How much of my Requiem Mass can I control?

[GloriousOrder]

Friends ,

I love planning, even for things that seem morbid. These are very simple questions. May a Catholic specify a location in a diocese he would like his Requiem to be said, and may a specific priest be asked/delegated to say it? How much of the music is at his discretion? Readings? I’d really like to have a certain and very holy priest say my Requiem, if I were to die in some horrible accident, but is it a realistic expectation?

 

[GEddie]

Friends ,

I love planning, even for things that seem morbid. These are very simple questions. May a Catholic specify a location in a diocese he would like his Requiem to be said, and may a specific priest be asked/delegated to say it? How much of the music is at his discretion? Readings? I’d really like to have a certain and very holy priest say my Requiem, if I were to die in some horrible accident, but is it a realistic expectation?

You can request these things and have them on file with the parish, the diocese, and the priest, but ultimately may get none of them. The priest may not be available; priests are the most overscheduled people in modern life. The church might not be available (what if they are being remodeled when you reach the end?).

And ultimately, you’ll be too dead to care.

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Rahn]

I buried my brother in January of 2006. He worked in the funeral/medical examiner industry and had detailed instructions on the type of casket, celebrants, even the music he wanted at the funeral. I am his only living relative and as such, had total control over what happened. At the end of the day, I kept with his wishes as much as possible, but did what was best for the people that wanted to pay their respects. He did get the mass concelebrated by a priest that was a long-time friend, and another friend did the singing, so the music was waht he wanted. But, he wanted a metal casket and was going to be cremated(???!!!), so, that didn’t happen. What was important to me was that I did a eulogy at the cemetary.

I would say that having someone who knows your wishes and is committed to fulfilling them is probably the best way to control things.

I think the most important thing about the funeral is the influence it has on the living. There is the CS Lewis thought of pain being a megaphone, and your funeral is where you are loudest. Last words are also the most powerful. I would focus on the readings and the music.

You’ll be with Jesus then, and none of it will matter to you. Make it an opportunity to bring others to Him.

God Bless!

 

[TheMc]

It can depend, although you are making a wise choice. Choosing a priest wisely for your funeral can have long term consequences. For example if you pick a good and holy priest that makes it clear you need prayers, and lots of them, you will probably be in purgatory. If it is celebrated by a more liberal priest, well… you get the idea.

 

[VivienneJ]

GloriousOrder, some years ago I worked as the administrator in our parish office and was involved in many of the practical arrangements of funerals. Having watched many people trying to deal with their shock and grief and do what was best for everyone; having handed out copies of the hymn books we used to help families in selecting hymns; it seems to me sensible and kind to leave some sort of guidance. (After all we do this in respect of various possessions in the form of our wills.)

As has been suggested, though, perhaps the church or priest you designate are not available for some reason, so giving a few choices might be an idea, the same would go with hymns, readings and so on. It might be an idea to discuss this “document” with a priest. Your next step is to make sure this is left where it can be easily found.

We had a tragic case of an elderly husband and wife killed in a car accident; wife had told a daughter that she had left details of her funeral service; for days we searched for this document: in the house, in her computer, her accountant checked all his files on her, we checked everything we had in the parish office - nothing. Then we had the task of trying to put together what we felt she would have liked, in an attempt to honour this document we couldn’t find.

 

[puzzleannie]

Friends ,

I How much of the music is at his discretion? Readings? I’d really like to have a certain and very holy priest say my Requiem, if I were to die in some horrible accident, but is it a realistic expectation?

not really, your next of kin plan the funeral. You can do a prepaid funeral at a mortuary but not at church. Give them your plans and trust them to carry them out. You have no guarantee a specific priest would even be available. No parish is going to keep a record of your plans. the readings will be chosen from among those already designated for Mass of Christian Burial. And what is the point of choosing music if you don’t even know who will be available and what they can do?

 

[GloriousOrder]

ultimately, you’ll be too dead to care.

