How much is too much?

[Philthy]

I will apologize in advance for being blunt. My question is regarding how much intimate physical touching is “acceptable” between husband and wife if the touch is not an immediate prelude to sexual intercourse. I know it is sinful for a man to intentionally reach orgasm outside of sexual intercourse. My question is directed at whether it is sinful for a husband to sexually stimulate his wife to the point of orgasm if they are not intending it as an immediate prelude to sexual intercourse(ie as foreplay).

 

[pamnbam]

Foreplay and extremely intimate touching is acceptable as long as it leads to vaginal intercourse. To sexually stimulate your wife to the point of orgasm without intending vaginal intercourse constitutes grave sin. If she did the same to you, it would be the same thing. It cheapens the sexual gifts we are given by God to use with our spouses.

 

[Philthy]

Foreplay and extremely intimate touching is acceptable as long as it leads to vaginal intercourse. To sexually stimulate your wife to the point of orgasm without intending vaginal intercourse constitutes grave sin. If she did the same to you, it would be the same thing. It cheapens the sexual gifts we are given by God to use with our spouses.

Hi Pam!

Thank you for taking the time to answer. It is clear to me why it is a grave sin in the case of a husband being stimulated to the point of orgasm, but not as clear in the case of the wife. My guess is that in both cases the natural sexual urge that God gifts us with and orders towards sexual intercourse is being manipulated by the spouses in a way that removes God’s intent from the equation. Is that correct?What document deals with this issue?

 

[Liraco]

I think you might find something helpful in “Humanae Vitae” at the www.vatican.va website but might find some better resources here by doing a search on Catholic.com’s main website.

Here’s a book you might find interesting on the matter though by Pope John Paul II called “Love and Responsibility” (written before becoming Pope). You’d be surprised at how in-depth he goes into things by approaching it from many aspects (not merely theological) which would make it great even for a non-catholic or non-christian to consider.

 

[pamnbam]

I re-read your question, and I’m wondering if you mean “touching that doesn’t intend to result in an orgasm but happens to.” If you are just trying to be intimate with your wife, there are ways to remain chaste if you’re not having marital relations. I don’t think the point of orgasm is something that happens all of a sudden, without warning (for most people), so if you or your wife feels that things are getting out of hand, either or both of you need to stop what you’re doing and not be ruled by your sexual desires.

Here is a similar question someone asked:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=312767&highlight=married+chastity

There is also something in the Catechism about this, but I don’t have mine on hand right now. I hope this helped to clarify your question.

 

[budgie2]

I will apologize in advance for being blunt. My question is regarding how much intimate physical touching is “acceptable” between husband and wife if the touch is not an immediate prelude to sexual intercourse. I know it is sinful for a man to intentionally reach orgasm outside of sexual intercourse. My question is directed at whether it is sinful for a husband to sexually stimulate his wife to the point of orgasm if they are not intending it as an immediate prelude to sexual intercourse(ie as foreplay).

As married for 10 years, I believe that personally my sex life should be free and natural as should my signs of affection. I wouldn’t want my shows of affection towards my husband to be controlled by a rule book. As long as you are not using a contraceptive through choice, show affection freely and naturally towards each other, that would be my advice.

 

[Liraco]

I wouldn’t want my shows of affection towards my husband to be controlled by a rule book.

Precisely the kind of thinking that can lead one to pick apart and choose only what rules they want to follow to make religion their own thing. Obedience tied to convenience.

While you can convince yourself that what you’re doing (bringing pleasure to your partner) is out of love, deep down it’s moved by selfishness or even lust. You’re abusing the marital act for the sake of feeling good alone. The marital act is meant to be you giving yourself FULLY to your spouse. In this regard, the act you describe is no better than self-pleasure even if your partner’s involved because there is no **total **self-donation of one person to another.

I highly recommend that book “Love and Responsibility”.

Here’s another: “The good news about sex and marriage”: shop.catholic.com/product.php?productid=70

 

[Rascalking]

As married for 10 years, I believe that personally my sex life should be free and natural as should my signs of affection. I wouldn’t want my shows of affection towards my husband to be controlled by a rule book. As long as you are not using a contraceptive through choice, show affection freely and naturally towards each other, that would be my advice.

I’m with you. I completely and totally agree with this. I guess I agree with it so much that I probably shouldn’t have even posted this, because when too people agree, one of them isn’t nessecary. So I’m going away now.