How much should external beauty/looks matter for Catholics?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Elena321
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

Elena321

Guest
our huge value on beauty (particularly for women) is something I struggle with.
Society greatly values and gives attention to women just for being beautiful.
Eg:the media always going on about Angelina Jolie,Miranda Kerr etc…
Women often can’t get jobs-particularly in media or air hostess etc-once they’ve become “old” and deemed washed up and no longer attractive.
There’s a bit of almost worship on youth + beauty for women but not for men.

Some singers try to create songs with messages such as “your beautiful as you are” in attempt to counter this mindset but to me these attempts fall short because is it true?
Not really,neither for non religious or for Christians because the bible mentions stories of people who were attractive/beautiful such as Jobs daughters.
Also,most Christian men want a wife who is attractive.Sure,they may say inner qualities matter most and she doesn’t need to be beautiful but they at least want average/attractive & they won’t accept “ugly” wife.
“Ugly” women have been made jokes of/mocked since even the old days.
Even our pictures of Mother Mary are made to show her as having external beauty.
Also,obviously God was the one who created beauty & beautiful flowers etc.

So Christianity seems to give two stories,
External beauty matters but on other hand doesn’t matter because we’re told Jesus had nothing externally beautiful that would cause people to be attracted to him.
Also,thankfully we know Jesus is close to and loves disabled etc who sometimes can have things that make them externally not what’s traditionally seen as “lovely”.

Yes,inner beauty is always higher then outer beauty but many have both.
Yes,beauty can lead to vanity but many are attractive and not vain.
Looking attractive can make you feel feminine and have creative fun with clothes etc but at the same time I wish it wasn’t so valued.
 
our huge value on beauty (particularly for women) is something I struggle with.
Society greatly values and gives attention to women just for being beautiful.
Eg:the media always going on about Angelina Jolie,Miranda Kerr etc…
Women often can’t get jobs-particularly in media or air hostess etc-once they’ve become “old” and deemed washed up and no longer attractive.
There’s a bit of almost worship on youth + beauty for women but not for men.
Not true about the not for men part. Men are very sexualized in our culture as well. Do you remember Jeremy Meeks? He was a notorious criminal who many women petitioned to get out of prison because he was hot. The Boston bomber has a large female fan base as well and just because of his looks. I don’t see male obsession with looks get to the level of wanting to pardon criminals just for being beautiful.
Some singers try to create songs with messages such as “your beautiful as you are” in attempt to counter this mindset but to me these attempts fall short because is it true?
Not really,neither for non religious or for Christians because the bible mentions stories of people who were attractive/beautiful such as Jobs daughters.
Also,most Christian men want a wife who is attractive.Sure,they may say inner qualities matter most and she doesn’t need to be beautiful but they at least want average/attractive & they won’t accept “ugly” wife.
“Ugly” women have been made jokes of/mocked since even the old days.
Even our pictures of Mother Mary are made to show her as having external beauty.
Also,obviously God was the one who created beauty & beautiful flowers etc.
I’m sure most Christian women want a husband is attractive. In fact the most common advice I’ve been given about dating Christian women is “the outside gives the inside a chance”. So much for inner beauty :rolleyes:. Ugly men too are mock relentlessly, and not just by other men. Our culture’s beauty obsession is definitely not one sided.
So Christianity seems to give two stories,
External beauty matters but on other hand doesn’t matter because we’re told Jesus had nothing externally beautiful that would cause people to be attracted to him.
Also,thankfully we know Jesus is close to and loves disabled etc who sometimes can have things that make them externally not what’s traditionally seen as “lovely”.
I think what some Christians are trying to say is that while looks shouldn’t matter, they do matter because of the fall of man. Just like homosexuality is a malformed attraction heterosexuals can have want they are attracted too be malformed as well. Much of what we find attractive is not at all like what God made us, starvingly skinny, hairless, with bodies that can only be made by adulterating ourselves with steroids.
Yes,inner beauty is always higher then outer beauty but many have both.
Yes,beauty can lead to vanity but many are attractive and not vain.
Looking attractive can make you feel feminine and have creative fun with clothes etc but at the same time I wish it wasn’t so valued.
 
