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TopResearcher
Guest
Read my post on divorce
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Corruich
Guest
It is really interesting to come back to this thread now. I wish I had done so earlier. My annulment process completed and my wife and I were able to enter the church last Corpus Christi. We are both so happy and so relieved.
In the end, the whole process for us took about three years. It was a very emotional period: highs, lows, times of peace and patience as well as times of despair. However, now having completed the process I am honestly very thankful to God that I went through it. It was very rewarding and I truly feel that I am a better Catholic for having experienced it. I am still so grateful every time I get to go forward to receive our Lord in the Eucharist - something at times I thought I would never get to do.
For those of you still going through this, I pray that I can offer you hope. It will take time, perhaps a great deal of time, but it will pass and it will be worth the wait. Remember too that with God suffering can be used for good. Offer this up to the Lord in prayer. Also, please remember what a witness you are to your Catholic brothers and sisters. They will continually be moved by your perserverance and desire to receive that which they may at times have taken for granted. I will give you one example from my own experiences.
I went to lunch with a colleague from work and the conversation happened to turn to Catholicism and the fact that I was trying to become Catholic. He was surpised and said, “I have been Catholic my whole life and I have to ask you. Why would you WANT to be Catholic?” I told him that if he really wanted to know, I would gladly tell him. I did and afterwards he told me that he was shocked. “I could go to Mass and receive Communion whenever I want and never do and here you are wanting what I take for granted and can’t have.” I ran into him again the next week at work and he stopped me and told me that he wanted me to know that he went to Mass that Sunday and received Communion for me. He knew that I couldn’t so he went to receive in my place. I was so humbled and moved. I was so thankful for God giving me that experience and was able to take strength from it to help carry me through the rest of my time waiting.
I will leave you with the words of St. Paul in Romans 5:
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
God bless you and may you reach the Promised Land - both in this world and the world to come.
-Corruich
In the end, the whole process for us took about three years. It was a very emotional period: highs, lows, times of peace and patience as well as times of despair. However, now having completed the process I am honestly very thankful to God that I went through it. It was very rewarding and I truly feel that I am a better Catholic for having experienced it. I am still so grateful every time I get to go forward to receive our Lord in the Eucharist - something at times I thought I would never get to do.
For those of you still going through this, I pray that I can offer you hope. It will take time, perhaps a great deal of time, but it will pass and it will be worth the wait. Remember too that with God suffering can be used for good. Offer this up to the Lord in prayer. Also, please remember what a witness you are to your Catholic brothers and sisters. They will continually be moved by your perserverance and desire to receive that which they may at times have taken for granted. I will give you one example from my own experiences.
I went to lunch with a colleague from work and the conversation happened to turn to Catholicism and the fact that I was trying to become Catholic. He was surpised and said, “I have been Catholic my whole life and I have to ask you. Why would you WANT to be Catholic?” I told him that if he really wanted to know, I would gladly tell him. I did and afterwards he told me that he was shocked. “I could go to Mass and receive Communion whenever I want and never do and here you are wanting what I take for granted and can’t have.” I ran into him again the next week at work and he stopped me and told me that he wanted me to know that he went to Mass that Sunday and received Communion for me. He knew that I couldn’t so he went to receive in my place. I was so humbled and moved. I was so thankful for God giving me that experience and was able to take strength from it to help carry me through the rest of my time waiting.
I will leave you with the words of St. Paul in Romans 5:
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
God bless you and may you reach the Promised Land - both in this world and the world to come.
-Corruich
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CathyKing
Guest
My annulment process started in Apr. 2011. I was told that it would take about 18 months. We are well into our 2nd year–and beyond, and nothing will be forthcoming for at least another year. Our diocese has only 3 judges of Canon Law (JCL). One of them is a retired priest from another state. He works just one day per week! We currently have about 400 cases that are being worked on. I was told by the Office of the Tribunal today that my case is 16th in line to have the ‘sentence’ written by this priest. THEN the case will go to another diocesan tribunal in a different state for ‘confirmation’ of the decision. That is supposed to take three months or so. Our lives are hanging in the balance, and the worst part is that my non-Catholic husband is not too thrilled that I asked him to live as brother and sister with me until our marriage can be blessed by the church. Now I finally understand why so many good Catholics become alienated, wounded, and feel as if their beloved church just doesn’t care about them That’s how I feel. I’m very despondent about all this. Any comments???
Cathy
Cathy
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Cojuanco
Guest
The thing is, marriage is given the favor of law canonically speaking. The Church is naturally going to be cautious in ensuring that the marriage is or is not valid. As to your retired priest judge, well, it makes sense in that I suspect more able-bodied priests are likely to be sent to do pastoral or other administrative work. It’s frustrsting, and my prayers are with you, but the wait is necessary if painful.
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Marysann
Guest
Our son’s annulment took about one year, but remember that the clock does not start ticking until all the documents have been submitted. His case took about as long as others that I had heard about in our diocese. My big concern was over the fact that a Catholic parish, in the diocese next to ours, allowed him and his new fiancée to begin marriage preparation before he had a declaration of nullity from his first marriage. He was never able to explain to me what they were going to do if the petition were denied.
My sister’s husband left her for another woman after twenty-five years of marriage. She applied for a declaration of nullity. During this time she was constantly pressured by friends to date, but she refused because she was a married woman in the eyes of God. Her friends thought she was nuts. She had lost her marriage, but she did not want to loose her eternal salvation, too. She was also concerned about the sin of scandal, and the example that she would be setting for her children, and mine, her nephews. I realize that this does not happen in every case, but The Lord rewarded her faithfulness here on earth. After she received her declaration of nullity, she met a fine Catholic gentleman, a widower. They have been married for more than ten years.
I thank The Lord that I have not have to face the trial of having to apply for a declaration of nullity, or having to make right an irregular marriage. Eternal salvation is at stake here. I offer my prayers for all of you who are in this situation.
My sister’s husband left her for another woman after twenty-five years of marriage. She applied for a declaration of nullity. During this time she was constantly pressured by friends to date, but she refused because she was a married woman in the eyes of God. Her friends thought she was nuts. She had lost her marriage, but she did not want to loose her eternal salvation, too. She was also concerned about the sin of scandal, and the example that she would be setting for her children, and mine, her nephews. I realize that this does not happen in every case, but The Lord rewarded her faithfulness here on earth. After she received her declaration of nullity, she met a fine Catholic gentleman, a widower. They have been married for more than ten years.
I thank The Lord that I have not have to face the trial of having to apply for a declaration of nullity, or having to make right an irregular marriage. Eternal salvation is at stake here. I offer my prayers for all of you who are in this situation.
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EvelynEVF
Guest
CathyKing, your diocese sounds like mine. A whole wave of programs to encourage people in irregular marriages to come back, but less than one FTE judge to take care of the backlog created. I’m past the three year point with no end in sight. It is one thing to say the process is necessary (you bet) and the Church has to make sure the bond is given the benefit of the doubt (absolutely), but it is entirely another to say that this kind of administrative foolishness is “God’s will.” Pope Benedict, when he encouraged tribunals to be careful and thorough, also told them to hurry up. I haven’t looked up the canon, but the whole process, including the appeal, is supposedly to be finished within one year. As it is, this is so not compassionate to Catholics who want to be faithful, and I totally understand why even very committed Catholics jump ship. I used to think they were weak or cafeteria Catholics, or wanted a cookie cutter annulment. Now I understand. I’m also finding that because of prior example, there are plenty of divorced folks who have never been told they shouldn’t date, so they fall in love, and only then discover that they are prisoners of the process. Not fair.
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CathyKing
Guest
Well folks, thanks for responding. I’m totally caught up in the injustice of it. I’m disgusted and angry. I’m FINALLY really over the first husband betraying me and the kids. I FINALLY really don’t want him back. But–there must be some reason this is happening–I think it might be because God’s will is different than I thought. I remember thinking when Catholics were invited to return, and to put in for annulments, “Well, that’s going to generate a ton of annulment petitions, isn’t it. I hope they are ready for it.” Of course they weren’t.
