My father was an atheist though I later found out that he was baptized into the Catholic Church as an infant. His favorite hobby was to drive from one random protestant church to another and ask for money. They would usually give him some too. Petty con man, I know I know. Anyway, even though he was an atheist he would frequently talk about God, usually to try to prove that God was somehow stupid. It was strange for me because he didn’t believe in God but would talk about God as if he did. During lightning storms he used to love to go outside and curse at God, calling Him a turkey and telling Him to shut up. These weren’t the most bizarre things that he did either.
My father began going regularly to the “Church of Christ” (whatever or whichever that is). He was doing this I suppose because they were a constant source of income for him. He would always tell us at home that we weren’t suppose to believe in God, “because God is bad.” When I was about 7 some moron, I mean mormon missionaries came calling and my father talked them out of some money for letting them in and showing us kids a video. It was about little Joey Smith who hallucinated a lot, kind of like mutthamut. Anyway, after about a week of coming everyday, the missionaries told us that we were ready to be baptized. They told us that if we were baptized and were good little morons, I mean mormons for a long time then God would forgive us of our sins and our skin would turn to be like white people. I remember objecting to the entire thing because to my recollection, I had yet to commit any sins (I did not yet know about the mormon pre-existence heresy) and because I did not believe in God and thought that Smith was a loony. There was no reason for me to be baptized as a mormon. However, by the time I was 8 my father could not resist the money from the mormons anymore and made us get baptized there.
I remember that this caused a bit of an argument when the Church of Christ people and the mormons happened to be at the house at the same time. The other mormons at the Church or temple or whatever it was didn’t like me so much. I was the wrong skin color for one thing. The other thing was having a conversation with me usually meant hearing about all the things in the mormon church that were so stupid. I objected to everything. I remember reading the book of mormon and shaking my head and laughing at almost every page. I would often go around and tell other mormons that they looked just like someone out of the book of moron, I mean mormon and they would thank me greatly. They were so stupid that they never saw it as an insult.
I lasted at the Church of moron, I mean mormon for less then a year. I just couldn’t take them and they sure couldn’t take me bringing up science of all things during their brainwashing, I mean worship service. From there I was totally happy to believe whatever my father taught us at home, well most kids are aren’t they.
When I was 9 a very amazing thing happened. I changed. I changed from little kid that did not believe in God to a young adult that did. I remember the day that it happened. I is still difficult to describe so I usually tell a story to illustrate it but I will spare you all. Suffice to say that one morning I was eating Corn Flakes with milk and God told me to believe. I have ever since.
After that moment I became thirsty for God. I was hungry for new knowledge all the time. Most people do not believe me when I tell them that before I was 10 I had already read the Bible, book of moron, I mean mormon, the bagavad gita, the vedas, the teachings of the compassionate Buddha, and the koran. I also started behaving a little like my father. I would go from one protestant church to another. Usually there were in order from closest to farthest away. I have even been to Hindu services for Ganapati and some guy named Swamigi. He was supposed to be God in the flesh but didn’t know my name. I figured If he was God then he should at least know my name or know how to get it without having to ask.
