How Long would you give it?

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Brettbat

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Hello everyone. How long would you give a new parish to feel like a home?

My wife and I converted to the Roman Catholic Church from Orthodoxy in December. We had been attending the parish for several months before that.

We have done everything we possibly can do form relationships, to fit in, to volunteer, and to be honest, just to be recognized as existing. Even the Knights of Columbus will not return my calls or emails. Nothing.

We really have done our best.

How long do we “stick it out”? How long does one stay in a parish that is just not welcoming? It is a large parish, perhaps that is part of it?

We’ve tried. We’ve put ourselves out there. It’s more than a bit of bummer being part of a religious community that couldn’t care less or wouldn’t know if we lived or died.

How long would you stay before you looked for another parish?

Thanks for any advice.
 
Are there other churches within easy travel distance nearby that you like the feel of ?
I couldn’t really fit in to a larger parish once ,it seemed like a different bunch of people each time almost .
Then I discovered a small church I hadn’t known of that was quite close ,more families and older people and just the one priest .With my small children I felt very welcome.
God bless.
 
Greenfields said:
Are there other churches within easy travel distance nearby that you like the feel of ?

I couldn’t really fit in to a larger parish once ,it seemed like a different bunch of people each time almost .

Then I discovered a small church I hadn’t known of that was quite close ,more families and older people and just the one priest .With my small children I felt very welcome.

God bless.
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Well, there is one about 45 miles away that is very welcoming, much smaller. That is the one we would go to if we leave.
 
I alternate between three at the moment one takes me 45 minutes and the other over an hour driving but it’s just part of life,no problem.If your capable of travelling
I think that’s fine.Mass is mass where ever you go though .
All the best 🙂
 
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with your new parish. Catholics are not famous for their welcome to new members.
I went to our church for several years before I made friends, But then I wasn’t looking for friends, I went for the mass.
If you sit in the same place more or less, at the same time, you should start to recognize people and be able to greet them, Maybe invite a couple who look friendly or even about the same age as you out for coffee?
Have you made an appointment to talk to the pastor, and maybe ask him what you could do to help out? It sounds like you’ve done some volunteering-- how did that work out?
It’s odd that the Knights haven’t returned your calls. I would be investigating that problem until I figured out why-- maybe the wrong number is listed in the bulletin. Maybe the person in charge is in the hospital. What’s going on? You must not be the only people who are frustrated.
Now that I’ve been attending for years, I go to a Bible Study before mass, and volunteer counting money when I can.
Maybe you could start a welcoming ministry, to shake hands as people enter and ask if they’ve been there before. Churches could really benefit from that.
 
Given that this is your second thread on same topic, I’m guessing that this is really bothering you.

I myself spend most of my time in areas where there are numerous parishes and churches to choose from. One is usually assigned to a parish here on the basis of your physical address, however there seems to be little to prevent going and joining up with another parish or at least participating in activities there. I regularly meet people from other parishes at my parish or sometimes even at other local parishes where neither one of us are a member but we just came over for a prayer event or other activity.

If you also have several parishes to choose from, I’d suggest just going and checking them out and then if you find one that seems to be more what you’re looking for, you can either see about registering there, or maybe just participate in their events without registration.

If you do not have several parishes to choose from, then look into diocesan activities or things that you can get involved in that don’t necessarily revolve around just one parish.
 
It’s not what your Parrish can do for you -
But what you can do for your Parrish - ( J.F.K ) 🙂

But DON’T waste your time, if there’s a bad priest.
I gave one Parrish five precious months -
Two priest. One was terrible.
Couldn’t sit in the pew any longer - hoping for one priest over another.
And by the way, much of the congregation reflected the vibe.
Even kids sighed…when the bad priest came out to do mass.
 
Maybe you just need to be for a while. If you just converted in December, just go to mass and not worry about joining things or fitting in or doing things. There are lots of people that go to mass every week, or every day for that matter, and that is their only involvement with their parish. Since you are “new” maybe you really need to stop looking at things that way. Go to mass, go to daily mass if your schedule allows, go to adoration and just be with God for a while. Did you become Catholic to feel welcome, or because you believe what the Church teaches?

I don’t understand the people that don’t feel “welcomed.” I don’t understand what that has to do with mass. Go to mass for God. Go to mass to receive the Eucharist in all its glory.

To say that the Catholic Church is unwelcoming is unfair and not true. Maybe one’s parish needs to be (insert whatever it is you are looking for) but The Church should not be painted with the broad brush of being unwelcoming. Someone standing at the door asking me “how are you today?” seems forced and phony. If you see a need for something more at your parish (i.e. Coffee and donuts after mass) then be the change you wish to see, an start it.

So go to another parish and another if you must. But if you still don’t find what you are seeking, what then? Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic.
 
Since you are converts I assume you went through RCIA. Was that part of a group? If so maybe you could organize something with the people you did RCIA with, although your calls should be returned.
 
If you can find a current member of KoC then ask them to refer you. They aren’t always able to return calls. However having a knight refer you not only gives you a “way in”; it also builds a relationship with your referee. It benefits them too because in order to move up in rank getting referalls is one of the ways.
 
The big parish next to mine is a “visiting parish”. When going there to the High mass on a Sunday you’ll notice that the regular “massgoers” there are few in comparison to the number of people who celebrate Mass there that Sunday. A lot of people just go there once a month because they volunteer with the coffee gathering after mass or live in the suburbs but go to another church as that one is smaller and if it is a family then there are lots more families there because of housing. The tourists can easily find the big parish as it is very central in town.

I went to RCIA there and was glad that I had a group of people to start to get to know. In my little parish I started to volunteer with the coffee gathering about once a month, and after I had been Catholic for 1.5 years I was asked to help in the sacristy. Now I am reading during some weekday Masses since I am in church already. What I really miss now is not having the time to sit down and chat with people during the coffee gathering after Mass as I need to prepare for the next Mass.

These two parishes are totally different. Ask the parish priest or deacon if they need volunteers for something. Keep going to the different gathering the parish offer and get to know people.
 
Brettbat said:
Even the Knights of Columbus will not return my calls or emails.
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I’ve mentioned before that I can arrange that.

For that matter, I’ll sign your membership form.

When the KofC doesn’t get back to someone, it’s usually because someone is sick, or the number is for someone who has reposed, or . . .

When a council is in that situation, they will be very welcoming of fresh, eager, members.

Just send me a message with your address and contact information, and believe me, we can get this taken care of.

hawk
 
maybe 3 years, you get through all the readings
 
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