How Many Women are Housewives? And why?

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BeluvdLily

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I’ve just made the decision that after I finish up a summer job as pool monitor (ends on Labor Day), I am going to stay home. My husband and I have always both wanted me to be home and he has just started a job that will finally allow this without all the financial worry.

For awhile I was torn because I had really kind of gotten it into my head that I was going back to school this fall but after giving it much thought, I’m staying home.

I’ve always wanted to be a housewife but finances have made it hard previously. My husband and I are in agreement that this is the best for us and our family. I don’t have small children. I have a 20 year old son who is still at home and a hubby who works 12+ hours a day. I just feel like my being home and managing the household will bless us all. Me because I love being home and doing things around the house and my son and husband because I’ll have time to cook good meals and make the house look nice and not be stressed trying to do a job I don’t even care about anyway.

I also plan to work on my writing. I’ve had stories/articles published in magazines but want to really work hard at getting my first book published. I feel this fits in with our lifestyle because I can do it at home and still be available for whatever comes up.

For us, we just feel that this is the natural order of things, for one to be working and one to take care of the home.

I also have fibromyalgia, arthritis and diabetes so I want to be able to slow down and take better care of my health than I have previously also.

Just curious how many other women are home and why? What went into making that decision? How does it work out for all of you?

Amie
 
you can do this if first, you value the profession of housewifery, and second if your husband values it, not for the monetary contribution this job, done properly, makes to the family (and that is not insignificant) but in terms of the highest degree of value placed upon work in general. I am thinking of how monastic writers, esp. our Holy Father Benedict, spoke about the dignity of work in the Rule. Check out the chapter ordering the monk in charge of tools of the kitchen, tools of working the land, tools of the scribe, being treated with the same care as articles used in service of the Liturgy. For Benedictines, and most monastics, hospitality is the primary virtue of the monk, and by extension of the housekeeper or householder. Housework done properly fosters the virtue of hospitality, the concrete expression of the theological virtue of charity.
 
My boys ended up saying, “Thank you that you were always there for us, Mum…” They still get sentimental about the afternoon treats that awaited their return from school, apple cakes and so on. It’s when they first came home from school that they shared everything. Later, the moment was gone.
Sadly, so many mothers are not able to do this because of financial pressures, much as they wish to be at home for their children. . We had the pressures, but I was able to be a stay-at-home Mum.
 
Trishie, that is so nice. You are so lucky that you could be home and that your sons have those wonderful memories and appreciate your presence at home.

I was divorced from my son’s father when he was two so I always had to work. My ex did not pay child support for most of those years. It killed me leaving my son to work. Still, we had a good life and did the best circumstances allowed. Every minute I wasn’t at work was spent with him.

I’m so lucky that I am married to a man now who is a good man and sees the value of a wife at home.

And yes, there certainly are many many cases where finances dictate the wife working. It’s such a shame in my opinion.

Amie
 
They still get sentimental about the afternoon treats that awaited their return from school, apple cakes and so on.
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Trishie, this doesn’t surprise me that you’ve done this for your kids because you still do it on CAF. you answer prayer threads, you send little encouragements via email, you make responses with love. Like a mom putting out a little snack and loving her kids for a minute after school-- before they run off to do something else.

it doesn’t surprise me at all.

OP, I’m a mom and a wife and I stay at home because I love it here, it’s my job and my family needs me. I need them. It’s a KILLER financially-- almost impossible. but God’s little gifts (like trishie’s above) show up just at the right time.

i’ve no quarrel with the working out-of-home moms I know. it’s unfair to all of us to compare and compete.
 
This is a neat thread. I was a stay at home mom for a time, when my kids were pre school age. I enjoyed it very much, and wouldn’t trade the time for anything.

But, when I was little, I used to go with my dad to his office…I’d carry his briefcase (he was an accountant) and just hang out there. I loved baking cookies at home with my mom, but I also liked what I saw my dad doing at the office. I wanted to do that some day. So, now I’m working…and I wonder if I’m not better at my career, than I would be …being at home. I am not a great cleaner, but I do it. I bake, and love that, but cooking…dinners every night? It sort of eludes me still. lol My husband loves to cook, and should have studied to be a chef…so I lucked out there! He won’t catch me arguing over who’s going to cook dinner…

I think that if after your kids are in school, or grown, and you choose to be at home…then that is what you should do, if it works financially and all. I think that some women are better at it than others… For me, I think that I’m better in some ways, with a career. My family comes first always, I just don’t know if all women are naturally good homemakers. My sister was totally a natural, but I just never have been. 😊
 
