How much did you spend on your wedding?

[pensmama87]

I think we paid $100 each to the parish and to the priest who celebrated (who had been the pastor there but recently transferred.) We came up with the numbers ourselves, having no idea what was customary or how to ask. This was in 2010.

We had our own musicians and altar servers, and did not do any decorating in the church. Our entire wedding budget including honeymoon and travel was $10,000, and we came in under that (100 people). So $200 was not much. If the situation had required we could have cut down even more or been married closer to home.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

I forgot to add the cost for pre Cana classes. That was about 300.00 for a weekend. All in all we budgeted 1,000.00 for the church. All the reception places we looked at would have included the wedding for free. We ended up going with an enclosed park pavilion for the reception. Hoping for good weather as it is on July fourth this year.

I thought the church was a signifiant amount.

We also plan to donate 10 percent of the final wedding cost to a charity.

 

[Lorelei12]

Our parish at the time gave us a “price list” of the various fees they charged. I think we paid about $1000 in church-related costs, which included a check to the priest, altar server payments, organist, “wedding coordinator” fees, and a fee for the use of the church. The only “charge” I was annoyed about was the wedding coordinator fees- it was a few hundred dollars for two people to talk to us about the procession and come to the rehearsal. We had a small wedding (around 50 people total) so two people were certainly not necessary. I wouldn’t have minded paying one.

The priest, upon handing us this list, explained that the city we were married in was a desirable “destination” (though I grew up there…), and that if people could pay thousands for receptions then they could afford the fees. I thought his explanation was a little odd, but he did say that if we had trouble paying that the parish would work with us.

I think that people who say they can’t get married because they can’t afford a wedding are just making excuses. Parishes will work with people who can’t afford whatever fees are involved, and you can be married at a regular Mass too. I don’t think this is an exclusively Catholic thing though, not sure where that idea came from.

 

[PhiloMed]

For our Northeast USA wedding the Church asked for (I think) around $450 fee, $200 soloist fee and an optional $300 for trumpets.

The reception was much more, but that was what we paid to get married.

I have no doubt that if a couple wanted to marry in our parish and they honestly didn’t have the nearly $1000 for all of that then our priest or deacon would arrange something with them for almost nothing.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I think that people who say they can’t get married because they can’t afford a wedding are just making excuses. Parishes will work with people who can’t afford whatever fees are involved, and you can be married at a regular Mass too. I don’t think this is an exclusively Catholic thing though, not sure where that idea came from.

I don’t think it is either, however one big difference between Catholics versus Protestants and other faiths, is that per the Church, a Catholic who has a civil marriage isn’t actually married per the Church. If two people marry per the State and go on to have sex, they are actually fornicating. Hence why many practicing Catholics express dilemmas about going to weddings of Catholics who “marry” outside the Church, they’re not actually “married” at all without proper dispensation.

However, many Protestants do believe a courthouse wedding DOES count, and I have often seen people give advice to those in “irregular situations” or even those who are being tempted to fornicate with their fiances to “just go on down to the courthouse tomorrow with two friends, get married, and then you can have all the sex you want!”

That doesn’t quite apply to Catholics.

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t think it is either, however one big difference between Catholics versus Protestants and other faiths, is that per the Church, a Catholic who has a civil marriage isn’t actually married per the Church. If two people marry per the State and go on to have sex, they are actually fornicating. Hence why many practicing Catholics express dilemmas about going to weddings of Catholics who “marry” outside the Church, they’re not actually “married” at all without proper dispensation.

However, many Protestants do believe a courthouse wedding DOES count, and I have often seen people give advice to those in “irregular situations” or even those who are being tempted to fornicate with their fiances to “just go on down to the courthouse tomorrow with two friends, get married, and then you can have all the sex you want!”

That doesn’t quite apply to Catholics.

Just a short clarification: for Protestants, a courthouse wedding does count, even from a Catholic perspective. So two Protestants (or even non-Christians) who marry in a courthouse and later become Catholic do not require convalidation, because the Church already recognizes their marriages as valid (and if they are baptized Christians, their marriage is already sacramental).

 

[Dulcie]

Civil ceremony and convalidation here, but it was nothing to do with money. It was to do with complications about being legally married (our Catholic ceremony wouldn’t have been legally binding).