Oh,that’s right,I remember that story.
I didn’t know women were actually petitioning for him to be released from jail though!:eek:
Maybe the looks thing goes for both gender in America.
Where I am (Australia) it’s more one sided for women though.We have a lot of “young attractive sexy” female media hosts/reporters in contrast with “older less attractive” male hosts.
I think it is changing a bit though with some males also feeling a bit body conscious and feeling a muscly body is necessary.
 
It is valued differently by each person. And God himself looks not upon the appearance but upon the heart.

I myself as a guy am of course attracted to physically attractive girls but sometimes God gives us the grace to see deeper- too see depth of character and real holiness and goodness and that too is attractive.

Looks alone don’t cut it. And I would pick an average looking gal over a super good looking woman who hasn’t anything else to offer and is poor in the virtue department any day of the week.
 
I think we should strive to be as attractive to others as we can.

God looks upon the heart, but humans aren’t able to do this. We look upon the outside of a human being, and humans are naturally attracted to people who are pleasant-looking, clean, and who have healthy, strong body/skin/teeth/eyes, and who appear to be interested in life and in other human beings.

I don’t think this attraction to beauty is learned, I think it’s instinctive. I think God created us with a bent towards beauty and good health. I don’t think this is man-invented.

I do think that our God-created attraction towards beauty and health has been twisted by sin. As someone else posted above, we are defining beauty/health as extreme-thinness, bizarre makeup, extreme muscularity, unwrinkled skin, eternal youth, bizarre fashions, revealed sexual body parts, etc… And that’s not what God intends.

But God doesn’t intend for us to try to look as plain or homely as possible, either. Both men and women in the Bible are extolled for their good looks.

When you watch a show like Saturday Night Live, where the actors are made up and costumed to look like many different characters, it becomes apparent that we ARE capable of making ourselves look more attractive, less attractive, or just plain ugly. It’s not just luck of genes–how we look really does depend on us to a certain extent.

Our choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, etc. can really make a difference, as can our posture, our facial expressions, our hygiene, etc.

I see much good with a person taking care with their personal hygiene, keeping themselves clean, their teeth brushed and cared for (as much as possible–cosmetic dentistry is so expensive!), their hair cut and styled to flatter the face, the body clothed in outfits that are clean, well-fitting, modest, and as stylish as possible without being faddish, and the body in as good a shape as you can manage depending on your lifestyle and body type.

I also see much good in a woman practicing a simple and non-faddish makeup that evens out her skin tone and enhances her features. Note–I said SIMPLE and NON-FADDISH.

I think it’s even more important for a person to practice keeping a pleasant and peaceful facial expression and body language that is “open” to others greeting them. In other words, the INNER beauty is more important than the outer beauty, and will shine out and make us appealing to people even if we don’t look like Angelina Jolie or George Clooney.

I think it’s wise for us to try as hard as we can to live a healthy lifestyle and eat a well-balanced diet, exercise moderately, and keep up with our doctors’ visits. I fail in this, but I’m always working on it. I haven’t given up yet!

Again, all of this can get out-of-balance. We can become obsessed with our looks, spending hours and many more dollars than we can afford on hair, skin, makeup, clothing, fitness, etc. This is wrong.

One thing we have to keep in mind is that certain careers demand “attractiveness.” E.g., most people in sales careers spend much more time on their looks than those of us in the trenches of our workplaces! I can get away in coming to work with foundation on my face and no other makeup, and a simple pair of slacks and t-shirt. The sales reps in our hospital can’t do this. They look like models everyday, and they have to, because they are competing with all the other hospitals for business, and whether they get it or not determines whether I keep my job!!

I think that a lot of the show business celebs are born with physical beauty, or at least with a physical uniqueness that makes them stand out from others. And again, they HAVE to pay attention to their looks, especially their bodies. A celeb looks heavy on camera even when they are thin. Many of the actresses are Size Zero, and that’s a necessity in a field where Drew Barrymore is considered “Queen-Sized” as a Size Six! They work very hard at looking good, but that’s part of their job and therefore not a sin.