Trishie said:
My boys ended up saying, “Thank you that you were always there for us, Mum…” They still get sentimental about the afternoon treats that awaited their return from school, apple cakes and so on. It’s when they first came home from school that they shared everything. Later, the moment was gone.
Sadly, so many mothers are not able to do this because of financial pressures, much as they wish to be at home for their children. . We had the pressures, but I was able to be a stay-at-home Mum.
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Yes, I remember when my kids were preschool, and even in kindergarten, I only worked parttime…it was nice being home for them after school. Thankfully, my job is not too demanding now…I’m home shortly after they arrive home from school, and my son is in sports, so he is not done until 7ish. Did being a housewife…a good housewife, always come naturally to you? I have to admit, I am envious of those who are naturals.:o
 
You girls, thank you so much for such unexpected kind thoughts.You touched me to tears, as I feel so sad today, because my youngest son, a big six-foot six blue-eyed, kind and warm hearted man of 36 is very sad as his marriage has broken up.

Last evening it became quite definite, and he’s losing his home, which is hard because he’s a homebody. He makes beautiful fine furniture, but doesn’t make a lot of money. He was Apprentice of the State in his final year. He has a warm simple heart, just wanted a loving wife and children. His wife is a good woman, but a risk-taker and agrees not one who should have married, nor married him when he was only 18. It’s not a bitter breakup. It’s just like his wife has decided her husband was really for her a little brother.

We hurt so much when they hurt

Thank you so much for knowing that I do reach out with love and concern…but you both do also. There are many good hearts in this forum.

Love, Trishie
 
Trishie said:
You girls, thank you so much for such unexpected kind thoughts.You touched me to tears, as I feel so sad today, because my youngest son, a big six-foot six blue-eyed, kind and warm hearted man of 36 is very sad as his marriage has broken up.

Last evening it became quite definite, and he’s losing his home, which is hard because he’s a homebody. He makes beautiful fine furniture, but doesn’t make a lot of money. He was Apprentice of the State in his final year. He has a warm simple heart, just wanted a loving wife and children. His wife is a good woman, but a risk-taker and agrees not one who should have married, nor married him when he was only 18. It’s not a bitter breakup. It’s just like his wife has decided her husband was really for her a little brother.

We hurt so much when they hurt

Thank you so much for knowing that I do reach out with love and concern…but you both do also. There are many good hearts in this forum.

Love, Trishie
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I’m so sorry to hear that Trishie! 😦 Good to hear it’s not a bitter ending, but it’s sad that their marriage is ending just the same. I will keep them and you in my prayers.
 
Trishie said:
We hurt so much when they hurt
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Isn’t that the truth?! I am a very strong person and can withstand just about anything except when my son is hurting. Of course I’m strong for him when he needs me but seeing him hurt makes my heat break like nothing else can.

I will pray for your son during his difficult time and for you also. He is so lucky to have you.

Mine is six foot three with brown eyes. Even as big as they are, they are just like big teddy bears! 🙂 And we are the mother bears! Grrrr.

Amie
 
BeluvdLily said:
Isn’t that the truth?! I am a very strong person and can withstand just about anything except when my son is hurting. Of course I’m strong for him when he needs me but seeing him hurt makes my heat break like nothing else can.

I will pray for your son during his difficult time and for you also. He is so lucky to have you.

Mine is six foot three with brown eyes. Even as big as they are, they are just like big teddy bears! 🙂 And we are the mother bears! Grrrr.

Amie
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Mine is 15 yrs old, and 6’1"…he still listens to me though.😛 It’s funny to have to shake your finger…pointed in an upward motion, when trying to teach them something for their own good. lol Soon, he will be taller than my hubby…that should be interesting, when that happens. If that happens. lol

I agree–I hurt too when my children hurt. 😦
 
Thank you for your prayers. It’s very encouraging.

Yes I sometimes think of my youngest as a teddy bear also. He embraces me with his voice. My middle son is six-foot-three with dancing hazel eyes, my eldest six feet, with brown eyes that are sometimes too serious, sometimes mischevious. They went up three inches each time.

Whatevergirl, the shaking finger above your head thing. When he leaves home it changes. He won’t be able to do enough to please you! 🙂

When they’re hurting, I’ve thought of it as the crown of thorns around one’s heart. The trouble is it never comes off even though it doesn’t always pain. I am so pleased for my second son’s marital and general happiness.

Please God all will go well for your sons, your children.

God bless you, Trishie
 
puzzleannie said:
Housework done properly fosters the virtue of hospitality, the concrete expression of the theological virtue of charity.
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I love that! What a lovely way to look at it. That’s how I understand it, but it’s nice to see it put succinctly into words.
 