 

[slh3016]

Going forward, I am somewhat tempted to just hand each young adult child a check and tell them to do whatever with it–wedding, car, house downpayment, furniture, etc.

This is what my husband says he will do

We didn’t get married in a Catholic Church but had a church wedding and we spent about $6,000.

I think my gown was like $500, the flowers were $600, and the photographer was $600. Those were our biggies. A dear family friend of both sides made our beautiful cake as our gift and we had family and friends help in preparing the food which was a simple buffet (chicken salad croissants, fruit, veggies, meatballs, cheese and crackers). At the time, I wish we’d been able to do something “more” but that’s all we had to work with and looking back, 17 years later, it was perfectly fine

 

[Bookcat]

Not a great deal.

 

[Bookcat]

Here is some words of wisdom from Pope Francis - which I pass on to all who are getting Married…in our current ‘crazy wedding culture’ they are a wonderfully refreshing reminder to Christians who are getting Married:

Here is the article:

Finally, the Holy Father commented that marriage should be a celebration, but a Christian rather than a worldly one.

He offered as an example Jesus’ first miracle at Cana, when he transformed water into wine when the latter appeared to have run out, thus saving the celebrations. “What happened at Cana two thousand years ago, happens in reality at every wedding feast. It is the presence of the Lord, who reveals Himself and the gift of His grace, that will render your marriage full and profoundly true. …

At the same time, it is good for your wedding to be sober and to emphasise that which is truly important. Some people are more concerned with external signs, with the banquet, the dress…

These are important aspects of a feast, but only if they are able to indicate the true reason for your joy: the Lord’s blessing upon your love. Ensure that, like the wine in Cana, the external signs of your wedding feast reveal the presence of the Lord and remind you, and all those presence, of the origin of and reason for your joy”.

~ Pope Francis

Vatican Information Service - Eng - txt visnews_entxt@mlists.vatican.va

(he said more but it would not fit…so I just am noting this last part for it is about the celebration and festivities–and it is posted here as it is related to the topic for all to consider who are approaching getting married.)

(and the term “sober” there is referring not to drinking -though he would say one must also be sober in that way too~!- most especially the bride and groom)

 

[slh3016]

I’ve been to a lot of weddings.

By far…the most fun I’ve had at a wedding were the laid back, BBQ, outdoor and/or done at a VFW hall.

Pick your own seating, buffet, a bar and good music with a place to dance. That is all you need for a good time.

Barn weddings/receptions have become very big in our area……people are even building elaborate barns on their property for the sole intention of renting them out for weddings. It seems that the pendulum here has swung away from having receptions in fancy venues with fine linens, elaborate flower arrangements, sit-down dinners to the laid back, very minimalist, less formal, BBQ-style buffets. I’m hoping that style sticks around for 20 or so years until my girls are married

 

[Kelfa28]

Barn weddings/receptions have become very big in our area……people are even building elaborate barns on their property for the sole intention of renting them out for weddings. It seems that the pendulum here has swung away from having receptions in fancy venues with fine linens, elaborate flower arrangements, sit-down dinners to the laid back, very minimalist, less formal, BBQ-style buffets. I’m hoping that style sticks around for 20 or so years until my girls are married

I agree…I have 3 daughters…the oldest just turned 3 and the youngest is due in 8 weeks.

We have awhile to wait before we have to think about pricing weddings.

Luckily for my parents…my husband and I were a little bit older and both had decent jobs. We went minimalist but paid for the wedding ourselves.

My parents picked up the tab on a couple of things like the reception hall deposit, my accessories and the cake.
My FIL covered the open bar tab for the everyone in the wedding party.
We didn’t ask for any of those things…they were mostly surprises.

I went to a wedding hosted at a house that belonged to a friend of the grooms. It was an invitation only ceremony but a open invite (as in anyone could show up) for the reception.

They had the pool open, they had a small pool house they turned into an open bar (they basically bought a few kegs and enough alcohol for basic mixed drinks and “hired” two college aged daughters of friends to run the bar and the girls got to keep all the tips…about $800 worth) and they got a BBQ caterer and roasted a pig.
Tents with picnic tables and a large, open backyard to play wiffle ball and toss a football around.
The DJ was a college aged son of a friend with a Macbook and a massive music library with speakers.
The “wedding cake” was a platter of ho-hos and twinkles.