I hope these thoughts are helpful.
 
our huge value on beauty (particularly for women) is something I struggle with.
Society greatly values and gives attention to women just for being beautiful.
Eg:the media always going on about Angelina Jolie,Miranda Kerr etc…
Women often can’t get jobs-particularly in media or air hostess etc-once they’ve become “old” and deemed washed up and no longer attractive.
There’s a bit of almost worship on youth + beauty for women but not for men.

Some singers try to create songs with messages such as “your beautiful as you are” in attempt to counter this mindset but to me these attempts fall short because is it true?
Not really,neither for non religious or for Christians because the bible mentions stories of people who were attractive/beautiful such as Jobs daughters.
Also,most Christian men want a wife who is attractive.Sure,they may say inner qualities matter most and she doesn’t need to be beautiful but they at least want average/attractive & they won’t accept “ugly” wife.
“Ugly” women have been made jokes of/mocked since even the old days.
Even our pictures of Mother Mary are made to show her as having external beauty.
Also,obviously God was the one who created beauty & beautiful flowers etc.

So Christianity seems to give two stories,
External beauty matters but on other hand doesn’t matter because we’re told Jesus had nothing externally beautiful that would cause people to be attracted to him.
Also,thankfully we know Jesus is close to and loves disabled etc who sometimes can have things that make them externally not what’s traditionally seen as “lovely”.

Yes,inner beauty is always higher then outer beauty but many have both.
Yes,beauty can lead to vanity but many are attractive and not vain.
Looking attractive can make you feel feminine and have creative fun with clothes etc but at the same time I wish it wasn’t so valued.
Beauty is from God and is a good thing. That being said, due to our fallen nature, we manage to pervert and distort good things from God. So you have foot binding in ancient China as a measure of beauty and starvation in the West to fit a distorted view of beauty. I remember in the early 90s hearing about heroin chic being popular in the fashion industry. The message was women who wanted to look beautiful must look like heroin junkies. This is what I call perverse.

Anyway, to me, health, whether physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, is the foundation of beauty. So focus on good healthy habits, not only on the physical but spiritual plane and you will have your own unique beauty. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks what you should look like.
 
I think we should strive to be as attractive to others as we can.

God looks upon the heart, but humans aren’t able to do this. We look upon the outside of a human being, and humans are naturally attracted to people who are pleasant-looking, clean, and who have healthy, strong body/skin/teeth/eyes, and who appear to be interested in life and in other human beings.

I don’t think this attraction to beauty is learned, I think it’s instinctive. I think God created us with a bent towards beauty and good health. I don’t think this is man-invented.

I do think that our God-created attraction towards beauty and health has been twisted by sin. As someone else posted above, we are defining beauty/health as extreme-thinness, bizarre makeup, extreme muscularity, unwrinkled skin, eternal youth, bizarre fashions, revealed sexual body parts, etc… And that’s not what God intends.

But God doesn’t intend for us to try to look as plain or homely as possible, either. Both men and women in the Bible are extolled for their good looks.

When you watch a show like Saturday Night Live, where the actors are made up and costumed to look like many different characters, it becomes apparent that we ARE capable of making ourselves look more attractive, less attractive, or just plain ugly. It’s not just luck of genes–how we look really does depend on us to a certain extent.

Our choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, etc. can really make a difference, as can our posture, our facial expressions, our hygiene, etc.

I see much good with a person taking care with their personal hygiene, keeping themselves clean, their teeth brushed and cared for (as much as possible–cosmetic dentistry is so expensive!), their hair cut and styled to flatter the face, the body clothed in outfits that are clean, well-fitting, modest, and as stylish as possible without being faddish, and the body in as good a shape as you can manage depending on your lifestyle and body type.

I also see much good in a woman practicing a simple and non-faddish makeup that evens out her skin tone and enhances her features. Note–I said SIMPLE and NON-FADDISH.

I think it’s even more important for a person to practice keeping a pleasant and peaceful facial expression and body language that is “open” to others greeting them. In other words, the INNER beauty is more important than the outer beauty, and will shine out and make us appealing to people even if we don’t look like Angelina Jolie or George Clooney.

I think it’s wise for us to try as hard as we can to live a healthy lifestyle and eat a well-balanced diet, exercise moderately, and keep up with our doctors’ visits. I fail in this, but I’m always working on it. I haven’t given up yet!

