How much did /do you have in common

[Aggies08]

ALmost nothing in terms of hobbies/spare time things. We enjoy spending time together, talking, but he’s into computer games and side jobs, while I like the outdoors and reading books. When we do find time to be together, we usually watch a movie on netflix (and one of us falls asleep quickly!) or are going somewhere- park, event (little fairs and stuff), etc. We are so busy with the kids right now, that really, we sleep and talk in bed when we do get time alone!

Nearly everything in terms of religion, family values (how we want things done with our kids), how neat/dirty the house can/cannot be, financial values/budgeting.

 

[catholicanne]

…with the guy or gal you wound up marrying?

I’ve recently just started seeing a gal, whom I’ve been friends with for a bit, and things really sort of developed on their own after. I like her, and think she’s pretty neat, but she’s a little uncommon for my normal preference in women in the fact that she and I don’t share a lot of the same hobbies. There are overlaps, yes, and lots of the normal things, like movies and walks and the like, we both love to do, but it just seems…strange, not to date a gal who’s not into gaming and the like, like most of the other gals I’ve seen.

When you married folks here on CAF met your spouses, did ya’ll share a lot of the same interests? Do you now? Just curious about it all, and not trying to rush into anything or over-analyze.

Thanks for your time.

No, we don’t share a lot of the same interests. I like to quilt, he likes to tinker. I like to bake, he likes to read sci-fi novels. And on and on. What we do have in common is our morals and values. We’re both conservative, we’re both kind of old fashioned, we’re both compassionate and caring, and we both come from working class backgrounds. I think as long as the foundation is similar, you’ll find a way to deal with the differences. After all, my husband loves to sleep under the quilts I make and eat the treats I bake and I love to have a running vehicle and a husband that that entertain himself while I sew. lol

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think this is a good point. Two introverts may have it easier because they are used to doing things that don’t require someone else’s (name removed by moderator)ut. However, this would be more difficult if one person is an extrovert and needs the “cooperation” of the introvert to feel connected. That is something to consider when choosing a spouse and not one of the things that will magically change after marriage.

That is very important, actually. I am the more extroverted of the two of us, but I am still quite comfortable being alone and doing my own activities. I have never been the type who has to have company every minute of the day. My hubby is VERY introverted although he can pretend to be less introverted for a while…But being with people always drains him. Having children was a real strain on him.

If one person is always tugging at the other, “Let’s do this,” or, “Let’s go there!” it gets really old. Or from the other side, “Leave me alone!” is hard not to take personally, especially when you love him/her and just want to spend time together.

 

[Lochias]

Thanks again for the answers, all…really, I guess my worries were just the voice of inexperience in dating people outside of my hobbies / social circle kinda thing.

Talk about the big stuff with your friend. I assume she’s Catholic?

She’s actually not Catholic. I’ve looked around for a while now for a Catholic gal, but the dating pool for such here in my area is rather slim. (No singles meetings around here, save for once in a blue moon). Most of the folks I’d be interested in are typically taken, and I had little luck with CatholicMatch.

This gal I’ve known for a while, and the romantic angle sort of just…happened. That actually makes it rather comfortable for us, as this doesn’t feel like something we scraped and planned and schemed for. She is a Messianic Jew, but we do a lot of talking about both of our faiths, and thusfar she’s been musing thoughtfully on the things that the RCC teaches and does.

Our interests do vary quite a bit from each other, though there is some common ground, like virtually all of the people who have responded to my post. We’re still the beginning stages of even dating, just feeling out the waters, so to speak, and so we haven’t done a lot of heavier talking yet, beyond both acknowledging that we’d like to see where this goes, and that we are comfortable and happy around each other.

If it does get more serious, yes, we’ll be talking about our core values and the like. I would honestly prefer to date a Catholic, but God’s in control, and knows I’ve been askin’. She’s a great gal, at any rate.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hey, on that subject…Can you get back to me on what a “Messianic Jew” really is? I mean, if they believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah, doesn’t that make them…a Christian?

The terms seem contradictory to me. The closest understanding I have is a person who does believe that Jesus was the Messiah, but wants to retain his/her Jewishness, maybe for cultural/familial reasons. But it just seems odd. I mean, you can be Jewish, or you can be Christian, but you can’t be both, can you??

 

[Lochias]

Hey, on that subject…Can you get back to me on what a “Messianic Jew” really is? I mean, if they believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah, doesn’t that make them…a Christian?

The terms seem contradictory to me. The closest understanding I have is a person who does believe that Jesus was the Messiah, but wants to retain his/her Jewishness, maybe for cultural/familial reasons. But it just seems odd. I mean, you can be Jewish, or you can be Christian, but you can’t be both, can you??

I don’t really understand it, either. From what she’s said so far, she essentially believes that while Christ was the Messiah, all of us folks as a whole were wrong to do away with the old feasts and laws and stuff…though she does not observe ALL of those, just some of them…it’s really kind of circular logic, and she’s not been able to say much when I point out the coming of the new Kingdom, and how Jesus brought the covenant from the physical into the spiritual, thus fulfilling a lot of those old laws and obligations.

She’s actually Hispanic, and so there’s not a lot of cultural reason for her to stick with Jewish custom (as far as I know…anyone care to enlighten me, if I’m not in the know?). I generally think she’s just searching right now; she does place importance on having Jesus in one’s life, and going to church, and not just for the sake of another person, and on and on.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t really understand it, either. From what she’s said so far, she essentially believes that while Christ was the Messiah, all of us folks as a whole were wrong to do away with the old feasts and laws and stuff…though she does not observe ALL of those, just some of them…it’s really kind of circular logic, and she’s not been able to say much when I point out the coming of the new Kingdom, and how Jesus brought the covenant from the physical into the spiritual, thus fulfilling a lot of those old laws and obligations.

