How Long Is A Catholic Engagment?

[gmarie21]

While my dd’s dad and I aren’t dating, we were told that if he receives an annulment he would marry us within a month if we’d like. He (my dd’s dad) and I are best friends and while we have sinned in the past, we have made sure we have lived as holy a lives as possible since we changed our sinful ways. We don’t live together (talk about a difficult thing to do, especially when you have a child together). We’re both extremely active in our parishes and b/c I am his friend (and emotional support) through this annulment process (which goes over in great detail what a sacramental marriage is and isn’t) the priest believes that we’ll have more preparation than most couples.

 

[jmcrae]

ahem. i am not sure what using capitol letters has to do with “credibility,” but just for the record i will be finishing my masters degree in january, i am perfectly capable of using proper punctuation, i simply take a laid back approach when posting things online. infact, i teach these skills every tuesday night at a volunteer adult literacy program.

“Capital” letters. The “Capitol” is a building in Washington.

Using proper English shows respect for your reader, and conveys that you have something important to say. It shows respect for the reader by making it easy to understand what you have written, not forcing him to guess what you might mean.

 

[gmarie21]

“Capital” letters. The “Capitol” is a building in Washington. No offense, but you write worse than a 12 year old. If you hadn’t mentioned your age, I would have assumed that you were about 9 or 10 years old.

Using proper English shows respect for your reader, and conveys that you have something important to say. It shows respect for the reader by making it easy to understand what you have written, not forcing him to guess what you might mean.

This is off topic and seems slightly uncharitable.

 

[jmcrae]

This is off topic and seems slightly uncharitable.

Sorry, yes, it’s off topic. She wanted to know why it is considered disrespectful not to use proper English on the Internet, and why she is being perceived as “not credible.”

I’m sorry that it seemed “not charitable” to give her the truth, but I felt that any sugarcoating would have been perceived as permission to continue using poor English.

 

[Richardols]

It’s more than a suggestion, it is part of the marriage preparation process established by the church for the proper reception of the Sacraments.

How long have they been doing this? I never heard of it.

My wife and I never went through such, and we were married at a Nuptial Mass. We were friends all through college, though didn’t date each other then. Actually, we didn’t have a formal engagement - just sort of inched towards it gradually.

 

[SMHW]

How long have they been doing this? I never heard of it.

My wife and I never went through such, and we were married at a Nuptial Mass. We were friends all through college, though didn’t date each other then. Actually, we didn’t have a formal engagement - just sort of inched towards it gradually.

I’m not sure where you live… But here in California in the USA it’s been a fairly standard diocesan ‘rule’ for the last 25+ years. Maybe longer but I wasn’t paying attention back then.

 

[jmcrae]

How long have they been doing this? I never heard of it.

Here in our Diocese, it’s been mandatory for at least 25 years, and probably longer than that.

My wife and I never went through such, and we were married at a Nuptial Mass. We were friends all through college, though didn’t date each other then. Actually, we didn’t have a formal engagement - just sort of inched towards it gradually.

My husband doesn’t remember anything about our marriage prep seminars, either (maybe men just block that kind of thing out, the way one might block out a traumatic experience?) but believe me, we went to them.

He does remember going to some really boring meetings at the church with some people we didn’t know, and really terrible movies with no plot showing people doing really strange things like talking to each other about household problems, but he can’t remember why on earth we did that - if you even vaguely remember doing something like that with your wife before you were married, then, yep, you went to the marriage seminars.

 

[Chatter163]

ahem. i am not sure what using capitol letters has to do with “credibility,” but just for the record i will be finishing my masters degree in january, i am perfectly capable of using proper punctuation, i simply take a laid back approach when posting things online. infact, i teach these skills every tuesday night at a volunteer adult literacy program.

This is extremely difficult to believe, given the quality of writing in the original post.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Ummmm…let’s stop volunteering English advice, guys, and answer the original post instead…

My fiance and I will have been engaged for 9 months when we get married…but we planned our courtship and engagement keeping the 6 month minimum in mind. While I do agree that this requirement may not be the best for every situation, I think it has a solid basis.

Awhile back I was reading a book on WWII warbrides–mainly young women that US soldiers married while on active duty. Because of the short length of time these couples knew each other and, consequently, the high number of “forgotten” brides, there were a number of efforts made by both the native government and the military to have a mandatory engagement length. The goal was simply to ensure long-lasting, happy marriages based on good judgment–not emotional infatuation or loneliness.