Again, all of this can get out-of-balance. We can become obsessed with our looks, spending hours and many more dollars than we can afford on hair, skin, makeup, clothing, fitness, etc. This is wrong.

One thing we have to keep in mind is that certain careers demand “attractiveness.” E.g., most people in sales careers spend much more time on their looks than those of us in the trenches of our workplaces! I can get away in coming to work with foundation on my face and no other makeup, and a simple pair of slacks and t-shirt. The sales reps in our hospital can’t do this. They look like models everyday, and they have to, because they are competing with all the other hospitals for business, and whether they get it or not determines whether I keep my job!!

I think that a lot of the show business celebs are born with physical beauty, or at least with a physical uniqueness that makes them stand out from others. And again, they HAVE to pay attention to their looks, especially their bodies. A celeb looks heavy on camera even when they are thin. Many of the actresses are Size Zero, and that’s a necessity in a field where Drew Barrymore is considered “Queen-Sized” as a Size Six! They work very hard at looking good, but that’s part of their job and therefore not a sin.

I hope these thoughts are helpful.
I agree that the world is like this,and I don’t think it’s sinful,but at the same I wonder is it good for society because by overvaluing beauty- eg : only attractive people being allowed to work in certain job etc-arn’t we sending a message that facially “ugly” or disfigured people are “less important” or other negative messages.
Also,children (particularly girls) that are “un attractive” get very sad,or self loathing or low self worth etc.

Valuing Extreme thinness is often driven by the people in the fashion sector but I don’t think many people find this attractive.Same for extreme muscles-valued by bodybuilders but not general public.
Eternal youth does seems to be a widespread value though.

True,makeup can improve some peoples looks like the actors you mentioned on a character show but some people, can not be improved with makeup.
Ie:those actors can improve/worsen/alter their looks due to already having a decent bone structure but others-(and I hate suggesting this) makeup can not improve their looks due to their face having sagging (eg:actress Cheryl fergison).
Due to look mattering for everyone,I also don’t think Catholics should be judgmental to others who have plastic surgery too.
 
It is one thing to take beauty in some consideration, maybe, in marriage…but Christ taught us, “Judge not by the outward appearance, but rightly…”

(something like that…pretty close, I think)

It always said in Ecclesiastes and/or Proverbs that “beauty is vain”
 
I agree that the world is like this,and I don’t think it’s sinful,but at the same I wonder is it good for society because by overvaluing beauty- eg : only attractive people being allowed to work in certain job etc-arn’t we sending a message that facially “ugly” or disfigured people are “less important” or other negative messages.
.
Some jobs required a high intelligence. Does that mean society devalues people who are not extremely smart? Some jobs require physical stamina like a firefighter, does that mean society devalues people with physical challenges?

Yes society does put too much emphasis on looks but…think of all the ‘ugly’ people that are happily married. I know people whom at first glance I did not think were good looking, but they are so nice to be around, I actually forgot what they looked like until someone pointed it out.
 
To be beautiful, or pretty, isn’t sinful. What is sinful is what we might do with that beauty, and misuse it. I don’t feel it’s at all fair that the more attractive person should be hired. Don’t they look at qualifications? I also don’t feel there is an age limit on beauty either. Some of the most attractive women are middle-aged to even elderly. I know a few elderly ladies whom I think are quite pretty (in the eyes of another woman not looking as a man would, of course) I think sometimes women get prettier as they get older. Sometimes, it’s just the pretty silver hair. I love silver hair.🙂
 
People are people no matter what religion they are, so saying we shouldn’t be attracted to those who are good looking is kind of unrealistic. Personally, as a female, I was never attracted to the real good looking guys but to the more rugged looking guys with beards, for example.
 
It is one thing to take beauty in some consideration, maybe, in marriage…but Christ taught us, “Judge not by the outward appearance, but rightly…”

(something like that…pretty close, I think)

It always said in Ecclesiastes and/or Proverbs that “beauty is vain”
We need to always read Bible verses in context.

This has nothing to do with judging people by their looks.

The context is a discussion about circumcision (the sign of being a Jew), and Jesus is commenting that those who are circumcised are not necessarily righteous. In other words, an outer sign of righteousness is not necessarily a sign that the person is righteous.

