How much should I tip the deacon after my wedding?

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Puppy_Jack

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I am getting married on October 1st of this year. I will be getting married before a deacon. This deacon is married and has children. I know it is customary to tip the altar servers after the wedding. Should I also tip the deacon? If so, how much should I give him? Is it offensive to offer a cash gift to a deacon? I want to tip him, assuming it is the right thing to do. Should I give him cash in an envelope or should I buy him some sort of gift? I really like this deacon and the last thing I would ever want to do is offend him – either by giving him a cash gift or by not giving him a cash gift.

Thank you.
 
Puppy_Jack said:
I am getting married on October 1st of this year. I will be getting married before a deacon. This deacon is married and has children. I know it is customary to tip the altar servers after the wedding. Should I also tip the deacon? If so, how much should I give him? Is it offensive to offer a cash gift to a deacon? I want to tip him, assuming it is the right thing to do. Should I give him cash in an envelope or should I buy him some sort of gift? I really like this deacon and the last thing I would ever want to do is offend him – either by giving him a cash gift or by not giving him a cash gift.

Thank you.
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As far as I know, it is customary to give a gift of money. The best thing to do is to call the parish office and ask what is customary in your parish–they usually know. I doubt if he would be offended by money, it is the usual gift for performing weddings, funerals, etc.

And don’t forget to invite him to the reception. 🙂

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
 
Congratulations!

I know what you are asking, but just had to make this comment:

You tip a bellboy, you tip a waitress, you tip a hairdresser…buy you do not “tip” a deacon or priest…a gift, a stipend, some other term, but please not a tip.

Again,

Congratulations. I think whatever you give the deacon, he will be grateful.
 
You could adopt an endangered tiger for a year on his behalf as one of my friends did at our wedding. We still stay in touch with the tiger, which is more than we can say about our friend.
No, best advice ever is to ring the parish office to find the going rate of witness of your marriage in your parish and pay that amount. A worker is worth his hire. Tip is a little condescending and I am sure you did not mean it in any demeaning way. A generous gesture of respect and his vocation.
 
Give him one of the many toasters you will receive lol.

Also congrats on the wedding!
 
In my parish the office told me $300 was the recommended stipend for the priest celebrating a wedding. He may spend time providing marriage prep, planning, the reversal, and of course the wedding itself.
 
Our senior Deacon prefers a donation to CRS or the local St. Vincent dePaul chapter in his name.🙂
 
Cash or a check. They can donate it if they are so inclined.

As has been stated, the parish office can give you an idea of the local custom.
 
Working in a church office, I am really not happy when people ask these things. If they can’t afford the “customary” fees, there is an awkward moment.
No one should feel that way.
And people like (name removed by moderator) would be very upset to think that someone was led to believe that the “norm” has to be followed in every instance.
As long as some sort of heartfelt recognition is given in a spirit of gratitude, all is well.
Even a $30 gift card to St Vincent DePaul can buy a poor person a tank of gas.

Sometimes a well written letter means much to people who are generally taken for granted.
Ask any mother. 😉
 
It’s not a tip; it’s an honorarium.

I’m guessing that you’re preparing envelopes with checks or cash for the parish, the musicians, and the servers. Prep one for the celebrant, and hand it over when you hand in the checks for the church and the musicians (in advance, I’d assume… right?).

Then, if the celebrant doesn’t want an honorarium, he’ll have the chance to tell you. If he wants to turn it over to charity, he’ll have the chance to do so himself (or to ask you to make the donation in his name).

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
 
While I’m still a few years away from ordination (if that be God’s will) I am of the same mind. Personally I would prefer someone give the honorarium to a charity for the poor or aged. I know many priests and deacons in my diocese feel the same. They will accept a gift or stipened, but they really don’t want or expect one

In this day and age I think many clergy are simply happy that people are getting married or baptized in the Church in the first place.
 
pianistclare said:
Working in a church office, I am really not happy when people ask these things. If they can’t afford the “customary” fees, there is an awkward moment.
No one should feel that way.
And people like (name removed by moderator) would be very upset to think that someone was led to believe that the “norm” has to be followed in every instance.
As long as some sort of heartfelt recognition is given in a spirit of gratitude, all is well.
Even a $30 gift card to St Vincent DePaul can buy a poor person a tank of gas.

Sometimes a well written letter means much to people who are generally taken for granted.
Ask any mother. 😉
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Thank for you answering my question.

I paid all the fees last year. I think it was $500 for the church and about $500 for the musicians. I had to pay these fees in full before I could reserve a date to get married. I was asking about giving a personal cash gift to the deacon on the day that I get married.
 
Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful answers and your best wishes. I will call the parish secretary and discretely ask her what I should give as a gift to Deacon Uku. I apologize for using the term “tip.” I should have used the term “gift” instead. Please pray for my marriage. God bless.
 
Puppy_Jack said:
Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful answers and your best wishes. I will call the parish secretary and discretely ask her what I should give as a gift to Deacon Uku. I apologize for using the term “tip.” I should have used the term “gift” instead. Please pray for my marriage. God bless.
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Congratulations to you! May the Holy Family bless you, and welcome to the fora 🙂
 
Just shows us the quality of the man we have come to know and respect. God Bless.
 
Petaro said:
Just shows us the quality of the man we have come to know and respect. God Bless.
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You mean the quality of being independently wealthy? :rotfl:

(No, I couldn’t resist… 😉 )

But seriously, though: although some deacons and priests feel this way, others don’t. To my mind, it’s better to give (and have the gift go to charity) than to presume it’s not wanted (and be thought poorly of). Just my :twocents:
 
Gorgias said:
You mean the quality of being independently wealthy? :rotfl:

(No, I couldn’t resist… 😉 )

But seriously, though: although some deacons and priests feel this way, others don’t. To my mind, it’s better to give (and have the gift go to charity) than to presume it’s not wanted (and be thought poorly of). Just my :twocents:
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Could not agree more with giving the offering. Have not checked Jeff’s bank account lately. LOL Was speaking more of his quality in his selfless giving of his time and love to his vocation. ( I would think of giving more than two cents though).
 
Neofight said:
Congratulations!

I know what you are asking, but just had to make this comment:

You tip a bellboy, you tip a waitress, you tip a hairdresser…buy you do not “tip” a deacon or priest…a gift, a stipend, some other term, but please not a tip.

Again,

Congratulations. I think whatever you give the deacon, he will be grateful.
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Good advice. Also, do not hand him the gift. Place it in a Thank You card and send it to him. Then he is free to keep it or give it away without explanation.
 
It should be noted that the Gift is not a TIP it’s called a stipend. After all he is not parking your car.

Anyhow, congratulations on the wedding. May it be a Blessed day for you.
 
corsair said:
It should be noted that the Gift is not a TIP it’s called a stipend.
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Actually, strictly speaking, it’s not a stipend, either (since a stipend is a payment), but rather, an honorarium.
 
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