draw them out of their own cocoons. And DON’T insist on an assertive woman. Preconditions are almost always wrong unless they’re conditions of good character.
 
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twf said:
My mom was 19 when she got married and 20 when she had me…that’s basically scandalous now.
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I live around a number of LDS families, so nobody flinches at this here.
Billy76 said:
I have been praying and praying for God to bless with a spouse.
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Watch The Dating Project and then ask someone out to coffee. It’s not the big deal that we’ve all made it out to be. Don’t put any pressure on yourself or her for the date to “work.” And if she says no, ask someone else. If we can face rejection at job interviews, we can face this. Take your time. Make haste slowly.
 
God gives us free will, He does not have one specific person picked out that He will drop into your life at some predestined time.

Get out there and meet women, develop friendships and go on dates.
 
In my experience, introverts tend to get along best with fellow introverts.

Do consider talking to someone about your shyness. Faint heart never won fair maid.
 
The Church does not hold the view that poor people cannot marry. The materialistic world sings that tune.
 
Do you work? Why don’t you start there with trying to make friends with women.

I met my husband at 17, we both worked at McDonald’s. I thought my now husband was a “dumb jock” but a girlfriend of mine told me I should get to know him more because “D” was actually very smart and very kind. We got married when I was 23. It just worked out that we were both Catholic and I decided to actually start practicing a year before we married and my husband followed my lead about a year after that.

Start by asking any girl you know out for coffee. Even if you find you have nothing in common it will be good practice. And if she says no that will be good practice too, shake it off and ask someone else.
 
51 and loving it… I’m not sure if I ever really wanted to get married, but I did want children… @27-28 I found out I couldn’t have any so that I kind of killed my interest in getting married… that could be the reason God never brought me my spouse. 😉

Give yourself time, you got some good advise on this thread. God hears your wants, He will provide you with what you need… keep praying.

but like others have said, everyone’s story is different.

FYI: I totally need to know where @Tis_Bearself works, sounds like fun. 😉
 
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NO! If she doesn’t land on my doorstep and ring my doorbell I’m not interested. A code word also.

Also Im single…
 
I think women aren’t so concerned with beauty as men. It’s more about confidence and behavior. You can google how to flirt… you will find at least four million gurus…

Just get out there and have fun.
 
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