It was FUN!
I wanted a wedding like that but we just didn’t want a big wedding with a ton of people.
I did design my wedding with that in mind.
Buffet, no assigned seats, no decorations…as minimalist as possible…and it didn’t cost much money at all.
The stress was low as well.

I’ve been to “high-brow” weddings and the bride always looked so stressed out.

 

[kozlosap]

These postings give me hope! My DD and her very, very serious boyfriend (they are in their late 20’s), just attended a destination wedding in the Napa Valley this last weekend. The couple payed for everything themselves since they are in their early 30’s and have been together for five years. There were 80 guests. Half were from Southern California and the other half from Long Island. The costs included a day long wine tasting, rehearsal dinner, ceremony & reception then a brunch yesterday. The total cost was $85.000. I just about choked. My DD understands that I cannot afford that. I will buy her dress and hostess the rehearsal dinner, and that’s about all this retired, single mom can pony up. Both kids are Catholic and I pray that they will have a mass instead of doing the new idea of getting married in a field or on a beach then having their marriage blessed by a priest a few weeks later.

 

[slh3016]

I agree…I have 3 daughters…the oldest just turned 3 and the youngest is due in 8 weeks.

We have awhile to wait before we have to think about pricing weddings.

Luckily for my parents…my husband and I were a little bit older and both had decent jobs. We went minimalist but paid for the wedding ourselves.

My parents picked up the tab on a couple of things like the reception hall deposit, my accessories and the cake.
My FIL covered the open bar tab for the everyone in the wedding party.
We didn’t ask for any of those things…they were mostly surprises.

I went to a wedding hosted at a house that belonged to a friend of the grooms. It was an invitation only ceremony but a open invite (as in anyone could show up) for the reception.

They had the pool open, they had a small pool house they turned into an open bar (they basically bought a few kegs and enough alcohol for basic mixed drinks and “hired” two college aged daughters of friends to run the bar and the girls got to keep all the tips…about $800 worth) and they got a BBQ caterer and roasted a pig.
Tents with picnic tables and a large, open backyard to play wiffle ball and toss a football around.
The DJ was a college aged son of a friend with a Macbook and a massive music library with speakers.
The “wedding cake” was a platter of ho-hos and twinkles.

It was FUN!
I wanted a wedding like that but we just didn’t want a big wedding with a ton of people.
I did design my wedding with that in mind.
Buffet, no assigned seats, no decorations…as minimalist as possible…and it didn’t cost much money at all.
The stress was low as well.

I’ve been to “high-brow” weddings and the bride always looked so stressed out.

That does sound FUN!!! I was so stressed on my wedding day that I truly don’t remember enjoying most of it.

 

[slh3016]

These postings give me hope! My DD and her very, very serious boyfriend (they are in their late 20’s), just attended a destination wedding in the Napa Valley this last weekend. The couple payed for everything themselves since they are in their early 30’s and have been together for five years. There were 80 guests. Half were from Southern California and the other half from Long Island. The costs included a day long wine tasting, rehearsal dinner, ceremony & reception then a brunch yesterday. The total cost was $85.000. I just about choked. My DD understands that I cannot afford that. I will buy her dress and hostess the rehearsal dinner, and that’s about all this retired, single mom can pony up. Both kids are Catholic and I pray that they will have a mass instead of doing the new idea of getting married in a field or on a beach then having their marriage blessed by a priest a few weeks later.

I’ve heard that there are a couple very nice Catholic wedding chapels overlooking the ocean in Cancun where one can have the best of both…destination wedding and mass! Maybe that would be an idea if they do wish to go that route

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

That does sound FUN!!! I was so stressed on my wedding day that I truly don’t remember enjoying most of it.

I was really stressed too. So much so, that on the way to the reception I asked my DH if we could just skip it.

In retrospect, It probably would have been a good idea.

For my wedding the cost of the associated with the Sacrament of marriage I would guess were about 500-600 dollars about 18 years ago. (Fee for the church, the cantor, the organist, monetary gift for the altar boys, pre cana class etc)

My reception was nice. I think it would have been still nice with 100 fewer guests.

My in-laws insisted on having a really large wedding. They offered to pay for their guests, which I took them up on.