The church’s requirement is for the same reason and so my fiance and I want to comply with it. Sure, we’d love to be getting married sooner, but as we don’t have a serious reason to do so, we’re using the wait as a chance to prepare even more for our future together.

Congratulations on your engagement and best of luck with the wedding planning!

kevinsgirl

 

[Richardols]

But here in California in the USA it’s been a fairly standard diocesan ‘rule’ for the last 25+ years.

Here in our Diocese, it’s been mandatory for at least 25 years, and probably longer than that.

Thanks. That explains it. We were married before then.

 

[Richardols]

I felt that any sugarcoating would have been perceived as permission to continue using poor English.

Genrally, we don’t call each oter on speling misteaks and bad grammer. The medium ain’t the messege and there is hardly anybodys who don’t make a misteak from time to time.

And if we kept doin that, we’d be awash with correcshuns to eachother.

 

[SMHW]

Definitely off topic. Perhaps the mods will move the punctuation posts to the Popular Media forum where they belong.

But so long as we are off topic, I think the following general rules of internet communications apply:

Texting via cell phone: Lack of capitalization and use of short hand (number ‘4’ instead of word ‘for’) is acceptable due to the high difficulty of using a phone pad.

Instant messaging (via computer): It’s a private conversation and not subject to the usual rules of grammar beyond what are needed for understanding.

Computer Chat rooms: These are semi-public conversation so proper grammar, spelling, and word usage are considered a sign of intelligence. However typing speed is of importance and sometimes that need trumps the desirability for proper grammar.

Computer message boards/forums: These are semi-public conversation so proper grammar, spelling, and word usage are considered a sign of intelligence and respect to one’s readers. The proper use of the English language is understood to be an element used in judging the maturity of the poster and the importance of the post.

Computer Blogs: These are public forms of communication. The individual is free to express himself (within the guidelines of the service providing the blog space) as he sees fit. He should be prepared to be judged by his writing style.

Email: Email practically demands a set of rules unto itself. Here are a few:
‘Private’ emails are like any written communication as far as writing style. Emails sent to groups are likely to reflect on the sender’s intelligence in a fashion similar to message boards. Forwarded emails should be edited. Readers generally do not want to wade through ten levels of forwarding addresses before getting to the main body of the email. Sometimes the body of the email needs to be edited to remove characters added as a result of forwarding. When sending emails to a number of people or when forwarding emails, one should try to respect the desires of some to keep their email addresses private.

 

[gmarie21]

Definitely off topic. Perhaps the mods will move the punctuation posts to the Popular Media forum where they belong.

But so long as we are off topic, I think the following general rules of internet communications apply:

Texting via cell phone: Lack of capitalization and use of short hand (number ‘4’ instead of word ‘for’) is acceptable due to the high difficulty of using a phone pad.

Instant messaging (via computer): It’s a private conversation and not subject to the usual rules of grammar beyond what are needed for understanding.

Computer Chat rooms: These are semi-public conversation so proper grammar, spelling, and word usage are considered a sign of intelligence. However typing speed is of importance and sometimes that need trumps the desirability for proper grammar.

Computer message boards/forums: These are semi-public conversation so proper grammar, spelling, and word usage are considered a sign of intelligence and respect to one’s readers. The proper use of the English language is understood to be an element used in judging the maturity of the poster and the importance of the post.

Computer Blogs: These are public forms of communication. The individual is free to express himself (within the guidelines of the service providing the blog space) as he sees fit. He should be prepared to be judged by his writing style.

Email: Email practically demands a set of rules unto itself. Here are a few:
‘Private’ emails are like any written communication as far as writing style. Emails sent to groups are likely to reflect on the sender’s intelligence in a fashion similar to message boards. Forwarded emails should be edited. Readers generally do not want to wade through ten levels of forwarding addresses before getting to the main body of the email. Sometimes the body of the email needs to be edited to remove characters added as a result of forwarding. When sending emails to a number of people or when forwarding emails, one should try to respect the desires of some to keep their email addresses private.