You’ll be with Jesus then, and none of it will matter to you. Make it an opportunity to bring others to Him.

Are the two of you actually Catholic? How can you possibly think that way? It doesn’t matter when in history you live, but how you die. The way you’re speaking, it sounds like the world of Earth is somewhat detached from Heaven. It’s totally the other way around! Please don’t separate Jesus-land from Earth (as it were)! I strongly believe the dead benefit very greatly from a holy Mass said by a friend, and by a well-executed funeral. If we pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, how much more should we offer the Mass to the joyous expectations of someone who has just died?

I plan to go straight to Heaven, but having already sinned since my baptism… it’s likely I will need some purgative growth. What more rest, peace, happiness, and reassurance can I have that my funereal Mass will be celebrated by my best friend with many tears? Though the Holy Sacrifice remains equally valid for a total stranger, I believe in the efficacy of strong bonds of friendship and love when it comes to prayers.

It can depend, although you are making a wise choice. Choosing a priest wisely for your funeral can have long term consequences. For example if you pick a good and holy priest that makes it clear you need prayers, and lots of them, you will probably be in purgatory. If it is celebrated by a more liberal priest, well… you get the idea.

This is precisely the point. A particular priest around here is very holy and close to me, and it would be a gift to my eternal soul if he were to say the Mass. It is, perhaps, a bit of a fancy, considering the fact that I’m only 22 and he could very well die before I do… but who cares? I might as well make my “petitions known unto God, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving”.

 

[TheMc]

This is precisely the point. A particular priest around here is very holy and close to me, and it would be a gift to my eternal soul if he were to say the Mass. It is, perhaps, a bit of a fancy, considering the fact that I’m only 22 and he could very well die before I do… but who cares? I might as well make my “petitions known unto God, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving”.

Exactly. I’d rather die young, have a sung Mass for a funeral, have the priest preach on hell and purgatory, and the prayers I’m literally dying for, than die at 90 and have a funeral focused on sunshine and lollipops, like most are today.

 

[puzzleannie]

Are
This is precisely the point. A particular priest around here is very holy and close to me, and it would be a gift to my eternal soul if he were to say the Mass.

so it would so ask him now to say a Mass for you when and if you ever die. Every Mass has the same weight and value no matter who says it or how, because Jesus is the priest. My advice is to give up the entire word “control” as it relates you your spiritual life.

 

[GloriousOrder]

Exactly. I’d rather die young, have a sung Mass for a funeral, have the priest preach on hell and purgatory, and the prayers I’m literally dying for, than die at 90 and have a funeral focused on sunshine and lollipops, like most are today.

I love you, TheMc!

so it would so ask him now to say a Mass for you when and if you ever die. Every Mass has the same weight and value no matter who says it or how, because Jesus is the priest. My advice is to give up the entire word “control” as it relates you your spiritual life.

This is very good advice! Please forgive me for my hubris. I forgot about Masses for the Dead in general…

 

[James_Miller]

My funeral is going to be celebrated by the Malankara Major Archbishop. (He always adds if I go before him)

In Spain the Archbishop wrote “we will see what kind of funeral your pastor gives you” (1980’s first indult). Not very reassuring for somebody who wants a Latin Traditional Requiem. And the “We” couldn’t include me.

If it is a traditional Mass you want you could put it in your will. Non compliance no offering.

P.S. You are only 22! I don’t know if we are allowed to want to die young. On the other hand I had a priest friend 98 who often told me he had not wanted to live so long. Nobody I knew when I was 22 is still alive. Have a holy life.

 

[Chatter163]

My attorney, a fellow Catholic, asked me to include such instructions as an addendum to my will. It becomes one more place the requests are listed. Much will depend on a relative or executor who ultimately arranges the funeral. Designate someone who can be trusted.