With regard to our childrens’ suffering and how it hurts us, being Catholic has benefitted me immensely! (I’m a convert of about a year and a half).

My son has really gone through some serious issues and I thought it would surely kill me but there is such comfort in the Rosary and in uniting my pain at seeing my son suffer with Mary’s pain at watching Jesus suffer and I know that hers was so much worse and that she understands a mother’s heart better than anyone. That gives me strength. The Blessed Mother and St. Anne are two of my biggest comforts. Along with St. Joseph.

Amie
 
Well, considering that I’m still single…I’m not a stay at home housewife. I do hope that if ever I marry that I can be a housewife. I would absolutely love to be a housewife. I find as I get older, I feel the desire to have a husband to take care of, to remain home and take care of the home, and be able to cook for us.
 
Trishie said:
You girls, thank you so much for such unexpected kind thoughts.You touched me to tears, as I feel so sad today, because my youngest son, a big six-foot six blue-eyed, kind and warm hearted man of 36 is very sad as his marriage has broken up.

Last evening it became quite definite, and he’s losing his home, which is hard because he’s a homebody. He makes beautiful fine furniture, but doesn’t make a lot of money. He was Apprentice of the State in his final year. He has a warm simple heart, just wanted a loving wife and children. His wife is a good woman, but a risk-taker and agrees not one who should have married, nor married him when he was only 18. It’s not a bitter breakup. It’s just like his wife has decided her husband was really for her a little brother.

We hurt so much when they hurt

Thank you so much for knowing that I do reach out with love and concern…but you both do also. There are many good hearts in this forum.

Love, Trishie
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I’m so sorry to hear this about your son. I yearn so much for a good husband of my own, so I feel for him for his loss. It broke my heart when I read that he builds furniture. My grandfather did the same. There’s just something endearing about a man who works with his hands like that.
 
Trishie,

So sorry to hear about your son. My two girls are 23 and 27, married, and we do hurt when they do, don’t we?

A very nice thread! I stayed home with my girls, and was fortunate enough to be able to do so. My husband has always worked weird hours, abut 1 pm- 10:30 or so, as he is a TV newscaster who does two shows. He loved that I was home with the girls. We have lived far from our families our whole marriage (a great sadness) due to his work, but I was able to take them on long road trips “home” each summer because I had the time. I volunteered for years with the small local ballet company where they danced for a number of years, and then, when my younger daughter entered high school, I took a job with the ballet company, which I held for 8 years, and was able to use my English degree, as my job involved a good deal of writing and communication.

I have now “retired”, and we are empty-nesters as of June. Dh loves having me home; I enjoy cooking, we can go to lunch occasionally before he goes to work. For years he visited his mom in a nursing home instead of eating dinner between newscasts, but she passed away, we moved closer to the TV station, and he now has a bit of time for a quick meal with me at home each evening.

I still volunteer with the ballet company (wonderful and interesting) and love having the time to read, travel occasionally with dh, spend time with my recently married daughter who is, at least for now, still here in town, and see our out-of-town daughter and SIL when possible.

I know I’ve been blessed. I wouldn’t trade being a homemaker for the world. But, it’s good to know that I could earn some kind of living, too, if necessary.
 
The maternal goodness in this thread has affected me oddly. I suddenly feel confident to begin a painting. I’ve felt unable to paint for some time. There are some requests in the Prayer Intention forum today I haven’t prayed with yet. But then I feel I can actually paint. I wanted to do a special painting for one of my brothers’ birthdays but have felt unable.

Misfitz, please God you will find the loving good husband you wish for, and all the other graces you desire.

And all of you Moms, I really look forward to meeting you in heaven. God bless you all, who can stay home, or who have to work.
 
I stopped working outside the house a few weeks before our first
child was born. I went back to work part time when the kids were
in grade school, so I was back home before them. They are now
18 and 15 and I now also have an additional job but I do it at home. They also talk about the fun times we had together when
they were little, and I too would not change that for anything.
Those are precious memories to all of us. I had looked forward
so much to being a Mom and I wanted to experience as much
as I could with my kids.🙂
 
I consider homemaking a career. If it’s something you’re good at and get some satisfaction from, and you’re paid what you’re worth, good. Sounds like a deal to me. But I’m not a housewife because I’m not very domestically adept, I don’t want to be married, and I have talents and ideas I want to use that aren’t domestic in nature, so it’s not a good career choice for me. I have known some really good homemakers of both sexes and I admire their ability to self-start, stay organized and be on call at all hours.
 
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