She’s actually Hispanic, and so there’s not a lot of cultural reason for her to stick with Jewish custom (as far as I know…anyone care to enlighten me, if I’m not in the know?). I generally think she’s just searching right now; she does place importance on having Jesus in one’s life, and going to church, and not just for the sake of another person, and on and on.

Okay, now I’m even MORE intrigued…A Hispanic Jew?? Was her mother Jewish? That’s just so unusual! It’s not from her cultural roots, that’s for sure - Hispanics by and large, are Catholic.

I can understand how a Jewish person would want to retain the rituals. Their rituals and holy days are so meaningful and beautiful. I always thought if I couldn’t be Catholic, I could be Jewish, I think the Shabbat, etc. would feel somewhat similar. Although no Eucharist would be a tragic shame.

 

[EasterJoy]

Hey, on that subject…Can you get back to me on what a “Messianic Jew” really is? I mean, if they believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah, doesn’t that make them…a Christian?

The terms seem contradictory to me. The closest understanding I have is a person who does believe that Jesus was the Messiah, but wants to retain his/her Jewishness, maybe for cultural/familial reasons. But it just seems odd. I mean, you can be Jewish, or you can be Christian, but you can’t be both, can you??

Remember when Paul opposed those in the Church who thought Gentile converts needed to be circumcised? Messianic Jews hold that Paul was right with regards to Gentiles, but that Jewish believers still ought to observe the Jewish law as it is in the Torah (as opposed to certain modern Jewish interpretations of Torah).

Okay, now I’m even MORE intrigued…A Hispanic Jew?? Was her mother Jewish? That’s just so unusual! It’s not from her cultural roots, that’s for sure - Hispanics by and large, are Catholic.

I can understand how a Jewish person would want to retain the rituals. Their rituals and holy days are so meaningful and beautiful. I always thought if I couldn’t be Catholic, I could be Jewish, I think the Shabbat, etc. would feel somewhat similar. Although no Eucharist would be a tragic shame.

Many Jews with Hispanic last names are descended from Spanish-speaking Jews that the Spain forced to either convert or flee by a royal edict in 1492. Some number of them stayed and hid their Judaism, too, but not very many. That was exceedingly dangerous to do! The Messianic Judaism movement, though, is mostly made up of Jews who converted to Christianity since the 1960s or so. (Of course, before 1960, trying to be simultaneously Jewish and Christian wouldn’t make you any friends in either camp, and could have been very dangerous.) From what I understand, not a few Gentiles join Messianic Jewish communities. They’re not considered Jews, and not considered to be bound by Jewish observances, but they do belong because they’re Christian.

 

[_Jenn]

When my husband & I met, and even when we first started dating, we didn’t have much in common. I’m Catholic, he’s not, but we share the same moral values, which is wonderful. As far as interests - we both love music, but different types. He’s a homebody, I’m a social butterfly. I love to read, he’d rather watch TV (especially sports).

But, we’ve introduced each other to things that the other has ended up liking. We complement each other well, and slowly, over the 14 years we’ve been together (married 11 of those years), I’ve become more of a homebody (though still social, just enjoy being home more than I did back then), while he doesn’t bat an eye at sitting through a “chick flick” with me most of the time. Having a boy has helped me get used to the fact that no matter the season, on any given day, there could be a sports game (or games) on the TV during the day/night. LOL And that’s ok; baseball/hockey are fine, but I still can’t stand football. But, even with that, I’ve still taken them to our pro team’s training camp twice. I support his interests, he supports mine - I’ve managed to get him to the ballet.

Bottom line for us is that yes, we married, two became one, etc. But at the same time, we didn’t lose ourselves as individuals. And we don’t have to be glued at the hip 24/7. As long as we stick to our moral values, and keep sharing those, all will be well.

 

[oneofmany]

Who cares about hobbies? Hobbies can be worked out. The main thing is do you share the same religion or philosophies on life? That is the most important.

Same religion?

Same thoughts on how to raise children and how many do you want?

Are you compatable when it comes to finances and money matters? That is a biggie in marriages. Many fights over money can be avoided if you agree.

Do you both have similar family upbringing?

To me these were all important, each one of them. I felt I could almost finish my hubby’s sentences, we had so much in common. We are different though in personality. He is more outgoing than I am but I like that. Usually couples have one who is more outgoing and brings in the friends while the other takes the back seat.

The only way to know if you are compatable is to date for awhile. Don’t jump in too deep until you get to know how the other acts in all kinds of situations. If you can stay together though the bad as well as the good you will make a good couple and it will last.

 

[Anemone1]

…with the guy or gal you wound up marrying?

I’ve recently just started seeing a gal, whom I’ve been friends with for a bit, and things really sort of developed on their own after. I like her, and think she’s pretty neat, but she’s a little uncommon for my normal preference in women in the fact that she and I don’t share a lot of the same hobbies. There are overlaps, yes, and lots of the normal things, like movies and walks and the like, we both love to do, but it just seems…strange, not to date a gal who’s not into gaming and the like, like most of the other gals I’ve seen.

When you married folks here on CAF met your spouses, did ya’ll share a lot of the same interests? Do you now? Just curious about it all, and not trying to rush into anything or over-analyze.

Thanks for your time.

My husband and I have little hobbies in common. I’m into art, reading etc… he’s into sports. He’s an engineer; I’m a writer/ artist which shows we think totally different. We enjoy doing many things together though. Once you’re married and with each other all the time, it’s nice to have your own hobbies as your own personal time. In the past, I had dated men I met in my major (with the same interests), and none of them seemed to work out. Opposites attract. I guess that was true in our case. What’s important is that your values collide.