 

[puzzleannie]

My attorney, a fellow Catholic, asked me to include such instructions as an addendum to my will. It becomes one more place the requests are listed. Much will depend on a relative or executor who ultimately arranges the funeral. Designate someone who can be trusted.

my attorney told me not to put this in the will, which is often not even read until after the burial, but to entrust any instructions to my next of kin, both my husband and my daughter (not that I have any plans to dictate funeral instructions to them).

 

[valoriuslobo]

Honestly, I don’t see a problem with keeping a document on hand with your funeral plans. Just be realistic. Add a part in it that if your desired priest predeceases you, that another priest be found that is able to celebrate an EF requiem. Also, consider saving up for the cost of all this, esp if you want to hire out a Polyphony choir and “all that jazz.” Making financial provisions is important. Funerals are ghastly expensive. As others have said, give a copy of the document to your executor or next of kin. Are you pursuing the priesthood or religious life? If so, I imagine they’d just take of this for you.

 

[TheMc]

Honestly, I am going to insist that my funeral is in the EF (if it’s still around by then), because I know it will be done well. Unless I’m around to personally manage it, I just can’t trust people that a funeral will be done well in the ordinary form. It’s sad, but true. The funeral has eternal consequences, especially if you might be in purgatory for a while. I am not willing to risk it.

 

[The_Old_Medic]

It can depend, although you are making a wise choice. Choosing a priest wisely for your funeral can have long term consequences. For example if you pick a good and holy priest that makes it clear you need prayers, and lots of them, you will probably be in purgatory. If it is celebrated by a more liberal priest, well… you get the idea.

How dare you even suggest such a thing? What you are spreading, making comments like this, is anthetical to everything that the church stands for.

First of all, the Priest that celebrates your funeral Mass has absolutely NOTHING to do with where you go after death. Your life and YOUR choice determine that, not the prayers of others. It is YOUR repentance that truly matters, and YOUR determination not to continue to sin, that is essential to forgiveness.

Second, the Priest (Bishop or even the Pope) that celebrates your funeral is not required to follow your wishes at your funeral. What if your wishes violate Church law, as just one example?

ALL priests, liberal or conservative, share in exactly the same ministry, have exactly the same rights and powers, and it quite literally makes no difference which type does your funeral.

You should be ashamed of yourself, and frankly you should go to confession, for even making the implication that you did in your post.

 

[pollycarp]

I’m very glad that my diocese, thanks to former Bishop Wuerl, has a Catholic funeral plan where you can pre-plan and should anything happen to you, they take care of everything including my requiem (hopefully) mass.

 

[TheMc]

How dare you even suggest such a thing? What you are spreading, making comments like this, is anthetical to everything that the church stands for.

I’m not saying the funeral Mass is some sort of magic ceremony that will let me into heaven, but it has merit, as I’ll explain below. I stand by my statements.

First of all, the Priest that celebrates your funeral Mass has absolutely NOTHING to do with where you go after death. Your life and YOUR choice determine that, not the prayers of others. It is YOUR repentance that truly matters, and YOUR determination not to continue to sin, that is essential to forgiveness.

I’m sorry, I was quite unclear. I was referring to how many priests come out and say: “TheMC is in a better place.” or “Don’t worry, TheMC is in heaven.” Instead of encouraging people to help pray my soul out of purgatory, he basically told them there is no need to pray for me. I would rather have them read something like this, than say I don’t need prayers.

Second, the Priest (Bishop or even the Pope) that celebrates your funeral is not required to follow your wishes at your funeral. What if your wishes violate Church law, as just one example?

And what if they don’t?

ALL priests, liberal or conservative, share in exactly the same ministry, have exactly the same rights and powers, and it quite literally makes no difference which type does your funeral.

Yes it does, see my above comments about purgatory. Anyways, many priests have absolutely no respect for catholic doctrine, or the liturgy. So on paper all priests are equal, some can not be trusted with the sacred liturgy. This is unfortunate, but true. I have seen far to many funerals that have turned into canonizations between the eulogies that never should have happened, and the train-wrecks of homilies.