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Cojuanco
Guest
Success, it seems creates its own problems. I don’t think they expected to succeed this much. Looks like they did not expect a bumper crop.
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HolyRosaryChild
Guest
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Visit your regional Bishop and inform him of the situation quickly. Your Baby needs to be Baptized and your other Child to receive the Sacraments. Jesus would want this obviously and the red tape hindering and obstructing God’s wishes for His Children to be baptized in The Holy Spirit and to receive His Eucharist.
Pray to Jesus and Our Lady Mary that the Bishop in your Region will complete all documentation quickly and successfully in order for God’s Children He has brought through for raising through His Catholic Faith.
Please Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus could You please bathe this Family’s situation in Thy Divine Love, Wisdom and Success in relation to the Annulment of the Mother’s previous Marriage through Thy Bishop in their area, stamping the approval in order for Thy Children to be baptized and receive Thy Eucharist. I ask this through Thee Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Praise and Thanks be to Thee Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus now and for Eternity Amen
Visit your regional Bishop and inform him of the situation quickly. Your Baby needs to be Baptized and your other Child to receive the Sacraments. Jesus would want this obviously and the red tape hindering and obstructing God’s wishes for His Children to be baptized in The Holy Spirit and to receive His Eucharist.
Pray to Jesus and Our Lady Mary that the Bishop in your Region will complete all documentation quickly and successfully in order for God’s Children He has brought through for raising through His Catholic Faith.
Please Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus could You please bathe this Family’s situation in Thy Divine Love, Wisdom and Success in relation to the Annulment of the Mother’s previous Marriage through Thy Bishop in their area, stamping the approval in order for Thy Children to be baptized and receive Thy Eucharist. I ask this through Thee Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen
Praise and Thanks be to Thee Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus now and for Eternity Amen
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mellowcalico
Guest
I am so glad I found this thread. I am starting to lose heart.
My husband started cheating on me (with men) before we were even married. Then, after years of enduring a painful marriage to man who didn’t love me, he left. We divorced and I started the annulment process. Counting from the time my Ex left me and I went to my priest to talk, it’s been three years. Three lonely, single years while he’s had multiple lovers since then. I couldn’t even file the paperwork with the Church until it had been a year since my Ex left me (because in my state you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce… and you can’t do the annulment paperwork until you are legally divorced).
Like I said, I’ve started to lose heart and I think it’s only by the grace of God and daily prayers that I haven’t given up (and by given up I mean sometimes I consider another church like the Episcopal church or Lutheran or just not going to Church anymore in general). I can read why and understand (logically) why the Church has the process it does and that it needs to be careful. But emotionally I feel stomped on some times. Being punished for loving and trusting the wrong man and following the Church’s rules regarding marriage. And it’s even more hurtful when other Catholics judge me for it… and call the process an “easy rubber stamp.”
Anyway, thanks for starting this thread and thanks to others for sharing. I don’t know why, but it gives me some solace just knowing others waited, and waited such a long time.
My husband started cheating on me (with men) before we were even married. Then, after years of enduring a painful marriage to man who didn’t love me, he left. We divorced and I started the annulment process. Counting from the time my Ex left me and I went to my priest to talk, it’s been three years. Three lonely, single years while he’s had multiple lovers since then. I couldn’t even file the paperwork with the Church until it had been a year since my Ex left me (because in my state you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce… and you can’t do the annulment paperwork until you are legally divorced).
Like I said, I’ve started to lose heart and I think it’s only by the grace of God and daily prayers that I haven’t given up (and by given up I mean sometimes I consider another church like the Episcopal church or Lutheran or just not going to Church anymore in general). I can read why and understand (logically) why the Church has the process it does and that it needs to be careful. But emotionally I feel stomped on some times. Being punished for loving and trusting the wrong man and following the Church’s rules regarding marriage. And it’s even more hurtful when other Catholics judge me for it… and call the process an “easy rubber stamp.”
Anyway, thanks for starting this thread and thanks to others for sharing. I don’t know why, but it gives me some solace just knowing others waited, and waited such a long time.
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EvelynEVF
Guest
I hear you, mellowcalico. The hardest part, I think, is being judged on the one hand for being divorced, but not being understood on the other, for putting up with the process. Can’t win for losing, but we can’t get the Eucharist anywhere else. . .
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MJJean
Guest
I’m in the process, myself. My husband was raised catholic and I was raised Lutheran. Both of us fell away from Christianity and were Pagans, Atheists, and then Agnostics before coming full circle to Christian. My husband went back to Mass just after last Easter. First time in over 20 years for him. I went to my first Mass Pentecost Sunday.
I married as a teen and have regretted it since the minute I was speaking the vows. Not joking. I detested my ex, but we had a baby together and I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying her father regardless of how I felt about him and regardless of the fact that I knew I’d just divorce him. I mean, I wasn’t religious at the time I married, so it’s just a silly piece of paper and a social custom. No biggie. Just have a court dissolve it when enough time had passed that I could say “I was married to my baby daddy and did my best, but it just didn’t work out.”
Yeah…no. Turns out it is a very big deal.
Now that my husband has gone back to the faith of his childhood and I have decided to convert, I have to wait on an annulment to receive any Sacraments and my husband has to wait on my annulment to receive Communion and Confirmation, as he left before he was Confirmed.
I finished my application and turned it in to my Advocate (our priest) at the beginning of July. I was hoping for a letter from the diocese that my case had been received. I haven’t heard a peep yet and it’s making me crazy. I stalk the mailman hoping for that letter. My kids sometimes bring the mail and give me a sad face because there is no letter from the diocese. URRRRGH!!!
They say an annulment takes about 12-18 months here. 18 months being on the outside. I’m, of course, hoping for a shorter period of time.
I know there is a Defender of the Bond and an Advocate in each case that has to make a statement from their position on the matter. I kinda feel bad for the poor soul who gets to be my Defender of the Bond. Seriously, considering the entire circumstances of the marriage, I can’t imagine what s/he will have to go on. I just keep picturing a nice middle aged man looking over the facts, trying to find a way to Defend the Bond, and saying “I got nuttin!” lol. (sense of humor needed to keep me sane).
On a happy note, my daughter will have her Rite of Welcoming next Sunday. She has finished the inquiry phase of RCIA and is moving forward toward Baptism. Just gotta get my son to be open to going to RCIA and Mass.
We need a waiting on annulment support group.
I married as a teen and have regretted it since the minute I was speaking the vows. Not joking. I detested my ex, but we had a baby together and I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying her father regardless of how I felt about him and regardless of the fact that I knew I’d just divorce him. I mean, I wasn’t religious at the time I married, so it’s just a silly piece of paper and a social custom. No biggie. Just have a court dissolve it when enough time had passed that I could say “I was married to my baby daddy and did my best, but it just didn’t work out.”
Yeah…no. Turns out it is a very big deal.
Now that my husband has gone back to the faith of his childhood and I have decided to convert, I have to wait on an annulment to receive any Sacraments and my husband has to wait on my annulment to receive Communion and Confirmation, as he left before he was Confirmed.
I finished my application and turned it in to my Advocate (our priest) at the beginning of July. I was hoping for a letter from the diocese that my case had been received. I haven’t heard a peep yet and it’s making me crazy. I stalk the mailman hoping for that letter. My kids sometimes bring the mail and give me a sad face because there is no letter from the diocese. URRRRGH!!!
They say an annulment takes about 12-18 months here. 18 months being on the outside. I’m, of course, hoping for a shorter period of time.
I know there is a Defender of the Bond and an Advocate in each case that has to make a statement from their position on the matter. I kinda feel bad for the poor soul who gets to be my Defender of the Bond. Seriously, considering the entire circumstances of the marriage, I can’t imagine what s/he will have to go on. I just keep picturing a nice middle aged man looking over the facts, trying to find a way to Defend the Bond, and saying “I got nuttin!” lol. (sense of humor needed to keep me sane).
On a happy note, my daughter will have her Rite of Welcoming next Sunday. She has finished the inquiry phase of RCIA and is moving forward toward Baptism. Just gotta get my son to be open to going to RCIA and Mass.
We need a waiting on annulment support group.