E.g., wearing a large crucifix necklace doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is a good Catholic. Think of all the movie stars who wear various religious symbols, but their lifestyle does not indicate a commitment to Christ.
 
For those who say that it’s not fair that “attractive people” are hired for certain jobs–well, sorry, that’s just the way it is.

There are always exceptions. E.g., we see a lot more “homely” people who are broadcast journalists nowadays. It used to be that they were all gorgeous or handsome and thin, but now we see people who are just plain ugly, and there are also “fat” people on TV now.

If people are good at a job, they will get noticed and probably will get hired by someone who recognizes that that skill is more important than looks.

This is true in sales. Most salespeople are very attractive, and that’s just the way it is. A company doesn’t hire a sales person to be kind to the person–they want someone who can sell lots of their product! And there are all kinds of statistics demonstrating that an attractive person is more likely to get in the door and make the sale.

But…the bottom line is…well, the bottom line! IF a fat, sweaty, pimply-faced, bald man somehow manages to sell more product–he WILL be hired and considered a valuable asset to a company. Skill in selling is hard to pin down. Some people just have the ability to present a product in such a way that everyone wants it, and trusts the salesperson.

I think that’s really important in hospital sales–in the lab, we don’t really care how attractive a person is. We want a good product that does what it’s supposed to do, and even more important, we want a good service contract. If a beautiful woman walks in and tries to sell us a shoddy, over-priced instrument, we won’t buy it. If a dumpy, greasy-haired woman walks in and offers us a good product at a good price, we don’t care about her physique or hair hygiene–we want the product!

Anyway, we need to be realistic rather than idealistic. In a perfect world, no one would pay any attention to looks, but as the Bible says, “Man looks on the outward appearance.” This isn’t condemned in the Scriptures–it’s just stated as fact, and it IS a fact.

If we really really want a career that traditionally requires good looks and we don’t have those good looks, we will have to resign ourselves to working a hundred times harder than the attractive people to even have a chance of making it in that career. And that’s OK if we really are called to that career and love that particular kind of work! .
 
We need to always read Bible verses in context.

This has nothing to do with judging people by their looks.

The context is a discussion about circumcision (the sign of being a Jew), and Jesus is commenting that those who are circumcised are not necessarily righteous. In other words, an outer sign of righteousness is not necessarily a sign that the person is righteous.

E.g., wearing a large crucifix necklace doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is a good Catholic. Think of all the movie stars who wear various religious symbols, but their lifestyle does not indicate a commitment to Christ.
I respectfully very much disagree with you on this point, but I’m not going to say any more on the matter. I believe, for one thing, scripture must not be interpreted in an overly narrow manner. If that is how you choose to interpret scripture, I suppose that is your prerogative.

Merry Christmas.
 
For those who say that it’s not fair that “attractive people” are hired for certain jobs–well, sorry, that’s just the way it is.

There are always exceptions. E.g., we see a lot more “homely” people who are broadcast journalists nowadays. It used to be that they were all gorgeous or handsome and thin, but now we see people who are just plain ugly, and there are also “fat” people on TV now.

If people are good at a job, they will get noticed and probably will get hired by someone who recognizes that that skill is more important than looks.

This is true in sales. Most salespeople are very attractive, and that’s just the way it is. A company doesn’t hire a sales person to be kind to the person–they want someone who can sell lots of their product! And there are all kinds of statistics demonstrating that an attractive person is more likely to get in the door and make the sale.

But…the bottom line is…well, the bottom line! IF a fat, sweaty, pimply-faced, bald man somehow manages to sell more product–he WILL be hired and considered a valuable asset to a company. Skill in selling is hard to pin down. Some people just have the ability to present a product in such a way that everyone wants it, and trusts the salesperson.

I think that’s really important in hospital sales–in the lab, we don’t really care how attractive a person is. We want a good product that does what it’s supposed to do, and even more important, we want a good service contract. If a beautiful woman walks in and tries to sell us a shoddy, over-priced instrument, we won’t buy it. If a dumpy, greasy-haired woman walks in and offers us a good product at a good price, we don’t care about her physique or hair hygiene–we want the product!

