How long did you have help after the birth of your baby?

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I’m just curious about this because I think my family might be an exception to the rule that someone comes to stay after the birth of a baby. When I had each of my three children, my Mom and Dad came to the hospital the evening of birth to meet the newest grandchild (other family came too). Then, the Sunday afternoon that I got home from the hospital they came to our house and stayed for about two hours. They took turns looking at the new baby, talking to and holding him/her and then left. They live about 45 minutes away. Is that odd? Most Moms I talk to seem to have their own Mom come (and sometimes Dad too) and stay with them to cook, clean, help with other children and also to help with the new little one. I know my Mom wouldn’t dream of doing that (she once indicated that her sister-in-law was pretty spoiled and soft when Grandma came to help out after SIL’s fourth and last child was born). Anyway, I didn’t have any help from anyone, with the exception of my MIL and one SIL, they each brought a casserole after the birth of my middle child. Is that unusual? Should I ask for a do-over? 😃 Is it too late since my youngest is now 5-1/2 and I wouldn’t mind someone else doing the laundry, cooking and housekeeping here and there?😃 Actually, I don’t know that I really needed the help at the time since we managed and I think my kids are fine, but it seems like it might be a common practice. Is it?
 
SwizzleStick said:
I’m just curious about this because I think my family might be an exception to the rule that someone comes to stay after the birth of a baby. When I had each of my three children, my Mom and Dad came to the hospital the evening of birth to meet the newest grandchild. Then, the Sunday afternoon that I got home from the hospital they came to our house and stayed for about two hours. They took turns looking at the new baby, talking to and holding him/her and then left. They live about 45 minutes away. Is that odd? Most Moms I talk to seem to have their own Mom’s come (and sometimes Dad’s too) and stay with them to cook, clean, help with other children and also to help with the new little one. I know my Mom wouldn’t dream of doing that (she once indicated that her sister-in-law was pretty spoiled and soft when Grandma came to help out after SIL’s fourth and last child was born). Anyway, I didn’t have any help from anyone, with the exception of my MIL and one SIL, they each brought a casserole after the birth of one of my middle child. Is that unusual? Should I ask for a do-over? Is it too late since my youngest is now 5-1/2 and I wouldn’t mind someone else doing the laundry, cooking and housekeeping here and there?😃
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It may not be common, but you are not alone. My mom and Dad did the same thing. Visited briefly at the hospital, briefly at home. The only help I had was my husband.God love him, I sometimes wished I was alone and didn’t have the ‘help’.😉 He took off two weeks after the baby. After that, we were alone. No help at all.
Most of my friends, however, would have been there had I asked. They were shocked by the lack of help from family when they found out.
I only did what housekeeping was necessary for our survival during the first month.
Do over? I’ll come help you, sister, if you’ll return the favor.😃
 
We had no help…hubby took some time off of work. I wasn’t working at the time. I quit my job when I had my second. My parents passed when I was a child, and my sister lived far. So…no help here. But, it goes to show how strong we women are–even after childbirth!👍

I have heard family helping, and then other families live too far and can’t…or have circumstances like mine. I wouldn’t have minded someone helping me out, too.:o
 
Would that not be a great church ministry!?
A group of women that come help with baby and housework until mom can get back on her feet and get going?
 
I chose “I had help for a few days” in the poll, since my parents and sisters came and stayed for a few days with us (my brothers couldn’t come). Also though, my Mom stayed for a week (which was great). My MIL and DH’s family live nearby, so they were around sporadically to help too. (Oh, and DH took a week off work.)

I figure this time will be similar (at least I hope!). 😃
 
You are blessed to have family help after the baby’s birth.I’m glad for you!

My husband couldn’t take any time off work. I didn’t have help after the births of my sons. The only family I had in town was my parents-in-law and their other children, In fact a week before the births of my first two sons my husband’s family went on several weeks vacation. It was a little puzzling and hurtful, especially when it happened the second time as well…My family were 1000 miles away, but my mother was dead. My parents-in-law minded our children on two occasions only in the more than seven years we were in that town.
 
DH took off a few days… but that’s about it…
My sister came over on her days off (maybe twice a week)… and we went over to our parents’ houses for dinner a lot…
But honestly, I didn’t want a lot of people around at home right after having a baby… when I’m tired and uncomfortable I don’t like others around… it makes me MORE uncomfortable.
DH had to travel for work just 2 weeks after the baby was born… and we did fine both times…

So it’s not that abnormal these days to not have help…
 
I was just thinking about it because yesterday when I picked up my baby from his first day of Kindergarten (sob!), I found out some of the other Moms are expecting again. One in particular is expecting her fourth child. Her Dad lives with them, so when the baby is born, Grandpa can take/pick up the older kids from school and do general running, help out at home, etc. He may or may not help with shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc, but just helping out with the older kids will be a big help. It will be great that Mom won’t have to take the newborn out if he/she is napping or if the weather is icky or whatever. I saw Grandpa all the time up at the preschool last year dropping off/picking up because the then-youngest was home with Mom sick or sleeping or whatever. Thinking about that made me think about my own family and how we didn’t have much help from the get-go, so I thought I’d post a thread/poll about it. (Yes, with my little guy starting “big school” it was a day for looking back, remembering when, being a bit wistful about when all of the kids were little. I am sad that my days of having another little one are behind me and felt a little wistful when I found out other younger Moms are expecting. The years fly so fast and being reminded of that with the start of school made for a boo-hoo kind of day for me yesterday. Uh oh, I am hijacking my own thread. Better stop that. I settled on this neutral topic of remembering when, thinking that this wouldn’t have me crying over my keyboard today, but it didn’t work.😊 )
 
No help at all. Hubby stayed home a couple of days… with child #4 and #5, older children helped alot.