Oh please, can we just get back to the topic at hand

 

[kevinsgirl]

Oh please, can we just get back to the topic at hand

:clapping:

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

hello all!
I have a question for those of you who have been married in the catholic church. i have recently become engaged and am hoping to be married relatively soon. it is very important to my husband and i to have a wedding in the church.
we have been together for 3 years but only have become engaged recently. we have known we wanted to marry one another for at least the past year and a half and have been waiting to finish school and have good jobs before becoming engaged. my fiance has recently gotten a very good job and moved into an apartment of his own and we are very eager to be married.
i did some research online, and even looked at the website of the church i attend and was surprised that they expect engaged couples to contact them at least 6 months to a year in advance!!
i really do not want to wait that long to be married! i do not want a fancy wedding of any kind, i will be happy as long as both of our immediatey families are present, so i dont care about taking the year to plan a huge party. i was under the impression that the bible’s stance was that if two people cannot wait to “be together” they should be married asap.

have any of you been able to arrange a shorter engagement (maybe 2 to 3 months?) and if so, how did you work it out?
am i crazy in thinking that a year is wayyy to long for two people to be engaged when they dont care about having an elaborate wedding?

any help is appreciated! thanks in advance!

The requirement in most diocese is 6 months, some it is now one year. Exceptions can be made for serious reasons, Like danger of death because of illness, It’s also possible for Military deployment.

 

[AuntMartha]

My hubby and I were married in 1984. We dated off and on for years, got back together for good in 1982, got engaged at Christmas of '83 and were married at the end of April '84.

We had no problem from our priest. Now, this was a Byzantine Catholic church (in case you don’t already know this - the Byzantine rite is in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church), and it was a very small parish, so that might have helped in the speed of things. As long as we attended the pre-Cana and met with him a couple of times, we were good to go. We ended up doing a pre-Cana overnighter, since everything else was filled up in that short space of time, but that ended up being a good experience.

I don’t know how things are nowadays, but I wish you the best on your upcoming marriage!

 

[kleary]

The other couple got engaged and married within 2 months. However, the reason for this was she is pregnant. They were married in the Catholic Church and had a beautiful wedding as well. I think this is a major exception as I’ve heard many priests will advise you to wait til after the baby is born (not that you’re pregnant…but in general).

This is the EXACT reason for my mother and father’s annulment- their marriage was invalid due to the pressure to be married due to her pregnancy. The pastor overlooked the pregancy in violation of the Church’s policy and therefore the marriage was invalid.

Ken

 

[monalisa1]

If you believe in the Lord which I hope you do!

You may use your authority by standing on the Word of God. When God created man he used the Word, having released his blessing on Adam and Abraham you also have this blessing of authority.

It works wonderfully in the Church and you will often hear priests using the Word. Believe me the Word gets you what you need and want, what God wants for you to have which is the blessing, not hassle.

Praise be to Lord Jesus Christ.

You will be married in 3 months, it will be a blessed and sacred day, will it not?

Be joyful, love the Lord, listen to the Holy Spirit and God Bless.

 

[puzzleannie]

THanks so much for the replies so far!
i realize that there is preparation that needs to occur and i am totally open to attending as many sessions with the priest as are necessary or a retreat or anything else. i just am a little frustrated with this 6 month minimum. who came up it? it is a nice suggestion, but i dont think you should be forbidden to marry sooner than that. i dont think its biblical at all. i thought that if you cant wait anymore, the bible says you are suppossed to get married right away.

any more advice/knowledge/or personal experiences are appreacited! thanks in advance!!

well you will have to provide a bible citation to back up your opinion. Christ established a Church to mediate his grace on earth through the sacraments, and the Church has the authority to determine how those sacraments are to be approached. It is a matter of canon law, which gives bishops the discretion to presribe suitable preparation for all sacraments, including marriage. most dioceses set 6 months because that is the minimum prudential time it takes for the preparation and discernment required. Engaged encounter, Foccus test with its interpretation and discussion, meetings with pastor, celebrant and sponsor couples, and simply reserving the Church, which is usually booked months in advance.

If you have been together 3 years what is the rush? you say you still need to wait for other good reasons. the sensible thing is to visit the priest and set things in motion as soon has you have agreed it is time to become engaged. If you wait until the last minute that is hardly the fault of the church.

 

[monalisa1]

Canon Law states that the Church is the Kingdom of God. Don’t be intimidated we are all equal in the Kingdom! Truly God is good!

You have every right to pursue a Catholic faith and Sacraments including Marriage and Holy Communion in the Church immediately. Blaze your trail sister, by way of the Holy Spirit.

I know it seems formal in Catholic Church, if you study the Canon it is very helpful. You are going to very well as a wife and mother! . I am so excited for you. Welcome… Gobble Gobble

Peace of Christ.