Anyway, we need to be realistic rather than idealistic. In a perfect world, no one would pay any attention to looks, but as the Bible says, “Man looks on the outward appearance.” This isn’t condemned in the Scriptures–it’s just stated as fact, and it IS a fact.

If we really really want a career that traditionally requires good looks and we don’t have those good looks, we will have to resign ourselves to working a hundred times harder than the attractive people to even have a chance of making it in that career. And that’s OK if we really are called to that career and love that particular kind of work! .
“see a lot more “homely” people who are broadcast journalists nowadays.”

Not in Australia.No homely female journalists here.
There’s men who are “old”,“fat”,“bald” but women only keep their job if they are thin or “curvy” definitely not fat.
 
The human psyche is one that always has it’s intricacies about what it finds to be physically beautiful. For men it could a woman’s curves in one area or another, hair color, skin complexion (freckles, no freckles, heavy freckles, etc.) skin color, and a myriad of other things. For women it could be a guys physique or whatever else women find physically good looking about a guy. That is human nature and there is nothing you can do about that except try to control it when it comes to how it effects your behavior in how you act.

If you use that strictly for choosing a significant other then you are becoming materialistic which is something Catholics should never do. A person should be viewed, and all Catholics should do this no matter what, on who they are as a person. Notice I say viewed and not judged. Those are two different things. You can view someone’s lifestyle and see if it matches up with the teachings of the faith and decide whether you want to be around that person or not. If you say they are 100% wrong and should/will go to hell for their lifestyle then you are judging them and only God can judge.

To use myself as an example, I find redheaded women to be very attractive and will not hesitate to look at one. Would I limit my dating options to redheaded women? No because redhair turns gray just like blonde and brunette hair does. A person with an remarkable soul and loving personality is likely to stay that way until they die. Which would you rather fall in love with: a temporary physical characteristic or a permanent personal trait?
 
Papa Benedict wrote:
  1. Two things emerge clearly from this rapid overview of the concept of eros past and present. First, there is a certain relationship between love and the Divine: love promises infinity, eternity—a reality far greater and totally other than our everyday existence. Yet we have also seen that the way to attain this goal is not simply by submitting to instinct. Purification and growth in maturity are called for; and these also pass through the path of renunciation. Far from rejecting or “poisoning” eros, they heal it and restore its true grandeur.
This is due first and foremost to the fact that man is a being made up of body and soul. Man is truly himself when his body and soul are intimately united; the challenge of eros can be said to be truly overcome when this unification is achieved. Should he aspire to be pure spirit and to reject the flesh as pertaining to his animal nature alone, then spirit and body would both lose their dignity. On the other hand, should he deny the spirit and consider matter, the body, as the only reality, he would likewise lose his greatness. The epicure Gassendi used to offer Descartes the humorous greeting: “O Soul!” And Descartes would reply: “O Flesh!”.[3] Yet it is neither the spirit alone nor the body alone that loves: it is man, the person, a unified creature composed of body and soul, who loves. Only when both dimensions are truly united, does man attain his full stature. Only thus is love —eros—able to mature and attain its authentic grandeur.

Nowadays Christianity of the past is often criticized as having been opposed to the body; and it is quite true that tendencies of this sort have always existed. Yet the contemporary way of exalting the body is deceptive. Eros, reduced to pure “sex”, has become a commodity, a mere “thing” to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself becomes a commodity. This is hardly man’s great “yes” to the body. On the contrary, he now considers his body and his sexuality as the purely material part of himself, to be used and exploited at will. Nor does he see it as an arena for the exercise of his freedom, but as a mere object that he attempts, as he pleases, to make both enjoyable and harmless. Here we are actually dealing with a debasement of the human body: no longer is it integrated into our overall existential freedom; no longer is it a vital expression of our whole being, but it is more or less relegated to the purely biological sphere. The apparent exaltation of the body can quickly turn into a hatred of bodiliness. Christian faith, on the other hand, has always considered man a unity in duality, a reality in which spirit and matter compenetrate, and in which each is brought to a new nobility. True, eros tends to rise “in ecstasy” towards the Divine, to lead us beyond ourselves; yet for this very reason it calls for a path of ascent, renunciation, purification and healing.
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html#_ftn13
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top