How much of a sin is it to lie?

[Nelka]

I was suspended from work last Friday for a triviality. I didn’t tell my wife as she would worry so I pretended to go to work although I returned during Wednesday’s shift.

I know my boss wants me out as he tried to make me redundant a few months ago but failed, he also tried to end my cotract on ill health but failed, afterwards he offered me money (two weeks wages worth) to resign and I rejected that too.

My wife keeps asking me “what’s wrong”, my lie is I keep saying “nothing”. She knows something is up but how do I tell her that one week before Christmas my job is on the line?

If I tell her she will end her maternity leave and will have to work at Christmas and I may not even lose my job so that would be crazy to end it before I know what will happen to me.

She must have asked me ten times this morning but each time I say “nothing’s wrong”.

I know lying is wrong but telling her serves no purpose and will make things unbearable at home.

I do have a way of beating them again as I always use their own words against them and they have to give up but it causes me stress as I cannot stop thinking about the worst case scenario which is less likely than a warning.

Thanks.

 

[Lonely_guy]

O dear. That don’t look good. You really must tell her. She will understand you if she loves you. And how much of a sin it is to lie? That depends on the lie. If your friend has bought a new shirt and is proud of it and think he look good in it by in fact he looks awful in it and you tell him it is a very nice shirt you are lying but why hurt his/hers feelings? God do understand that,at least the God I have faith in. But if you have done something really bad and are telling it was “that worker” or something your lie do hurt someone bad. And that is a lie God don’t understand. But back to your question,the sooner you tell,the better.

 

[Marybeloved]

My friend, best you speak to a priest/spiritual director about it. Your situation is complicated, needs discernment because it involves a lot of different considerations.

But how much of a lie is sin? Depends. Consider all these statements that are all factually false and known to be so by the person that makes them:

-Saying to a man that I can’t go on a date because I have a headache (I don’t) is certainly a sin- but only venial.

-Saying to him that a potential rival female actually works as a prostitute at night (she doesn’t) is much more serious. Telling the Court that I saw someone steal/commit a crime when I did not is indeed very grave.

-Now picture Nazi-Germany: Saying that I’m Catholic when I’m really Jewish would not be sinful in any degree at all. Saying that this person in my house is my nephew (who is actually Jewish and a stranger to me), would not only NOT be sin, but would be very, very good (even required, if it would not risk my life or others) in Gods eyes.

But go speak to a wise priest about your situation, my friend, for your own peace of mind and guidance.

 

[Lonely_guy]

I am so sorry. I was not honest. The same has happen to me and I did not tell but my wife did find out the truth. I really don’t know what you can do. Speak to your priest? What if she call to your office and hear it that way and you come home as everything is normal and she ask you “so how was your day at work?”. Then you are in trouble. I gave a good advice I reckon but it was not a honest one because I would have done all I can to hide the fact that I am without work. And what about the money? To be honest,I don’t know what you can do. Try to tell her,but I am not sure it will go well. I know how you feel and I wish I could help you. Best advice? You know her,the situation and the truth. Think think and think and then go with your instinct. God bless,I know how you feel.

 

[Bearontherun]

I do believe that you should tell her. Lying is not right, and she is especially deserving of your respect and trust as she is your wife. She already suspects something is wrong and will likely not rest until she finds out. Also, it can quickly get out of hand…a week can turn into a month, a month can turn into three, etc. Telling her will only get harder as more time passes.

Something like this happened years ago to someone my husband knew. He kept going out in the morning “to work” and coming home in the evening as if nothing was wrong. This went on for a long time until all the money ran out. It ended tragically.

I will pray for you and your wife for the situation to be resolved.

 

[tbcrawford]

Nelka I do agree you should talk to your wife.However don’t be so hard on yourself you didn’t ‘lie’ to hurt her but to protect her.In fact saying “nothing” is what we all do to avoid arguments sometimes! You did not deliberately set out to lie to your wife.You simply did not know how to handle this worrying situation.

Have a chat with your wife and tell her hwo worried you are and she will be very supportive I am sure.She needs to know in any case, as she loves you and is your partner in life but also it could affect you all and it is best to be prepared.

I hope all goes well for you God bless

 

[105lynne]

Tell her! Absolutely! She already knows something is wrong and that you’re hiding something. Don’t let her imagination get away from her. I developed trust issues with my husband because of similar stuff–him not telling me things, as to “not worry” me. Nope! This is a marriage and in a marriage we share, regardless of the news. In good times and in bad, in plenty and in want, for richer or poorer, you get the idea…Wouldn’t you feel a little better if she knew and you could figure out a plan together? I really encourage you to be open and honest with her about everything. You (and she) will be glad you did! Merry Christmas! I’m praying for you

 

[Castello]

Please don’t trot out the mythical Nazis. This man has a legitimate question.

I have BEEN in your wife’s shoes. My biggest question, are you on paid suspension or not? If you are going to miss pay, unless you are wealthy, you need to tell her this morning. For a mother there is no greater terror than to have the security of a paycheck removed.

If your job is in any sort of jeopardy, she needs to know. She needs to be able to budget accordingly (I stood there screaming "why did you not tell me? I could have been saving more, not spending).

This impacts both of you. Tell your wife.

 

[105lynne]

Please don’t trot out the mythical Nazis. This man has a legitimate question.

I have BEEN in your wife’s shoes. My biggest question, are you on paid suspension or not? If you are going to miss pay, unless you are wealthy, you need to tell her this morning. For a mother there is no greater terror than to have the security of a paycheck removed.

If your job is in any sort of jeopardy, she needs to know. She needs to be able to budget accordingly (I stood there screaming "why did you not tell me? I could have been saving more, not spending).

This impacts both of you. Tell your wife.

 

[Luvtosew]

Well yes she needs to know, for the above reasons, and it is so close to Christmas so you may say to her after you tell her, lets not worry about this now, lets have a wonderful Christmas as planned and for her not to return to work till after the holiday or when her maternity leave is over.
I don’t know about your job, but if it is not stable, the best time to find a new job is before you leave the old one, put your feelers out, or try to figure out why your boss wants you out and maybe things can change at the job you have now.

 

[Lonely_guy]

Please,what ever you do,tell her. I did wrong with my first answer but God made me write the next one. He do thees things,and I am so blessed He do. Without Him I would be lost. As I wrote I have been there. Up in the morning,pretend going to work,hoping she will not call me,this was before the mobile-phone-age. Back then a car-phone was a wonder. As soon as my wife had gone to work I did sneak back home,afraid that someone would see me. I took a few sleeping-pills to calm me down and when she was suppose to come home I was far away. Then I came home telling her “oh what a day” and I did feel lousy. I hide bills,borrowed money from my grandmother to pay the bills I could,and soon it was a mess nobody could imagine. And then I got caught. Well,I will not go in to detail,some kid may read this,but it was awful. She was pregnant,I had no money,the rent was four month behind,they closed the phone,no no no. You must tell her. Don’t make the mistakes I did please. Maybe I would be married still if not for my stupid stunt…in fact,our marriage did last for ten more years. But she never trusted me after that. The divorce had nothing to do with that but still. I know how you feel. I know how afraid you are. I know what can happen. If you like you can write me a pm but I live in Europe so think about the time,I will answer you,I will help you and I will be with you in this mess. Trust me,I am here for you. I check my pm right away in the morning so that you know that I will help you. And go and talk to your priest. God bless you.