How long did you have help after the birth of your baby?

[gmarie21]

I didn’t have help (nor wanted it really - I was pushing people out of the hospital room because I just wanted to be alone). My dd’s dad had just started a new job and was unable to take off of work, so I was home most days. One cousin brought me lunch one day, that was about it. I work for my mom and could only afford to take “maternity leave” for two weeks (based on finances and my mom’s health), so I had to get back into gear quickly. My mom did, however, hire a cleaning lady to come to my apartment and clean about a month after the birth.

 

[leonie]

We usually get meals for a couple weeks. After one baby, we had 25 meals!! Two of my friends brought five frozen casseroles a piece and we had 15 other meals brought to us!!

That was so great–except my kids generally didn’t like the meals–sigh, kids!!! They don’t like casseroles–food touching, you know.

We had two friends who wanted to send meals, but were feeling swamped at home, so they called up and had pizza delivered to us! That was nice.

My dh usually takes a day or two off. But, once he took a week off. That was pretty nice, but he gets cranky if he’s home too much. So, I was happy to send him back to work.

 

[Island_Oak]

Should I ask for a do-over? Is it too late since my youngest is now 5-1/2

I’m wondering why you’re bringing this up so long after the fact? And yes, unless you’re currently prego, it’s too late. Tip: Next time you need help from family: ASK don’t suffer in silence. Most parents love to feel needed and don’t view helping even adult children in the midst of a time of need as a burden.

Oh…to answer your question…dh extended an invitation to his mother to come and stay with me and “help” for a month after the birth of our first (**without **asking if this was something I’d want). I think he may still have a small dent in his head from that miscalculation. I didn’t really need or want anyone in my house with the first baby–prefering to have the time to focus on the baby and not catering to guests. By the time #2 came along I had a f/t live-in nanny who was a huge help, b/c she knew us and was already part of our lives/routines. For the 3d, I no longer had a live in, but did have a help with house cleaning/laundry from a young woman who adored my kids and could also be trusted to babysit if necessary.

The key is, if you are on good terms with your family and they are willing to help–take them up on it. If it would be more grief than gain to have them around, skip it and hire out things like cleaning/laundry so you can focus on baby and your own needs–like sleep, a hot meal and a little sanity/down time.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I’m wondering why you’re bringing this up so long after the fact? …

I was just thinking about it because yesterday when I picked up my baby from his first day of Kindergarten (sob!), I found out some of the other Moms are expecting again. One in particular is expecting her fourth child. Her Dad lives with them, so when the baby is born, Grandpa can take/pick up the older kids from school and do general running, help out at home, etc. He may or may not help with shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc, but just helping out with the older kids will be a big help. It will be great that Mom won’t have to take the newborn out if he/she is napping or if the weather is icky or whatever. I saw Grandpa all the time up at the preschool last year dropping off/picking up because the then-youngest was home with Mom sick or sleeping or whatever. Thinking about that made me think about my own family and how we didn’t have much help from the get-go, so I thought I’d post a thread/poll about it. (Yes, with my little guy starting “big school” it was a day for looking back, remembering when, being a bit wistful about when all of the kids were little. I am sad that my days of having another little one are behind me and felt a little wistful when I found out other younger Moms are expecting. The years fly so fast and being reminded of that with the start of school made for a boo-hoo kind of day for me yesterday. Uh oh, I am hijacking my own thread. Better stop that. I settled on this neutral topic of remembering when, thinking that this wouldn’t have me crying over my keyboard today, but it didn’t work. )

 

[Island_Oak]

Nothing sweeter than those Kindergartners on the first few days…just wait until they’re teens and you’ll be crying for a whole new set of reasons!!

But it’s never too late to get your family involved. You could always ask them now to help out with a sports team, be a reader, math helper, art docent or field trip chaperone in your kids’ classroom. If they’re not inclined that way, and that’s part of the problem, inviting them to special events, or even purchasing something like Children’s Theatre tickets for them to attend with your kids can be a great mixer for the grandparent + grandchild set. Add in a pre-show lunch or post-show ice cream and you have a nice “date.”

 

[Katie1723]

No help here. My then husband brought us home from the hospital and went back to work the next day. When we had our second he did the same. And it was ok.

Kathy

 

[Catholic90]

None. I preferred it that way.

I did not have anyone over, and would not have wanted anyone over. Then I feel I would have to entertain, instead of doing things on my terms.

 

[queen_anne78]

I chose “more than 2 weeks” b/c both my parents and my in-laws live about 10 mins away and they came over a lot to help out in the month following…mostly I think they came to hold the baby, but I quickly put them to work while I sat and nursed non-stop

I loved it…well mostly, sometimes my MIL could wear me out a bit but I loved the help and I loved having another adult to talk to.

 

[BlestOne]

No help here either… even when I offered to buy my MIL a plane ticket to come help. She had just gotten done helping SIL after her baby was born… I felt very alone. Sad part was… I have the oldest grandchild on my side (no my mom didn’t come) and the youngest on my ex’s side (I offered).

If i ever have another one, I will ask MIL to come to hospital because when DH and his ex had my step dd… she was told by dh’s ex not to come. I don’t understand this at all! If my family had shown any interest I would be sooo happy!!!

 

[AnotherChance]

I’m surprised at the huge majority who didn’t get any help! I just got help for a few days, but I thought the tradition of help for a new mother was still alive. I suppose it is part of the general breakdown of the extended family support system that served humans so well for thousands of years.

 

[Just_wondering]

I’m surprised at the number of women who didn’t get help as well. I obviously don’t have any babies yet, but I’m really hoping that when my FDH and I get married, we’ll be living close enough to have help from relatives. Ideally, I’d like to live near his family - they are a large family that loves children and is really close to each other - but his family lives in the Philippines, and it’s difficult to earn a living there. My family is close, too, but mine will probably be the first grandchildren, and my parents have their own business, so they won’t have time to help unless the baby happens to be born during a normal break in activities. My siblings are sweet, but probably don’t know much about taking care of babies, since none of them have any.

I would love to sponsor some of my FDH’s siblings to come to Canada and live near us. I have the feeling that his older sisters (or even his younger sisters, most of whom already have children) would be invaluable in helping me learn how to be a mother. Since I’m going to become a stepmom the instant we get married, I think I’m going to need all the help I can get.

I guess if we get married soon, we’ll aim to get pregnant in the spring so my parents will be able to help. If we get married later, we’ll try to sponsor a few of his sisters for immigration so we’re close to family. I’m excited at the thought of being a mom, but I really want my kids to have their cousins, aunts, and uncles around. If all else fails, I guess we’ll try to find a community of people with similar values.

 

[Nechasin]

I voted that We did not have any real help either. Both of our parents live within 20 minutes. I stayed home with my wife for 2 weeks. Our parents are of the school of thought that the parents and baby should be able to bond without anyone else around. We didn’t have any complications, so things might have been different if that was the case.

Our third child we had sold our old house and our new house was about 2 months behind on construction. We ended up living with my parents for a month after the baby was born. So we did have help, but we wouldn’t have if we had our own house. I really liked it more when we were alone. But I do have to say that my youngest would quit crying whenever Grandpa carried her. At times she would cry for me,my wife, grandma, but not Grandpa, so I think she will have a special relationship with him.