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Faithful13
Guest
I’ve gone to an information session at my church and was told that civil marriages are very easily annulled since the promise was not made directly to God. Marriage in the church is much more complicated and could take more time.
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Faithful13
Guest
I’ve gone to an information session at my church and was told that civil marriages are very easily annulled since the promise was not made directly to God. Marriage in the church is much more complicated and could take more time.
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jmcrae
Guest
Every situation is unique. No one except the Tribunal can say the outcome, and they will not predict the outcome before they have made the investigation. Some are quick, some are slow, but you can’t know until you try.
In any case, anyone who has ever been divorced should present their case to the Tribunal and have it investigated before they think of falling in love and getting married again.
It is precisely when you are at the stage of saying, “I will never get married again” that you should undergo the process, because you will not be emotionally traumatized by the outcome if it turns out that your marriage was valid.
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sullific
Guest
My annulment was granted in less than a year but that was in 1983.Currently my fiancé is in the annulment process. I fully expected it to take 12-18 months but after six months when he met with a nun for an interview she told him that due to vacations it would take about three more months. That seemed incredibly quick but because of a sudden loss of health insurance on my part as well as health issues with him and other family members it also seemed a godsend, so we started to tentatively plan a wedding…BIG MISTAKE,
We were told a month or so later that the nun had only been there a year and didn’t really know - it would take a few more months than she said After much soul-searching and speaking with our pastor (who had agreed with her 3 month assessment),he recommended we get married civilly! - and give up communion and my Eucharistic ministry, at least until the annulment is granted - if it is - if not, oh well- no more Communion for you! to paraphrase the Soup Nazi) This didn’t seem to faze the pastor at all). So we postponed everything (we had carefully not put anything in stone) until next spring and decided to risk the no-insurance situation, health, etc. to do the right thing.
The nun stated the paperwork had to go to two judges, the defender of the Bond and the Tribunal (which is out-of-state, not the archdiocesan Tribunal). The secretary/notary told us it had to go to those people but also back to his “former” wife two more times. When she offered to write and tell them not to send her anything else as she is not contesting it, we were told it would take about 3 weeks off.
Last week we found out the paperwork has been sitting in an office - a psychiatrist’s office - since august 13th evidently with no move in sight. I had thought the nun had done the psychiatric part of it, but not so. None of the info the Tribunal gave us is right, so perhaps the people who said they couldn’t get any info are luckier. Seems like they have 250 cases pending and for some reason neither of these people bothered to take that into consideration when they gave us tentative dates until now.
The Bishop even tried to help us as much as he could and we were told “writing to the Bishop won’t help”. Although nothing is yet booked permanently for the ceremony and we can move it again, the insurance situation is very risky and my fiancé’s Parkinson’s is not going to be improving. I also don’t want to lose certain family members who are elderly and failing before we marry. as a result we are probably going to be forced to the civil ceremony, which is really tearing me up and has even caused me to consider leaving my fiancé, whom I’ve known for almost 8 years (engaged 5).
So, the answer is, no one really knows how long these things take, and don’t listen to what your Tribunal tells you unless they can tell you the paperwork is definitely on the move and they have a schedule and they know when and where it will be whenever…that it’s past the sitting-on-a-desk stage.
Just plan for two years and don’t plan anything (or lose your insurance or your health!) in the meantime.
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lizzieloo222
Guest
Hi all,
I just wanted to lend a word of encouragement. I petitioned for my annulment February 2015 and was granted my annulment May 2017. It took 15 months. My official letter came at the beginning of June 2017.
I know it’s frustrating and difficult to be patient. It brought much peace and joy once I received my response from the tribunal. It is worth the process and comes with many blessings.
I just wanted to lend a word of encouragement. I petitioned for my annulment February 2015 and was granted my annulment May 2017. It took 15 months. My official letter came at the beginning of June 2017.
I know it’s frustrating and difficult to be patient. It brought much peace and joy once I received my response from the tribunal. It is worth the process and comes with many blessings.
S
Sheeniac
Guest
My SO just got his in less than a year - maybe 9 months. I wonder whether the Pope’s reforms played a part in it.
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