How much evidence do I need to confront regarding infidelity?

[RedBasket]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

 

[Xantippe]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

You’re not married to him.

Move on already.

Best wishes!

 

[RedBasket]

Um, u missed the part where I said I love him?

 

[underacloud]

Break up and move on. You can’t trust him, so why waste any more time on this?

 

[MadetoLove]

RedBasket,

Falling in love is an easy thing to do, and it can happen with a lot of different people, but it doesn’t mean that simply any one of those people would be a good choice for a boyfriend or a life-long partner. A real relationship requires more than an emotional attachment. One of the other things it requires is genuine commitment and fidelity, which your boyfriend has already demonstrated he is not capable of doing.

You and your boyfriend have been together a very short time. Cheating is unacceptable irregardless, but the fact that it happened so quickly into your relationship just poses an extra red flag about this guy.

I know you’re hurting, but you deserve better than this. You deserve a man who will be faithful to you.

I have never been cheated on, but I’ve been in really bad relationships, thinking that love was all we needed. Those relationships have fallen apart because they weren’t based on genuine love. (Think about Jesus when he says: No greater love does one have than this, than to die for the ones they love. love=sacrifice)

I’ll pray for you

 

[maryjk]

You’re not married to him.

Move on already.

Best wishes!

Um, u missed the part where I said I love him?

Nope, she didn’t.

Move on. Thankfully, you are not married to him.

 

[Xantippe]

Um, u missed the part where I said I love him?

Imagine forgiving him now and then discovering yet more infidelity when you are married and have several kids together and have no means of financial support or perhaps while you’re pregnant.

Get out while you’re not married and don’t have any kids together. Run and keep running and don’t look back.

You can love lots of people, many of whom will actually be faithful to you.

 

[PaulinVA]

This has nothing to do with being a Catholic.

Your boyfriend has been unfaithful. That means sex? He shouldn’t be having sex with anyone, right? Not you, not some other woman.

Run while you still can.

 

[Kelfa28]

Being in a relationship means you are discerning whether or not this person would make a good husband/wife.
A good marriage is built on a solid and concrete foundation that is built upon trust, chastity, faith and sacrifice.
If the foundation is not strong then the marriage will fall apart. In all seriousness, “love” is not a solid foundation to build a marriage upon.
The love required for marriage is built and gradually developed. It is demonstrated and not just “felt”.
Real, true love is self-sacrificing and not self-serving. A man who truly loved you would never cheat.
This is why adultery and infidelity…especially within marriage…is so devastating. You are basically setting fire to the marriage you worked so hard to build.

I’m with everyone else. Run, don’t walk away from this guy. It’s really hard to hear…I can imagine. But if he isn’t given any serious consequences he will do it again and again. If you marry him…knowing that he has already cheated on you…you are really setting yourself up for a very difficult marriage and could drag innocent children along for the ride.

You have nothing that keeps you attached to this man. No finances, no children…nothing. Just move on.

 

[SuperLuigi]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

I think you really need to ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with. I would advise you to leave.

In any case I really hope this doesn’t deter your Faith, because Catholics are not supposed to have sex outside of a valid marriage.

I’ve been through something similar before, so PM me if you want.

 

[pianistclare]

This has nothing to do with being a Catholic.

Your boyfriend has been unfaithful. That means sex? He shouldn’t be having sex with anyone, right? Not you, not some other woman.

Run while you still can.

That’s what I was thinking.
If you are just dating, (seeing each other) and he’s dating others then he’s not dating exclusively. He’s not as serious as you are.
If he’s CHEATING, (in my book that means sex with another) he’s not a match for you anyway.

Move on.

 

[mlz]

I am so sorry for the pain this is causing you. Of course you are in pain…this is an act of betrayal and when you are contemplating marriage. How very sad I heard how much you love him…I understand. BUT…does he really love you? If he can’t show you that now, can you trust him later?? I am so very sorry to say this, but no, I have my doubts and although I KNOW you don’t want to hear this I must let you know that I only say this for your own well being so that sad doesn’t become sadder… I will pray for you. As someone else mentioned, this is not typical of serious Catholics who live and love their faith so I would hope that you continue your classes to see for yourself what you believe about the Catholic faith. I would give you a big hug if I could and let you know how much I care and will pray.
My love in Christ,
mlz (a convert to the Catholic Church!)

