How much should external beauty/looks matter for Catholics?

[Elena321]

The human psyche is one that always has it’s intricacies about what it finds to be physically beautiful. For men it could a woman’s curves in one area or another, hair color, skin complexion (freckles, no freckles, heavy freckles, etc.) skin color, and a myriad of other things. For women it could be a guys physique or whatever else women find physically good looking about a guy. That is human nature and there is nothing you can do about that except try to control it when it comes to how it effects your behavior in how you act.

If you use that strictly for choosing a significant other then you are becoming materialistic which is something Catholics should never do. A person should be viewed, and all Catholics should do this no matter what, on who they are as a person. Notice I say viewed and not judged. Those are two different things. You can view someone’s lifestyle and see if it matches up with the teachings of the faith and decide whether you want to be around that person or not. If you say they are 100% wrong and should/will go to hell for their lifestyle then you are judging them and only God can judge.

To use myself as an example, I find redheaded women to be very attractive and will not hesitate to look at one. Would I limit my dating options to redheaded women? No because redhair turns gray just like blonde and brunette hair does. A person with an remarkable soul and loving personality is likely to stay that way until they die. Which would you rather fall in love with: a temporary physical characteristic or a permanent personal trait?

Yeah,it’s easy when we say the “inside”/personality is what matters but I find in practice it’s not how we are.Example: how many men would go out with girls who was already grey,“fat” etc?

 

[Cat]

Yeah,it’s easy when we say the “inside”/personality is what matters but I find in practice it’s not how we are.Example: how many men would go out with girls who was already grey,“fat” etc?

I think it would happen if the man and woman have had the opportunity to get to know each other in a setting other than a date.

E.g., if two work associates have known each other in the workplace for a while. (I realize that some companies forbid co-workers dating, but I don’t think that’s as common nowadays.)

Or if they meet frequently in a community organization, a sports team, a club, etc. As they get to know each other casually and discover common interests, I think it’s very likely that the man would go out with a woman who was not his physical ideal, and likewise for the woman.

But I agree that many men would not even give a fat or gray woman a chance if they just saw her picture on a dating site.

 

[schaubj57]

Yeah,it’s easy when we say the “inside”/personality is what matters but I find in practice it’s not how we are.Example: how many men would go out with girls who was already grey,“fat” etc?

I think it would happen if the man and woman have had the opportunity to get to know each other in a setting other than a date.

E.g., if two work associates have known each other in the workplace for a while. (I realize that some companies forbid co-workers dating, but I don’t think that’s as common nowadays.)

Or if they meet frequently in a community organization, a sports team, a club, etc. As they get to know each other casually and discover common interests, I think it’s very likely that the man would go out with a woman who was not his physical ideal, and likewise for the woman.

But I agree that many men would not even give a fat or gray woman a chance if they just saw her picture on a dating site.

Cat, I now avoid all dating sites at all costs, even the ones with Christian and/or Catholic in their name. I’ve met four women from those sites and lets just say they were not ideal candidates for wife material. I’ll leave it at that.

As to a man not wanting to date a woman who was grey or fat or whatever the rest of society deems to be “less then ideally beautiful” I say this. A true man values a woman not for her looks but rather who she is as a person. I can sit here and say (and I know of many other guys too) that I never have based my attraction to a woman on her physical looks or how she dressed. Case in point: my friend who I would like to pursue something with if it the church were to grant her the one possibly two annulments she needs to properly date a Catholic. She has a nose ring and an upper lip piercing. Personally, I don’t like anything beyond pierced ears on a woman. She also has a tat and wants to get her other two kids names added to it. I’m not a fan of tat’s at all. That said, I have spent a rather large amount of time talking with her and the person that she is brings out a person in me I never knew existed. She has the ability to accept me for all the things I am and all the things I am not. I’ve told her about the hell’s of my past and she understands it because she’s been through it too. We are two people that just seem to click so well together. I wouldn’t DQ someone because of a tat or a piercing that I didn’t care for. I would DQ someone because they are arrogant, selfish, highly immoral, or see’s me as a worthless person. You don’t get that data from someone’s looks. You get that data from know who Jane Doe is inside.