J
Jesness
Guest
I have been a born-again Christian for about six months now; but, I was a Christian flavored agnostic for years before that. Lately, I am noticing more and more just how much **** the Lord puts up with from me, and I want to do something for Him, to show that I am grateful, but I am not really sure what I am supposed to do. I did pray and ask Him about it, but I am so horrible at discernment that I rarely if ever understand His answers. (Though I have noticed that when I am in utter spiritual peril, I some how seem to wind up being exactly where I need to be despite not knowing what He wants me to do. (Thank you dear merciful God! >>;;; ) (Like walking in on the Feast of Divine mercy by ‘chance’ when I was about ready to give up on God. Or receiving a youtube video from someone I didn’t know- saying 'repent and be saved- something like 6 hours after I prayed asking if there was any redemption left for someone like me.)
I have had a passing fancy for the monastic life for a while now. More or less since I repented which was about a year before I was baptized. It is very low-level and unobtrusive, but it has come back a little more forceful every time it does come (Still in an unobtrusive way.) it’s got my curiosity peeked just enough for me to consider giving it a try.
I found out that you are required to live as a Sister for a year before they will allow you to even try to become a nun; I forget what it it’s called but you’re basically just a woman living in a convent without any ties or vows or such (Though you fallow the regiment of the rest of the convent); and that sounds just fine for me.
I figure if I can’t cut it for even one year, that I am probably not being called to that vocation. I actually don’t think I am cut out for that life, though I admire it very much (I am a little too rebellious for a life with so much restriction) But I think if I don’t give it a shot, that I will always wonder. And as I’ve said, I am horrible with discernment, and I know that just because I don’t think I am cut out for such a life doesn’t mean that God does. He knows me better than I know myself after all; and is able to strengthen me for whatever my vocation may be.)
So I guess my question is, how much of an urge is too little to assume it’s from God? Are my inclinations just wishful thinking? I am not super attached to the idea. I’ve heard testimonies of people who simply couldn’t live without being a priest or a nun… at the present I don’t have that kind of conviction; but I would imagine that every priest or nun’s conviction had to start somewhere… maybe this is the inkling that will one day become that conviction.
I have had a passing fancy for the monastic life for a while now. More or less since I repented which was about a year before I was baptized. It is very low-level and unobtrusive, but it has come back a little more forceful every time it does come (Still in an unobtrusive way.) it’s got my curiosity peeked just enough for me to consider giving it a try.
I found out that you are required to live as a Sister for a year before they will allow you to even try to become a nun; I forget what it it’s called but you’re basically just a woman living in a convent without any ties or vows or such (Though you fallow the regiment of the rest of the convent); and that sounds just fine for me.
I figure if I can’t cut it for even one year, that I am probably not being called to that vocation. I actually don’t think I am cut out for that life, though I admire it very much (I am a little too rebellious for a life with so much restriction) But I think if I don’t give it a shot, that I will always wonder. And as I’ve said, I am horrible with discernment, and I know that just because I don’t think I am cut out for such a life doesn’t mean that God does. He knows me better than I know myself after all; and is able to strengthen me for whatever my vocation may be.)
So I guess my question is, how much of an urge is too little to assume it’s from God? Are my inclinations just wishful thinking? I am not super attached to the idea. I’ve heard testimonies of people who simply couldn’t live without being a priest or a nun… at the present I don’t have that kind of conviction; but I would imagine that every priest or nun’s conviction had to start somewhere… maybe this is the inkling that will one day become that conviction.