How Long Is A Catholic Engagment?

[monalisa1]

Blame Game? Is this anyway to greet a Sister in Christ?

well you will have to provide a bible citation to back up your opinion. Christ established a Church to mediate his grace on earth through the sacraments, and the Church has the authority to determine how those sacraments are to be approached. It is a matter of canon law, which gives bishops the discretion to presribe suitable preparation for all sacraments, including marriage. most dioceses set 6 months because that is the minimum prudential time it takes for the preparation and discernment required. Engaged encounter, Foccus test with its interpretation and discussion, meetings with pastor, celebrant and sponsor couples, and simply reserving the Church, which is usually booked months in advance.

If you have been together 3 years what is the rush? you say you still need to wait for other good reasons. the sensible thing is to visit the priest and set things in motion as soon has you have agreed it is time to become engaged. If you wait until the last minute that is hardly the fault of the church.

 

[puzzleannie]

what blame game? what is to blame anyone for? who did anything wrong? she asked a question, I answered.

 

[monalisa1]

“If you wait until the last minute that is hardly the fault of the church.” Are you being a good sister?

 

[jmcrae]

“If you wait until the last minute that is hardly the fault of the church.” Are you being a good sister?

Isn’t it true, though? It gets so tiresome to always hear, “Oh, bad Catholic Church,” this and that, when it’s usually the person themselves not planning ahead, or acting like the priest is supposed to read people’s minds, or something.

 

[Mommyof02green]

You need to talk your priest. The requirement for 6 months is not a planning requirement rather a preparation requirement in our parish. Our parish requires that a couple go through some kind of marriage prep classes so that they fully understand the Sacrament of Marriage and all that in entails. But I do know that there have been exceptions to the length of time.

Yep marriage prep classes: Engagement encounter!
and in some areas like mine it’s also required to go to NFP classes.

Plus you have to meet with the priest 3-4 times prior to the wedding date. He’ll give you a foccus test and talk about things like money, sex, in-laws, children, work, etc. All the things that can and will affect your marriage.

It’s the priest job to make sure you are ready for the sacrament of marriage. It’s is job to make sure you know what you are getting into…after all marriage is for a LIFE TIME.

 

[Mommyof02green]

hi, thanks for all of the replies. i am prepared to wait as long as i have to in order to be married, i was just asking for experiences of people who were able to arrange a catholic wedding in under 6 months, as that is my preference. some of you seemed a little hostile in your posts i must say. i didn’t expect that from a simple question about engagement lengths.

i wasnt twisting scripture to use it to suit my needs, i was merely saying that i feel at this point it is a better idea for me to get married than to wait and i was wondering if that is something priests recognize or if they merely stick to a six month minimum rule.

ahem. i am not sure what using capitol letters has to do with “credibility,” but just for the record i will be finishing my masters degree in january, i am perfectly capable of using proper punctuation, i simply take a laid back approach when posting things online. infact, i teach these skills every tuesday night at a volunteer adult literacy program.

thank you for all the advice and well wishes!

Personally I have NOT known anyone that can get it done in less then 6 months. The priest has other responsibilities other wedding he is preparing for etc. He just may not be able to meet with you every week. My priest met with us once a month.

Off course hubby and I the moment we got in engaged called the church and set up the wedding date. I got engaged Jan of 2000 and hubby and I married in April of 2001. That’s because I wanted a spring wedding. I could of got married sooner, but I didn’t want too.

I wanted to get married the weekend before we got married, but the priest said “NO” cause it was Easter weekend (which I figured he would).

Then I told the priest I wanted to be married the weekend BEFORE Easter, and he told me “NO, you won’t be happy that weekend, because the church is bare, no flowers, etc cause it’s Lent”.

So then I said, okay the weekend AFTER Easter. The priest said “Perfect and put it on the calendar”.

Now you may of think that my priest was being a little bold with me. However, I worked in the parish office for several years, so he knew me. (And all the years I worked in the office I never saw anyone get married in less then 6 months)

Which I’m glad he told us the weekend after Easter, because the church was filled with all the Easter flowers. I didn’t have to buy any

Also you may have a date in mind, but the church might be booked that day. That’s another reason, it generally takes 6 months.

 

[monalisa1]

The Catholic religion is steeped in tradition as you know, it can be hard for Christians from other traditions to understand… and frustrating when they come up against hostility.

All Christians love the Lord and deserve understanding and respect and yes even our help. Attitudes like yours make me sad. It is a good day.

This lady is our sister is she not?

Isn’t it true, though? It gets so tiresome to always hear, “Oh, bad Catholic Church,” this and that, when it’s usually the person themselves not planning ahead, or acting like the priest is supposed to read people’s minds, or something.

 

[kaj3]

Disclaimer: I haven’t read all of the posts…I got lost around the english grammar section.

Anyways, I’ve been married twice. My first marriage, we went through the proper meetings and tests and whatnot. That marriage was annulled after two years.

For my second marriage, the engagement lasted 3 months. We had, I think, 2 meetings with the priest. Four years later, still happily married with 2 dc.

My point is this: There are some good marriage prep classes, and then there are some bad marriage prep classes. Marriage prep classes don’t determine the success of a marriage. IMO, good catechisis and maturity does.

I don’t know about diocesan rules, but I know that in the parish we were married in, the 6 months/classes didn’t matter. My advice: just find a holy priest who will be able to help you discern God’s will and His time. Congrats!

 

[rwoehmke]

The six month waiting period was put into place in many diocese over 20 years ago or a little better. It was a response by the Bishops to the increasing number of divorces in this country. It was felt that it would allow for better preparation as well as a “cooling down period” before the wedding rather than after. The typical answer I have heard to people who want to shorten the time is “we don’t like to waive the six month waiting period.” However I will say that if you persist in your wish and have good reasons most priests will give you a hearing and if space and date are available may speed things up for you. Younger folks with a short engagement, met only a short while ago, in a hurry probably have less chance of suceeding in getting the requirement waived. “Oh, but Father, we’re sooo in luv” doesn’t usually cut it. Engaged for 31/2 years seems to me to be more than adequate to get to know each other rather well. I would suppose the amount of waiving is very dependent on just who the priest is, what the circumstances are,how long he has known you, and how much slack the Bishop will allow him. My middle son in California got two months knocked off. They had known each other and dated exclusively for 5 years. They were also 35 years old.

 

[puzzleannie]

My point is this: There are some good marriage prep classes, and then there are some bad marriage prep classes. Marriage prep classes don’t determine the success of a marriage. IMO, good catechisis and maturity does.
!

very good point, no amount of classes will take care of an essential immaturity or incapacity to undertake the commitment of marriage, nor will it overcome a determined stance to disobey church teaching on marriage and family, or an inherent lack of respect for one’s spouse.

however canon law does require that the pastor ascertain that the couple is ready to marry, and that no impediments in natural law or canon law exist that would invalidate the marriage, and the bishop is required to institute procedures that all pastors must follow to do all that is humanly possible to make those judgements.

if I knew a way to make such a search I would look for posts on this forum that lament the number of annulments or the apparent ease with which annulments are procured, and compare it to the posts criticizing the Church for its legitimate concern with trying to insure that couples are indeed entering valid marriages. I suspect I would find some of the same people making posts on both topics.

note to those contemplating marriage, you will find most dioceses discourage strongly marriages during Lent, although they may be done for good reason, or even Advent, but you will not be able to get married during Holy Week, and no Masses may be celebrated during the Triduum other than those prescribed. That also means no funeral Masses, although a funeral rite may be performed without Mass. It would have to be a very good strong reason to allow a wedding even without Mass. The week before Christmas is also impossible most of the time.

 

[renee1258]

I think it is logistics with pre-cana and availibity of the church and priests. My parish had a one year policy on paper, but because we were free to marry, could do pre-cana within the time frame, and there was an opening we had a seven month engagment.