 

[Catholic1954]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

The purpose of dating is find a spouse, if he is cheating on you now, after only 6 months, what kind of husband do you think he will be after 6 years? You love him now (he apparently does not feel the same), but you can get over him and find a man who is worthy of your love and respect. You have concerns for your health and safety; it is time to leave NOW.

 

[mjs2001]

other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman.

If he were devoted to you, then obviously he wouldn’t have been unfaithful. Moreover, if he were repentant, he wouldn’t be talking to the other woman. She would have no reason to try to break you up because he would’ve made her understand that it is over. I’m sorry, but I think that you need to leave this person. You may love him, but he doesn’t love you because he only loves himself. God bless you and may He guide you to a man who understands what it means to be a man.

 

[Sunbreak]

If he is cheating on you now, it won’t get any better if you marry him. Find someone who will be faithful to you.

 

[Cathoholic]

Welcome to CAF RedBasket.

So sorry you are coming here under this situation.

Some good advice on most of the prior posts.

You said:

I am a “Catholic in training”.

Follow up on the “Catholic in training” would be all I have to fill out what you’ve already been suggested.

I’ll pray for you (and your boyfriend too).

God bless.

Cathoholic

 

[lerapt78]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. **I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. ****Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. ** Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

I’m not sure I even understand the question in your thread title.

If there were some misinterpretation about whatever you found, that it wasn’t really evidence of cheating, and your boyfriend is innocent, then his response when confronted should have been :“Cheating? What are you talking about? You’re totally confused about what you saw - I haven’t cheated on you!”.

The very *last *thing a faithful boyfriend would have asked is “how did you know?”

So are you asking how much *more *evidence - aside from the physical proof and his verbal admission - is required for you to accept that he cheated on you?

 

[Xantippe]

I’m not sure I even understand the question in your thread title.

If there were some misinterpretation about whatever you found, that it wasn’t really evidence of cheating, and your boyfriend is innocent, then his response when confronted should have been :“Cheating? What are you talking about? You’re totally confused about what you saw - I haven’t cheated on you!”.

The very *last *thing a faithful boyfriend would have asked is “how did you know?”

So are you asking how much *more *evidence - aside from the physical proof and his verbal admission - is required for you to accept that he cheated on you?

Yes.

Innocent people (in whatever situation, not just adultery) don’t reply with, “How did you find out?”

 

[Captain_America]

My BF is Catholic, I am a “Catholic in training”. Baptized as a baby, but still studying. He was born Catholic. We have been together 6 months. I recently found physical evidence of infidelity. Confronted my BF, and he only asked how I knew. Brought the issue to the priest, but all he says is to be kind and to pray for my BF. Have done both. But I also have concerns regarding MY health and safety. This other woman is spreading lies and trying HARD to break us up. She even called and talked to him while we were visiting his father in the hospital. His parents know about the other woman. I love him DEARLY. So far, I have only told the priest. Suggestions, ideas, been through anything similar? I’m not a Catholic yet, and it’s all new to me. And HUGELY painful

Why aren’t you married to him?

 

[PennyinCanada]

Have you been having sex with him?

I took this from another thread and it seems appropriate for your situation too…

…
3) Not only is there an explosion of sexually transmitted diseases, but the types that one can catch has now grown remarkably.

1. As a believer, we understand that God made sex to be the super glue that keeps a husband and wife together through hard times that come to all people. Couples that have sex before it’s time can’t think straight once the hormones kick in. There are many people who have said “I don’t know what I was thinking” regarding their partner later on. The divorce rate is unbelievable, and I believe that pre-marital sex certainly clouded peoples’ ability to discern properly, and excuse inexcusable behavior. Many people are together that maybe never should have gone past a few dates.

This dating time is a time of discernment, to see if this is a suitable life partner. You have some critical information of the character of this man. If you have bonded with him sexually, it’s going to be very difficult to bring yourself to break it off. It will hurt less now than if you continue to go forward and give him more of your heart.

I hope you find a man that would rather cut his arm off than hurt you.