My godmother comitted suicide quite a while ago. The funeral, which was not a Mass, or even in a church, but was just a funeral service. At the service, there was multiple eulogies (which never should have happened), and the priest’s homily basically said that she was in heaven. I felt like jumping up and screaming “SHE NEEDS PRAYERS. STOP TELLING EVERYONE SHE IS IN HEAVEN!!!” I often fear for her soul. That is what I am talking about.

Besides respect for the office, I have absolutely no respect for priests who do this. They are hurting the deceased. I fear that if my godmother escaped hell, she quite possibly might be in purgatory until the end of time, or for quite a while. And that certainly wasn’t helped by her funeral.

I fear for myself that I will be in purgatory much longer than I could have been, and that’s why I said what I said. I stand by my previous statements.

You should be ashamed of yourself, and frankly you should go to confession, for even making the implication that you did in your post.

All I was saying that if the priest that does my funeral does it in the EF, he is a priest that can probably be trusted to celebrate the liturgy with care, and will probably encourage the people to pray for me after I’m dead. I frankly can’t trust that that will happen at an OF.

 

[Timothysis]

I plan to go straight to Heaven, but having already sinned since my baptism… it’s likely I will need some purgative growth.

Think back on this quote in 20 years or so and you’ll realize just how childish and immature it is.

 

[GloriousOrder]

Think back on this quote in 20 years or so and you’ll realize just how childish and immature it is.

Planning to do something is not assuming that it is done.I will try harder not to write things that are potentially-scandalous , but pease try to read more into what I say. Do you really think I have the gall to say that I’m off to Heaven in one shot? There’s such a thing as common sense, and even such a dreamer as I have a tiny bit of it!

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TheMc, don’t let The Old Medic’s indignation get to you. He seems to have a bit of a temper about the rapid conclusions he makes. Perhaps he is of the Choleric Temperament? I can certainly understand, having a lot of it myself.

I appreciate your defense. I don’t necessarily want an E.F., because I know this particular priest would say a very reverent O.F. Mass over my corpse. I really love him with all my heart, and wish to be united with him in spirit as he says my funereal Mass. Priests may be priests regardless of their intimacy with the deceased, but there is a thing called friendship, a form called brotherhood, which elicits tears over the dead. I would rather have holy tears super-added over the funeral; not, indeed, to aid the efficacy of the Mass (which is self-sufficient), but so I can have the joy of seeing my clerical brother intimately remember me with the highest remembrance possible, and to consummate our friendship in his memory as he says this Mass.

I firmly believe that a holy friendship is something like a sacramental in of itself, and that extra grace - the grace of the simple love of Christ - would flow liberally from our two souls locked in the divine action of the Mass for that one eternal moment. No matter how much I suffer, I will know another sinner was there with me… for what company can we hope for but that of other sinners? I wouldn’t dare look higher!

It is much more than just “having it my way”. St. Albertus Magnus was predeceased by his beloved friend St. Thomas Aquinas, though the latter was much younger than the former. Into his older years, Albert would begin to weep whenever the Commemoration of the Dead came up in the Dominican liturgy. He would be thinking of St. Thomas, and whenever he heard this Commemoration, he would leave immediately and say Mass for the (not-yet-canonised) Saint’s soul. This is the sort of love and friendship I wish to cultivate with my friend! To know that: not only was he saying the most meritorious prayer in the Universe for me, but he was also weeping and praying because of our own brotherhood now temporarily-interrupted by death. Can you imagine these two things: perfect sacrifice, supper, and community in the Mass combined with perfect love, brotherhood, and friendship in my friend? This would give my soul great confidence in the long wait for the Last Dawn, the Final Day.

Do you see? It is for my sake, somehow, but also for his sake, and for the sake of eternal love. I just wanted to know if there was a way to “schedule” him, given the right circumstances. For example, if he were assigned to X Parish and I died registered to Y parish, would he be able or allowed to say my Funereal Mass?