We had close to 300 people. My MIL even invited the house painter who was painting her home.

I could have hosted a wedding with similar dinner for 150 and it still would have been nice, except my husband and I could have enjoyed ourselves.

My ex boss had suggested that my husband and I marry in Italy, and have just the immediate relatives. That was good advice as well.

 

[MJJean]

Our daughters were present for each of those (and served at one of them), and they thought it was great. Not that I’m hoping they want that for their own weddings but…ah, who am i kidding. I’d love it if that’s all they wanted for their weddings.

You might get lucky. Not all gals dream of a big wedding and all the stress and drama that can come with it. I certainly never wanted a “real” wedding. I never wanted the stress, the annoying details, the bloopers, the horror of best laid plans going awry, etc. Serving as a Maid of Honor for a friends wedding totally confirmed my personal suspicion that “real” weddings are to be avoided other than as a supportive guest!

When DH and I got married he had fallen away from the Church many years before, so it was a civil ceremony. I civilly married my DH for the cost of the rings ($500), the cost of the marriage license ($40) and the cost of the Justice of the Peace (also $40).

When DH felt called back to the Church and I felt called to convert, we talked about what we wanted for our convalidation. He said he wants “candles, incense, and a priest.” I am totally ok with that! So, our convalidation will probably cost the donation to the priest, clothing for my DH, myself, and the kids (only our two teens, the eldest will probably be unable to make it back to our home state), and then whatever our lunch tab at our favorite restaurant will be.

 

[slh3016]

I was really stressed too. So much so, that on the way to the reception I asked my DH if we could just skip it.

In retrospect, It probably would have been a good idea.

For my wedding the cost of the associated with the Sacrament of marriage I would guess were about 500-600 dollars about 18 years ago. (Fee for the church, the cantor, the organist, monetary gift for the altar boys, pre cana class etc)

My reception was nice. I think it would have been still nice with 100 fewer guests.

My in-laws insisted on having a really large wedding. They offered to pay for their guests, which I took them up on.

We had close to 300 people. My MIL even invited the house painter who was painting her home.

I could have hosted a wedding with similar dinner for 150 and it still would have been nice, except my husband and I could have enjoyed ourselves.

My ex boss had suggested that my husband and I marry in Italy, and have just the immediate relatives. That was good advice as well.

Okay, I’m laughing about the house painter…that is ridiculous

I’m thinking that Catholic-approved destination weddings are going to become more and more common in the coming years with the average costs of weddings skyrocketing and the fact that if the wedding is taking place in one’s hometown parish, there is a much greater expectation that anybody and everybody be invited. At least with a destination wedding, those “fringe” guests wouldn’t get their feelings hurt by not being invited and would probably feel great relief if they weren’t

In my hometown, it is so small that the majority of the time, a wedding announcement/blanket invitation for all is published in the weekly newspaper so that no one would get their feelings hurt by not getting an invitation (and heaven forbid if a bride actually forgot to invite their grandmother’s first cousin twice removed! You’d hear about that for years!)

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Okay, I’m laughing about the house painter…that is ridiculous

I’m thinking that Catholic-approved destination weddings are going to become more and more common in the coming years with the average costs of weddings skyrocketing and the fact that if the wedding is taking place in one’s hometown parish, there is a much greater expectation that anybody and everybody be invited. At least with a destination wedding, those “fringe” guests wouldn’t get their feelings hurt by not being invited and would probably feel great relief if they weren’t

In my hometown, it is so small that the majority of the time, a wedding announcement/blanket invitation for all is published in the weekly newspaper so that no one would get their feelings hurt by not getting an invitation (and heaven forbid if a bride actually forgot to invite their grandmother’s first cousin twice removed! You’d hear about that for years!)

He actually didn’t show up, and they had to pay for his plate anyway.

If we had gotten married in Italy, it would have been in the Church, obviously.

 

[slh3016]

He actually didn’t show up, and they had to pay for his plate anyway.

If we had gotten married in Italy, it would have been in the Church, obviously.

Oh yes, I assumed you would have…

I was saying that probably in the coming years, you will see more and more Catholic churches or chapels where a Catholic priest can perform a valid ceremony with beachfront/scenic views like the ones that are in and around Cancun currently.