Ladies from my parish brought meals over every single night for two weeks though. Delicious meals with salads, desserts etc. It was wonderful.
 
For the first two, Mom came to stay with us for two weeks. I looked after the baby and she looked after the house and cooked.

I didn’t need help with the babies since I’d babysat lots and had been an RN until I stopped working. My housekeeping/organizational skills, OTOH, leave a lot to be desired so she effectively got me into a routine so that I wouldn’t be living in squalor until the kids went to school.

Mom was being treated for cancer when the third was born (she died when he was 13 months old) so my in-laws drove cross country to stay with us. I didn’t go into labour until a week after they arrived and they left the day after I got home from the hospital. That was a shock because DH couldn’t take time off, but I did OK. Luckily, by the third I was an old hand at nursing and we had no difficulty getting a routine established. Plus I had one very good friend with 4 kids who would invite my older 2 to play with hers for a few hours to give me a break.
 
My Mom offered to stay for a week or so to help out, but I turned her down. She has the tendency to worry a lot and doesn’t really understand breastfeeding. I also left her out of the delivery room because she was pushing the drugs and I didn’t want them :o Even now she’s always telling me I feed my baby too much or maybe he needs some formula to sleep better at night. She has the best of intentions and I love her dearly, but I really worry much less on my own.
Now my DH took a week off of work and he was (and still is)totally invaluble. Honestly my DH is such a wonderful partner. He gets up at 6 am with the baby so I can sleep in until 9 or so. He takes the baby without complaint when he walks through the door at night so I can catch a break or make dinner. He doesn’t do dishes or anything but he will do all kinds of baby care from diapers to just holding the baby when he’s fussy (although he won’t do baths cause he’s scared he will drown him 😛 ) I don’t know how single parents do it, I would be lost without my DH!

So I didn’t know what to vote…
 
no help…(except someone gave us a diaper service for a couple of months which was great!! This is pre-disposable diaper days). hubby took off work for the birth but that’s all he could afford to do. And Mom and some family came to the hospital. But just came for visits at home for a couple of hours at a time here and there. And that was a great help in itself. My father worked a lot as well and couldn’t manage to get away to see the babies till well after they were born in both cases. Both in-laws and Mom lived in same city.

I was on the phone a lot for advice and everyone was more then willing to hand out all the advice they could! 🙂 although I didn’t have help at home I managed and was never so overwhelmed that I needed to ask for it; which I’m sure someone would have come if I had asked.
 
With my first, my DH helped. DD was a winter baby and farmers don’t do much in the winter so he was pretty much there the whole time.

With the second, DH went to the field the day after he was born. My mom came up to help for a few days but she didn’t get there until about 10am and I really needed help in the early morning so it didn’t really help me at all. Then I felt bad the whole time because she kept cleaning my house. I felt like I had to keep getting up and helping. I just didn’t get any rest. I just wanted her to be there and keep DD occupied.
 
Each one of my three was a bit different. The first, my mom flew down when she was 1 week old. I spent less than 24 hrs. at the hospital after her birth too and when she was 2 days old we were in the orthopedists office getting an evaluation and start of treatment for her club feet! My husband took the day off the day of her delivery, then went to work the next day and the third day took off only enough time to go to the Orthopedics appointment. He did make sure I had a big bottle of water and lunch available so I would be only taking care of baby and me until my mom got there. I can’t remember if she stayed for 1 or 2 weeks once she came.

Baby number three my sister and her two children (one a newborn of only 2 months) drove down with my mom the week after due date and they stayed for one week after she actually arrived! Making it an entire month they were with us and helping. They had to get back home though for school for my nephew who was 6 at the time.

The third child, my parents flew down before she was born but my mom had to make an emergency flight back because her dad was dying when the baby was only a couple of days old. Because of the cost of tickets and changing things my Dad stayed until the time they were going to go - don’t do that, my Dad is a great guy but does not know his way around the kitchen or even how to run a washing machine (although he can fix one 🤷). It was more work for me to have him there than not and add to that my worry about my Grandpa! Not a good thing.

Brenda V.
 
I voted that I had help for one week, but really it is much more than that. My parents live 10 minutes away. When my DD was born my mom took a week off of work and came to my house every day. Mostly I begged her to do it because I had no idea what I was doing with an infant. Now with my second due in January I really will need much more help just to manage 2 kids while I’m recovering. My parents’ help extends far beyond the first week after birth, though. We are together every weekend. They babysit my DD twice a month for my DH and I to have “date night.” When I’m feeling overwhelmed and can’t get my house clean, they pick her up and take her out for a few hours. When day care is closed for a week off, my mom sometimes takes time off work to take care of DD. The help is definitely ongoing. We’re a tight family.
 
With our first dh’s parents came about a week before she was born and left the day she came out of hospital, so although they were there to look after dh…they were NO HELP with the baby! Dh ended up resigning from his job to look after me, as I had a very difficult delivery (DD1 and I both nearly died) and I took 8 months to heal.
With DD2, they came the day I was induced, and stayed until the morning I came out of hospital with her…so again, they cooked for dh and looked after DD1…but were NO HELP with the baby. That time dh stayed off work for a couple of weeks, but was then made redundant so in effect was home for a few months again.
 
I haven’t had children yet, but just wanted to say that DH got a new job as a pharmacy intern at Giant Eagle and as of January they give 2 weeks paternity leave which I think is pretty nice.
 
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