The parents during this weekend time run errands, do workouts (long distance running), take naps, get groceries, that sort of thing.
Put yourself back to when you were a parent, rather than a grandparent…would you have done this every weekend? If you had, what would you have lost? Times may have changed in terms of what children are willing to ask of their parents, but human nature has not.
You might decide to talk to your child and say, "I could have left you alone with Grandma more than I did, and Grandma might have loved to have had you. I can tell you, though, if I had never been there visiting with you,
I would have lost out.
We would have lost out. It was harder to shop with you, sure, but you learned and we got to spend time together. I might have gotten a nap if I had gone home when I took you to your grandma’s, but by staying I got to spend time with both you and Grandma.
“I can tell you that the time you will get to spend with your children is over too soon, especially the years when they are simply thrilled for any minute you can give them. The less you value those moments, the sooner those times are gone. To be blunt, the time you get to spend with your parents before they’re gone run out before you know it, too, especially the years when your parents can be active with you.
That is what I am concerned about! That is why I’m not just leaving this decision up to you and doing what you want anymore. We need to talk about this, so I can decide how much I want to do this any more.”
You might also point out, if you like, that you have earned your place in the time of life when most of your weekend days are your own and when childcare duties are taken on because they are fun, not an obligation. You earned that, taking care of your child when your child was little, putting in a full week yourself, and you’d like to enjoy it while you’re still young enough to do it.
This doesn’t need to be presented in an accusatory way. You can simply say that you have a different opinion about what is best for all involved and, since this is about whether you’re going to pitch free labor into the project, you do have a say. Your child must convince you that a particular granny-care arrangement is a good one, after all, not the other way around!!
A few hours on Saturdays is one thing…you can leave that open, if you like. You might even take the kids on Saturday night and meet the parents after Mass the next day. You can do anything you want, if you’re satisfied it is a good arrangement. That is up to you. A whole day every weekend, though: unless you are fully on board and feel yourself that it is good for everyone involved, that is taking advantage of you. Insisting on an arrangment that you don’t think is in the best interest of all involved is unfairly disenfranchising you. You deserve a vote about whether this is a good idea.
IOW, you have every right to question these parents about whether they aren’t failing to take advantage of so much of their limited opportunity to build a relationship with their children by cherishing opportunities to “waste time” with them. You deserve to put your opinion in on this arrangement, all the way, and the truth is, you are one of the people with a “veto” vote.
PS If you hear the phrase “guilt trip” in your child’s reply, you need to say: “No, I’m giving you a* reality* trip. If looking too closely at reality makes you feel guilty, that is your guilt to deal with, not mine.”
Parenting…it is never really over, is it?
:dts: